Dating with incontinence

[Snobak]

Since becoming incontinence in 2012 I haven't dated.
It would be sooo helpful to find a dating site the caters to incontinent & Abdl people.
Does anyone have any ideas?

 

[munkey]

Most of those abdl dating sites are riddled with scam mommies. I have incontinence found my partner on a vanilla site.

 

[Tenaman]

Having been a childhood bed wetter, I started to wet the bed again after a spinal injury playing rugby in my 20s. It certainly stopped me from dating or even staying away but then one time when I was staying with friends my hostess caught me changing into a nappy before going to bed when she unexpectedly came into the room I was staying in and also saw that I had put a waterproof sheet on the bed. She was shocked and embarrassed - as was I - but very understanding as one of their children also wet the bed. I also opened up to a close female friend who was a nurse and then in my early 30s met the person who would become my wife and that was 30 years ago. I told her of my bladder problems when things started to get serious. At that time it was still only bed wetting but since then subsequent spinal issues caused me to start losing daytime control and have left me wearing nappies 24/7. The key thing for me was to find the right protection - in my case adult nappies; I tried various drugs and also leg bags but none really worked as well as wearing nappies - and to be more confident in managing my incontinence. I used to wish there was a dating site to meet people with similar problems but was always a bit worried it might attract people for the wrong reasons. What I did realise, is that if someone loves you they take you as you are for who you are and if someone couldn’t accept my IC - which I could understand - then they probably weren’t the right person for me.

 

[Soggy247]

I found my last 2 partners online. First was diaper mates. Lasted 12 year's. The Second and current was also from diaper mates. She is incontinent and signed up because she was sick of rejection from vanilla men because of her nappies and incontinence. I think from her word's, " most men down want a woman whos vag stinks of piss and gushies pee like a racehorse everhwere when she cums" . . Her words, not mine.

She has always liked soft kinky sex and She is totally aware of my abdl side. In recent months, she has started to explore her little side a bit. Its super cute tbf and i am totally on board with it. I believe everyone has a little in them and its beautiful to watch someone let go and be thier little persona. . . Its so therapeutic for her, and for me. . .

But yeah, diaper mates is where my last 15 years worth of relationships have come from. That and some hookups on fetlife along the way, Although fetlife can be a bit of a meat market.

Any messages/approaches you get off insata, tick tok, or any of those kind of sites is 100% a scam. . . .
If anyone asks for money, or cards, or any payment, including adult baby clubs where you get free nappies, or people who need petrol money , or anything that requires some bullshit money story is 100,000,000% a fake and a scammer, no matter how good, or true it may seem, if it seems too good to be true, it usually is.

 

[Snobak]

Most of those abdl dating sites are riddled with scam mommies. I have incontinence found my partner on a vanilla site.

Is this the same munkey from DD?

 

[munkey]

Is this the same munkey from DD?

Yes!

 

[BuddyBoy]

I once wet my pants on the first date. The women was very adult and understanding.But I never regained the confidence to approach her sexually; she eventually got a new boyfriend and introduced me as her "friend".

 

[Soggy247]

Had some similar experiences when women discovered i was incontinent and indeed, wearing a nappy.

 

[Raven801]

Dating with IC can be a real shit show .......that's all I can say

 

[xtrucker59]

Dating with IC can be a real shit show .......that's all I can say

Or a Real Pisser...

 

[Deleted member 59603]

To agree with others above, dating in general SUCKS some people enjoy it but it’s not for me. Even before my incontinence issues I disliked it, it’s mostly awkward and shallow.
I haven’t made an effort toward dating since my symptoms started increasing around 2020. Since we were also in pandemic times I was in and out of lockdowns (or at least I was because I was traveling a lot for my old job).
That said, I have been on a couple of dates while having bladder issues. But I have never been on a date in a diaper, I don’t think I’m mentally ready yet.

I had a date with a guy after I started dealing with increasing bladder urgency, but before I wore protection in the daytime. We met though a mutual friend and went bowling. I don’t remember much probably because I was in the bathroom half the time… I think I went to the bathroom 10 times in 2 hours. He likely thought I was doing drugs SMH and needless to say there was not a second date.

After I began wearing pull ups in the daytime, there was a guy from high school that I reconnected with, and we went on a dinner/movie date. I remember I wore a pull up during the date because it was winter and I was happy to wear a few layers to hide the bulk. The whole date was so awkward, he barely talked the whole time, even through dinner. It got to a point I got very anxious thinking he was being quiet because he had seen or smelled my pull up (but I wouldn’t DARE mention the topic to him on a first date) then I also got awkwardly quiet. Most of dinner was totally silent, except for a few comments about the food. After the date he told me he was just nervous and feeling weird about dating after his last relationship, but I didn’t enjoy sitting in awkward and anxious silence with essentially a stranger. So again, no second date.

 

[greatlake5]

needless to say there was not a second date.

So again, no second date.

I can say that I had less then a handful of dates when I was in school or college. Every time I went I was always wearing a diaper. Probably the reason why I didn't date a lot. Later when I was older, I simply didn't date. I do have a group of friendly people and I spend time with them every weekend with them. One particularly girl became more friendly and we started taking more time together. Again, I wasn't looking for a serious relationship. We did almost everything together like biking, tennis and she liked to kayak. She loved to come to my house and spent a lot of time here at the beach (I live on the dunes of Lake Michigan). Long story short, she is now my partner. The relationship was a completely surprise. We invite our other friends to visit my home. It's like a big family.

I suggest to develop a group of friends. It sounds difficult but when you can and have the same interests, eventually it keeps you connected. You never know when someone might become more friendly (?). That's what happened to me. And sometimes it's easier than actually dating. Of course being IC, sometimes a lot of us live solo. Even being isolated. I know it's different for newly IC people. I've always been IC so I do have friends who know my medical issues. But if you have friends that don't know, that doesn't mean you're solo. It's a slow process. Good luck.

 

[Diaperman95]

Just be yourself and go on a date. If it is going well and you want another date or to go past 1st base just tell them. If they do not approve then you don't want them anyway. But most people are not that shallow

 

[Soggy247]

It got to a point I got very anxious thinking he was being quiet because he had seen or smelled my pull up

I think we all imagine others can smell us when were wet, but ive been assured, that even when we get a slight whiff of ourselves, others generally cant smell us. I had a female friend go into detail just last week about how she, and most of her friends think that they smell when they are menstruating and others can smell it, but they can't. They check between themselves as friends.
This came up because i had a UTI, again... . Grrr. . I could smell myself and i was in a bit of an embarrassed panic and went to go change, but she just told me to sit down and grabbed my arm and explained that to me. She then said i didnt smell. . . So yeah, we often mis judge how we smell i think.

 

[greatlake5]

So yeah, we often miss-judge how we smell

Kind of funny about what others might smell something. I'm talking about a diaper (clean, wet or dirty). I admit that sometimes I have a blind-smell sense. I always use chlorophyll (internal deodorants) and sometimes I wear plastic pants. I use these because I have F-IC/U-IC. My girlfriend, when we're sleeping together, she says she can smell something but it's not a poopy-like odor (I think she's just being kind). She tell's me that she's sure nobody can smell a wet diaper. Dirty diaper? Not sure. When I was a kid, my mom could smell a dirty diaper a mile away. I think it's a mommy thing.
As for dating someone, I suggest wearing a clean diaper (along with internal deodorants). Doesn't hurt.

 

[Soggy247]

When I was a kid, my mom could smell a dirty diaper a mile away. I think it's a mommy thing.

Same with my mum. She knew exactly when i needed changing. I remeber the kinda angry, sideways looks she would give me in public when i needed a change. The look thay said a thousand words without a single sound passing lips. . . Lol.

 

[Soggy247]

I admit that sometimes I have a blind-smell sense

I think we can all suffer with that. My GF is totally nose blind and cannot smell herself at all. I sometimes need to whisper to her that she needs a change when were in public together, or out with friends. Its done in the best possible manner and she appreciates it because she dosent want to be smelly.

 

[Ellyn]

Being that I don’t post a whole lot here, most here probably don’t know my history. Let me summarize…
I’ve been incontinent all of my life due to what was eventually diagnosed as birth defects, and now added effects of MS. My childhood was anything but happy as I was harassed and shunned by most. I was physically and emotionally punished regularly by my mother for my inability to control my bladder up until my early teens, when the diagnosis was made. To say I was reclusive and withdrawn is an understatement up until I was awarded a full scholarship to a university well away from home and all that knew me.
Once established in my new life there, I dated several guys but kept my incontinence very private. Eventually, I met the man that would later become my husband in a church singles group. We dated for a year or longer and once I realized that we were developing a serious relationship, I shared my health issues and childhood history, pleaded with him to maintain my privacy. If anything, my sharing with him drew us so much closer. Eventually, we transitioned into an intimate relationship and learned how to deal with my incontinence while being intimate.
My relationship with this man drew me out of my shell and tore down all walls that I had built to the point where I was the happiest that I’ve ever been. After we graduated college, we soon married and started a business together and eventually a family.
i firmly believe that there’s the right life mate out there for everyone. Faith and a positive outlook are -very- important. If your walls that protect you are too high and too strong, possibilities are severely limited! Don’t allow incontinence to affect your happiness!

 

[Soggy247]

Don’t allow incontinence to affect your happiness!

This. ^^^^^^

 

[slimjiminy]

Same with my mum. She knew exactly when i needed changing. I remeber the kinda angry, sideways looks she would give me in public when i needed a change. The look thay said a thousand words without a single sound passing lips. . . Lol.

I recently shared an experience from last summer where a young mother sniffed the air after I had used my diaper in the grandstands, sitting behind the couple. After she seemed to dismiss me (after giving me a look), she took her baby out of the grandstands to change its diaper (I heard her say as much to her husband). Some mothers do indeed have a sensitive nose!