Self confidence

[Ellyn]

This topic has likely been touched on before but I thought I’d chat about it for a minute.
I’m likely one of the minorities here being female, though I hope not. Just generally speaking, women are probably less confident than their male counterparts in many aspects of life, one being appearance. I believe that fellow women are often responsible for much of appearance sensitivity issues, which is a shame. I feel I am often criticized by my sisters out there with regards to my short height, wide hips, big boobs, you name it, like tearing others apart somehow builds them up. I’m particularly sensitive about my walk, usually because of the fullness of my butt, bulge in front, and bulk between my legs. My butt is actually very slender but when I put two ‘thinner’ cloth prefold diapers on, they round it out quite a bit, to what I consider a ‘normal’ size. With that, the diaper bulge in front is a byproduct, which I’m always cognizant about. The appropriate control brief or body briefer is VERY important to minimize the effects of wearing double diapers all day. What’s more important though is the fullness between my legs that effect to some degree my walk. With that, I’m very fortunate to have very slender thighs coupled with my wide hips results in a wider space between my legs for the diaper bulk to occupy. Still, I’m always aware about my walk, in particular my sway. I think that men think my butt and skirt sway is sexy (I hope) but women can tear you apart with a disapproving glance. Case and point, I was at a mall a few years ago doing a little lunch time shopping and needed to change. I was wearing cloth that day so as I was changing, two women came in the restroom talking about that slut in the black dress…. As they talked on, I realized they were talking about me! They were tearing me apart about my walk…. saying I must be wearing a diaper...!! They also remarked about my big boobs, saying they can’t be real. I guess that they didn’t realize I was feet away from them, hearing every hurtful word that made me tear up, but i maintained my composure somehow. Well, as you can imagine, that destroyed my self confidence, and continues to haunt me to this day. Being incontinent is hard enough so when you have to be aware of every move you make, trying to be inconspicuous about your diaper, it can lead to a very stressful day. I find myself wearing lower cut necklines that expose a little cleavage to distract from my diaper area. If I’m going to be body shamed, I’d much rather have it be about my big boobs and not speculation about being diapered.
With that, I try to never criticize anyone in any way. Obviously words can cut, but a disapproving expression is often worse.

 

[Jorelaxed]

Don't listen to people like that, they themselves more than likely have a dark side to themselves!.
Women like those two you just described are predatory because they know their lives are down the toilet and they want to take others down with them to make themselves feel better.
Live your life, wear your diapers with condlfidence, don't let those two crabs try to drag you down.
I get stares and talked about but it just slides right off my shoulders.
Remember the saying "what goes around comes around would apply to people like those.
I used to take importance to others comments and it started driving me crazy, I became mentally stronger and since been living worry free now for many years being diapered medically.

 

[surprise35]

This sounds like a terrible experience to have in public and those woman sounded both cruel but also maybe jealous too of your body. Either way I hear you about difficulties around self confidence and incontinence. I am not a woman but still worry about my diapers showing when I am out during the day. I try and use cloth backed diapers in the day so at least there is no obvious crinkle in quieter places. Still at times I have wear thicker protection and it can be really difficult to act completely comfortable with that. I know it's no ones business at all but still it's not that easy not to care at all what anyone thinks or possibly sees.
I've had people laugh at me in public restrooms when it can be heard that I'm changing my plastic diapers, sometimes ripping off those tapes sounds like thunder in a rest room. I try to stay calm but having that kind of humiliation in public is tough and reminder we are not at total public exceptance yet.
Thank you for sharing your experience.

 

[Kayleigh]

I’m so sorry to hear what you had to deal with. People can be so cruel especially when they can hide their cruelty. Based on how you are able to deal with your incontinence you should hold your head high and keep yourself above the negativity. You are obviously a beautiful person who takes care of yourself and you should never let anyone take that away from you.

 

[slimjiminy]

It's true that people can be very negative to boost their own image. So they find things to criticize, be it minor like picking on their name or more extreme as in racial slurs. Someone I knew used to be bad for tearing down people to elevate themselves. It's a very bad habit to get into and it often becomes a lifelong habit. Don't let that start!

When it happens to us, the best thing to do is quack like a duck... let that water roll off your well oiled back because you know that the problem is with them. As you said, they may be jealous or insecure and will throw anyone under the bus to mask their insecurity.

 

[Eclectic]

All of us that have quirks, disorders, and disabilities (and that's pretty much everyone) learn over time that what other people say doesn't matter, it's how you react to their words that matters. However, popular culture, particularly western culture, is often hard to resist and can bring out the worst in us. Physical beauty is worshiped over kindness. Bad people are often celebrated. And, if your life sucks, what quicker way to make you feel better than by trying to make someone else feel bad.

As an attractive (or so I'm told by women), athletic, and outdoorsy guy, I can definitely relate to the difficulty of nurturing my self-esteem in the wake of my bladder and bowel urgency. I will also throw in my little personality and AB traits that don't mix with what society expects of me in American culture. As a result, I began to see myself as out of step, an outsider, and I eventually embraced it. However, to this day, I still get self conscious about my diaper possibly showing through my clothes and I've been wearing them off and on my entire life. We should all remember that it is not our physical appearance that really matters, but how we treat others and how we treat ourselves.

 

[IcyBlue]

They say ignorance is bliss which is true the more you notice it. How good it would be to just ignore those around you and just live your life feeling safe and secure.

Being self conscious can be a big issue for many and it takes a long time to understand that people can live freely ignorant of others.
You don’t have to reply or explain to people that look for issues. A simple look back at them in disgust can ruin their day because they’re already much more sensitive to their own disposition trying to make fault with yours. You’re free to walk away from people and understand they have far more unresolved issues. At most you can feel sorry for them and move on with your own business.
The general public doesn’t care as long as you’re not causing any harm. There are so many people you may only encounter once consciously. We are mostly ignorant when we’re focused on our daily tasks which prepare us for the next task in our daily lives. The older you get the less you’ll feel that you need to care about others thoughts.

Live your best and forget the rest!

 

[diaperdude]

So sorry you have been through that! But if you ever have it happen again just tell the you are so glad you can change and be ok, but they will still be stupid and you can’t fix stupid!

 

[Edgewater]

Sorry, also a male, married, with a daughter and two grand daughters and they share both of our DNA and as a result are tall, as is our son and two grandsons.

It is not uncommon for me to walk a bit behind the gals when we are out and about as I never know, which way they will be going. As a result, I will from time to time hear comments made about their height and commonly it is from women. Yes, there will be younger guys remaking about a basketball team, but little more. Point begin, I continue to be amazed at just how hard women are on each other to a point of being cruel.

Now, I have seen my dear wife confront and riddle such women as she has no fear in getting in someones face who dares belittle her kids. Yup, I have a tiger for a wife and she has well taught her kids not to suffer fools gladly.

 

[Ellyn]

Thank you all for your support. I tend to have a very thin skin sometimes, though I’m generally the one that speaks up first in someone else’s defense. I just can’t seem to defend myself well but I continue to work on it. I have changed A LOT from that isolated and extremely timid girl I once was. Still there are basic insecurities that I can’t seem to shake and I fear I never will.

 

[Eclectic]

Thank you all for your support. I tend to have a very thin skin sometimes, though I’m generally the one that speaks up first in someone else’s defense. I just can’t seem to defend myself well but I continue to work on it. I have changed A LOT from that isolated and extremely timid girl I once was. Still there are basic insecurities that I can’t seem to shake and I fear I never will.

Your insecurities are what make you human. Knowing and confronting them is a sign of growth. People who appear to have none are simply good at hiding them.

 

[Edgewater]

Thank you all for your support. I tend to have a very thin skin sometimes, though I’m generally the one that speaks up first in someone else’s defense. I just can’t seem to defend myself well but I continue to work on it. I have changed A LOT from that isolated and extremely timid girl I once was. Still there are basic insecurities that I can’t seem to shake and I fear I never will.

Remember that fear is not a hardwired emotion (response) as it is a reaction or outcome of a hardwired emotion. Commonly, the emotion is the flight or fight response not acted upon. It is a signal from ourself that we need to make a choice. We can move forward, but to do so, requires us to respond.

 

[Fattrick]

Thank you for sharing your experience and feelings so eloquently. It seems like most of the women I've known have had similar experiences. This happens between men as well but I don't think it happens as frequently and in my experiences I think what men say and do tends to be more superficial and doesn't seem to cause as much emotional damage. It's all terrible.

Not sure if this helps or not but I was talking to my mom yesterday about my childhood and she reminded me of something I would say whenever someone tried to pick on me or make fun of me.

"What you say is what you are"

The mean things we say about others are usually our own flaws or the flaws we think we have.

 

[Ellyn]

Remember that fear is not a hardwired emotion (response) as it is a reaction or outcome of a hardwired emotion. Commonly, the emotion is the flight or fight response not acted upon. It is a signal from ourself that we need to make a choice. We can move forward, but to do so, requires us to respond.

Very well put. Thank you for your support and kindness.

 

[littledinogoesrawr]

I'm not IC myself but since one month ago I created an account to the forum, and one of the things I like more, IS the support this community gives between IC people.

I'm learning a lot reading about your troubles in your daily routine, trying to have a normal life. If I ever encounter or meet someone with that condition I will try to remember what I read here and make his/her life more easy.

I guess what I'm trying to say that I'm sorry you have to go through this sad experiences in life, and that one of the biggest problems of humans is the lack of empathy for others, how easy we judge others, not knowing their background.

 

[hbic60]

Ellyn,

I’m sorry to hear what you had to deal with. I'm quite sure that your lack of confidence is connected to the fact that you're female - I think that males tend (for whatever reason) to be more self-confident.
What helped myself a lot many decades ago (which was long before of my IC) was my coming together with my nowadays wife. Knowing that there is someone who loves me unconditionally and stands to me whatever might happen gave me a very lot of self-confidence. Whatever any jerk could say to me doesn't matter because there is at least minimum one person in my life which believes in me and to whom I matter a lot. So, Ellyn, you are in the same boat! You have a loving husband and two loving children, so how may any chatty bitches pull you down? You have a family who loves and accepts you as the one you are, no matter if your boobs are too big or too small or if your butt is covered in diapers, so forget what others think and talk about your shape!

 

[Diaperman0723]

People are so quick to judge each other. Shouldn't matter if you are tall or short, skinny or fat, "pretty" or "ugly", continent or incontinent, but what should matter is the personality each and every person has. I personally want to know someone for who they are not for being one of the top models.

 

[BlameBaby]

This topic has likely been touched on before but I thought I’d chat about it for a minute.
I’m likely one of the minorities here being female, though I hope not. Just generally speaking, women are probably less confident than their male counterparts in many aspects of life, one being appearance. I believe that fellow women are often responsible for much of appearance sensitivity issues, which is a shame. I feel I am often criticized by my sisters out there with regards to my short height, wide hips, big boobs, you name it, like tearing others apart somehow builds them up. I’m particularly sensitive about my walk, usually because of the fullness of my butt, bulge in front, and bulk between my legs. My butt is actually very slender but when I put two ‘thinner’ cloth prefold diapers on, they round it out quite a bit, to what I consider a ‘normal’ size. With that, the diaper bulge in front is a byproduct, which I’m always cognizant about. The appropriate control brief or body briefer is VERY important to minimize the effects of wearing double diapers all day. What’s more important though is the fullness between my legs that effect to some degree my walk. With that, I’m very fortunate to have very slender thighs coupled with my wide hips results in a wider space between my legs for the diaper bulk to occupy. Still, I’m always aware about my walk, in particular my sway. I think that men think my butt and skirt sway is sexy (I hope) but women can tear you apart with a disapproving glance. Case and point, I was at a mall a few years ago doing a little lunch time shopping and needed to change. I was wearing cloth that day so as I was changing, two women came in the restroom talking about that slut in the black dress…. As they talked on, I realized they were talking about me! They were tearing me apart about my walk…. saying I must be wearing a diaper...!! They also remarked about my big boobs, saying they can’t be real. I guess that they didn’t realize I was feet away from them, hearing every hurtful word that made me tear up, but i maintained my composure somehow. Well, as you can imagine, that destroyed my self confidence, and continues to haunt me to this day. Being incontinent is hard enough so when you have to be aware of every move you make, trying to be inconspicuous about your diaper, it can lead to a very stressful day. I find myself wearing lower cut necklines that expose a little cleavage to distract from my diaper area. If I’m going to be body shamed, I’d much rather have it be about my big boobs and not speculation about being diapered.
With that, I try to never criticize anyone in any way. Obviously words can cut, but a disapproving expression is often worse.

there is no shame in being yourself!

I've overthought of being myself...

>>>>> by myself when no one's around<<<<<

I could hate I'm a straight sissy baby FINALLY I SAID IT! Or I could hate what God gave me... Well ME.. I've been called lots of things but you can't let people control the way you think of yourself , and realisticly if you do who controls you? They do , they then control how you act & your additude at life. In other naughty cursy words FUCK THEM because they never liked you in the first place but I DO

 

[PaddedRita]

( This is a very good topic Ellyn - Thank you so much for posting )

I'm SO SORRY to hear what you been thought ,that so very sad !!
It's a really shame how bad people can be so mean & rude !!!
At first I very very paranoid how my diaper cover bottom look under my street cloths !
It was so bad at one I time that I wouldn't go out and about at all !
Now I have a very positive, supportive,caring loving relationship that helps out a lot !!
But today its really doesn't really matter that much any more !
I know I can go about my daily routines and be happy at anything I do !

 

[Ellyn]

Thank you all for your kindness.
These days, I’m good and I don’t think of the past much but when I do, I either face it or end up becoming depressed. Facing my past involves talking it out with my husband or sharing it on sites like this. I’m not looking for sympathy but just to get it out and maybe.be a testimonial for others.