Help me explain to my parnter im a DL

[mmhjy]

hello

i've been a DL since i was young kid around 10-12 and im now 22. i've been in a fairly long term realtionship and this person will be the first ever person i've told i'm a DL. I need some help though, is there any tips you guys can give me into explaining to them. Is there any links, that can help explain some points of what all this is. My worry is cause its such a deep topic they wont take it well.

I want this person to accept me for who i am, i've been down lately for past months as ive been wanting to tell them but been so worried its been making me sad. Unfortunatly i feel if they're unable to accept me or take it the wrong way it could be the down fall.

(Note: I'm just into diapers not into the whole kid acting or dressing up)

So any help would mean the world! I want to tell them tonight.

I'll leave updates as i go!

Thanks -

 

[Slomo]

I always recomment you write out a nice long letter. This will help you get your thoughs aall together, and make sure you include everything you want to say. The big caveat is to be there in person when he reads it. There will be follow up questions, any you'll want to help direct him towards a more positive outcome response.

 

[HelloKittyBoi]

Good morning

I would seriously advise against external links or written letters, first because external links may describe something entirely different than what you feel (you're the best when it comes to talk about yourself), and letters may give the feeling that you take diapers way too seriously (more seriously than her maybe? You didnt specify genders so I will assume you're a man and she's a woman simply because I can relate to that easily, please replace appropriate pronouns if necessary).

No you see this kind of revelation has to be done orally, and I'll tell you exactly how at the end of the post.

Now I have two news a bad one and a good one.
The bad one: you cannot force her to accept the fetish. It's just the way it is because we are individuals, for the same reason we don't have the same favorite colors, you cannot expect people to want what you want.

Now the good news: if there is ONE PERSON, in the WHOLE WORLD, you can tell you like diapers and not be instantly rejected, it's your significant other. And in fact, you should really know that you are EXPECTED to be honest about it. Simply because they are the only person you can say that to. She may not want to participate, not even like it maybe, but she really will show understanding because we ALL have our little kinks.

Now you might not like the way I approached it with my own wife, but this is how it went.

Me: "I want to tell you something, I just don't want you to find out and freak out, here is the deal: ever since I'm a child I like to wear diapers. I don't know why but it's the way it is. I want you to know I won't force you to participate if you don't want to. But if not I will probably need some private time in the bedroom to wear diapers. And this is why you may find diapers in my suitcase. Is it going to be a problem"?

I actually did that many times before I had my wife. It works because you are being honnest (a quality that people really appreciate), and also you let them have an escape route. It is VERY IMPORTANT that you dont pressure your loved one and give them an easy way out that wont make them feel terrible for rejecting what you like. Let them consent freely, respect their choice. My wife first didnt want to participate but was very understanding, then tried to participate but didnt like it, now she's ok if I wear diapers as long as we dont do anything sexual because it makes her feel she's with her child when we do that.

Good thing is after that, wether she accepts or not, she will trust you a lot more and will probably tell you a thing or two that excites her. And a "no" doesn't mean no forever. She can say "no" at first then think about it and change her mind.

Just say it calmly without any expectation other than being accepted as you are. Everything will be ok

 

[mmhjy]

Update:
Thanks for the advice

So i've told my partner, i wrote my partner a long message explaining what it all is how i feel bad and saying sorry i've left it for so long... i'd read stories on here of people saying the boyfriends loved it or wifes wanted to try it too. I'm happy to say that they kind of acepted it. I think it'll be a long road to get them to accept me as this and be okay with it as such.

It was a bit hard at first as they'd said "its okay we can work on it" or we can fix it. However i had to explaining there nothing to fix or work on, for me. This is who i am and its who i want to be, i want you to accept me for who i am however i understand if you dont. they're now slowly getting it. however i think it'll take a long time

I wanted a link to show them, to prove there a large community out there and shows we're not bad people some of us are just a bit diffrent and enjoy wearing diapers and or using them ect,,

Any more help would be great!

 

[Sta13]

I am glad you told your partner as the first step to it is simply just telling them, black and white no matter how confronting it is. Your partner is the person who loves you for you, maybe they will never understand fully what it means for you, but accepting it is all we ask.

“working on it” isn’t always a bad thing, working on it means working together to find a routine, find a balance so both you can continue on your relationship. It might not necessarily mean changing or fixing you. From the sounds of it, this relationship means a lot to you since telling your partner about this side of you. Don’t over complicate things, I also agree don’t look for a website or link as that isn’t personalised to you and your situation, find a way to talk to them from your own words and experience, and if they are the right person for you, you will be wondering why you ever second guessed it in the first place.

 

[mmhjy]

I am glad you told your partner as the first step to it is simply just telling them, black and white no matter how confronting it is. Your partner is the person who loves you for you, maybe they will never understand fully what it means for you, but accepting it is all we ask.

“working on it” isn’t always a bad thing, working on it means working together to find a routine, find a balance so both you can continue on your relationship. It might not necessarily mean changing or fixing you. From the sounds of it, this relationship means a lot to you since telling your partner about this side of you. Don’t over complicate things, I also agree don’t look for a website or link as that isn’t personalised to you and your situation, find a way to talk to them from your own words and experience, and if they are the right person for you, you will be wondering why you ever second guessed it in the first place.

Yeah i agree, i guess the second guessing part is what scares me the most as i want to be comfortable enough to go on with how i was before (wear ect...) it's just i dont feel i can, it's a very weird feeling and hard and scary thing for me to talk about with this person.

I want to "Work out" Routine ect... however i dont know if they're wanting to in that way, they understand it but kind of think its like depression and i need to get it help to remove it.

Is there any suggestion on maybe how i can hint i wanna keep wearing around them and make them maybe see what this whole thing is a bit better. im not the best at explaing and im extremaly shy....




NOTE: (I'm not disclosing any info such as our sex as i want this to stay secret as possible lol)

 

[Sta13]

think about it from their perspective, would you want to know the same from them, or similar? How is it hard for you? Does this person mean enough to you that you want a future with them?

Communication is the biggest thing, and without it nothing will happen which result in assumptions and misinformation.

 

[mmhjy]

think about it from their perspective, would you want to know the same from them, or similar? How is it hard for you? Does this person mean enough to you that you want a future with them?

Communication is the biggest thing, and without it nothing will happen which result in assumptions and misinformation.

100% I'd want it from them, i'd back "them" no matter what. Its not so much something that's hard its just me, since i was very very young i wet the bed, (start wetting at 7 became a DL at 9- 10 ish) and since them i've been very much into diapers ( currently 23) It just is me, i kept that from this person cause they did mean the world to me but it was something i tried to suppress and hoped would go away. However its just me witch why i had to tell them. I just cant, i'm addicated in away i guess.

I do want a future with them, but i want them to be happy not held back by this or me. I want to be also happy and be able to do this and not have to hide it from them....

 

[mmhjy]

Here:s a back ground on my our realtionship

PLEASE NOTE: I want to keep this secret as possible, i wont be saying witch sex my partner and myself are. However i'll reffer to them as "Yeet.


Prior to telling yeet, we'd been having a bit of a rough patch due to a few things, sometimes i just need space where yeet dosen't as much as me. in the times i want space is normally cause i want to wear.. or i just need space to think about stuff or not even to do with our realtionship. our sexlife had been going a bit down hill lately, i hadn't been wearing or using lately and i started to again a month or two ago. I got stressed cause i realised how relaxed it makes me and how good it is. I really wanted to tell yeet but cause of the topic and how deep it is, i couldnt.


After telling Yeet we;re at a stage now where we DONT talk about in person witch upsets me cause i want yeet to understand it. I feel ike if we dont talk about it yeet wont know. I want to be comfortable enough to wear use around yeet. Yeet dosn't have to be envolved in anyway safe or whatever. If yeet wanted to try or get envolved it'd mean the world to me however i dont care if yeet dosen't.

When i told yeet, yeet said "It's okay, that's fine i still love you and understand that" Witch was great and amazing, i felt much better and just relaxed. However yeet started saying a few things that made me over think and get a bit upset (I over think everything) they started saying "Its okay we can fix it" - "We'll work it out" - "its fixable" (i told yeet this) Its not something to fix, this is who i am and its what i want to do. Its what i wanna do.


My goal is to get to a stage that i can wear and use around them, they'll accept me for who i am. I proved after telling yeet, having a date night and yeet said it was the best one yet. I told yeet afterwards i was proving im still the same person i just am into diapers. Yeet said i know.

I understand it can take time, it took me a year just to tell yeet about this. i dont expect yeet to turn around and say put a diaper on me. (although that would be amazing) i just want yeet to accept me and i want yeet to ask me more about it, i want yeet to ask to see. So they can understand.


I'll keep updating this as im going along. I've been dropping hint by putting little things in snapchats to yeet


Thanks guys!

 

[Sta13]

You have your answer, treat them how you would want to be treated.

I’m sure they would not want you to hide a huge part of your life from them, and if they are the right one for you, they will accept you, it might take some time to work together as a couple to find your routine, but it’s something to not be afraid of and it’s such a strong step in the relationship.

Going off the updated post: It’s not going to all happen at once.Try slowly talking about in person or atleast on the phone, you might be Surprised it is easier than you think, and is a bigger step than just talking via Snapchat. Maybe they might get involved maybe they won’t, but don’t let that effect you unless you want to be apart of your relationship, and that’s when it might get more complicated and would have to talk more about it and slowly expose them.

 

[JackandJill]

hello

i've been a DL since i was young kid around 10-12 and im now 22. i've been in a fairly long term realtionship and this person will be the first ever person i've told i'm a DL. I need some help though, is there any tips you guys can give me into explaining to them. Is there any links, that can help explain some points of what all this is. My worry is cause its such a deep topic they wont take it well.

I want this person to accept me for who i am, i've been down lately for past months as ive been wanting to tell them but been so worried its been making me sad. Unfortunatly i feel if they're unable to accept me or take it the wrong way it could be the down fall.

(Note: I'm just into diapers not into the whole kid acting or dressing up)

So any help would mean the world! I want to tell them tonight.

I'll leave updates as i go!

Thanks -

There are books out there you can find on Amazon that can help but anything you present to your person you want to give; you need to make sure you read the whole thing by yourself more than once because this lifestyle or fetish be very Broad some people like stuff that you would definitely not like.

Before I ever present a book to any of my partners ( I am not real freak I don't have more than one partner at once and I currently have a wonderful fiance) I Prime my partner and tell her that for me I'm an abdl and I like to wear a diaper and that they don't have to join me on it. I also say if they have any questions I'll answer them but be prepared for them to not have questions at first and it might gobit longer without them even asking anything.

Process very slowly it is very easy to get excited and want to do everything with them right away but you should slowly proceed and pay attention because there might be a point where they're like enough's enough and you're not aware of they're subtle you might push past that point and then have a big issue.

 

[HelloKittyBoi]

Process very slowly it is very easy to get excited and want to do everything with them right away but you should slowly proceed and pay attention because there might be a point where they're like enough's enough and you're not aware of they're subtle you might push past that point and then have a big issue.

This!
Well first off, congrats for telling her. It is the most important step.
Now should it be the first AND last step? Delusions such as "its depression and youll get better" are a huge not so "subtle" sign that they DO NOT like your fetish. However, they like you so much they'd rather lie to themselves.
I've been married for almost 5 years and trust me each time my wife sees me without diapers for a few months she's all "it seems you like diapers less and less and stopped wearing them ".
To which I always have to remember her its a cycle and its really not going anywhere.

What's really important is that she will stay with you. You have to understand how diapers look like for a lot of people. First there is the obvious "diapers are for babies". While this thought can be very exciging to an abdl, being a feminine and potentially submissive woman and have your boyfriend giving you a manchild vibe isn't exactly the biggest turn on.
Second there is the use of diapers for pee and poop. This just seems disgusting to any non abdl.

Look friend, she said "yes I will stay with you". Why push your luck? Just find joy in the fact that someone saw the entire you and didnt call you a freak and left. They saw all of you and didn't leave you. Please go hug your girlfriend and buy her some flowers?

 

[Slomo]

Congrats on taking that first "baby step" in telling them. Yeah it's probably the hardest part of getting everything worked out between you two. That just means it gets easier from here.

I'd personally suggest you focus on getting your partner to understand that diapers are a literall part of who you are. They go way beyond some fetish that can be fixed or worked out in time. Hopefully he can understand that even not being able to accept your diapers is no different than being able to accept the full you.

As mentioned though, take this as slow as you can. The big reveal is a LOT for most to process, so ease into it with him. Maybe show him one of your diapers first, then eventually show him with you wearing one. Eventually work up to including diapers while cuddling or having sex, and eventually maybe even wetting your diaper in front of him. Figure out what he is ok with, and don't push it. Better yet, try and make it all about his own enjoyement and you may find him more receptive in the future. Even being able to openly wear around the house is more than some can achieve though, so don't expect too much at first.

 

[Bihdegit]

This!
Well first off, congrats for telling her. It is the most important step.
Now should it be the first AND last step? Delusions such as "its depression and youll get better" are a huge not so "subtle" sign that they DO NOT like your fetish. However, they like you so much they'd rather lie to themselves.
I've been married for almost 5 years and trust me each time my wife sees me without diapers for a few months she's all "it seems you like diapers less and less and stopped wearing them ".
To which I always have to remember her its a cycle and its really not going anywhere.

What's really important is that she will stay with you. You have to understand how diapers look like for a lot of people. First there is the obvious "diapers are for babies". While this thought can be very exciging to an abdl, being a feminine and potentially submissive woman and have your boyfriend giving you a manchild vibe isn't exactly the biggest turn on.
Second there is the use of diapers for pee and poop. This just seems disgusting to any non abdl.

Look friend, she said "yes I will stay with you". Why push your luck? Just find joy in the fact that someone saw the entire you and didnt call you a freak and left. They saw all of you and didn't leave you. Please go hug your girlfriend and buy her some flowers?

I agree, my abdl waiting a while before telling me. I think the second or third time we meet each other he was wearing a diaper and I had no clue. He hid them until he thought I was ready. It was new to me and I did have a lot of questions when I first found out. Now I am totally fine with it and I have noticed it has become less and less he is wearing them. I've asked what is wrong and why isnt he wearing them. I didnt want him to think I was not wanting home to do it. By being a abdl it is not going to change my feelings for him no matter what. He is my everything and love him! Baby and all!!

 

[surprise35]

Glad you had that first conversation, it’s usually the hardest part. My only advice is that know it will probably be a continual process. Try and avoid expectation or assumptions, both are pretty easy to fall into.
I told my current girlfriend right at the start and it has worked out great for me. But I do talk about it with her every few weeks to explain an aspect of it and share my feelings about it. Sometimes it feels like a slow process but then something wonder happens, like her telling me to put a diaper on.

 

[mmhjy]

This!
Well first off, congrats for telling her. It is the most important step.
Now should it be the first AND last step? Delusions such as "its depression and youll get better" are a huge not so "subtle" sign that they DO NOT like your fetish. However, they like you so much they'd rather lie to themselves.
I've been married for almost 5 years and trust me each time my wife sees me without diapers for a few months she's all "it seems you like diapers less and less and stopped wearing them ".
To which I always have to remember her its a cycle and its really not going anywhere.

What's really important is that she will stay with you. You have to understand how diapers look like for a lot of people. First there is the obvious "diapers are for babies". While this thought can be very exciging to an abdl, being a feminine and potentially submissive woman and have your boyfriend giving you a manchild vibe isn't exactly the biggest turn on.
Second there is the use of diapers for pee and poop. This just seems disgusting to any non abdl.

Look friend, she said "yes I will stay with you". Why push your luck? Just find joy in the fact that someone saw the entire you and didnt call you a freak and left. They saw all of you and didn't leave you. Please go hug your girlfriend and buy her some flowers?

I took "Yeet" on an amazing date night and we had a fantastic time. I super appricate your words of opinion. Don't get my wrong i'm not trying to push my luck its just since ive told "yeet" my head is going 10000000Km pr hr. I just wanted yeet to accept me for who i am, yeet accepted the fact that i've said this. But yet to actually see or live with it as i haven't worn around Yeet.

Yeet is my world and i just want Yeet to be in my world, i want yeet to understand this world too. It's going to take a while and slow steady prosses.


Married for 5 years as a ABDL, that's amazing so happy for you mate! - May i ask, does your wife taken part in it, in anyway or have you wanted her too? What's it actually like living a married life being a DL. (sorry im only young and im just dating and want to know what its life lol)


Thanks!!

 

[mmhjy]

I agree, my abdl waiting a while before telling me. I think the second or third time we meet each other he was wearing a diaper and I had no clue. He hid them until he thought I was ready. It was new to me and I did have a lot of questions when I first found out. Now I am totally fine with it and I have noticed it has become less and less he is wearing them. I've asked what is wrong and why isnt he wearing them. I didnt want him to think I was not wanting home to do it. By being a abdl it is not going to change my feelings for him no matter what. He is my everything and love him! Baby and all!!

This is the perfect reply, your from the other point of view so i can understand this a bit better! - That's great, weather he has a diaper on or not he'll love you for you im sure!
I had a few questions if you dont mind me asking! lol

I just wanted to know when he actually told you, how far into dating were you guys?

Do you think its affected you at all?

Has he asked you try or have you tried it before?


Its great reading from the other point of view of somone whos told you. It's fairly scarying being on the otherside having to tell the love of your life. I've told "Yeet" just a bit over 1 year into us dating. It came as a bit of a shook but i think yeet took it well. I just want her to understand it. Yeet said pretty much the same thing as yeet will still love me the same no matter what, its hard to explain my worries..

None the less congrats on him telling you? lol, great to hear its working out for you guys, i'd love to know more so i know how yeet is feeling, as yeet i feel isnt truely telling me how they feel.

Thanks!

 

[mmhjy]

Glad you had that first conversation, it’s usually the hardest part. My only advice is that know it will probably be a continual process. Try and avoid expectation or assumptions, both are pretty easy to fall into.
I told my current girlfriend right at the start and it has worked out great for me. But I do talk about it with her every few weeks to explain an aspect of it and share my feelings about it. Sometimes it feels like a slow process but then something wonder happens, like her telling me to put a diaper on.

Yes, i've found myself leaving hints to Yeet even if its in snapchats and having this forums in the background. Witch they picked up on, then we started talking about it more. I told yeeti wanna talk about it more, it makes me feel better and less stressed as im very worried about telling them.

It's great to hear its clearly working out really well for you, i've got a few questions for you man if you dont mind me asking

When did you tell her about it, how far into being with her ?

Do you wear around her?

Is she comfortable with it?

Has she tried it or have you asked her too?

None the less its great to hear its worked out really well for you mate!

Thanks

 

[mmhjy]

There are books out there you can find on Amazon that can help but anything you present to your person you want to give; you need to make sure you read the whole thing by yourself more than once because this lifestyle or fetish be very Broad some people like stuff that you would definitely not like.

Before I ever present a book to any of my partners ( I am not real freak I don't have more than one partner at once and I currently have a wonderful fiance) I Prime my partner and tell her that for me I'm an abdl and I like to wear a diaper and that they don't have to join me on it. I also say if they have any questions I'll answer them but be prepared for them to not have questions at first and it might gobit longer without them even asking anything.

Process very slowly it is very easy to get excited and want to do everything with them right away but you should slowly proceed and pay attention because there might be a point where they're like enough's enough and you're not aware of they're subtle you might push past that point and then have a big issue.

I think the last part of this is what i needed to read as well, that's very true. I want to get to the stage of being comfortable enough to wear around yeet. However i need to keep telling myself to go slow and relax its not a race. Thanks for the words of advace that's really good.


I might try look at some book. This is what i meant when i asked if they're was any link i could show them. I just can't be stuffed buying a book for the purpes of showing them as it might seam a bit weird. Also i dont think amazon is the best in aus.

If you know any stuff i can show to them, I.e books or links that'll help them understand at there own peace please show them to me!!


Thanks so much for the advice!

 

[Bihdegit]

This is the perfect reply, your from the other point of view so i can understand this a bit better! - That's great, weather he has a diaper on or not he'll love you for you im sure!
I had a few questions if you dont mind me asking! lol

I just wanted to know when he actually told you, how far into dating were you guys?

Do you think its affected you at all?

Has he asked you try or have you tried it before?


Its great reading from the other point of view of somone whos told you. It's fairly scarying being on the otherside having to tell the love of your life. I've told "Yeet" just a bit over 1 year into us dating. It came as a bit of a shook but i think yeet took it well. I just want her to understand it. Yeet said pretty much the same thing as yeet will still love me the same no matter what, its hard to explain my worries..

None the less congrats on him telling you? lol, great to hear its working out for you guys, i'd love to know more so i know how yeet is feeling, as yeet i feel isnt truely telling me how they feel.

Thanks!

Mmhjy,
I think it wa as around the 6 month mark. There were things that were changing in my fiance's family as well. His dad had made the choice to finally get his sex change done and needed to feel like herself. So we talked about several different thing and abdl was one of them. For the longest time he wouldnt wear them around me and that was okay. We've been together almost a year and a half and he is finally coming around to wear them in front of me. There are times he has come home from work and I have a diaper and his onesie waiting on him. I love my baby and no I have really done it with him but we are working and talking through things. Just so I can better understand him during his time.