Why don't we have an incontinence dating site?

[CrossfireHurricane]

Why don't we have an incontinence dating site? I'm not talking about these crap sites. You know, fake sites. With all these incontinent people, there should have a really legit dating site. Just think about it. Trying to date another IC person would be more easier and less complicated. I know I have female friends but I just don't connect with personally. When I was in college I did have this one girl. We even had sex (wow!). But she was really drunk and horny. She didn't even know I was wearing a diaper. The next morning she freaked out when she saw my diaper. That was the end of that. I'm not talking people who got married or connected with their partners AFTER they became IC. Their SO's already know about health issues. It would be easier hooking up with other IC people. What do you think?

 

[LittleGunSlinger99]

Sounds good, if you could find a way to keep trolls and catfishing off the site.

 

[Edgewater]

Just a bit of expansion regarding those of us who were married before IC set in. As that group is also effected by the loss of a partner and could also be looking. Keep the doors wideopen to IC's in general. I have been beyond lucky as I have a dear and loving wife, whose loss would be a nightmare.

It would seem that as part of a Disabled Site there is or should be such a subset.

"catfishing" Not heard that term, but clearly yes!!

 

[newt]

Definitely would have to worry about trolls and catfishing there.

I would also think it would be extremely difficult to ensure people on the site are actually incontinent. Probably won't be able to demand that people provide medical proof of the problem. And if not, I'm sure it would be fairly common to have people pretending to be IC who are actually ABDLs.

And I'm not against ABDLs. If ADISC represented the majority of ABDLs, I wouldn't worry. Its just I can imagine that the call of a dating site where most people are in diapers will be strong for enough people that it would be a problem. Because by pretending to be IC, they would get a relationship where diapers are front and center. They can wear without fear AND get to see their date wear too.

I would think a dating site for people in general with a range of different types of medical issues that make them wary of dating "normal" people might be better. That way even if you don't share the same medical problem, you share the same understanding and empathy for the struggles of life with a medical condition. Plus, it would also expand the field a bit more.

 

[Subtlerustle]

Definitely would have to worry about trolls and catfishing there.

I would also think it would be extremely difficult to ensure people on the site are actually incontinent. Probably won't be able to demand that people provide medical proof of the problem. And if not, I'm sure it would be fairly common to have people pretending to be IC who are actually ABDLs.

And I'm not against ABDLs. If ADISC represented the majority of ABDLs, I wouldn't worry. Its just I can imagine that the call of a dating site where most people are in diapers will be strong for enough people that it would be a problem. Because by pretending to be IC, they would get a relationship where diapers are front and center. They can wear without fear AND get to see their date wear too.

I would think a dating site for people in general with a range of different types of medical issues that make them wary of dating "normal" people might be better. That way even if you don't share the same medical problem, you share the same understanding and empathy for the struggles of life with a medical condition. Plus, it would also expand the field a bit more.

You nailed it.

 

[greatlake5]

I'm not looking for another partner. I still have my girlfriend and it's looking to get even more stronger (living together?). But I like CrossfireHurricane's idea. I'm not a software engineer. But I think someone (like Moo) would be able to limit the trolls or catfishing. Expanding incontinent new members with simply add IC AND disabled members. But I think that there are enough IC members that would be a larger group to join.

I believe there will always be a fairly large group who like to pretend. Eventually, if you "chat," even connect or become close friends in life, it's hard to really pretend in real life. I still like the idea. With all the IC people in the world (from the US, Canada, Europe and other countries), the population could be over than 300 million or 5% in the world. Yeah. Wow.

I still like ADISC. We still have a fairly large IC group in ADISC. But it's not a date site. I can't believe we don't have something to have an IC date online.

 

[SparkyDog]

I think if IC or any disability is a deal breaker when dating that relationship wasn't meant to be.
Don't think you need to find someone with the same disability just to have a good relationship.
To me having a dating site for IC your main focus is your IC. Then you're whole life is about IC instead of just being a part of you rather than being who you are.
just my 2 cents

 

[greatlake5]

I think if IC or any disability is a deal breaker when dating that relationship wasn't meant to be.
Don't think you need to find someone with the same disability just to have a good relationship.
To me having a dating site for IC your main focus is your IC. Then you're whole life is about IC instead of just being a part of you rather than being who you are.
just my 2 cents

Of course everyone would love to have a relationship with or without relationships with IC people. But it's not reality. I remember when I didn't have one. Certainly I found a non-disability girlfriend. If I didn't find her I'd still be alone. Obviously in a perfect world everyone is great with everything. But it isn't. I'm just saying it would give them a chance for people that might give them a better possibility. A dating site with IC people might give them a better prospect or greater odds with another IC person. Why not?

 

[Bigbabybret]

well, i am IC and disabled.

My question is why have a special place for IC or Disabled?

I see ABDL get that, its an intrest, something you can bond over.

But, there is no need for a special IC dating site, what is wrong with the regular dating sights.

I personally don't introduce myself as IC the first thing.
"Hi, im incontinent and your name is"

I dont define myself by my IC and whilst my diababilities do keep me from doing certain things, this is not the definition of me.

I am ME, period.

With my ex's and such, being IC and also disabled was not the first thing i brought up at all.

On the other hand then your wanting to segregate yourself to a certain subset of the population. And would you see non IC people on the site? If there were non IC people on the site wouldnt it just be a dating sight then.

Now I get having any issues with your body is hard to deal with, but NOONE should define themself by the issues they have.

 

[Joeysms]

i agree with SparkyDog focusing on IC in a relationship isn't the best idea. You are limiting the possibilities of meeting someone amazing if you are putting conditions out there to start. having thing in common is great, but when two people come together to share their differences that to me is about opening doors to learning and experiencing new stuff one might never have thought of. dating is never easy and there will be many miss steps along the way. I am not one for on line for no matter what the medium is people are rarely true / real when hiding behind a phone and computer. only real time in person one on one real time together can you find a possible life partner. everyone has something about themselves and there is no such thing as a prefect match. you have to accept the good and bad in a person and embrace everything about the person. like all social groups not all IC individuals are good individuals. one has to be willing to risk being hurt and rejected when dating that part stinks big time but that is how a Jem is found by weeding out the bad. if you want someone to keep an open mind about you having IC than you have to be willing to do the same about what a partner maybe bring to the table as well. The wider the Ocean you fish in the larger the catch. i am lucky and blessed i have that special life partner, but i wish all the best in their journey to meet someone special. being IC is a very small part of who a person is.

 

[SparkyDog]

@greatlake5
I think we don't have IC or disability dating sites as most people don't live through their disability / IC they want to be seen for them not their disabilities and a site focused on that flips that view

but maybe there are some whom want disabilities dating sites and if they / you do power to ya
I just think most don't want it to be their focus of how they are seen
again just my 2 cents

 

[slimjiminy]

@greatlake5
I think we don't have IC or disability dating sites as most people don't live through their disability / IC they want to be seen for them not their disabilities and a site focused on that flips that view
...
I just think most don't want it to be their focus of how they are seen...

That echos my opinion, just for the record.

 

[greatlake5]

My question is why have a special place for IC or Disabled?

I see ABDL get that, its an intrest, something you can bond over.

But, there is no need for a special IC dating site, what is wrong with the regular dating sights.

Well, we have a few sites. Like ADISC. But that isn't a dating site. There are a few dating sites for ABDL's but for the most part they are fishy or fake. Regular dating sites don't help IC people. Many regular people just don't understand IC people and most never consider an IC person as a possible partner. That's why a IC dating site might be helpful.

You are limiting the possibilities of meeting someone amazing if you are putting conditions out there to start.

I'm simply trying to help IC people. I have a partner. She is not disabled. It worked fine for me. But like CrossfireHurricane said, he is looking a closer target. Nothing wrong on that. I always wonder why ABDL / IC people want them...what...ABDL? They want them normal? Get real. Regular IC people are simply IC. Not ABDL / IC. Some are lucky enough to hook up with non-disability people. Which is great. If not, just wanting better prospect?

 

[newt]

@greatlake5
I think we don't have IC or disability dating sites as most people don't live through their disability / IC they want to be seen for them not their disabilities and a site focused on that flips that view

but maybe there are some whom want disabilities dating sites and if they / you do power to ya
I just think most don't want it to be their focus of how they are seen
again just my 2 cents

This is a great conversation and topic because I agree with both this AND @greatlake5 . I do think it’s true that we should not limit ourselves just to other IC or other conditions because IC shouldn’t limit us in dating and love. Because Love isn’t limited by medical conditions.

But at the same time dating with IC, especially when you’re younger, is terrifying. Idk when “younger” ends, but it’s somewhere when a doctor no longer says “but you’re too young for diapers.” Which was a real comment I got from a dermatologist last summer.

You never know if the person you like will reject you if they find out. It’s easy to say “well if they did that they weren’t the one for you.” And it’s true. But it doesn’t mean you’re not stung with a confidence-killing rejection for things outside your control. And diapers aren’t the most confidence inspiring thing to wear.

So an IC (plus other issues?) dating website takes away the biggest fear of IC being a problem. You would know you wouldn’t be judged for your biggest (or close) insecurities. You wouldn’t worry that, after investing all that emotional energy and building up all that hope, you would be rejected for the IC. You could just be yourself.

And I can imagine that would be very liberating. While I don’t think someone should only limit themselves to that dating website (there are plenty of people who would happily and lovingly accept the issue as many of us can attest to) it doesn’t mean it wouldn’t have any value.

So I don’t necessarily think an IC dating website would flip the view of wanting be seen as more than the disability. Because even though it would be front and center, it would be a place you could be fully seen in spite of the problem without fear.

 

[CrossfireHurricane]

I just wanted to iterated that having an IC dating site might be helpful. Not limiting anyone. I only wanted to see possibilities. That's all. I don't want to use an ABDL dating site. Mainly because I'm simply IC. Not an ABDL person. And ABDL dating sites are not useful. Not to mention they are fake. Of course it would be great if it focused on IC dating but certainly if it included other disabilities that might help more possibilities. In my view, I don't really consider ABDL even though I do have friends here on ADISC. I respect everyone here.

 

[Andrewgdfw]

You nailed it.

Yes Newt did. Incontinence can be a condition secondary to a wide range of physical or mental 'disabilities'.

quoting Newt:

"I would think a dating site for people in general with a range of different types of medical issues that make them wary of dating "normal" people might be better. That way even if you don't share the same medical problem, you share the same understanding and empathy for the struggles of life with a medical condition. Plus, it would also expand the field a bit more."

--------------

The above, in my opinion, would be a far more sensible approach. It considers the whole person instead of laser focused desires for their incontinence, diapers, caths, etc.

 

[Bigbabybret]

The way i see it is, everyone at some point has a medical condition, i do not see where this should be a consideration on what dating sight you are on.

Should there be a dating sight for people with high blood pressure, or diabetes or needing glasses, maybe a site for people with hair loss or etc...

If someone is unwilling to talk to someone cause of a medical condition that they cannot catch that person sould be ashamed.

If you want to announce your IC then put it in your profile. But i just dont see where a dating site should be based on a medical condition.

People like to put labels on themself all too often, and IC is simply a medical condition that MOST people will have to deal with if you live long enough.

Everyone is fine to do as they wish, and if someone want to start an IC only dating sight, ok, but this seems very odd.

The differance in ABDL or BDSM or any other kink/like is that is something you want to do/experiance.

Being IC by definition is something you cannot help/change, its a medical condition and has nothing to do with your likes. There may be overlap and people that like diapers, but that is now being DL not IC. and sure DL is something you want to do.

Being IC has NOTHING to do with your wants or who you want to meet or your demenor or you other than simply a medical condition.

I'd bet that nearly all IC people would rather not be IC, wether they like diapers or not doesnt matter, having a choice to wear a diaper is better than no choice.

If anyone that is IC feels that they cannot be with someone that is not IC then IMHO you might want to talk to some people and see why this is going on. A medical condition should not be in the top considerations of meeting someone.

 

[newt]

If anyone that is IC feels that they cannot be with someone that is not IC then IMHO you might want to talk to some people and see why this is going on. A medical condition should not be in the top considerations of meeting someone.

You make a lot of good points, but I think this paragraph is where I think you are missing the point. Because you are right about a lot of the other stuff.

I don’t think this hypothetical website is about people wanting be with someone BECAUSE they are incontinent. It’s more that since everyone is IC, the IC is not an issue for anyone. Neither person will reject the other for the issue. I’m that way it makes it like normal dating where you would be turned down for regular reasons like lack of chemistry or spark.

Because you’re right people who reject others for IC or other medical reasons are Aholes. Doesn’t make the sting of the reason easier to take.

 

[Bigbabybret]

You make a lot of good points, but I think this paragraph is where I think you are missing the point. Because you are right about a lot of the other stuff.

I don’t think this hypothetical website is about people wanting be with someone BECAUSE they are incontinent. It’s more that since everyone is IC, the IC is not an issue for anyone. Neither person will reject the other for the issue. I’m that way it makes it like normal dating where you would be turned down for regular reasons like lack of chemistry or spark.

Because you’re right people who reject others for IC or other medical reasons are Aholes. Doesn’t make the sting of the reason easier to take.

Yes, but i still dont think there is any differance in then having a dating site based on being left handed. Or perhaps like i said for diabetics.

There is no more reason to reject somone for being diabetic than being IC.

My point is not that you could be rejected for being IC the same as you could for having bad eyesight, or anything else.

I just think its a bad precedent and also the wrong process to exclude literally everyone but people with the same medical condition.

And yes, anyone that would simply disreguard someone cause of a medical condition is more than just an asshole.

But, if you are worried about that, every dating sight has a bio area, and you can simply say you are IC or have IC issues there if that is ones choice, whilst not excluding the entire rest of the population that is not IC.

 

[newt]

The website wouldn’t exclude anyone who isn’t IC any more than dating websites like Farmers Only (which is somehow real or at least was) “excludes” non farmers. I don’t feel excluded from that website because I’m not a farmer.

Same with plenty of other specialized dating apps. It’s not about excluding people so much as being a place for similar interests or preferences.

I highly doubt any non IC people would actually feel bad they couldn’t join the website. Why would they?

And it’s not about adding whether someone is IC in a general dating website bio. Because it’s not about finding someone that is IC. It’s about finding someone that accepts it.

And as much as I believe in the goodness of people, it’s hard to deny that when going through a regular dating app, a non IC person seeing that someone wears diapers would find it all too easy to just reject them before interacting. It’s too big of an issue, presented too early, without any emotional connection or investment, when there are plenty more profiles to look through.

People can accept IC, I know because I’m engaged and hopefully will never need this hypothetical website, but usually after some connection is formed.