When/How to tell s/o?

[ABontheDL]

I pretty much am only active on here to get advice so I apologize for that...
but
tl;dr- I slipped into headspace with my girlfriend one night but I'm not sure she picked up on it. My friend said I should just get it out of the way now but I'm not sure if I can or how to go about it...

I posted a week or two ago about trying to get rid of the little side of myself, and it's still something I'm trying to get rid of, but since you have all tried to help by telling me to accept myself, I've been trying to see myself as less of a "freak" and "gross" because of that thread. (thank you for that, by the way)
But I've been dating my current girlfriend for over a month now, and I really never planned on telling her about my little side, mainly because I'm a switch and she's a sub and I love Domming her. The main problem is, is that it's almost completely uncontrollable at night when I get tired. My voice gets higher and I completely slip.
I got out of work at midnight and I missed her, so I asked if I could call her and of course she said yes, so we talked on the phone until 3 am. It was just casual talking on the phone as we were both messaging a group chat we were in. It started off with one of my yawns which she cooed at and I knew from there, everything would start going downhill. I kept yawning and she kept saying "aww" and telling me I was cute and calling me "baby". When she told me to go to bed and told me that she would "put me in time-out" if I didn't, was when I completely lost it. I kept whining and repeating "not tired" and that whole thing... I even referred to myself in third person, which was a first. This lasted for a whole 15 minutes before I fell asleep for a couple seconds, only to wake up with my voice back at it's normal pitch and my head no longer cloudy so I was able to say good night.
Sorry for giving so much detail, I just wanted to say as much as I could.
I told my only friend that really knows about it and that lets me call her "Mommy", and she sort of knows my girlfriend and she told me I should just tell her because she's going to find out eventually.
I've hinted at little stuff with her, and she seemed kinda disgusted when I sent pictures of BTS members with pacifiers edited into their mouths, but then she started saying that it was kinda cute which gave me hope.

She's an extremely accepting person, I really don't think she has a cruel bone in her body. I don't think it would ruin our relationship if I told her. I don't know how to go about it, I don't know if it's too soon, and I don't know how to explain it...

ugh.. again, sorry for typing a book
and thank you in advance for the help. you guys are great. i love you.

 

[Poofybutt]

Speaking from experience, I had two girlfriends prior to meeting my current Mommy, and I told them when it just felt right. I usually revealed to them this side of myself early on in the relationship before things got too serious, probably around the 2-3 month mark.

With the first girlfriend, it naturally came up, we were talking about kinks and alternative lifestyles, she revealed to me some of her interests and I revealed mine. She was accepting, but did not engage although she encouraged me to diaper up and baby out in private away from her prying eyes, I think the thought of me being a baby was a libido killer for her... oh well, at least she accepted it.

The second girlfriend, we hit it off much better with one another, had a lot of similar interests and we were even studying the same subject at University. We had been dating for a while and I felt super comfortable around her so I planned out what I wanted to say before hand and just went with it. I tried not to make the conversation awkward, I didn't sit her down or say with a cracky voice "I have a secret to tell", we simply sat down to enjoy a movie night like any other and as the credits rolled, during one of our usual post-credit conversations, I told her. This girlfriend was accepting and tried to be my Mommy on a few occasions, but ultimately we wound up parting ways. School wrecked this relationship, I was a 2nd year in University, she was in 3rd year and she was accepted to complete her Master's elsewhere in another Province.

With regards to my current Mommy, well I sought out a Mommy so she was aware of my AB side from the get go.

Based on some of the exchanges you've had with your girlfriend, I think you are quite right in your estimation that she will be accepting. Both of my previous girlfriends never gave me any reason to believe that they would be open towards ABDL. Both of them rarely telegraphed their feelings towards kinks and alternative lifestyles and neither of them came across as overtly maternal and yet they were both accepting to some extent. Your girlfriend seems as though she is a very caring and maternal person. I never had a girlfriend engage in name calling me "baby" or saying "awww" when I was dozy and slipping into little mode. In fact, with a retort like "go to bed, or I'll put you in time out" one might assume that she probably already knows about this side of you or at least has an inkling. Being a sub, she may even know about the ABDL community as well. So, you shouldn't have any trouble working up the confidence to tell her.

As far as what time is the right time to tell her... well, as corny as this sounds, when the time is right, you'll just know it. My best advice for when you choose to tell her, try not to make the conversation awkward, maybe drop a few hints before launching into full disclosure and be sure to prepare before hand exactly what you want to say. Tell her exactly what being an ABDL means to you, be honest and speak from the heart and if you think it will help, let her know that your being an ABDL won't ruin the dom and sub relationship you currently have, maybe try to present this as another nuance you can incorporate into your private lives together. Perhaps the best piece of advice I can give is to not come on too strong, when you tell her about this side of yourself, try not to force or guilt her into participating, I know you won't, most people don't, but still this is worth noting. If she is genuinely interested, she will let you know and to what extent. If she is willing to Mommy you, take things slow, baby steps.

I hope this was helpful and good luck to you

 

[Slomo]

I get it can be really hard to come out to someone, when you yourself are still trying to figure it all out. And that's why you shouldn't. Not yet.

Give yourself a bit of an adult time out, when you're alone and have nothing else to do. Try to be honest with yourself, and admit what it is you really do like, truly need, simply enjoy, or just sometimes want. Try to admit to yourself what you feel will never go away, versus what you already know is something you just indulge in from time to time- thinks you kind of like but actually don't need. And write it all down if you have to- it helps to collect one's thoughts.

Once you've got it somewhat figured out, go online and use the search bar (on google, here, everywhere). Try to verify what you believe, and find evidence to support or otherwise discredit/correct that belief.

Only then will you be ready to tell your girlfriend. A word of warning though, don't make her wait too long before you're able to tell her. The long you go, the harder it will be to tell her. And potentially the longer you could end up being with the wrong person (hopefuly not though).

 

[skunkbear]

I agree with Slomo - figure out at least the gist of everything of what you want/like first. When I first came out to my partner, I felt really ashamed and gross (there are other reasons why I felt that way aside from "fetish" reasons) but I sat down and told them how I was feeling and how I'm still figuring it out. They were incredibly accepting and basically just told me to keep them in the loop of what was going on and that they'll love me no matter what. I had a binge/purge cycle, tried to force my little side out of me, and then it all came crashing back during one of the hardest times of my life (family/work problems, lots of stress, new medication etc etc) and I just regressed a lot.

I ended up thinking long and hard about it, and had a sit down conversation for around an hour of what I like, what I am, how I regress, and what I want out of my partner when that happens and what our boundaries are regarding the more fetish-y parts of it (which... I'm asexual completely during little space, so it doesn't really matter much in that regard). They comforted me and made me feel really accepted. I told them that I'll probably just ask if I regress if they can do certain things.. but they just took initiative and when they can tell that I'm regressing, they take care of me more. It's a really nice feeling.

My partner is pretty vanilla - they don't have really any fetishes, and when I sent them pics of onesies and pacis and stuff like that before they did something similar that your girlfriend did at first. But when they realized that it meant something to me, and that it made me happy, they tried to make me feel better about it. When we're shopping together they even take me over to the baby section or the toy section even if I don't mention it just cause they realize it makes me happy!

Granted, my partner and I have been together for over 4+ years.. I just recently told them a couple of months ago. If you have enough trust in your girlfriend now, then I think just think about what you're going to say and say it. The longer you put off an important part of you, the harder of a conversation it is going to be for the both of you. I also think that it will help you personally too if you have your partner kind of grow and explore with you even if she's not into it herself - I'm sure it would make you feel a lot more confident.

Good luck! We're always here for you if you need it! <hug>