When exactly does drinking become a problem?

[Eclectic]

After reading your last post, I hope that you will find a therapist to talk to. Life is tough for everyone and alcohol will only make things worse in the end. I have had many family and friends whose lives ended prematurely due to alcohol. Please seek help.

 

[Spankedanddiapered]

I would say anything and especially alcohol, is an addiction if you find yourself unable to live without it. The problem with alcoholism Is that it destroys your life and many of the lives around you. I don’t profess to know anything about addiction. I just seen the results of it. There’s a lot of help out there for alcoholism, but honestly, I’m a bit skeptical of it working on most people. I’m probably gonna get roasted for this but complete abstinence from something that you like I don’t think works. Take dieting, for instance. If you abstain from everything that you like, and just eat salad you will find yourself craving that chocolate cake or whatever it is you crave. I think it’s much more beneficial to allow yourself the occasional treat and exercise, self-control, and how much and how often. I believe the same thing could be done with alcohol. I don’t think the so-called 12 step program works. At least not for most people. I don’t drink very often. I’ll have a glass of wine probably about once or twice a week with my wife she loves wine. if I’m going to have a drink I’ll have a glass of whiskey never did like to taste of beer. Plus you have to drink A lot of it to fill anything. What I have found is that alcohol will accentuate whatever mood you’re in. If you’re depressed, it will make you more depressed. If you’re happy, it’ll make you more happy. I won’t drink if I’m feeling depressed or off. I prefer to have a drink when I am with family and friends having a good time and in a good mood. That’s when people became the life of the party so to speak. I’m not an expert but my advice to you is if you’re depressed, angry or any other negative emotion, I’d stay away from the alcohol.

 

[BengieG]

Simple When it becomes a priority over more important things. when you cant step away or cant go without...

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

Simple When it becomes a priority over more important things. when you cant step away or cant go without...

True, but there's a fat, grey area in between. A nebula easy to get lost in.

 

[OnePiece]

Your last post makes me sad. I see you struggle with your life now and I am familiar with many of the same things.
You are drinking for the wrong reasons and even if you haven’t an addiction now, the slope you have entered will get you in trouble.
When you say you don’t drink with friends, only alone, that is a big warning sign, too.
I recognize that drinking can make bad feelings disappear, but trying to get rid of a problem by introducing a larger one Isn’t the way to go.

Please stop drinking and get help!
Try to talk to your best friends about it, they obviously already know you have a problem with drinking.
Hopefully they can contribute.

You can also talk to us on this forum, it’s quite anonymous.

 

[Milianna]

Your last post makes me sad. I see you struggle with your life now and I am familiar with many of the same things.
You are drinking for the wrong reasons and even if you haven’t an addiction now, the slope you have entered will get you in trouble.
When you say you don’t drink with friends, only alone, that is a big warning sign, too.
I recognize that drinking can make bad feelings disappear, but trying to get rid of a problem by introducing a larger one Isn’t the way to go.

Please stop drinking and get help!
Try to talk to your best friends about it, they obviously already know you have a problem with drinking.
Hopefully they can contribute.

You can also talk to us on this forum, it’s quite anonymous.

Thanks for talking and giving your insight.

I'll admit that I don't necessarily drink the most often... like 2 or 3 x a week. But when I do, I tend to drink larger amounts at once. Easily a bottle of wine. Maybe some liquors (flavored I guess)... mixing vodka with some zero sugar juice.

It just feels better to keep drinking since it's like when my life gets stressful or things hit the fan, who cares? I feel like I've disappointed so many people in life anyways that I feel like it doesn't matter if I tank my liver with alcohol. Granted my Lamictal lowers my tolerance but I guess alcohol is a better antidepressant or anti anxiety medication anyways.

I'm in therapy or used to.

Either way... I'm just.devestated... I've been told my dreams or aspirations in the military are dashed by medical ineligibility. I have no means of gaining respect from.anyone.

I make no one proud of me. I hate myself. I lost my ability to go to medical school. I hate my psychiatric disorders. I hate the fact I can't just cut off my parents in this economy. Gender identity for me is something I grapple with. Now added with family stress of a close family member being ill. I just can't bring myself to care about myself when I'm just nothing but useless.

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

I make no one proud of me. I hate myself. I lost my ability to go to medical school. I hate my psychiatric disorders. I hate the fact I can't just cut off my parents in this economy. Gender identity for me is something I grapple with. Now added with family stress of a close family member being ill. I just can't bring myself to care about myself when I'm just nothing but useless.

​

 

[CorPornosnor]

It just feels better to keep drinking since it's like when my life gets stressful or things hit the fan, who cares? I feel like I've disappointed so many people in life anyways that I feel like it doesn't matter if I tank my liver with alcohol.

Are you sure the people you disappointed didn’t set their expectations for you too high? Not everybody can join the military or get through medical school (I sure as hell can’t, and most people I know probably can’t). If you ask me it’s quite an achievement if you can. And if you can’t that doesn’t mean you’re failure. Especially if you’re dealing with mental disorders.

I make no one proud of me. I hate myself. I lost my ability to go to medical school. I hate my psychiatric disorders. I hate the fact I can't just cut off my parents in this economy. Gender identity for me is something I grapple with. Now added with family stress of a close family member being ill. I just can't bring myself to care about myself when I'm just nothing but useless.

I know how it feels to hate yourself. I’ve been through that too and I still don’t particularly like myself to be honest. Life can be very unfair. But I don’t think you’re useless. Despite everything you’re still in college trying to get educated and on top of that you’re also looking for a job. I can understand that your parents getting at you about your future is stressful, I guess they are really worried about your future, but things aren’t like they used to be. The time where you moved out of your parents house and bought your own place at age 20, got married and had children is long gone. Even “normal” people struggle with this and people move out of their parents house a lot later in their life than previous generations did. And if you’re dealing with a mental disorder it’s a lot harder.

I'll admit that I don't necessarily drink the most often... like 2 or 3 x a week. But when I do, I tend to drink larger amounts at once. Easily a bottle of wine. Maybe some liquors (flavored I guess)... mixing vodka with some zero sugar juice.

It just feels better to keep drinking since it's like when my life gets stressful or things hit the fan, who cares?

Reading the responses I think a lot more people care than you realise but I feel like you’ve already made up your mind which would be unfortunate. I know it’s very hard for you. And I understand you’re looking for an escape, which is totally fine but don’t let it ruin the rest of your life. Unfortunately I can’t see into the future and I can’t promise you things will get better. But I can promise you things will get worse if you start drinking more. It’s your life and I can’t tell you what to do, but at the very least try to limit your drinking so it doesn’t take over your life, for your own sake. I know you don’t really care right now but I think you will care once it gets worse and there is virtually no way back.

Keep up your studies and your job searching. I truly believe you’ll find a way out of this situation. It will take a lot time and it won’t be easy. But I believe you’ll find your way. Even if it’s not as a soldier or a doctor.

Stay strong and thank you for listening to my TED talk

 

[OnePiece]

It just feels better to keep drinking since it's like when my life gets stressful or things hit the fan, who cares? I feel like I've disappointed so many people in life anyways that I feel like it doesn't matter if I tank my liver with alcohol. Granted my Lamictal lowers my tolerance but I guess alcohol is a better antidepressant or anti anxiety medication anyways.

I know feelings can be very powerful, but try to remember; they are our own feelings and not necessarily the truth.
When we think we disappoint other people, it is often mostly in our own mind.
Also, it is important to not mix up disappointment with worrying from people who cares about you.

Either way... I'm just.devestated... I've been told my dreams or aspirations in the military are dashed by medical ineligibility. I have no means of gaining respect from.anyone.

I make no one proud of me. I hate myself. I lost my ability to go to medical school. I hate my psychiatric disorders. I hate the fact I can't just cut off my parents in this economy. Gender identity for me is something I grapple with. Now added with family stress of a close family member being ill. I just can't bring myself to care about myself when I'm just nothing but useless.

Military isn’t for all and it’s for a reason. The training is hard and the discipline is tough. And if you are sent to a sharp mission,
many people struggle with their psyche afterwords.
Also, medical school is extremely difficult to get through, very few stand a chance and if the parents aren’t rich and can pay for it,
you end up with a large loan that you have to work very long days to pay back.
Most parents would be happy (and relieved) if their children get some education and a job that make them able to support themselves.
When I was younger, that ment in the early twenties (30-40 years ago), now you can almost add 10 years to that.

You go to college, that is something to be proud of. I think it’s early to get a job at this point, but if you are willing and up for it,
doing some charity work or joining some beneficial organization could be an option.
It gives both meaning and can help putting something very positive on your resymé.

Given what you tell about your medication. This is familiar (daughter), so I can understand.
I know of the self-destructive thoughts and behavior and that it’s difficult to say or do anything that can really help.
All I can say; a lot of people loves you and you have already made them proud.
Try to take care nevertheless.

 

[greatlake5]

Recently it's been getting to me.

I drink a fair bit. I've polished off one or two bottles of wine when I'm alone sometimes.

If it's getting at you it probably better to drink less or none at all. I admit that I enjoy to relax after a hard day. But I only have a drink (or two) later in the evening. If you're drinking a bottle (or two) of wine and alone, that's not good. And if you're skinny and smaller, that's even worst. But...if you aren't doing it daily, you MIGHT be okay. I would suggest to lower your drinking (maybe a little urb?).

 

[pampers4U]

Alcohol is a depressant and lowers inhibitions; to me alcohol is one of the most dangerous drugs we have in the US when its abused.
I'm 39 yrs old and I will say that I kind of got lost in the mix of things in my mid-20's, I didnt even realize it or I was blind to it. What started out with going out regularly with friends kind of morphed into drinking at every possible occasion, going on short dry sabbaticals only to return with a large binge event. I had a few friends that were right next to me, doing the same thing I was doing, so it felt normal and we didnt recognize the dangerous behavior that we more or less normalized.
I noticed in myself that my weekends off work were spent on the couch watching tv, waiting for the phone to ring later in the day to go out somewhere, then rinse and repeat, driving under the influence became a normal risk that wasn't even perceived as a risk, buying a case of beer at the store then wondering if its enough for a few days incase someone else came over, thinking about getting drunk then having a "diaper" day the next day was comforting, and sounded like a normal way to live.
Occasionally having to much to drink during the week and calling out of work, or showing up late with an excuse was almost common, but nothing was ever really said by my superiors.
My biggest wake up call was before I met my wife, I felt like crap, I was making good money and things looked good on the outside, but I wasnt good on the inside, I'm not going to say that I didnt care, I just didnt want to put forth the energy into caring, I wasn't doing my normal hobbies like fishing, golfing, or gardening, I pretty much put the ski's away and started rotting on the couch, thinking that it was normal to do that, that maybe I'd have more energy if I didnt work so many hours. My clothes started to get a little tight on me and I forced myself to go outside an do something.
I started building a woodshed for my firewood, I didnt really have any true building experience, I built about 3/4 of this shed and one of my "buddies" came over, I was feeling proud of myself and my pal pointed out every little thing I did wrong while building this thing, then he said he had to go and invited me over to his place for a bbq, I stood there bewildered, after he left I looked it the shed, the shed was perfect 20min earlier and now it looked different to me, it was my waterloo, I decided that the shed still looked great, I also decided that I didnt want to go to the bbq and that I will eat a good dinner and work on the shed the next day.
The point of the story is that I had to distance myself from my "friends" and I had to put the energy into making my own changes, it was a very slow road of re-shaping or re-tooling myself. As luck wood have it, I joined a gym a few months later and ran into a gorgeous woman who accepted my invitation out for a cup of coffee.
I'll still drink occasionally, but I broke a habit and found myself feeling better, I have a clear head, more energy, new friends. I have a wife that is my rock that I can fall back on, a motivator of beauty and a woman that I never want to see angry at me.

 

[ShyGirl91]

To be honest with you, I dont really know how to feel about my drinking. When I drink, I use it to forget about life. It makes me happy and giggle and maybe slightly sleepy. I mix it with some energy drinks to counter the sleepy aspect of it.

Even when I don't drink, I feel myself craving it mentally. I tend to slam back a lot of alcohol at once. I guess for me it's kind of something to do to fill the loneliness and the stress. I honestly hate drinking with other people since they tend to stop me or something before I feel satisfied with myself. Alcohol just seems like a convenient way to I guess cope and unwind. I tend to not eat much when drinking to maximize the effect of drinking and yeah, I know it's terrible.

I don't feel myself particularly fun or happy or laid back as a person. I hate that about myself. I'm usually a depressive and awful person to be around when not drunk. I honestly feel like I like myself and my life more when I'm drunk or tipsy. I've gotten chastised for my drinking and my habits of how I drink. But honestly? I don't know how much I hate it.

I don't know. A part of me knows that this is such a slippery slope but I almost want to give in. I feel as though no one really could ever enjoy me as a person or a human being.

oh, honey I want you to know it's a lie that no one really could ever enjoy you as a person or a human being. I used to think the same thing about myself and I'm an alcoholic/addict. I've been down the road you have. I know the heavy loneliness and crippling internal pain that you just want to deaden. For some reason, I kept hanging on and I found out that the awful things that I believed about myself was a lie. I sought help for my addiction and, along the way, I found people who loved me for me and I just recently met someone and fell in love, and he accepts me for me. I'm 33 years old, have never been married, have never had kids, am 4 years sober from alcohol, and I'm finally starting to see my heart's desires come to pass. Had I not gotten help for the alcohol and drugs, I would have missed out on such a beautiful life.
All this to encourage you not to give in to alcohol because it is a thief. It doesn't care whom it destroys. Please stop while you can. And, if you can't, please reach out for help so you can get sober.
And I say this in hopes that you will not give up and, if I could, I would give you a hug and tell you not to.
You matter. You are precious. You are loveable.
Message me anytime if you need or want to talk or vent.
Put down the bottle (the "beer" one, not the ba-ba ).
Hang in there. It is worth it.

 

[Woncrinklz]

Thanks for talking and giving your insight.

I'll admit that I don't necessarily drink the most often... like 2 or 3 x a week. But when I do, I tend to drink larger amounts at once. Easily a bottle of wine. Maybe some liquors (flavored I guess)... mixing vodka with some zero sugar juice.

It just feels better to keep drinking since it's like when my life gets stressful or things hit the fan, who cares? I feel like I've disappointed so many people in life anyways that I feel like it doesn't matter if I tank my liver with alcohol. Granted my Lamictal lowers my tolerance but I guess alcohol is a better antidepressant or anti anxiety medication anyways.

I'm in therapy or used to.

Either way... I'm just.devestated... I've been told my dreams or aspirations in the military are dashed by medical ineligibility. I have no means of gaining respect from.anyone.

I make no one proud of me. I hate myself. I lost my ability to go to medical school. I hate my psychiatric disorders. I hate the fact I can't just cut off my parents in this economy. Gender identity for me is something I grapple with. Now added with family stress of a close family member being ill. I just can't bring myself to care about myself when I'm just nothing but useless.

Understand one thing in life: When the ax falls for whatever reason, and "It" all comes showering down on you, and everyone runs to save themselves (like in a disaster, or whatever), the only person you will always have through life is YOU. Everyone is going to be out for themselves, saving their own ass.
Fuck everybody else!
If they make you feel you have to be good enough for them, they are toxic!

You are in your body. It's ALL YOURS, along with your mind and aspirations. YOU have the right to change your mind, aspirations, kinks, wishes, needs, jobs, lovers, and agendas whenever YOU choose. Alcohol and drugs just cripple those inner power-strengths and decisions that everyone is blessed to have when life gets hard, (it is hard, no question there) and makes you limp on through your days until you have a collection bag at your ankle dying of liver failure. (My mom did that reality. She fought and kept her hates all through her life, never let them go. Go figure.)

It's your life. Nobody else's. Don't sell yourself short and feel you are living your life for the acceptance of anyone except YOURSELF, or...hell, you might as well drink. Because you are ignoring that inner "spark" you have that makes you YOU. That magical part you know that's in you. Your inspiration to want things, look forward to things, the things that rock you in a good way, give that wonderful feeling inside when you DID IT.

Not everyone gets what they want in life. My brother wanted to join the marines, but they rejected him because of a heart murmur or something. He had excellent grades, too!!! He even prepared by taking pilot lessons, etc. But Pffft! No go.

It happens.

The main thing is realising you are living YOUR life. Not for anyone else. They will all die off as you age, and all your pressure people in your life will have disappeared. Then you may find yourself sitting alone chastising yourself about why you didn't simply do what other things you always wanted to do, but you're too old and burnt-out to do it once you matured enough to "get it" because you wasted health and mind-time drinking and self flagellating yourself. It's useless to do that. It only makes you feel crappier. Chin-up. it's okay! Go for whatever you wish. Just do it. And try to accept liking yourself. It ain't all bad.

 

[Milianna]

I guess I'm drinking somewhat less now. But I admit that I need alcohol to sleep. My brain doesn't really like to let go of my memories

I have anxiety. I'm happier overall here in germany studying abroad. It's nice to not worry about my parents 24/7. But given that my father is quite ill... I don't know anymore what to do.

Alcohol is a friend to me. Never judges. Never leaves. Never demands anything from me. I miss drinking a bottle of wine a day. I miss it so much.

Sobriety sucks. And I.... idk. When I'm alone these thoughts creep in. Social anxiety sucks.

I'm terrified of unemployment after college. I don't know if I can survive on a retail job salary after graduation where I can survive on if I can't find a job. I don't k ow what to do anymore. I don't know how to function.

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

Well, you've come to the first step of moving ahead (because there's no 'recovery'): you hit the epiphany that you're in a corner...and why. You're also trusting us enough to tell us. That blows a big notch out of the boulder.

Keep talking...we'll keep listening!

 

[Polara64]

Nice to hear you are doing better we are here for you

 

[littlemoosey]

Recently it's been getting to me.

I can't say I really enjoy it that much. But honestly.

I have issues with eating too much. Alcohol nukes my appetite and just makes it so that I don't feel the need to eat.

I have anxiety over starting a job and whatnot. I'm in college and I feel like I have nothing on my resume. Sure I have about two years of research under my belt but it's not in the field of biology or chemistry and it's in psychology. And yeah, I have 1 D on my academic record, I think 2 Cs, and the rest are As and Bs. Mostly As but sheesh. I don't have good enough grades for medical school either.

Parents are getting at me about what my plans are for the future. They're just getting at me for not doing enough to find a job.

I don't know. i'm fine without alcohol i guess. But if I have half a bottle or a bottle of wine with dinner, life is just better. Life is less anxious. I just feel ok. I don't know what to do. I don't think I'm an alcoholic but when I do drink, I drink a fair bit. I've polished off one or two bottles of wine when I'm alone sometimes. I also by myself seltzers and some boxed alcohol drinks for myself as a night cap or something like that from time to time.

I dunno. This is the best antidepressant and the best anti anxiety medicine I've ever had in my life and I feel rough when someone tells me that it's bad to do. I haven't found anything better.

If you ask a question, "If it is a problem" you pretty much know the answer.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

@Milianna You seem like a wonderful person who feels alone, unloved, and frightened. So many young people feel that way these days. It sounds like your family situation is less than helpful, and of course, an economy that has been tinkered almost to a breaking point by politicians is not conducive to feeling good about your economic future. There are legitimate reasons to feel frightened, and sadly, social media has stunted the ability of young people to connect with others, and more young people feel more isolated than ever before. The challenges you're facing are, sadly, pretty common.

Alcohol is a false friend. He will make you feel better, as long as you let him have his way with you, but as soon as you stop, he'll stab you in the back. Over time, he'll make you feel like you can't do anything without his help, and in the process take complete control of your life, if you allow it. Once he does, he directs you to make choice after choice that makes your life worse, not better. He's a manipulating jerk, but very sneaky about it. Never trust him.

You need a real friend; another person who cares about you, understands your challenges, and can truly support you as you face the uncertainty in your life. It is harder to reach out to real people for help, because we fear their response may be hurtful. @ShyGirl91 is a sweet, nonjudgmental lady who has suffered the same hurts, but is getting through it. She will do what she can to be a friend to you, and help your heart get through these challenges. You would be well served to take her up on the friendship she offered. Doubtless there are others who could help as well. This community is tremendously supportive, but there are supportive people everywhere: churches, therapists, substance recovery groups, and there are others.

Please, find people to meet that need. Alcohol only pretends to meet it, and at the cost of too much of yourself. If there's anything I can do, I'm willing, too. We're all here for you. Hang in there. It really does get better.

 

[OnePiece]

I guess I'm drinking somewhat less now. But I admit that I need alcohol to sleep. My brain doesn't really like to let go of my memories

Probably not much help, but here is what I have learnt to do when my brain start to spin around negative things when bedtime;
I force myself to think about hobbies or interests that I have. Something that is interesting enough to make the brain occupied,
but not so interesting that it makes the brain spin toward wake-up mode.

Good to hear you are drinking less!

Try not to worry so much on what to do after college, but focus more on what you can do in college.
Worrying too much about thinks we can’t control makes it difficult to a good job on the things we can do something about.

 

[BABYTIGERCUB]

Your last post makes me sad. I see you struggle with your life now and I am familiar with many of the same things.
You are drinking for the wrong reasons and even if you haven’t an addiction now, the slope you have entered will get you in trouble.
When you say you don’t drink with friends, only alone, that is a big warning sign, too.
I recognize that drinking can make bad feelings disappear, but trying to get rid of a problem by introducing a larger one Isn’t the way to go.

Please stop drinking and get help!
Try to talk to your best friends about it, they obviously already know you have a problem with drinking.
Hopefully they can contribute.

You can also talk to us on this forum, it’s quite anonymous.

That was myself over 32 years ago I absolutely respect your article, I did the same thing so long ago and went into treatment twice for family and friends just to shut them up about my drinking it didn't work very well then on night I said I can't do this anymore and went into treatment on my own and not for family and friends but for myself, when I got into treatment for the last time there was a Champlin at the treatment center were I was at and she made a statement (God helps those that help themselves if you can't help yourself how can you help anyone else in addiction treatment you have to help yourself, it worked for me I've been sober for over 32 years I look back of the hell that I put my family and friends through I'm not proud of that in anyway, that alcohol will destroy families and friends I hope the person that wrote the first article does get help I'm sorry I can't find the first article the member wrote if you can tell where to find the member I would appreciate it thanks From BabyTigerCub.