This is me too. Keep in mind as you read this that I’m a YES, a guy who “knows the joy of a messy diaper.”
As a toddler, I was so thoroughly taught to feel shame and disgust at my poo that even getting a tiny bit on my finger while wiping as a young kid seemed like a terrible dirty secret. As a school age kid (almost never around babies) I remember grasping the reality that
babies poo in their pants, and not thinking I could deal with that even just once. I wondered why anyone would become a parent when they had to see and smell and touch and clean that up every day for
two or three years?? (That was a pretty large portion of the age of my known universe at that point, so it did not seem short.) And they might even do it
in public, and
everyone would know.
I remember being very embarrassed to realize how many times I’d been in poopy diapers as a baby, and who had to have known and even seen me changed. I thought pretty much everyone shared this level of repulsion and humiliation about poo.
Then as a teen I started wetting play and diaper play. My leftover “little kid“ shame about both of these was real too, but just enough to make it all terribly exciting and forbidden. It never even crossed my mind at first that I or
anyone would ever poop themselves on purpose.
And then I had baby cousins in diapers and saw they were completely unfazed by the feelings (and social taboo) of standing in a room full of people, or sitting in a high chair at the dinner table, and very obviously filling their pants. And their parents, and mine seemed to find it all perfectly okay and even kind of adorable.
I got so curious about it then, what it would feel like, and now I
wanted to, just to try it — but I still thought it was wrong and terribly perverse. I pretty much knew there must be something badly wrong with me to even think about doing that at my age. To find the thought (so confusing to me, and no one must ever know) arousing. To start to play with myself imagining doing it, like a baby. To think about being in poopy diapers too when I played my pee games.
Then to really and truly do it, poop (and pee) myself like a baby, and think it was
fantastic feeling and absolutely thrilling.
I really liked it (ridiculously messy and impractical as it was) but I honestly think the first few times I
dirtied myself, if I had somehow been caught in the act I would have seriously considered killing myself from the shame. As a
very nerdy kid, I went looking in the library at this point for why anyone might want to do this. All I found was deep corners of psychology books that treated it as a sign of sad and severe mental or behavioural disturbance. That definitely did not help.
I think it was four years before I knew I wasn’t the only one. It took a
long time for that to grow into “this is just something that happens, that a
lot of kids imagine and try.” Then I started finding honest corners of parenting books that said most babies don’t mind having wet, dirty diapers at all, and some might even “enjoy their odour and feel.” And it became clear that a whole range of socially unmentionable things to do with pee, poop, diapers and nursing like a baby are some of the most common fetishes there are.
It still took me about another 20 years to start talking about this with anyone… (Thank you, Experience Project, c. 2010.)
@Newbaby110521, that’s a
very long answer to: “Does anyone else really enjoy pooping in their diaper or is just me?” You, me, and lots of others. (And very likely a whole lot of babies.)
. Cant wait