Not ABDL. Maybe DOKer?

[slimjiminy]

Acceptance is still an ongoing struggle for me (in my 3rd year). Most days, I just accept it and live as I usually do. Other days, I wonder, if I really need "protection" and doubt myself. Then I'll have a U-IC accident or near F-IC and then confirm, no, I really am IC and need protection. But I still feel weird ordering diapers and having to wash my plastic pants.

I should count myself lucky. I am in my mid-60s and have nerve damage from decades of diabetes type-2. This causes me to have urge incontinence if I am away from a toilet sufficiently long. I used to be able to hold it. Later came the realization that it was not the medication causing my diarrhea. I realize now that I have IBS-d and have to watch my diet in addition to blood glucose levels. Since my U-IC onset, I have had some F-IC accidents. That diet mostly works but I still have days where the diarrhea reins and has me living in fear when I leave home. But overall, I am lucky that my IC is not as bad as many others here.

Even though my immediate family knows, I just hate the fact that I have to keep this secret as if it were some kind of dirty secret.

 

[Edgewater]

Not sure how I missed your introduction Thread, But Welcome and be Welcomed to the Wonderful World of ADISC. I Unique place as near everyone here is wearing a diaper!

I am 24/7, U-IC resulting from a car crash near five decades ago. Was released about 10 days later with the normal set of hoses and bags. After three days at home, my dear wife stated that this would never work and gathered-up extra cloth diapers from our son and adult plastic pants and the following weekend we were out and about and I have never stopped to look back from there. Wonderful business career, family adventures on the Great Lakes, the addition of our daughter and four wonder grandchildren. Being cloth diapered has never limited me. Now retired and happy that I became a DOKer very early on! Love Your Term!!

Again, very sorry for missing your Thread. Love your view of life. May you and your husband exceed the joy that my family have felt! Life Is Way Too Short!

 

[FLsolarSparky02]

it took me a long time to accpeted myself even though I was incontinent throughout my life especially through Elementary and Middle School hight schoool was a little easier . it's very self-conscious in the way I was looking especially when I was younger I was in high school I finally accepted myself and I was able to happy . but I've had a lot of mental health issues in the past because of it

 

[Pino]

I do go completely with @slimjiminy and @hbic60, having very similar feelings and experiences, i am in my third year either (47y now).

Last week i was in the hospital for some testing with overnight stay, i went there in diapers, told them in the beginning, what always feels strange at first, was offered diapers by the hospital but went with my own. Later i asked for a Foley for different reasons, but just for some hours, i walked around in (covered) diapers (obvious i think, nighttime and crincly) on the floor and had no bad feeling about that, even most other patients were older than me but continent. I got some looks when i changed clothes from the other patients in my room, but i did not care. I am DOK.


"Even though my immediate family knows, I just hate the fact that I have to keep this secret as if it were some kind of dirty secret."

That's a fact, maybe this is the reason i felt "free" in the hospital, they all know already.

 

[FLsolarSparky02]

I do go completely with @slimjiminy and @hbic60, having very similar feelings and experiences, i am in my third year either (47y now).

Last week i was in the hospital for some testing with overnight stay, i went there in diapers, told them in the beginning, what always feels strange at first, was offered diapers by the hospital but went with my own. Later i asked for a Foley for different reasons, but just for some hours, i walked around in (covered) diapers (obvious i think, nighttime and crincly) on the floor and had no bad feeling about that, even most other patients were older than me but continent. I got some looks when i changed clothes from the other patients in my room, but i did not care. I am DOK.

i thought about an sp catheter when i was HS i used foleys 3 years i had a lot utis conication blood in pee

 

[Pino]

i thought about an sp catheter when i was HS i used foleys 3 years i had a lot utis conication blood in pee

I use Foley catheter only short time in special occasions, no UTI until now, neither with ISC oder Foley, never had SP though.

My problems are neurogenic, and when lying on my back i will get full retention, very painful. At the stay i was not allowed to get up and unable to move for several hours but had to "absorb/filter" 8000ml of fluids. No way with diapers, even when i could pee lying on my back.
Other occasions are when my back hurts a lot and my pelvic floor tightens up that much that ISC is painful, i will choose a Foley for some time.
Usually i am just "urge inco."

 

[FLsolarSparky02]

i thought about an sp catheter

I use Foley catheter only short time in special occasions, no UTI until now, neither with ISC oder Foley, never had SP though.

My problems are neurogenic, and when lying on my back i will get full retention, very painful. At the stay i was not allowed to get up and unable to move for several hours but had to "absorb/filter" 8000ml of fluids. No way with diapers, even when i could pee lying on my back.
Other occasions are when my back hurts a lot and my pelvic floor tightens up that much that ISC is painful, i will choose a Foley for some time.
Usually i am just "urge inco."

i get that

 

[Wetshisbed]

My wife who is very pragmatic simply told me when I became incontinent and enuretic due to diabetic related nerve damage to wear a nappy and get on with my life. This I have done and accepted it and learned to make the best of it.
I decided not to try and hide it and all my friends and family know I wear nappies 24/7. No one sees it as a big deal and I still live a full and happy life.

 

[sport1]

That is a great way to put things' also not a a/b never into it but did have comes to terms with it.

 

[Karoq]

This is really well put and thanks for sharing!

I am someone who was always a DL but for a variety of reasons. Now I've become incontinent (especially at night) and glad I have an extensive knowledge of diapers and what i need to sleep, function and be relaxed. I worried my whole life about accidents as I've always had a small bladder but now I've accepted I need them to sleep and even my urologist confirmed I need them for bed wetting. I was also offered and tried catheters but really hated them, it was horribly uncomfortable and I even fainted trying to do it once.

So glad you have an excepting and supportive husband, that is so essential with this.

You are so like me. I need nappies (UK terminology) to function but deep down was DL too. It’s made it so much easier to accept that I need to wear and like Ellyn says in her posts there is something very comforting and safe getting ready for bed in a clean nappy after shower or bath and snuggling up to your partner. I too have small bladder, no night time control and OAB / urgency / leaks in the day

 

[keepitonDL]

I’m a DL and I feel like I was forced into being a DOKR
Countless therapists to stop the need/ want to involve diapers into my life. I wanted so badly just to feel accepted by myself. I had worn diapers till a later age , but it wasn’t till some abusive circumstances it just stuck.
Thanks for this thread and not seeing it as a bad thing. I never truly know how the IC community feels about people like me.
By the way my therapists said that I don’t have to change after all they are just “plastic underwear”
I don’t know why but that felt so comforting.
Anyways again, thanks

 

[Edgewater]

Your being DL has no effect on my or any of the other IC folks here. As a result no one here is forcing you to be DOKR. In fact this recent term was created by an IC individual as a means of self-describing as being Okay with diapers!

There are several DL members here that have become IC after already being DL.

Yes, many members of the IC forum 'if provided the choice' would not wear diapers. But because of the reality of being IC have chosen to wear diapers and as a result have accepted diapers as a part of their life! Hence the term DOKR!

Point being, DOKR has nothing to do with you or your being DL.
No one is forcing you to be anything more that yourself.

I hope that helps!

 

[keepitonDL]

Your being DL has no effect on my or any of the other IC folks here. As a result no one here is forcing you to be DOKR. In fact this recent term was created by an IC individual as a means of self-describing as being Okay with diapers!

There are several DL members here that have become IC after already being DL.

Yes, many members of the IC forum 'if provided the choice' would not wear diapers. But because of the reality of being IC have chosen to wear diapers and as a result have accepted diapers as a part of their life! Hence the term DOKR!

Point being, DOKR has nothing to do with you or your being DL.
No one is forcing you to be anything more that yourself.

I hope that helps!

Yikes , sorry I misinterpreted things here.

 

[greatlake5]

If you’re truly incontinent for the long haul and you’re not at least a DOKer (Diaper acceptance) [diaper okay-er], I feel sad for your overall health and wellbeing. Diapers should allow you to get on with a near normal life, like glasses, cane, hearing aide, etc. If you fight wearing them and/or feel shame or fear of detection, etc, that stress added to the normal day to day stress we all feel will make you very unhappy and shorten your life. Make peace with your needs as soon as you can.

A short explanation.

I never truly know how the IC community feels about people like me.

What we (IC people) truly feels about abdl members? At least for me, we like you guys. As long as abdl members respect the rules (see the header), enjoy our IC forum. Some actually provide good threads (with great information). I admit that I don't understand all the reasons you're abdl. But I like you regardless. Whether you're pure abdl or abdl/IC, welcome.

 

[keepitonDL]

A short explanation.

What we (IC people) truly feels about abdl members? At least for me, we like you guys. As long as abdl members respect the rules (see the header), enjoy our IC forum. Some actually provide good threads (with great information). I admit that I don't understand all the reasons your abdl. But I like you regardless. Whether you're pure abdl or abdl/IC, welcome.

Awe this is nice Thankyou

 

[sport1]

Awe this is nice Thankyou

No problem.

 

[sport1]

A short explanation.

What we (IC people) truly feels about abdl members? At least for me, we like you guys. As long as abdl members respect the rules (see the header), enjoy our IC forum. Some actually provide good threads (with great information). I admit that I don't understand all the reasons you're abdl. But I like you regardless. Whether you're pure abdl or abdl/IC, welcome.

I hold no judgement of abdl people get some valuable information.

 

[hbic60]

Just as I wrote in another thread: of course EVERYONE, including AB, DL, Little, Sissy, Furry or whatever is welcome to comment also in IC Forum, but only with respecting the special rules within IC section which are shown clearly in the head of IC Section and in the header of each thread there!
And be sensitive in you posts being aware that IC is not a choice or a lifestyle, but a medical condition, so the viewpoint to many aspects of wearing and using diapers is different than for ABDL...
I've read several very valuable posts from ABDL's here in IC Forum. Although I can't follow up with AB or DL lifestyle and could never imagine for myself, I fully respect everyone and don't judge at all and would fight that everybody can live in that way he/she likes. as long as there is no harm to others or to him/herself and especially never involving real children (knowing that AB lifestyle has nothing to do with that!)

 

[Karoq]

I don’t have any AB tendencies or desires, but many are, and that’s great! Adult play time is important for sanity sometimes for all of us. Being an AB hurts no one but I’m sure offers a lot of emotional satisfaction and calming effects. In this CRAZY adult world, we all NEED to step back from time to time.
Same with DL’s. If wearing and using a diaper offers release from everyday stress, that’s wonderful!
I, like many to most here have a genuine need for managing incontinence. I did the meds, many with awful side effects and a few surgeries that didn’t help at all in the long run. With birth defects involving the bladder and MS, I was probably destined for diapers or catheters anyway. Having tried catheters, I can say that diapers are the clear choice, for me.
At some point after pretty much wearing diapers from birth, you can either fight it and be MISERABLE or accept them and enjoy life to the max possible. I chose to accept them, but not until my mid to late teens. In my early teens. I was finally diagnosed with the birth defects involving my bladder sphincter as well as nerve damage the ultimately sends signals of a full bladder and need to ‘go’. I also have retention issues that causes bladder and kidney issues from time to time too.
To be clear, I do not love diapers but they do offer conveniences and you can allow yourself to ‘like’ them in that I’m going to have to wear them anyway. Why stress out?There’s nothing like getting out of the shower or tub and slipping into nice thick warm diapers fresh out of the dryer and snuggling with your husband on a chilly evening. Also, incorporating diapers into intimate times can be fun, though I’ve never tried not wearing diapers for long. During my wild college years, I was somewhat of an exhibitionist…. Don’t expect details.
If you’re truly incontinent for the long haul and you’re not at least a DOKer (Diaper acceptance), I feel sad for your overall health and wellbeing. Diapers should allow you to get on with a near normal life, like glasses, cane, hearing aide, etc. If you fight wearing them and/or feel shame or fear of detection, etc, that stress added to the normal day to day stress we all feel will make you very unhappy and shorten your life. Make peace with your needs as soon as you can.

I totally agree. As a male with bladder issues I feel more comfortable and more able to live a normal life knowing I am ok about wearing nappies: