AB and Mental Illness

[60something]

I'm Autistic, and Have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I became an age regressor in middleschool at the height of the bad things happening both at home and school. Part of me is stuck in the house I grew up in, as well as the schools I went to. I keep dreaming about them. Sometimes for no reason i start feeling like i felt when I lived at my childhood home.

I hate it.

I understand that! In my fourties when I melted down, my world came to an end. So many issues at once that I couldn't process them at all. It broke me. (not a value judgement, just a fact). Starting about 10 years later I started having nightmares every night trying to deal with the loss of my job of 28 years. The fear, joy, loss and the turning me out to pasture for being "crazy" caused so many conflicts that I couldn't process and resolve.

Much of my waking life found me thinking about these issues. It spilled over to my dreams. Bringing the turmoil to my sleep. I'd wake in the morning feeling and considering the unease the dreams created in me. A feeling of fear. This in turn spilled over to the dreams at night. Over and over and over.... All I could do after a while was try to bury it and ignore it. But it was always there, lurking. Like some ugly frightful thing., if I allowed my mind to even consider checking in on the issue, it grabbed hold of me for another round of the battle. I can't say I've fully resolved the issue. but that dream only visits me rarely now. The monster is so much less dangerous that it once was.

I lately recall the fable of Icarus. How he and his father escaped an island by building wings of feathers and wax. The father warned Icarus not to fly high. Too close to the sun, for the danger of melting his wings. Of course, Icarus flew too high. His father wept as Icarus plummeted to his death. The fable bothers me somewhat. When we crash, have we flown too high? It doesn't seem like it fits in this discussion. Yet it haunts me like my nightly visits from my "dream".

 

[pampers4U]

Living in a fast tracked society makes things tough to, I noticed with myself that I would work hard on the job, come home and have a zillion things to do then turn the tv on and see the news and basically see how bad the world is, it was very negative, I know I need to work and thankfully I really like my job, even with the hectic times, I know I have things that I need to do at home to keep things in order, and now I choose to not watch the negativity in the news, I dont really participate in talking about politics, my wife keeps me in check with making sure we have healthy outlets like exercising, healthy diets and fun activities and if I'm really stressed out, I can cling to her and she's ok with that.

 

[DiaperedTeddyBear]

I definitely do believe that for most, this interest does stem from some sort of traumas, mental illnesses, or disorders. Honestly more for the Adult Baby and Age Regression- less for Diaper Lovers. I think it does stem 1: from having a naturally childlish personality, 2: lacking of something fundamental within childhood or during puberty, 3: extreme challenges, changes, stress in childhood.

I've thought about that a lot and I think that's probably the case for most adult babies. But I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I like to think there's something special about us.

Maybe we were children that were extremely emotionally sensitive and empathetic, and as we grew up we never lost that child-like innocence. But because we were living in a dark cruel world that wasn't designed for us, we didn't and couldn't adjust as we started to grow up. We turned to diapers as a way to cope with the pain of not being understood and not having our emotional needs met. In an attempt to hold onto our childhood, as we got further and further away from it, our minds regressed back to the time when we were babies. And in addition to the diapers, the distress we felt also caused metal illnesses like anxiety and depression too.

I don't know it that's true, but I think it's a good theory. I'm also autistic, so I understand very well the pain of living in a world that wasn't designed for me, and diapers help me cope with the challenges of autism too.

 

[DoeBunnie]

I've thought about that a lot and I think that's probably the case for most adult babies. But I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I like to think there's something special about us.

Maybe we were children that were extremely emotionally sensitive and empathetic, and as we grew up we never lost that child-like innocence. But because we were living in a dark cruel world that wasn't designed for us, we didn't and couldn't adjust as we started to grow up. We turned to diapers as a way to cope with the pain of not being understood and not having our emotional needs met. In an attempt to hold onto our childhood, as we got further and further away from it, our minds regressed back to the time when we were babies. And in addition to the diapers, the distress we felt also caused metal illnesses like anxiety and depression too.

I don't know it that's true, but I think it's a good theory. I'm also autistic, so I understand very well the pain of living in a world that wasn't designed for me, and diapers help me cope with the challenges of autism too.

Yes, definitely! I am a full believer that having a hard past that affects us today is NOT a bad thing, and instead special, unique, and nothing to be ashamed of. I agree with your statement alot. Sensitive kids that never lost their innocence, who had to learn how to live in a world not built for them. Beautifully said.

 

[dogboy]

I understand that! In my fourties when I melted down, my world came to an end. So many issues at once that I couldn't process them at all. It broke me. (not a value judgement, just a fact). Starting about 10 years later I started having nightmares every night trying to deal with the loss of my job of 28 years. The fear, joy, loss and the turning me out to pasture for being "crazy" caused so many conflicts that I couldn't process and resolve.

Much of my waking life found me thinking about these issues. It spilled over to my dreams. Bringing the turmoil to my sleep. I'd wake in the morning feeling and considering the unease the dreams created in me. A feeling of fear. This in turn spilled over to the dreams at night. Over and over and over.... All I could do after a while was try to bury it and ignore it. But it was always there, lurking. Like some ugly frightful thing., if I allowed my mind to even consider checking in on the issue, it grabbed hold of me for another round of the battle. I can't say I've fully resolved the issue. but that dream only visits me rarely now. The monster is so much less dangerous that it once was.

I lately recall the fable of Icarus. How he and his father escaped an island by building wings of feathers and wax. The father warned Icarus not to fly high. Too close to the sun, for the danger of melting his wings. Of course, Icarus flew too high. His father wept as Icarus plummeted to his death. The fable bothers me somewhat. When we crash, have we flown too high? It doesn't seem like it fits in this discussion. Yet it haunts me like my nightly visits from my "dream".

I told my therapist that I only have bad dreams; never good dreams. I'm diagnosed with depression, anxiety, aversion and ptsd. I find that wearing diapers redirects my mine as I regress and wearing can make my days a lot more tolerable. There are so many bad things that can happen in our lives that those events can change us and change the way we think and see the world. Funny how diaper wearing can help.

 

[babyscotty37]

hello Kboy! you're one of the folks that I truly admire. How you manage every day and still press on. Keeping it all together. indeed mental illness is misunderstood. I believe the categorizing is both a blessing and a curse. There needs to be some means of describing what we're feeling. But to me any description seems inadequate and it slips away.
I do take meds. I feel like they don't do anything. .....untill I stop taking them.... After about a week i feel myself going downhill into some stressfull emotional space. So I take the meds...

I brought up my ABDL tendencies with my therapist years ago. It was obvious she was VERY uncomfortable with the topic. The subject arose when after a few visits to her. I was seeing her because I ended up in the hospital for my attempt on my life. She kept saying, "There's something more to this", meaning my metal state at the time. I tried to explain how I was ABDL and it was a huge disruption to my view of adulthood and hence my self image.
It became obvious to me that she couldn't mentally process it and never brought it up again. I actually regret ever saying anything about it. In many ways being ABDL leaves us out in the cold with other people.

I dealt with severe depression for a long time, with many hospitalizations. Hence, I've seen several different therapists since 1994.
Once, I was with a therapist at a large city mental health clinic after having to change from another therapist who moved somewhere. This gal was young, I think just licensed, when I started seeing her. After a few sessions, I began to explain my ABDL, and how my coming out to my ex turned my world upside down and caused a lot of pain and embarrassment. Her response was to say she couldn't see me anymore and she refused to transfer me to another therapist in this large organization!!
I've shared in my bio, and in other posts, that my wanting to be a baby began back at around 4 years old. Although it took a few years of therapy, I believe my ABDL developed as a way to disassociate from the pain of early childhood surgeries and wearing a foot brace, then later when I started school wearing the foot brace and a back brace I was severally bullied through the 8th grade, even being diagnosed with an ulcer at 9 years of age via barium x-ray. My wanting/needing to see myself as a baby, and be a baby was a matter of survival for me! But all the times my mom would find whatever I was using for diapers, asking why and being unable to answer then, was also difficult. My parents were great and growing up on the farm was far better than being in the small town where I'd be more exposed to bullying outside of school.

 

[DiaperedTeddyBear]

Once, I was with a therapist at a large city mental health clinic after having to change from another therapist who moved somewhere. This gal was young, I think just licensed, when I started seeing her. After a few sessions, I began to explain my ABDL, and how my coming out to my ex turned my world upside down and caused a lot of pain and embarrassment. Her response was to say she couldn't see me anymore and she refused to transfer me to another therapist in this large organization!!

That's terrible and so unprofessional. If she couldn't handle sensitive topics like that she shouldn't have become a therapist.

 

[babyscotty37]

That's terrible and so unprofessional. If she couldn't handle sensitive topics like that she shouldn't have become a therapist.

Yup. This was years ago and thankfully I found a good therapist somewhere else.

 

[littlestmay]

Age regression is something that I use to cope with my mental health issues, and sometimes happens involuntarily directly because of it. I wouldn’t be in this community at all if I wasn’t struggling. I’ll avoid getting into the specifics, but it’s been I think the single best coping mechanism I’ve found for the whole slough of stuff I got going on

This is something i can relate to quite a bit, and i saw that on your profile you are a similar age to me which is nice. Its nice to be able to relate to people and talk to people similar situations to yourself.

 

[DoeBunnie]

This is something i can relate to quite a bit, and i saw that on your profile you are a similar age to me which is nice. Its nice to be able to relate to people and talk to people similar situations to yourself.

Yes! I also relate to this ALOT, similar age as well. Small world, I guess.

 

[littlestmay]

Yes! I also relate to this ALOT, similar age as well. Small world, I guess.

hiii

 

[ShyBoo81]

Im not good at putting my feelings/emotions into words, but yea mental health along with gender dysphoria is a big part of why I got into AB/littlespace. I never learned how to express myself out in the adult world other than being your typical stoic man cause thats all I was taught growing up male. And littlespace helps me feel a bit more comfortable with my soft sensitive side. Not saying all males grew up the same way I did, and Im sure theres a few females out there who experienced something similar growing up

 

[KarmaBaby3]

I lost my dad to suicide when I was 4 1/2, tried to pretend I was a baby wetting pants etc for a while (mom does not remember length of time I did it or exactly how she handled it but apparently told me it wouldn’t bring daddy back and I stopped). I grew up with anxiety that was not diagnosed until I was 23 … I knew I had panic attacks in junior high but deep breathing would stop them and I never told anyone, I always thought EVERYONE thought about killings themselves regularly … if I stepped over the edge of the cliff this would happen, if I jumped in front of a train it would be easier etc etc. I actually didn’t learn that wasn’t normal until age 25 ish …. Oops. So definitely lots of people have different views of the world but how common is it? Hard to say.

diapers have always been a fascination right from age 6 at least and definitely anxiety related. I have less desire to wear when I can be outside in my garden in barefoot, playing in the dirt - grounding to the earth is very healing. Feeling wet diapers helps pull me out from my head and back into my body with the physical sensation that is good, many other things like my clothes, wind etc cause pain because of my fibromyalgia and overactive nerves.

 

[Joeysms]

crazy world it is for sure. everyone is unique so none of us fit into a one size fits all life no matter how hard we try. i think it is a gift to allow yourself with your special qualities to shine through as much as possible (embrace that little side). i have a strong little side to me and think it is amazing. I also know over the years people have stared maybe wonderful about me. my head has its own little world turning like a kaleidoscope. just yesterday day i was kind of in my own little world singing to myself at the gym and a guy said to me your a happy guy and i smiled and said yes i am. no one in the world has to give you respect or acceptance that can only comes from within yourself. when you have it be happy and enjoy your life as much as possible. i don't know where my little side comes from or how it truly developed. i know over the years it has been natured. the question was i born with such a strong little side to me or is it a product of my environment and childhood. i think it is a combination of both. i think i was born with it and my environment and childhood brought it more front and center. i had a terrible childhood what were my parents were pretty terrible people, however they don't define me for i survives them. i am on the spectrum of autism with a laundry list of mental disorders. Two major parts of my mental makeup is having very traumatic PTSD and being a manic bipolar. i am not easy to deal with at times but i blessed with someone special who does. i don't know the why or how but embracing my AB/little side and allowing it free range has done amazing things for my mental health allowing me to manage it with minimal medications in a much more health way. mental health is managed with behave and thought more better than medications. i experience things and emotions on a very high level with its pro and cons. having the attitude i don't give a F what others think helps a lot as well. an added bonus to my little side i can view the world in a gentler kinder way. i don't see people as parasites as i did as a child and see the wonder in exploring and meeting people the good and bad. ABDL and mental health go hand and hand in many forms and ways. let the joy of being AB/Little shine i say.