Not ABDL. Maybe DOKer?

[Ellyn]

I don’t have any AB tendencies or desires, but many are, and that’s great! Adult play time is important for sanity sometimes for all of us. Being an AB hurts no one but I’m sure offers a lot of emotional satisfaction and calming effects. In this CRAZY adult world, we all NEED to step back from time to time.
Same with DL’s. If wearing and using a diaper offers release from everyday stress, that’s wonderful!
I, like many to most here have a genuine need for managing incontinence. I did the meds, many with awful side effects and a few surgeries that didn’t help at all in the long run. With birth defects involving the bladder and MS, I was probably destined for diapers or catheters anyway. Having tried catheters, I can say that diapers are the clear choice, for me.
At some point after pretty much wearing diapers from birth, you can either fight it and be MISERABLE or accept them and enjoy life to the max possible. I chose to accept them, but not until my mid to late teens. In my early teens. I was finally diagnosed with the birth defects involving my bladder sphincter as well as nerve damage the ultimately sends signals of a full bladder and need to ‘go’. I also have retention issues that causes bladder and kidney issues from time to time too.
To be clear, I do not love diapers but they do offer conveniences and you can allow yourself to ‘like’ them in that I’m going to have to wear them anyway. Why stress out?There’s nothing like getting out of the shower or tub and slipping into nice thick warm diapers fresh out of the dryer and snuggling with your husband on a chilly evening. Also, incorporating diapers into intimate times can be fun, though I’ve never tried not wearing diapers for long. During my wild college years, I was somewhat of an exhibitionist…. Don’t expect details.
If you’re truly incontinent for the long haul and you’re not at least a DOKer (Diaper acceptance), I feel sad for your overall health and wellbeing. Diapers should allow you to get on with a near normal life, like glasses, cane, hearing aide, etc. If you fight wearing them and/or feel shame or fear of detection, etc, that stress added to the normal day to day stress we all feel will make you very unhappy and shorten your life. Make peace with your needs as soon as you can.

 

[Mapboy]

That’s truly hits the head on the nail for me. I wore on and off for various continence issues and for me I find that my diapers are there to help me out and live a normal life like glasses, cane, etc. I accepted early on they were there for my own protection and just like any other underwear (though with some sort of tape or fastener holding it together). I think over time I’ve come to not mind them and some occasions to like them and feel very comfortable in wearing them. I. appreciate your candor about this and I am glad you feel very comfortable in sharing your own feelings and thoughts so openly.

 

[sbmccue]

if you read many of the AB-related threads here, an exhibitionist in diapers isn’t exactly a novelty.

I’m a lifelong AB and a DL, in diapers as much as I can manage.

 

[surprise35]

This is really well put and thanks for sharing!

I am someone who was always a DL but for a variety of reasons. Now I've become incontinent (especially at night) and glad I have an extensive knowledge of diapers and what i need to sleep, function and be relaxed. I worried my whole life about accidents as I've always had a small bladder but now I've accepted I need them to sleep and even my urologist confirmed I need them for bed wetting. I was also offered and tried catheters but really hated them, it was horribly uncomfortable and I even fainted trying to do it once.

So glad you have an excepting and supportive husband, that is so essential with this.

 

[MikeyD1981]

Well said!

 

[OriginalWetone]

I don’t have any AB tendencies or desires, but many are, and that’s great! Adult play time is important for sanity sometimes for all of us. Being an AB hurts no one but I’m sure offers a lot of emotional satisfaction and calming effects. In this CRAZY adult world, we all NEED to step back from time to time.
Same with DL’s. If wearing and using a diaper offers release from everyday stress, that’s wonderful!
I, like many to most here have a genuine need for managing incontinence. I did the meds, many with awful side effects and a few surgeries that didn’t help at all in the long run. With birth defects involving the bladder and MS, I was probably destined for diapers or catheters anyway. Having tried catheters, I can say that diapers are the clear choice, for me.
At some point after pretty much wearing diapers from birth, you can either fight it and be MISERABLE or accept them and enjoy life to the max possible. I chose to accept them, but not until my mid to late teens. In my early teens. I was finally diagnosed with the birth defects involving my bladder sphincter as well as nerve damage the ultimately sends signals of a full bladder and need to ‘go’. I also have retention issues that causes bladder and kidney issues from time to time too.
To be clear, I do not love diapers but they do offer conveniences and you can allow yourself to ‘like’ them in that I’m going to have to wear them anyway. Why stress out?There’s nothing like getting out of the shower or tub and slipping into nice thick warm diapers fresh out of the dryer and snuggling with your husband on a chilly evening. Also, incorporating diapers into intimate times can be fun, though I’ve never tried not wearing diapers for long. During my wild college years, I was somewhat of an exhibitionist…. Don’t expect details.
If you’re truly incontinent for the long haul and you’re not at least a DOKer (Diaper acceptance), I feel sad for your overall health and wellbeing. Diapers should allow you to get on with a near normal life, like glasses, cane, hearing aide, etc. If you fight wearing them and/or feel shame or fear of detection, etc, that stress added to the normal day to day stress we all feel will make you very unhappy and shorten your life. Make peace with your needs as soon as you can.

Love ;your attitude!

 

[hbic60]

Hello Ellyn,

I'm (urinary) incontinent since about one year, 63 years old, married with 3 meanwhile adult kids and 4 grandchildren - no AB or DL tendencies at all (but the Incontinence section of ADISC is absolutely great - interesting discussions, very many very nice and understanding people !).

- AB is something I can't imagine for myself at all. For sure, I have absolutely no regrets if someone feels fine and comfortable with living this style, I would never judge, but that's not mine.

- DL is something in the first thought which might be applicable for me. Although I have to wear diapers due to my IC, I'm not uncomfortable at all wearing them, sometimes it's even convenient to have them, I also try quite successful to connect positive feelings with them as I think it's better to like the supplies which I need instead of hating them. But for many DL's it seems to me that humiliation, shame, big fear of being discovered, sometimes submission, is a part of the game - and that's not me. But, again, I would never judge, I'm a very accepting person, everybody shall live his/her lifestyle whatever it might be, as long as there is no harm to other "innocent" people.

- DOK (Diapers OK) - this is a new category for me, which I've never heard about, but what you describe, that's exactly what I feel. I have to wear diapers and I'm totally happy that such fantastic, reliable, comfortable, discreet products for every level of IC exist which allow me to continue my active and social life without remarkable limitations in nearly the same way as before my IC started. I've got used to (and don't dislike any more) the feeling if it's getting warm and a little humid down there, and, you are right, some cuddling time with my wife being freshly diapered myself and her showing me that she has no issues with the kind of underwear I'm wearing, is amazing.

I've made my peace with my IC, I'm totally comfortable wearing diapers, that's fully OK for me, I prefer them very much against meds IC treatment, catheters, surgery, botox injection - but without being IC I won't wear them.

 

[greatlake5]

I don’t have any AB tendencies or desires, but many are, and that’s great!

I admit that I might have some tendencies. Nothing serious but I still question myself.

I, like many to most here have a genuine need for managing incontinence.

I've always been IC. Profoundly IC and completely diaper dependent. Certainly not easy growing up as a kid (and as an adult). For some of your posts, it sounds like your childhood was at best difficult. I was extremely lucky in that I have very engaged, connected, and focused parents. My entire family understood how rough it was for being IC. On top of that I have a remarkable therapist.

At some point after pretty much wearing diapers from birth, you can either fight it and be MISERABLE or accept them and enjoy life to the max possible. I chose to accept them, but not until my mid to late teens.

I think most of us during adolescence, school was an extraordinary frustrating and sometimes unhappy. On top of this, it's the nature of being a teenager. At some point I accepted my IC. Not completely but enough to live without being miserable. Being a DOKer (diaper acceptance) isn't perfect.
But it works.

To be clear, I do not love diapers but they do offer conveniences and you can allow yourself to ‘like’ them in that I’m going to have to wear them anyway.

I don't think that the word of "like" is the best choice. There was a thread about "is there anytime you hate wearing nappies?" I posted this : "sometimes I fantasized about NOT being IC." I also said "IC complicates our lives but being diaper dependent doesn't define me." That about covers it.

Diapers should allow you to get on with a near normal life Make peace with your needs as soon as you can.

That's me. I've been IC since the beginning. I've never had it any different. I have family, friends and a partner I love. So I've made peace with it.

 

[disabledinconben]

I don’t have any AB tendencies or desires, but many are, and that’s great! Adult play time is important for sanity sometimes for all of us. Being an AB hurts no one but I’m sure offers a lot of emotional satisfaction and calming effects. In this CRAZY adult world, we all NEED to step back from time to time.
Same with DL’s. If wearing and using a diaper offers release from everyday stress, that’s wonderful!
I, like many to most here have a genuine need for managing incontinence. I did the meds, many with awful side effects and a few surgeries that didn’t help at all in the long run. With birth defects involving the bladder and MS, I was probably destined for diapers or catheters anyway. Having tried catheters, I can say that diapers are the clear choice, for me.
At some point after pretty much wearing diapers from birth, you can either fight it and be MISERABLE or accept them and enjoy life to the max possible. I chose to accept them, but not until my mid to late teens. In my early teens. I was finally diagnosed with the birth defects involving my bladder sphincter as well as nerve damage the ultimately sends signals of a full bladder and need to ‘go’. I also have retention issues that causes bladder and kidney issues from time to time too.
To be clear, I do not love diapers but they do offer conveniences and you can allow yourself to ‘like’ them in that I’m going to have to wear them anyway. Why stress out?There’s nothing like getting out of the shower or tub and slipping into nice thick warm diapers fresh out of the dryer and snuggling with your husband on a chilly evening. Also, incorporating diapers into intimate times can be fun, though I’ve never tried not wearing diapers for long. During my wild college years, I was somewhat of an exhibitionist…. Don’t expect details.
If you’re truly incontinent for the long haul and you’re not at least a DOKer (Diaper acceptance), I feel sad for your overall health and wellbeing. Diapers should allow you to get on with a near normal life, like glasses, cane, hearing aide, etc. If you fight wearing them and/or feel shame or fear of detection, etc, that stress added to the normal day to day stress we all feel will make you very unhappy and shorten your life. Make peace with your needs as soon as you can.

Beautiful post! I also have MS and wear diapers for genuine incontinence.
Interesting that you said you were kind of an exhibitionist in college. I think that shows real confidenc. Though I do not want to be an exhibitionist or anything I really want to be able to more confident and open in my diaper wearing but find it very difficult

 

[Ellyn]

Hello Ellyn,

I'm (urinary) incontinent since about one year, 63 years old, married with 3 meanwhile adult kids and 4 grandchildren - no AB or DL tendencies at all (but the Incontinence section of ADISC is absolutely great - interesting discussions, very many very nice and understanding people !).

- AB is something I can't imagine for myself at all. For sure, I have absolutely no regrets if someone feels fine and comfortable with living this style, I would never judge, but that's not mine.

- DL is something in the first thought which might be applicable for me. Although I have to wear diapers due to my IC, I'm not uncomfortable at all wearing them, sometimes it's even convenient to have them, I also try quite successful to connect positive feelings with them as I think it's better to like the supplies which I need instead of hating them. But for many DL's it seems to me that humiliation, shame, big fear of being discovered, sometimes submission, is a part of the game - and that's not me. But, again, I would never judge, I'm a very accepting person, everybody shall live his/her lifestyle whatever it might be, as long as there is no harm to other "innocent" people.

- DOK (Diapers OK) - this is a new category for me, which I've never heard about, but what you describe, that's exactly what I feel. I have to wear diapers and I'm totally happy that such fantastic, reliable, comfortable, discreet products for every level of IC exist which allow me to continue my active and social life without remarkable limitations in nearly the same way as before my IC started. I've got used to (and don't dislike any more) the feeling if it's getting warm and a little humid down there, and, you are right, some cuddling time with my wife being freshly diapered myself and her showing me that she has no issues with the kind of underwear I'm wearing, is amazing.

I've made my peace with my IC, I'm totally comfortable wearing diapers, that's fully OK for me, I prefer them very much against meds IC treatment, catheters, surgery, botox injection - but without being IC I won't wear them.

Hello Ellyn,

I'm (urinary) incontinent since about one year, 63 years old, married with 3 meanwhile adult kids and 4 grandchildren - no AB or DL tendencies at all (but the Incontinence section of ADISC is absolutely great - interesting discussions, very many very nice and understanding people !).

- AB is something I can't imagine for myself at all. For sure, I have absolutely no regrets if someone feels fine and comfortable with living this style, I would never judge, but that's not mine.

- DL is something in the first thought which might be applicable for me. Although I have to wear diapers due to my IC, I'm not uncomfortable at all wearing them, sometimes it's even convenient to have them, I also try quite successful to connect positive feelings with them as I think it's better to like the supplies which I need instead of hating them. But for many DL's it seems to me that humiliation, shame, big fear of being discovered, sometimes submission, is a part of the game - and that's not me. But, again, I would never judge, I'm a very accepting person, everybody shall live his/her lifestyle whatever it might be, as long as there is no harm to other "innocent" people.

- DOK (Diapers OK) - this is a new category for me, which I've never heard about, but what you describe, that's exactly what I feel. I have to wear diapers and I'm totally happy that such fantastic, reliable, comfortable, discreet products for every level of IC exist which allow me to continue my active and social life without remarkable limitations in nearly the same way as before my IC started. I've got used to (and don't dislike any more) the feeling if it's getting warm and a little humid down there, and, you are right, some cuddling time with my wife being freshly diapered myself and her showing me that she has no issues with the kind of underwear I'm wearing, is amazing.

I've made my peace with my IC, I'm totally comfortable wearing diapers, that's fully OK for me, I prefer them very much against meds IC treatment, catheters, surgery, botox injection - but without being IC I won't wear them.

Hi hbic60!
Thanks for your reply!
The DOK was completely fabricated by me to describe my diaper needs, both physical as well as emotional. Thank you though for adopting it!

 

[Djenn1987]

I don’t have any AB tendencies or desires, but many are, and that’s great! Adult play time is important for sanity sometimes for all of us. Being an AB hurts no one but I’m sure offers a lot of emotional satisfaction and calming effects. In this CRAZY adult world, we all NEED to step back from time to time.
Same with DL’s. If wearing and using a diaper offers release from everyday stress, that’s wonderful!
I, like many to most here have a genuine need for managing incontinence. I did the meds, many with awful side effects and a few surgeries that didn’t help at all in the long run. With birth defects involving the bladder and MS, I was probably destined for diapers or catheters anyway. Having tried catheters, I can say that diapers are the clear choice, for me.
At some point after pretty much wearing diapers from birth, you can either fight it and be MISERABLE or accept them and enjoy life to the max possible. I chose to accept them, but not until my mid to late teens. In my early teens. I was finally diagnosed with the birth defects involving my bladder sphincter as well as nerve damage the ultimately sends signals of a full bladder and need to ‘go’. I also have retention issues that causes bladder and kidney issues from time to time too.
To be clear, I do not love diapers but they do offer conveniences and you can allow yourself to ‘like’ them in that I’m going to have to wear them anyway. Why stress out?There’s nothing like getting out of the shower or tub and slipping into nice thick warm diapers fresh out of the dryer and snuggling with your husband on a chilly evening. Also, incorporating diapers into intimate times can be fun, though I’ve never tried not wearing diapers for long. During my wild college years, I was somewhat of an exhibitionist…. Don’t expect details.
If you’re truly incontinent for the long haul and you’re not at least a DOKer (Diaper acceptance), I feel sad for your overall health and wellbeing. Diapers should allow you to get on with a near normal life, like glasses, cane, hearing aide, etc. If you fight wearing them and/or feel shame or fear of detection, etc, that stress added to the normal day to day stress we all feel will make you very unhappy and shorten your life. Make peace with your needs as soon as you can.

I have made peace with my needs. It still is stressful concerning being dectected waering diapers, and having incontinence. The reactions of others concerning wearing a diaper as a an adult still gets to me. ugg.

 

[Ellyn]

I admit that I might have some tendencies. Nothing serious but I still question myself.

I've always been IC. Profoundly IC and completely diaper dependent. Certainly not easy growing up as a kid (and as an adult). For some of your posts, it sounds like your childhood was at best difficult. I was extremely lucky in that I have very engaged, connected, and focused parents. My entire family understood how rough it was for being IC. On top of that I have a remarkable therapist.

I think most of us during adolescence, school was an extraordinary frustrating and sometimes unhappy. On top of this, it's the nature of being a teenager. At some point I accepted my IC. Not completely but enough to live without being miserable. Being a DOKer (diaper acceptance) isn't perfect.
But it works.

I don't think that the word of "like" is the best choice. There was a thread about "is there anytime you hate wearing nappies?" I posted this : "sometimes I fantasized about NOT being IC." I also said "IC complicates our lives but being diaper dependent doesn't define me." That about covers it.

That's me. I've been IC since the beginning. I've never had it any different. I have family, friends and a partner I love. So I've made peace with it.

Good for

Beautiful post! I also have MS and wear diapers for genuine incontinence.
Interesting that you said you were kind of an exhibitionist in college. I think that shows real confidenc. Though I do not want to be an exhibitionist or anything I really want to be able to more confident and open in my diaper wearing but find it very difficult

Disabledben,
Thank you for your post.
I wonder if there’s anyone here that didn’t go a little crazy and stupid as a freshman in college? By my senior year though, I had settled down a little. As an adult, business owner, parent, Christian, etc, I regret some things I did and most of all, I am delighted that I didn’t get caught!…. My husband is responsible for most of the stupid things that I did (I hope he doesn’t read that part…)

 

[Ellyn]

I have made peace with my needs. It still is stressful concerning being dectected waering diapers, and having incontinence. The reactions of others concerning wearing a diaper as a an adult still gets to me. ugg.

People are usually too busy and self centered to notice or care about people around them.
Many women lack confidence about some things, their appearance being one thing. We need to all learn to be proud of who we are. I know, easy to say but let’s all work at it!

 

[slimjiminy]

I wonder if there’s anyone here that didn’t go a little crazy and stupid as a freshman in college? By my senior year though, I had settled down a little. As an adult, business owner, parent, Christian, etc, I regret some things I did and most of all, I am delighted that I didn’t get caught!…. My husband is responsible for most of the stupid things that I did (I hope he doesn’t read that part…)

Indeed, it took marriage and the birth of my first born for me to sort my life out more seriously. While I am glad that I didn't pay for my youthful foolishness, it does scare me that others are at that age and making similar mistakes presently.

 

[Ellyn]

Amen!

 

[PaddedRita]

People are usually too busy and self centered to notice or care about people around them.
Many women lack confidence about some things, their appearance being one thing. We need to all learn to be proud of who we are. I know, easy to say but let’s all work at it!

yes that is so true !!

 

[PaddedRita]

People are usually too busy and self centered to notice or care about people around them.
Many women lack confidence about some things, their appearance being one thing. We need to all learn to be proud of who we are. I know, easy to say but let’s all work at it!

Yes this is so true !!

 

[Maia]

DOK … that’s food for thought.

I’ve never found a good way to describe how I feel about the whole business.

ABDL doesn’t apply to me either, though lacking a better word I occasionally try to round-peg-in-a-square-hole it as in “slight ABDL feelings”. But it misses the point in the same way as that blue isn’t “slightly red”.

Compared to other incontinent folk (for instance on our local support forum) I find myself almost frivolously carefree because despite the hassle and extra work, I can feel happy as a clam in diapers. On top of that, even though I was aware that they were considered the summa cum laude of dreadful humiliation, the need to wear plastic pants only filled me with a sense somewhere between shy pride and snug joy. I’ve never found words to describe it, maybe because it predates my first memories.

It’s definitely not sexual. Maybe something like “a sense of being safe and knowing it’s OK to be as you are, and that being stronger than what anyone else might say”.

Anyhow, I am really very grateful for that.

 

[Ceary]

I went from DL age 14 to not thrilled with my internal mentality needing them. I was 16 when I wondered if other people liked them too so I found online people did. I had no trauma or bed wetting. I just wondered what a baby doll diaper would feel like as pads felt yucky. I then spent 4 years not having a need for it after I was 18 and then it hit me when I developed IBS D. I went back and forth on my DL side finally accepted it when I was 24 and then rotated back and forth for years with the DL side and not liking it as it caused me more anxiety than it released anxiety and gave comfort. So I have had OAB since age 14 when my migraines started and my chronic illness journey began. I am now urinary incontinent and I don't enjoy them. I find it a tool but I miss having the ability to not have to wear them. I'm accepting the fact around them but it is a battle. I no longer enjoy being in a diaper for comfort or any feelings I may have had when I was a DL years ago. I don't know what brought on DL side or what took it away. I'm now just DOKer as well.... Good way to put it. I am ok with diapers but I'm not a diaper lover anymore.... Grateful for my knowledge of being a DL and diapers and not judgemental in anyway. This is just my journey. I never wanted to be incontinent but I am being confident in my life and discussing it with those around me to keep myself from hiding in a hole.

 

[AnalogRTO]

DOK … that’s food for thought.

I’ve never found a good way to describe how I feel about the whole business.

ABDL doesn’t apply to me either, though lacking a better word I occasionally try to round-peg-in-a-square-hole it as in “slight ABDL feelings”. But it misses the point in the same way as that blue isn’t “slightly red”.

Compared to other incontinent folk (for instance on our local support forum) I find myself almost frivolously carefree because despite the hassle and extra work, I can feel happy as a clam in diapers. On top of that, even though I was aware that they were considered the summa cum laude of dreadful humiliation, the need to wear plastic pants only filled me with a sense somewhere between shy pride and snug joy. I’ve never found words to describe it, maybe because it predates my first memories.

It’s definitely not sexual. Maybe something like “a sense of being safe and knowing it’s OK to be as you are, and that being stronger than what anyone else might say”.

Anyhow, I am really very grateful for that.

Very true--there are many of us who have come to terms with our body's requirement that we use such protection and that it doesn't necessarily mean our lives have ended in any way.

There was one time I was spending several days in the hospital to get a medication infusion for the severe headaches I get, one neurologist checking in on me asked about my incontinence and what I was doing to deal with it. "I wear protection." He was curious as to why I wasn't actively going to great lengths to 'fix it'. "I can manage it and live my life and unless I tell someone, almost everyone is none the wiser. My headaches, on the other hand, are actively trying to destroy my life." That shut him up fairly quickly.

Our strength lies in not letting IC define us, but instead accepting it as part of our lives and continuing to live them from there. I still work full time. I still visit family, I have hobbies I enjoy. All these things can be done even though I need protection.