Why the Stigma to Adult Diapers?

[JustMe]

The title says it all. Why is there a stigma? Let me say why this question came to mind and then I’ll post my thoughts.

While YouTube surfing, I found a prank video where a young woman walked around the Florida beaches in a bikini top and a diaper bottom. The gist was to catch the reactions of bystanders; and they got plenty. Mostly snickering; some shock; pointing and commenting; etc. In one sense, she looked like any of the other gals walking around in their bathing suits. Only difference was her bottom attire. But it got me thinking … why the stigma?

I get it. A diaper is associated with one’s youth; and then we are supposed to grow out of it. And as we mature, we mature in what we present ourselves to the world with: in this rant, our clothing. But when we need an aid for living and we have to have a diaper on (or even if one chooses to wear a diaper because they like/want it), then why is there a shame? A stigma?

For me, it was that my nether regions were not working like they used to. And diapers, catheters, etc. was the inviolable proof. But I am not an infant. Nor do I want to associated as one. And frankly, while I miss my old continency there has been a heap of times where being diapered was the best thing (dare I say feeling) ever. And while 99.99% of the world doesn’t know what’s hidden underneath and while the few (family, medical) that do have no issues, when it comes out, there is still a very brief “sting”. Perhaps I am my own cause for the stigma?

Thoughts? Comments?

 

[Deleted member 74559]

Holding pee is "supposed to be easy". It's never been easy for me, but never mind that -- people think it's easy. So if I can't do it, then what does that say about me? If I can't do something that is really easy?

I'm not saying that's all of it. But maybe it's part of it?

 

[BigAl2]

I think the TV ads are helping with the stigma. I have long got over worrying what others may think. If im noticed.

 

[Bearcatz]

I think it's like stupid herd mentality or something.

The people I've talked to anyway on a one on one basis have easily admitted their own pee doesn't really gross them out, and then easily concede wearing diapers doesn't sound all that bad if they think about it for a few minutes.

 

[AttilaThePun]

I suspect a great deal of it lies in the societal high value of youthfulness, but not infancy, and vibrant good health. Similarly, the culture of cherishing and respecting our elders has subsided considerably in many ways. Respect is something people with disabilities fight for constantly. But, if you can't control your bladder and/or bowels, you must fight the societal perception of being too young, too old, or too sick to be valuable and respected.

 

[dpcare]

it's due to so much emphasis on "diapers are for babies only" and "You have to be a big kid and get out of diapers"

never mind those with medical conditions who have to wear diapers

 

[TenaciousDL]

I wonder if, at least, some of the reason for the stigma comes out of the fact that, as children, we are encouraged to be big boys and girls and learn to use the potty and stop using diapers like babies. How many of us bristled at the sound of being called a baby when we were kids? How many of us, at some time, felt superior to other kids who wet themselves? How many of us bedwetters felt ashamed, even if our parents did not shame us? To a degree, isn't using the potty instead of diapers a sort of requirement for entrance into the polite, normal world of adulthood?

 

[AttilaThePun]

I suspect a great deal of it lies in the societal high value of youthfulness, but not infancy, and vibrant good health. Similarly, the culture of cherishing and respecting our elders has subsided considerably in many ways. Respect is something people with disabilities fight for constantly. But, if you can't control your bladder and/or bowels, you must fight the societal perception of being too young, too old, or too sick to be valuable and respected.

I should add, it's tied to the very young, the very old, and the disabled being perceived as being in a state of helplessness because of needing to wear diapers.

 

[enigmatic]

I wonder if, at least, some of the reason for the stigma comes out of the fact that, as children, we are encouraged to be big boys and girls and learn to use the potty and stop using diapers like babies. How many of us bristled at the sound of being called a baby when we were kids? How many of us, at some time, felt superior to other kids who wet themselves? How many of us bedwetters felt ashamed, even if our parents did not shame us? To a degree, isn't using the potty instead of diapers a sort of requirement for entrance into the polite, normal world of adulthood?

This is the answer along with dprcare's post. If you have to convince kids they're babies or gross for using diapers they're going to grow up thinking the same thing about adults who need them.

Parents should probably use different tactics but they likely won't since incontinence doesn't affect most people. That stigma does seem to be changing, fortunately, with the marketing of products but progress is slow.

 

[slimjiminy]

Some of the stigma is associated with the human waste products involved. While I am not bothered by my own pee (even when I have a bladder infection), but touching someone else's pee is gross, let alone poop! Consequently, I had no trouble understanding my wife's plea to wear a diaper to bed. She was completely grossed out by my peeing the bed.

 

[dinomonsterrawr]

People have a hard time conceptualizing medical conditions they don't have themselves. I have chronic pain related to diabetic neuropathy. What this means is that on a daily basis I range from being in a minor amount of pain to being in fairly extensive agony. I am a younger guy (well late 30s now but I think I can still claim the title of younger guy haha!) and I don't LOOK like I should have those kinds of problems. So when I'm having an off day, people think I'm just whining or complaining.

But no, I am having an off day. I can barely function.

Especially if you're a younger person, people are going to look at you and think things like "they're not really incontinent" or whatever the case may be.

 

[prg333]

The stigma probably comes from “diapers are only for babies” or they’re only for those people in the nursing home. Or my grandmother who is 89. Society makes people feel bad about having to wear or wearing a diaper.

Taylor Swift told people that during her concerts because of her bladder, having some type of problem for that long concert that she has to wear a diaper. People will be less negative about it.

People don’t understand medical that cause bladder problems . Like overactive bladder or an urge problem. But I’m sure of people had a problem when they have a strong urge to urinate, but then very soon after that, or just even maybe less than a minute, after that, your bladder can hold, and you urinate, a fair amount. I’m sure they’d wanna have protection instead of, ending up with wet pants all the time where they were out in public. A diaper helps with the protection.

 

[Sealander]

Stigmatizing diapers is a very basic part of potty training that the vast majority of people go through.

 

[InconLifer]

I think there's a stigma around delays to anything after the 'standard' age. As a kid I felt super self-conscious about not being the same as my peers in terms of meeting certain developmental goals. It wasn't until seeing the executive functioning age vs real age chart for ADHD which made me feel better and explained why I had such difficulties at school. I think there's a big issue in terms of having all the developmental goals being done in terms of neurotypical people.

 

[bedwetterdavid]

I have a friend who constantly makes “dad” jokes, and one of his goto jokes is to make a “depends” pun anytime someone mentions growing old. It’s stupid, but others oblige him with an insincere laugh. The bummer is, I don’t feel like I could be honest about my bedwetting with him if I needed to because to him, diapers are such a hilarious joke. He clearly doesn’t consider that some of us actually need them.

 

[RedStripeLvr]

While it seems the stigma is lessening with more advertising and media coverage, I agree that adult diapers are perceived as for "old people in nursing homes." How many memes have we seen on social media talking about either Biden or Trump needing diapers (no politics - just an observation) followed by a comment about them being too old? I find myself rotating printed diapers and plastic pants into my routine, not just because I find them on sale, but because at times I just don't want to wear "institutional" white diapers. Even after all these years, it is still in the back of my mind that I don't want to look like a nursing home patient...

I think as we confide in others and educate them, however, acceptance will grow. Much of the stigma is because people don't know any different and/or it hasn't affected them in a personal way. Consider the proliferation of Awareness ribbons over the past several years, all with an eye on raising awareness and acceptance of whatever issue. While it has taken time, I see a much more accepting and understanding society than even a decade ago. The interesting/confounding thing to me is that so many of us who are IC and diaper dependent continue to struggle with our own stigmas about it. Add to this the fact that so many urologists seem to think they have failed if their patient ends up in diapers.

 

[Edgewater]

This subject seems to repeat at least every-other-month.

The greatest problem regarding being Incontinent is Accepting that one IS!! Anytime, one points to the rest of the World for Not Accepting Us, we are in fact pointing at ourselves! As I have stated far-too-many times, I became 24/7, U-IC as a result of a car crash! Before I took my first step out the front door wearing cloth diapers and plastic pants under my street clothing; all my family knew, as well as near all my friends and cohorts! But even way back then, 45 years ago, with a very thick cloth diaper and plastic pants on. No one noticed, or just did not care!

I am sorry, but when my wearing diapers is be compared to someone on a beach wearing only a disposable diaper is an example of the general public's view or Stigma against me wearing is just plain BS!!

Those here who are Incontinent need to STOP and understand that Stigma is not targeted at us!! We are not exposing ourselves! We are wearing diapers to protect the World from us!! If anything, they should be thanking us!

 

[Yooda]

Yes, those of us who have a few more years under our belts (so to speak), are probably far less comfortable with the idea of other adults openly wearing diapers in public. I could never be a part of such a prank. Still, I think that whoever made that video, did have a legitimate point. I personally like the saying from old Billy Shakespeare: "Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so." In the spirit of old Billy, I would ask the question: "What makes diapers good or bad, but only people's thinking?"

 

[JustMe]

;…: In the spirit of old Billy, I would ask the question: "What makes diapers good or bad, but only people's thinking? <…>

Well stated!

 

[Ceary]

Even on Sunday at my work place (massage therapist spa), two of my colleagues were talking with me and one brought up how her friend wears diapers for her period and she thought that was weird. I told her I had wore diapers for several months just this year (it's hard to wear diapers in the heat with my gig work in Florida) and still wear pads. I said I had many friends who can't control the amount of volume their body produces and diapers are just the best thing.

People find diapers disgusting because it's soiled garments you walk around in and we have this conclusion that everyone who isn't clean smelling and able bodied is not fitting into standards. I don't care anymore about sharing information about myself and advocating. I have no shame in it.