He Gets It... But, He Wants To Know Why

psychonautalis

psychonautalis

"Live the life you love, Love the life you live"
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Hello little and big friends,

Just wanted to ask a few questions as to how you guys would answer this or respond if this were you... I've recently opened up to my partner about my diaper-wearing and my little side...and he gets it, I feel he really does. He validates me and listens to my perspective and asks questions. He understands that I like to be babied, and I like to wear diapers.... but he doesn't understand why I like to.......go in my pants...

Of all the things I feel like I have been able to answer, this one had me personally stumped on a philosophical level... Why do I like to pee in my diapers? What exactly is so satisfying about feeling myself let go of a stinky load right into my pants?

Okay yeah, of course babies are little and they can't tell when they have to go, so it's definitely a regression trigger ( I'd like to tell myself it was accident ) but I'm wondering what exactly attracts people to wetting and messing themselves on a psychological level... is it a grounding activity? Is it nurturing to the emotional intelligence? does it release environmental stressors?

What do you notice about your emotional state of being before, during, and after you mess or wet yourself?

I remember I had managed to open up with my partner one morning about having wet in my pants, and he was immediately put off ( I know, bad move! I just wanted validated for letting go of things!..)
He didn't understand just why I would do that...in my pants.

Well...

For me... the whole urge thing is a big deal... it's quite vulnerable and allowing myself to mess or wet is very vulnerable.. especially around others... It allows me to realize I have pressure somewhere that needs released, beckoning me to release it. And with letting go of the pressure, it has a very relaxing and slightly stimulating effect, similar to meditation I suppose. I feel centered, present, and ....happy that I allowed myself to let go, entirely. For somebody with extreme anxiety and edginess... letting go is a big deal!!

Messing is more of a attention-grabber for me than wetting. Wetting is a calming and relaxing sensation, whereas messing... is a little bit different. Messing for me is a lot more urgent and intense, it creates a reasonable amount of fear and/or excitement....
I was never entirely sure if I should do what always happened...

The feeling of my belly button making those gurgling noises and my tummy contracting in unison. My messy insides squelching as pressure pushes hard into my back end. It's like an uncomfortable time at a shitty lake with your uncle and you just want to go home.

Allowing the uneasy feeling to build up, come to a point of intensity, and going through the process of opening up, to be okay with letting go of all that is holding me back... and having a safe place to do so is a very releasing and centering feeling... I'm always uneasy about everything it seems and maybe starting here, learning to let go of things here, can help me see other things differently.

The feeling of itself is an act of God, similar to the bursting of a leaky dam or when it finally rains in the desert.... And knowing... truly knowing... there is a safe place to release these feelings.... Simply knowing I am okay to let go here... is one of the most warming, safe and liberating feelings I've ever known to experience... I guess being a baby makes it okay to have this experience, okay to have the emotions I wish I didn't have... it helps me integrate all that I don't feel I received...

And validation for these things is sooooo special... I cannot explain it's importance in littlespace.
Sometimes being told I'm a good baby for filling my pants up is exactly what I need to release the shame I still deal with.. I know I like my messy pants... I hope he can learn to understand why. In time I'm sure he will get the message.

All in all, I feel that this part of my regression is such an important factor it cannot be ignored.... (literally!) It puts me in a space no other things can do. Drugs, alcohol, sex... nothing compares to this feeling of vulnerability and sensitivity...

This is something unique i feel that is for unique people... Only those who are deeply layered in love and understanding will get this...
 
I've wondered why I enjoy using my diapers for their intended purpose. I suspect that several things are going on. The AB side of things pushes me into regression, the desire to feel "little". The diaper lover side triggers all the sexual feelings that accompany the act. Most psychologists would recognize infantalism as a fetish and that carries its own desires and responses. The logical response to diaper wearing is wetting and/or messing.

I'm a believer of imprinting, that something in our early years made us associate diapers and baby things with some sort of positive feelings, even early sexual feelings. Somewhere they're all interconnected in our subconscious.
 
I don't think questions like this have any objective answers. We like the things we like. You might prefer Coke over Pepsi or vice versa. Can you quantify exactly why that is? You probably have some broad strokes, like one is too sweet or the bite is just right or the like but if someone was completely disgusted by the idea of either one, how would you justify it?

I like wetting my diaper. I didn't think that much about it as a kid even as diapers were very intriguing to me. I only became interested in using my diapers when I got to be an adult and had ones big enough to be practical. I would say it feels good to have my penis enveloped in something warm and moist but I could just as easily wrap it in a big sponge soaked in warm water. That doesn't sound appealing to me at all. Even just pouring warm water down my diaper doesn't do anything for me (I've seen some posters here that like it). I think the act itself is an important part for me. It's something babies do and something babies wear and I'm excited by the idea of an adult diminished to baby status. Having given those reasons, I doubt that's all there is. I think you and your boyfriend will be happier if you can accept that not everything is going to have a complete explanation. It's fun and you like it. What more is there, really?
 
Love is always a hard thing to validate. Why do we love our partners? Why do we love certain colors, or foods? Why do we love wetting a diaper? Like you said, we just do.

More than trying to validate your reason for why, maybe try to get your boyfriend to understand this is just a part of who you are. You're compelled to being litte and wet a diaper, just as you're compelled to love being with him. Do you really need to explain it more than that?

Though if you do, take another look at your original post. You've already answered the question. Maybe let him read it.
 
Using a diaper is typically centered around control. Individuals who have to wear diapers (children and adults alike) are wearing them because they can't control something. Both the release of control, and the affirmation that it's "OK" are paramount to ABDL's concluding this is a desirable experience. :twocents:
 
I understand why it is hard to explain. When first letting my partner know about my little side he was willing to play along unless the diaper wasn't really used for what it is intended for. He is very accepting and loving, but he drew the line there. With that said, I am 'allowed' (Not really the word I want to use, but idk what else to use?) to do as I please in my diapers when he is away on work. That seems to satisfy me enough in my relationship.

Now fast foreword 4 years and he IS willing to let me pretend to at least messy in my diaper around him. But real is a big no. Wetting is fine, as long as he doesn't have to change it himself. It's complex.

As for explaining the WHY to wanting to go in your pants, I would try and express it as how you typed it up just now.
 
Rebellion against societal norms, transgression, or to put it simply: naughtiness.

As something of a Sploshing fan myself I can see parallels in the feeling too, be it a squishy diaper or sitting on a cake, evidently for some people it just feels good. I suspect a vast percentage of society would find it feels good too, but either allow the "ick" factor or social norms hold them back from trying it, or just never discover it through living a sheltered life!

Edit to say: @psychonautalis I must tell you I found your post quite eloquent on the feelings around this subject, very well put indeed.
 
Research evidence supports the theory that imprinting is a powerful force in the animal kingdom as a factor affecting mate selection and sexual and nonsexual behavior. It sometimes produces very unusual results in individuals. In fact, the reason people recognize there is something else going on outside of our conventional understanding of psychology is precisely because of the abnormalities that grab our attention. Imprinted characteristics tend to be stronger and more permanent than most psychologically acquired characteristics. The process is believed to be completed long before sexual maturity but some imprinted behaviors may not be expressed until later in life. It's possible gene expression plays a role in imprinting, which could account for the strength and tenacity of imprinted characteristics.

TLDR: I believe imprinting is responsible for the unusual and seemingly innate desire you have for using diapers, but how you choose to express those desires is a personal choice based on experience and what would be considered as 'normal' psychological factors.
 
Thank for the replies and the input of your opinions! I appreciate all of them!

@dogboy: I definitely agree with the imprinting quality of things... I feel like it's hard for me to find a safe place or to feel safe and secure in my own mind. Diapers naturally have that security aspect to me, giving it a safe quality in and of itself. Why can't I feel this way all the time? Change my imprinting?....... nahhhhhh

@Trevor: That's a good way of putting it. If I really actually question myself it is always narrowed down to subjective reasons and how I'm feeling about it. It really is just a preference like you said. The only outward thing I think I could say about it is that I like the way I look in my fluffy pants. (That's my dippy lingo :p).

@Slomo: Thankfully my partner is open-minded and says he will get used to this whole thing... (We've done SOME talking). It really is as simple as that and someday I hope he can read this post and understand my POV. It's hard for me to talk about diaper-stuff in conversation sometimes...
" IT MAKES ME FEEL SPECIAL OKAY?!?!? "

@LittleJ123: I totally agree with you there. Sometimes the whole control thing is a big deal for me. I feel like I over-think and try to control EVERYTHING through thought, even if I consciously decide not to care, I am still plaugued with anxiety and emotion. Diapers allow me to be like: " Cool, whatever. *babyspace....... I think the loss of control is what allows me to let go of not only my own cares but the things that usually effect me. Definitely paramount to the experience.

@Blujackalope: I understand boundaries and that is very strong and generous of you to create that space and mantain it with your partner! I personally find messing and wetting imperitive to my little experience... As all littles do have their preferences, we also must establish our needs and boundaries. It's too bad that your partner has yet to reach the point of understanding these things. Conditioning can be a b*tch!! Maybe someday he will come around to a deeper appreciation for these things if you are able to explain?

@RubberJin: I think all accomplishments in human history have come from pushing the boundaries of paradims. If we don't have a desire for the undesireable will we ever evolve?

And so THATS what that is... I guess I like that stuff to a certain degree myself. :p Sitting on a cake sounds like fun! Birthday ideaaass. I feel bad for people who can't or won't admit they like certain things. Denying the self is SO hard on the psyche and the emotional states of being.

Thank you for your kind words RubberJin! I am constantly trying to describe such things and hope to improve my approach about it! I always welcome constructive criticism!

I am so grateful to have the reflection and insight from other kindred individuals. Please don't stop being yourselves!!

Much Love,
psychonautalis
 
@Drifter : So you're saying ABDL traits can be passed down, enviormentally aquired, or psychologically generated based upon a number of factors. And may or may not be expressed for quite some time...

For me, my inherent intellectual association (could that be called imprinting?) with certain things, is my suspicion as to why I find such security and comfort in baby time and baby things. "This is this and that is that."

And for me, only the babies in my life recieved unconditional love... After a certain point as a little kid or whenever my parents deemed the time was right, I was suddenly "too big" for this or that, always pressured into 'growing up' more than I was ready for.. I no longer received the unconditional love I so desperately needed to be whole. I even my remember my mother saying to me a few years ago, how much she wanted me to 'just grow up already' as a baby and how she regretted that.

Maybe that's the whole imprinting quality thereof. In my mind at least, only little babies got to receive special attention, wholehearted love, support and security. Perhaps that's the whole reason I feel the way I do. I've never given the rest of myself credit to receive love.
 
For every fetish there's posts like yours, soul-searching for the explanation and replies suggesting all the popular Psychology 101 kinda theories but the truth is a) it's complicated and b) no-one really knows.

Sometimes there's obvious stuff like childhood trauma that makes for an easy peg to hang the "blame" on, but there's far more happy well-adjusted folks out there that don't fit that theory so to quote Douglas Adams at you;

Slartibartfast: Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I think that the chances of finding out what's actually going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say, "Hang the sense of it," and keep yourself busy. I'd much rather be happy than right any day.
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There's undoubtedly a tiny kernel of truth in all the popular theories but I don't think any of them really even comes close to fully explaining this or any other human "quirk" or trait - I mean, some people actually enjoy pineapple on pizza, the sick freaks!

As for cake-sitting and WAM, I'm quite surprised by the lack of crossover between ABDL, WAM and the rubberists as there's so much sensory overlap.
 
Beyond the taboo, there's the subliminal memory of Mommy and (sometimes) Daddy changing as a part of pure love, and when we hit puberty we became obsessed on our genitals, just happens they have the same parts of the body as the peeps and poops. And the earlier taboo about wetting the bed or anywhere else but the potty. When we got to the point we could "get away with it" at least part of the time, and knowing there's a lot of fetishes that are really destructive... The tiny bit of taboo can be both there and harmless. At least that's my take on it. Those born in the latest 70s and forward had pull ups and thus a silent permission to wet. My generation was different in that we were punished for bedwetting BY BEING DIAPERED which I frankly found delicious.
 
psychonautalis said:
@Drifter : So you're saying ABDL traits can be passed down, enviormentally aquired, or psychologically generated based upon a number of factors. And may or may not be expressed for quite some time...
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Not exactly. I don't believe ABDL traits are genetic traits that can be passed down through our genes. What appears to be genetic in humans and animals is a mechanism that helps align animals with the environment they are born into. This mostly produces characteristics we simply take for granted as being the 'normal' result of genetics and evolution, such as heterosexual desires and family bonding. Also, many people have an aversion to having sex with close family members, and this too is seen as a normal result of evolution because of the problems with inbreeding reducing the chances of survival. But what experiments with animals are telling us is that there is something else going on in early animal development that accounts for some of the things we used to assume were strictly genetic.

For example, the aversion to having sex with close family members no doubt stems from the dangers of inbreeding, but research shows that this aversion is aimed at the people one grows up with, not necessarily the people one is directly related to. It is not unusual for brothers and sisters to be sexually attracted to each other if they were raised apart. It's also pretty common for children who were raised together, but not related, to be adverse to sexual contact with each other. This observation is known as the "Westermarck Effect" which theorizes that this aversion is imprinted after a person is born rather than being inherited through the genes. How could the genes 'know' in advance who a person would grow up with?

For me, my inherent intellectual association (could that be called imprinting?) with certain things, is my suspicion as to why I find such security and comfort in baby time and baby things. "This is this and that is that."
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If it actually feels inherent, like your sexual orientation, it probably is an imprinted desire, IMHO. If it's not so special, just another one of the things you enjoy and find comfort with, it is probably just a learned association (psychologically generated).
 
Being a diaper lover for many years it is simple. you love the comfort of the diaper, and you feel a relief when you fill that diaper. You wear a diaper for what it is intended for. I know what you mean when you say you feel the rush and excitement just before you poop in the diaper, and that's because it is an adrenaline rush. You know in you mind grown ups shouldn't be messing themselves and you are doing the taboo. I love the messing part myself. It brings back so many memories of childhood. Messing my panties in school and going down for the nurse to clean me up, and enjoying that babied, pampered feeling. I Can tell you from experience your SO may think its something strange, but if he loves you he will accept you, all of you. Don't feel negative.
 
SwinginPendulum said:
This explained it better than I ever even conceived. This might be all you need to know.
View attachment 32061
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You got a version of that with a few more pixels so we can read it without bleeding from our eyes? :detective3
 
The feeling of letting go and the satisfaction it gives me is all the answer I need for that question. I was never into the AB spectrum of wearing diapers. I wear the diapers for that reason to release and to make myself feel that much better. It is like a need. Humans need water and food to survive and I need my diaper to make me whole and make me feel safe. Simple as that. Don't go beating your brain asking why. Just think to yourself "why not" Life will be easier to live with.
 
I think for whatever reason it feels good, and that good feeling does something for you that other things dont do, or just dont do as well anyways.

For me it's a perfect stress reliever from all my stresses that I obtain from serious adulting (having worked almost 70 hour weeks, having to pay bills, etc).
 
Easy answer here, because it's natural and that is what the diaper is intended for. It feels natural to just go in it when you gotta go.

Now the complicated part, I don't know why I enjoy the warm feeling forming in my diaper or feeling it on my female part where the pee is hitting or when I feel the pee go up the front around my labia. But this all feels natural. Oh I have to urinate, *goes in her diaper* and I am still living my life. But even before I was potty trained, I liked peeing in my diaper. I still enjoy it as an adult. Now I can drink a Red Bull and flood my diaper and enjoy it more. I also drink water because it's to keep hydrated and to keep my pee from smelling strong and so I can wet my diaper. You have to drink water anyway so at least I have a diaper on to not worry about having to pee more from drinking too much water. And I have been in situations where my bladder would ache from the pee and I feel better when I relieve it in my diaper. I would have no way of accessing the bathroom. This happens when I have been drinking a Red Bull. Plus I don't have to hold it or find a restroom, I can just go wherever I am. This also feels like a lifestyle so I call it a lifestyle.

There are some DLs out there that enjoy changing during the day but I prefer to wear a diaper that lasts me all day so I wouldn't have to change and carry a diaper bag with me all the time. When I do, I just leave it in the car. This is what works for me as a 24/7 wearer.
 
Due to being diapered by a babysitter while she laundered the clothes I soiled, I like getting to the headspace of being a little bit too old for diapers, but not 100% potty trained. Headspace where I'm a little embarrassed to be in diapers, diapered anyway, and we'll try potty training again later. Whether I have a mommy or a daddy, or solo, this is my fave headspace to regress to.
At some point, I learned to not to try to use the diaper, but relax the blocks in my mind the kept me from using the diaper.
With the quality of diapers we have now, I notice after the first wetting I feel like I have less control and that makes me feel super little.
The occasional poopy diaper is something I'll change quick, and usually shower immediately afterward. Once that diaper is pooped, it can't be unpooped. The feeling of shame, feeling little, but I'm a big boy who should be not needing diapers in a sweet spot. Usually I feel like I HAVE to wear a diaper the rest of the day after that.
The occasional legit accident really hits this point. like wearing a diaper under clothes while running errands and losing the "photo finish" and not making it to the potty in time.
 
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