I am mostly DL with maybe a bit of little and no real sissy tendencies, and have been thinking about shame and humiliation (or embarrassment) lately. I see them as two very different things. For me shame is rooted in my own internal struggle with wearing diapers, feelings of not being “normal”, and even thinking I’m somehow broken for having these desires that seem innate to me and that I didn’t choose. I don’t see anything positive about feelings of shame as it is a barrier to being my authentic self, or at least being happy as my authentic self. As I have grown older (now in my 6th decade of my DL journey), I have slowly learned to accept this side of myself and do not feel the shame I did as a kid and young adult when I really just wanted the feelings to go away but the pull of diapers was too strong to let go. I still struggle with my relationship to diapers, though, and probably always will, even if I have evolved and grown for the better over time.
On the other hand, I see humiliation (or its lesser form embarrassment) as more external - a response to what others think of me or my actions, and depending on the situation, it can be highly erotic or exciting. Since I was a young child, I have had fantasies of having accidents and being put back in diapers and the embarrassment of everyone knowing that I was wearing one long after the age I should. Then, as now, it was mostly fantasy and solo play, although I did on occasion have “accidents” where I was embarrassed when it was discovered (although I never was diapered after one). As an adult, I love the humiliation of wearing a diaper in public, like while grocery shopping. Even though it is hidden and no one else knows, there is a combination of embarrassment and excitement with just the thought I might be discovered. I won’t expose others to my play without consent, so any public wearing is discreet and I do not stage public accidents. My wife knows of and accepts my DL side, and I love “risking” being caught by her if she finds me in a wet diaper. I have also set myself up for a few embarrassing accidents where I had to “suffer” the humiliation of either being discovered or telling her I hadn’t made it in time. Those have included holding while working in the garage to the point I repeatedly leaked and she discovered my wet pants, holding on a long drive and starting to pee my pants before we made it home, and having a legit IBS accident and later telling her about it when I didn’t have too.
Interestingly, the few times I have had a legitimate, unavoidable accident where others did or could have discovered, the humiliation was real, and not ant erotic or exciting at the time. Mostly, I just wanted to disappear! Having a messy accident in class during 4th grade, partially wetting my pants during a college final where I couldn’t go to the restroom during the exam period, and having an IBS flare at work and not making it in time. Fortunately, for the last one, I got away undiscovered.