Accepting incontinence

[bedwett]

Ok, upfront sorry for the long rant.....but I am struggling a bit currently.

I have been a member of the community for quite some time, as I have dealt with bedwetting and OAB/IBS episodes for years. Although I had a very strong bladder as a kid I can recall some incidents being 5 or 6 when nearly wetting myself or dealing with IBS due to bad genetics and some food intolerances at that time.

This all took a turn for the worse after I had a bad UTI/kidney infection while in uni (still don't know what caused it, but I suspect holiday my bladder too long during a festival could have played a part in it). The first year was horrendous, in which I had to diaper up if I would have no direct access to a toilet ...but eventually my symptoms got better till something which was more intermittent. The logic and reasons behind a flare up I still don't understand, but it was manageable as I could quite easy predict when a flare up was happening and which precautions (cutting back fluids, wearing diapers) I had to take. Things went OK, I only noticed that the problems did get worse...there were periods I got the urge every few mins...and turned the car around to get protection on multiple occasions.

Fast forward till spring last year in which I sustained a cervical hyperextension injury (level C4-C5) due to a fall/collapse in the middle of the night (was severely overworked at that time). Waking up more or less paralyzed (no fine motor skills) and not knowing how this will develop is quite the experience I have to say...luckily emergency surgery to relieve the pressure of my spinal cord lead to a good overall recovery over the course of a few months....and got me back on my feet. I can say that I'm 98-99% recovered, and the remaining injuries are invisible to the public eye.

One of the main remaining issues is incontinence (bladder and to minor extent bowel) My bladder can switch between being in a 'semi-retention' state in which is it difficult to pee or can go in overactive mode. Either way...I get a sudden urge and then I usually have not much time to find a bathroom. Trying to hold and concentrate till the urge is gone helps, but often leads to the effect I will get a strong/sudden urge to have a bowel movement and then of course I need to find a toilet quite fast. Bowel wise, I do have semi-constipation (normal schedule is a BM every day, but sometimes this doesn't work out). When not having a BM for 1 to max. 2 days will lead again to a strong sudden urge the day after....over the last few months I did develop some tricks and changed my diet to a very healthy one, so far only 2 mishaps over the last 14 months....but definitely more close calls.

After my hospital and rehab I did remain wearing protection fulltime, sometimes a thick guard but most of the time simply heavy pull ups or diapers. Although considering what has happened I am extremely grateful that I am back on my feet and incontinence is only a 'minor' issue with only minor impact on my daily life, I struggle a lot with the acceptance process and having to wear 24/7. Dealing with (intermittent) OAB was something annoying but I could easily brush off, although technically it is considered incontinence. While encountering these new issues, I tried to brush it off as something which was in my head or just part of the recovery....but to be fair14 months post injury I don't know if this will improve or not.

In the last few weeks, something snapped and I realized I do have to admit to myself I have incontinence and not simply OAB anymore. Something I really struggle with especially as the whole issue is so tabooed in general (especially towards younger individuals) it makes you feel isolated. Especially as from the outside I am a successful young professional, with a great career and physically in a good shape...but I am carrying these 'non visible' injuries with me. Moreover considering as I am striving to have a better work/life balance I really want to start dating again.

Sorry for the long rant, but on the one hand it troubles me and other hand I know I have to embrace it and get on with life. Would be nice to connect with some others in the same boat.

 

[Napincolove]

I so hear where you are coming from especially the effect of holding your bladder can have on your bowel, sometimes if holding my bladder the sensations turn off and then I know it is time to find a toilet or somewhere to shower and change.
Good luck with your acceptance of the situation and with your positive attitude you will prosper no matter what your ic throws at you.

 

[Edgewater]

This Spring one of our IC members created a term that I and others like as a means of placing an acceptance on wearing diapers: I am 'Okay with Wearing Diapers!'

95% of acceptance is coming to admit that wearing, for you, is better than not wearing.
For me, I either wear or I stand in a puddle or leave a stream behind me as I move about!
I am Okay with wearing diapers as they allow me to be out and about and living my life!
You are a professional and I am guessing that wearing allows you to be fully involved and not be hunting for the toilet.

Diapers are not taboo, they are required for near all of us to live our lives!

None of us want to wear diapers, but unlike you, most of us require them all day, everyday day!

 

[sledder23]

I’m another that’s accepted the incontinence and adopted the term “ok wearing diapers “. Really just view them as my underwear and live a near normal life as one would without incontinence. Best of luck on this journey and always feel free to reach out for advice. Great folks here.

 

[SparkyDog]

It took me a long while to get to
say "I wear diapers and that's ok"
Fighting the diaper stigma is tough.
self acceptance is one of the hardest things to do

 

[Jorelaxed]

I will admit, it was very difficult in the begining, denial, worried, tried to go without diapers one day and ended up wetting my sweatpants and boots while out.
But slowly, I have accepted this condition I have and have tried to make the best of it.
Please feel to DM if you have any questions or just want to talk.

 

[Wetshisbed]

My wife told me in no uncertain terms when I became Incontinent. "stop moaning about , you are incontinent so wear a nappy and get on with your life" Tough love but she was right. I just had to get over my self and accept what couldn't be fixed and adapt to it.

 

[slimjiminy]

It took a while for us when I became IC. My wife's sense of solutions were only sold at the drug store. As we know, most of those products are insufficient for all but light IC. But to her credit, she did try to find products for me in the beginning.

 

[NotTheAverageMan]

Well I didn’t have to say to myself “I accept my incontinence” and “I’m ok wearing diapers” I could just read the notes from my urologist who wrote “the patient is not expected to significant improvements in the urge incontinence. Therefore we will write and application on he’s behalf for a prescription of diapers”
well, I have since begun coming to terms with my incontinence and having to wear diapers.
in my opinion coming to terms about it and addressing it is an important step. It doesn’t help to remain in denial.

 

[Diaperman95]

If you have a UTI the absolute worst thing to do is cut back on fluids. Even without a UTI that can often cause one. Staying hydrated is very important to healthy life a kidney function. Accepting you are incontinent certainly is not the end of the world. But you need to accept it is not your fault and do what you have to do prevent it from running your life. I have been incontinent and using diapers daily since the 90's. Diapers today are so much better than ever before. My advice to anyone new to it is to not trade price for performance. Get quality products that can give you the protection to go 8 hrs at least. Now for some that is a good pull-up as they have most the control and for others that is a mega max with tall leak guards and lots of thirst. No diaper is equal not is anyone's incontinence.

Also beware constipation can be a major cause for bladder incontinence as it puts pressure on pelvic muscles when the rectum is impacted. Believe it or not it can also cause bowel incontinence as well because loose stool can come around it and the pressure of the impacted stool can cause the pelvic muscles around the anus fail. So if you are having issues with IBS please speak to a GI doctor. Your nerve damage could be causing some of it as well on both fronts. But a simple dose of miralax a day after you get home from work can work wonders. Remember their are options other than just wearing diaper that might be effective. Be sure to talk to your doctor. I have found most medications have more side effects for me than benefits but that might not be the same for you. But if you need any tips or tricks or suggestions for how I deal with my incontinence feel free to PM me.

My bladder does not put complete and I have sever interstitial cystitis. It can make your bladder very over active and feel like a infection when there is not one. Mine is pretty present but it comes and goes for many and certain foods and drinks make it worse. So does not enough fluids. Also keep in mind holding fluids back can and will dehydrate you and give you constipation. Then in the last 5 years I have really started getting bowel inconveniences too. For me the bladder incontinence is no big deal. The interstitial cystitis can really suck but actually wearing a diaper and managing leks are not a big deal to me anymore. But fecal Inconvenience that can be far more stressful and no fun. IBS cause bloating and more too. My IBS is compound by my gastroparesis but that is another long story. But if you have a urologist ask them about interstitial cystitis. It is not very common in males but I know of 3 to 4 of us in this group who have it. If you do not have a urologist and Gastric doctor consider getting one. Further more tale everything I said as my own experience and views. I am not a doctor but I am not a newbie to these problems either. If I can be any help please Pm Me.

 

[Diaperman95]

It took a while for us when I became IC. My wife's sense of solutions were only sold at the drug store. As we know, most of those products are insufficient for all but light IC. But to her credit, she did try to find products for me in the beginning.

Any spouse that will go in public to buy you diapers is a keeper.

Also having good support from a spouse or loved one makes it so much easier. But if not we are all here for each other.

 

[Rob110]

Remember you are not alone in needing to wear a diaper 24/7 there are millions of us out there, accepting you need to be padded 24/7 is tough in the beginning we all went that stage but the more you wear and use the quicker you realize life does not change that much when you wear a premium diaper. I stopped racing to the bathroom after a short time of needing to wear as i was making it less and less often I simplify gave in to the inevitable and started to use my diaper and I have no regrets giving up what little retention I had left as it was slowly disappearing anyways.

I let all my friends and family know I needed to wear for medical reasons and its been a non issue for the last 9 years no hiding my diapers and my wife came with me for my first urologist visit and the test where they put a camera where on should never go . (just kidding the test is worth it to make sure nothing is life threatening in your bladder) and she was the one who insisted I skip the meds and I simply wear and use my diaper.

 

[Edgewater]

I have been 24/7, U-IC for 45 years and with my dear wife's help, I faced the World, fully cloth diapered with plastic pants that first day out and about! That single event likely eased my acceptance of being Incontinent and having to wear diapers full time, as no one noticed. Way back then, thin disposables were not available and thick cloth diapers were a reality.

Over all those years, my medical team have provided great support and are a critical part of acceptance. Being very open and honest helps them greatly as they work with you to solve your specific mystery of incontinence. It would be wonderful if determining exactly what causes each individuals incontinence was simple, but medical science is still a long ways from that point. The underlying cause of my U-IC is fairly clear; a serve car crash, but we are still searching to define it all.

We are all in this together and when one of us are able to define a corner of this mystery, and share it, we all learn from it.

 

[jamie72]

I am now urinary incontinent and wear 24/7 - it took a while to get used to it - used to pee the bed growing up and wearing protection was always embarrassing - but I have come to terms with it - if you have bad eyesight, you wear glasses, if you have bladder issues you wear diapers - and if I didn’t, I would have wet beds and pants, so no real choice - could have far greater issues - just need to get on with it - to some extent it was good to finally wear 24/7, as I no longer was tied to running to the toilet all the time - now I can just live my life as I want

 

[Zeke]

This Spring one of our IC members created a term that I and others like as a means of placing an acceptance on wearing diapers: I am 'Okay with Wearing Diapers!'

95% of acceptance is coming to admit that wearing, for you, is better than not wearing.
For me, I either wear or I stand in a puddle or leave a stream behind me as I move about!
I am Okay with wearing diapers as they allow me to be out and about and living my life!
You are a professional and I am guessing that wearing allows you to be fully involved and not be hunting for the toilet.

Diapers are not taboo, they are required for near all of us to live our lives!

None of us want to wear diapers, but unlike you, most of us require them all day, everyday day!

I too struggled with the idea that I needed to wear diapers to deal with my incontinence, but like you, Edgewater, they would find it to be a far messier environment around me without a diaper’s containment abilities. We both come from a time when our parents might feel the societal pressure to have their children out of diapers as soon as possible. We as children were often the ultimate recipients of this pressure to “grow up” as only “babies wear diapers”. Now, since the advent of disposable pull-ups and diapers for older children and the concerted advertising campaigns of the companies making these products social norms have changed dramatically. If the OP is wearing out of need they should feel no need to justify their wearing, if they’re wearing out of desire, and it’s not affecting anyone else they also should feel no need for justification. It’s a butt wrapper for goodness sake that we’re discussing not a matter of national security or a moral issue. As long as it’s not affecting others, or infringing upon their rights, it should be entirely discretionary and up to the one who’s doing the wearing.

 

[TheBlueHeron]

...It’s a butt wrapper for goodness sake that we’re discussing not a matter of national security or a moral issue. As long as it’s not affecting others, or infringing upon their rights, it should be entirely discretionary and up to the one who’s doing the wearing.

This is the best thing I have read in a long time. "Butt wrapper" will be my new term!
And thanks to this forum, I can say:
"I'm okay with wearing a butt wrapper."

 

[daylight]

I feel that I can (or have to) accept needing to wear a diaper but, I don't have to accept my bladder, and will continue to grasp the remaining threads of continence.

Well @Zeke that wrapper may not be NSA material but, the EPA may what to see your containment plan and environmental impact study!

 

[slimjiminy]

I have been 24/7, U-IC for 45 years and ... fully cloth diapered with plastic pants that first day out and about! That single event likely eased my acceptance ... It would be wonderful if determining exactly what causes each individuals incontinence was simple, but medical science is still a long ways from that point. The underlying cause of my U-IC is fairly clear; a [severe] car crash, but we are still searching to define it all.

That was a singular and traumatic event and not something I'd wish upon anyone. Certainly an example of an "all or nothing" change.

But the stigma does make acceptance more difficult for those that are transitioning into IC, in its various ways. One moment you might think you're in control, and then later get smacked down in defeat. Those same folks also sometimes need to guide their spouses through it all as they progress into their "final solutions". For me, there was about a one year transition (for both of us). With F-IC happening from time to time now, my transition is not yet complete

The whole process requires that you just "keep your stick on the ice".

 

[Edgewater]

That was a singular and traumatic event and not something I'd wish upon anyone. Certainly an example of an "all or nothing" change.

But the stigma does make acceptance more difficult for those that are transitioning into IC, in its various ways. One moment you might think you're in control, and then later get smacked down in defeat. Those same folks also sometimes need to guide their spouses through it all as they progress into their "final solutions". For me, there was about a one year transition (for both of us). With F-IC happening from time to time now, my transition is not yet complete

The whole process requires that you just "keep your stick on the ice".

I even now have bad days! Waking-up some mornings with a near maxed MEGAMAX and if not for the NS Trifecta PUL diaper cover would have leaked onto the bed. And, when I do have a F-IC event, there is no joy! Short containing the mess, it is demoralizing. When you are down to finding the happy moment being: Well at least the bed, chair, the room was saved!

When toilet training our kids, it was wonderful to see their face light-up when they day-by-day gained small steps in control. Now as my control continue to pass-further away, there is no joy in that! I find that acceptance is a daily occurrence as the process never really stops.

I am so very lucky that my dear wife picks-up on those bad days and I get a warm hug and kind loving words as she also has to accept that today is the best it gets!

 

[slimjiminy]

I even now have bad days! Waking-up some mornings with a near maxed MEGAMAX and if not for the NS Trifecta PUL diaper cover would have leaked onto the bed.

Oh I never doubted that!

And, when I do have a F-IC event, there is no joy! Short containing the mess, it is demoralizing. When you are down to finding the happy moment being: Well at least the bed, chair, the room was saved!

Or that you didn't spoil your jeans making it home!

Yes, F-IC can be a very demoralizing. As they used to say "The agony of defeat!" It is something I never want to become expert about.