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Thread: Support for Telling My Wife

  1. #1

    Default Support for Telling My Wife

    Good Evening All,

    For sometime, I've been wanting to tell my wife about my DL side. Well, wait, subtract the "lover" part. The "lover" part may scare her? I don't know how to go about it. My wife is pretty understanding to a degree. Few years back she fell in love with footed pajamas. I introduced them to her and was afraid how that was going to turn out. She gave me the weird look at first but was excited once they came in the mail.

    Though, diapers aren't close and not clothing. They can be extremely weird and gross if one used them especially if you're not used to them. I can see her going the gross route. To understand why I wear, mostly to handle anxiety and... I love wearing diapers. In a previous post, I mentioned how I felt this isn't a fetish anymore but more a comfortable feeling.

    My thoughts on bringing this up. Simply wetting the bed. Yes, the doctors are going to run tests and do whatever and she will eventually accept for what I am. But, this can be hiding behind a lie. Secondly, wearing here and there and letting her know and say it's to handle anxiety. This is partly true. This my lead to a psychologist and I'd like to ignore this. Thirdly, just come out and say how I feel. I feel comfortable wearing diapers. Again, this may come to be a visit to a psychologist issue.

    Would she leave me if it was the latter? I doubt it. Although, I feel her feelings would be hurt or find herself to be depressed that she isn't with a man that doesn't need diapers. WHICH, brings me to my last option. How do I get her to want or accept diapers on her own?

    Any help would be appreciated. I'd like to go the honest route without lying if possible.

  2. #2


    I think being honest is your only real option.

    If she is your wife and really loves you (and I know how cliché that sounds) she should accept what kind of underwear you choose.

    You have to ask yourself, if she is not willing to accept my love/need for diapers, is that really the person with which I want to spend the rest of my life?

    She may never want diapers for herself or on her own. You will need to have a conversation with her about why you wear, but also about how you can wear and she can still feel comfortable.

    If it is not a fetish for you, then you probably wouldn't want to use diapers in sex, so that wouldn't be an issue. But it might make her uncomfortable if you wear just a diaper around her. You will have to talk to her and try to understand how she feels. She may feel betrayed or confused that you didn't tell her earlier.

    You have to just be honest with her about why you didn't tell her before and why you are telling her now. You will have to figure out together how you can wear and what her involvement with include. This depends on what you want (be honest with her about that) and with what she is comfortable. You may have to start out small and then work up to something bigger.

    You should be open to her ideas and her questions. Encourage her to ask questions about the things she doesn't understand. Tell her you want her to understand because this is a part of you (or how you feel). But also make sure she knows that you want to understand her opinion and ideas as well.

    Know that this may go very well for you or very badly. Good luck.

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  3. #3


    Have you talked to her about your anxiety? If it's a documented thing in your relationship and she wants to see you happy then I would present them in that light.

    If she's already cool with her husband in footy pjs she is clearly not hung up on the whole "big strong man" image. I suspect she'll react in a similar way to diapers.

    I've been married for almost ten years, and while my wife knows I wear diapers sometimes (tiny bladder, anxiety about always finding a bathroom) I have never told her I really like wearing them and want to sometimes just wear a diaper for the sake of wearing a diaper. Now I worry it's been too long, and there would be questions about why I waited so long.

    This is a long way of saying tell her now so it doesn't get even more awkward in a decade.

  4. #4


    I do believe that a wife (or husband) has every right to know about your ABDL side. It should be told before getting married to be fair to your future spouse. I, unfortunately, waited 11 years of marriage to tell my wife and it didn't go well at all. She almost took the kids and left me because of it. I've heard stories of wives who are super accepting, some that participate because they know the husband likes it and some like mine who are repulsed. Yes, you so need to tell her because spouses should have no secrets, but be prepared for the possible outcomes.

  5. #5


    I came to this site nine years ago for this very reason. My wife had discovered a diaper order I made on Amazon. Amazon was just beginning to post past orders and my wife saw it. I really didn't know what to do but I had seen ADISC when I was surfing on the computer. The overwhelming advise from the members, some as young as 13 years old back then, suggested being honest.

    I told my wife in very complete detail, how I had always been attracted to wearing diapers, how I had been doing it as a child, how it was a fetish and that it was something I was compelled to do. I gave some history of my childhood and why I thought the condition exists as it pertains to me. She was very understanding and accepting.

    Not all people are the same, however and only you know your wife. My wife is diabetic and I've saved her life many times when I've brought her back from low blood sugar episodes. We also were hippies in the late sixties and were free spirits. That probably makes a difference.

    If you do decide to tell, consider why you want to tell. I'm guessing it's because you want to wear diapers around the house and not have to hide the fact, which is logical. There are many ways of going about this. Sometimes going slowly and slightly is the best path, sort of testing the waters. Leave yourself a back door where you can retreat if she is repulsed, a sort of, "I don't have to wear diapers and I've only done it a few times," etc. That of course wouldn't get you to where you want to be however, so you will have to decide how far you want to take this.

  6. #6


    I've said before that most women have a very pragmatic view of wet diapers. If your wife has had a good deal of childcare experience, or if you have children and she's cared for them, you may find that she cannot move beyond the idea that an adult wearing a diaper is just plain wrong. In my experience, women who are childcare or healthcare professionals require a great deal of gentle persuasion before they will accept that their partner enjoys wearing diapers.

    Taking the 'honest route' is admirable. I've found that the best approach is to point to the relaxation or stress-reducing aspect of wearing. Obviously, there are much worse ways to reduce stress ... you might point to drugs and alcohol as an example. The key, in my view, is to paint your interest in diapers as 'safe.' Ensure that she appreciates the value inherent in a relaxed and stress-free husband.

    Once the 'diaper' genie is out of the bottle, it cannot be put back in. This is the real risk you run in telling her; you'll need to carefully assess her likely receptivity to the news and what she might require you to do in response. One friend of mine told his wife only to have his wife ban any DL-type activity; she nearly divorced him when she found that he was using business trips as opportunities to wear diapers. Heed Dogboy's advice and leave yourself room to maneuver.

    Let us know what you decide to do and how you fare. We care.

  7. #7


    I went through pretty much the same situation last week, actually. I also don't fetishize diapers very much anymore, but find them a great way to cope with stress and that is what I told her. Although I did have the advantage(?) of her finding a half-finished letter that I wrote a few years ago explaining that I like to wear diapers, and it had a few years to sink in without her ever bringing it up. She pointed out that in the big scheme of things it's not a big deal, because it isn't anything that will change our family, and she's dealt with enough dirty diapers over the last 7 years (we've had at least 1 kid in diapers the last 7 years) that she's not really affected by dirty diapers. I'd say that all in all, the honest route worked for me (although there are still some bumps to work out), but I feel so much better now that I shared that part of me with my wife, and I feel like our relationship is closer because of it. I'd really say that my relationship with her is closer, because I'm no longer holding back a part of me because I'm embarrassed by it.

    Good luck...I'm going back to lurking now.

  8. #8


    be honest, trying to hide this from her will only lead to problems sooner or later.

  9. #9


    In my personal life I've told three girlfriends about my fetishes and never once got a negative reaction. Maybe a confused reaction but after it was all said and done it was positive and they even participated.

    I don't think this fetish is as weird as some of us, this includes myself make it out to be. I'm sure your wife cares about you and wants to make you happy and if diapers make you happy she should support you.

  10. #10


    Interesting. Why do you feel the need to lie to your wife so much? Not only have you lied to her so far by witholding this part of who you are from her, but now you want to lie even more to try and integrate them with her as well.

    Forget the diapers at this point, you have a bigger issue of distrust you need to address first.

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