Whats the best way to help my girlfriend feel comfortable around me wearing diapers?

[maxpitchup]

Hello all,
I've been in my relationship with my gf for 2 years now. I told her about my abdl side about 6 months into dating. We are very much in love and everything is leading to us being together for the long haul. The only big hurdle still in our relationship is that she is still a little uncomfortable with me in diapers. She feels awkward and feels like she loses me and moments in our relationship when I wear and sometimes sink into more of a baby headspace. I wear to bed once or twice a week and she is ok with it, but doesn't love it. And she diapers me and let's me embrace my little side about once a month. She doesn't prefer it, but she is willing to put in the work to make this relationship work. She has her boundaries and I respect them. We've talked about it plenty of times before and she wants to be with me and wants this relationship to work. She is willing to stay with me if we can get to a place where she is perfectly ok with me wearing and acting normal and can be confident that it won't interfere with our lives. She doesn't like me falling into my little headspace and she doesn't want to be my mommy all the time. And thats ok with me. I want a grown up relationship as well and would just like those random nights every once in a while for me to be in that headspace and embrace my little side and abdl. My question is how do I help her get to the point of being comfortable with this part of me and knock out this last big hurdle in our relationship so we can finally move on and just start our life together? What can I do to desensitize her from abdl because it is daunting to her sometimes? What helped you and your significant other? Any and all ideas are welcome. Thanks!

 

[Jorelaxed]

Hi Max, that is so awesome she is willing to work with you, the best advice I could give is give her plenty of time, talk with her but don't pressure her.

 

[Deleted member 71574]

I'm in a similar place nothing can help me fix mine but to stay on off like I do then I can do what I want, I couldn't even bring it up with him an we split up every month because we don't satisfy each other x

 

[Deleted member 71574]

Your wife even changes you, so your good even if it's not as often as u want I'm sure it can get there eventually x

 

[SeniorMan]

I've been in my relationship with my gf for 2 years now.

I’m glad you and your girlfriend are in love and want to make your relationship work. Your abdl side is essential to your identity and how you express yourself. However, I also respect your girlfriend has feelings and boundaries about it. It sounds like you have communicated well with each other and have reached some compromises, which is excellent. Here are some possible suggestions that might help you and your girlfriend get more comfortable with your abdl side:

• Try to understand her perspective and empathize with her feelings. She might feel confused, insecure, or overwhelmed by your abdl side. She might worry that you don’t see her as an equal partner or that you prefer diapers over her. She might also feel guilty or inadequate for not being able to fulfil her needs or desires. Try to reassure her that you love her for who she is and that your abdl side does not change how you feel about her or the relationship.
• Appreciate her efforts and show gratitude. She is trying to be supportive and accepting of your abdl side, even though she does not enjoy or understand it. That takes a lot of courage and love. Make sure you thank her for being open-minded and caring. Show her that you appreciate her by doing things that make her happy and comfortable, such as spending quality time with her, giving her compliments, doing chores, or surprising her with gifts or gestures.
• Respect her limits and don’t pressure her. She has clarified that she does not always want to be your mommy and does not like you to fall into your little headspace too often. Respect her wishes, and don’t try to push her beyond what she is comfortable with. Don’t make her feel bad or guilty for saying no or setting boundaries. Don’t use diapers as a way to manipulate or control her. Don’t make diapers the centre of your relationship or expect her to participate in every aspect of your abdl side.
• Educate her and involve her gradually. She might not know much about abdl or why it is essential to you. You can try to explain to her what it means to you, how it makes you feel, and what benefits it brings to your life. You can also share some resources with her, such as articles, books, podcasts, or videos that explain abdl positively and respectfully. You can also invite her to join some online communities or forums where she can learn from others in similar situations or who have more experience with abdl. You can also involve her gradually in your abdl side by asking her what she is comfortable with and what she is curious about. You can start with small things, such as letting her pick out a diaper for you, cuddling with you while you wear a diaper, or reading a bedtime story. You can also ask for her feedback and suggestions on how to make it more enjoyable for both of you.
• Balance your abdl side with other aspects of your life and relationship. Your abdl side is not the only thing that defines you or your relationship. You are also a grown-up with different interests, hobbies, goals, and responsibilities. Make sure you balance your abdl side with other aspects of your life and relationship. Don’t neglect your work, education, health, friends, family, or hobbies because of diapers. Don’t let diapers interfere with intimacy, communication, trust, or respect with your girlfriend. Don’t let diapers become an obsession or an addiction that takes over your life or relationship.

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you and your girlfriend. I wish you all the best in your journey together.bing.com

 

[maxpitchup]

I’m glad you and your girlfriend are in love and want to make your relationship work. Your abdl side is essential to your identity and how you express yourself. However, I also respect your girlfriend has feelings and boundaries about it. It sounds like you have communicated well with each other and have reached some compromises, which is excellent. Here are some possible suggestions that might help you and your girlfriend get more comfortable with your abdl side:

• Try to understand her perspective and empathize with her feelings. She might feel confused, insecure, or overwhelmed by your abdl side. She might worry that you don’t see her as an equal partner or that you prefer diapers over her. She might also feel guilty or inadequate for not being able to fulfil her needs or desires. Try to reassure her that you love her for who she is and that your abdl side does not change how you feel about her or the relationship.
• Appreciate her efforts and show gratitude. She is trying to be supportive and accepting of your abdl side, even though she does not enjoy or understand it. That takes a lot of courage and love. Make sure you thank her for being open-minded and caring. Show her that you appreciate her by doing things that make her happy and comfortable, such as spending quality time with her, giving her compliments, doing chores, or surprising her with gifts or gestures.
• Respect her limits and don’t pressure her. She has clarified that she does not always want to be your mommy and does not like you to fall into your little headspace too often. Respect her wishes, and don’t try to push her beyond what she is comfortable with. Don’t make her feel bad or guilty for saying no or setting boundaries. Don’t use diapers as a way to manipulate or control her. Don’t make diapers the centre of your relationship or expect her to participate in every aspect of your abdl side.
• Educate her and involve her gradually. She might not know much about abdl or why it is essential to you. You can try to explain to her what it means to you, how it makes you feel, and what benefits it brings to your life. You can also share some resources with her, such as articles, books, podcasts, or videos that explain abdl positively and respectfully. You can also invite her to join some online communities or forums where she can learn from others in similar situations or who have more experience with abdl. You can also involve her gradually in your abdl side by asking her what she is comfortable with and what she is curious about. You can start with small things, such as letting her pick out a diaper for you, cuddling with you while you wear a diaper, or reading a bedtime story. You can also ask for her feedback and suggestions on how to make it more enjoyable for both of you.
• Balance your abdl side with other aspects of your life and relationship. Your abdl side is not the only thing that defines you or your relationship. You are also a grown-up with different interests, hobbies, goals, and responsibilities. Make sure you balance your abdl side with other aspects of your life and relationship. Don’t neglect your work, education, health, friends, family, or hobbies because of diapers. Don’t let diapers interfere with intimacy, communication, trust, or respect with your girlfriend. Don’t let diapers become an obsession or an addiction that takes over your life or relationship.

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you and your girlfriend. I wish you all the best in your journey together.bing.com

Thank you so much for your feedback. Very well written and informative from your perspective. Thanks!

 

[SeniorMan]

You’re very welcome. I’m glad you found it helpful. Is there anything else you would like to know or talk about? bing.com

 

[Stargazer93]

"She feels awkward and feels like she loses me and moments in our relationship when I wear and sometimes sink into more of a baby headspace."

That's what killed my last relationship. It felt soooooo good to be cared for that I lost sight of her needs as well. All free time we ever had turned into her baby sitting an infant. I was mentally totally gone in those moments and she no longer had an adult boyfriend, but the responsabilty of mothering a two year old who needed to be constantly cared for.

Stuff like that wears on a person.

so she got tired of that and left. Communication is very important. I wish so bad she would have just told me she was uncomfortable and I would have backed off, but she never did.

So finding a balance I think is best. Be attentive to her needs and that way she can be attentive to your needs to and you both can have your needs met

 

[sbmccue]

SeniorMan's second point bears repeating: Appreciate her efforts and show gratitude.

Out of curiosity, what did you do to thank her the last time she diapered you? Even with paid caregivers, I go out of my way to show them how much I appreciate their efforts and how grateful I am for the care. Unfortunately, a genuine 'show' of gratitude and appreciation seems beyond many ABs.

Better yet, since you live with the lady, be alert for wishes and wants, and fulfill them. Whenever she says, "I wish ..." or "I want ..." jot down what she mentions. Surprise her with something from her 'wish' list the next time she 'babies' you.

Trust me when I tell you, nothing will get her over the diaper hurdle faster than knowing that you're paying rapt attention to her needs, wants and desires. The first time my girlfriend diapered me, I sent her a dozen roses at work. She was the envy of her all-female office! I always worked hard to show her that I appreciated what she did for me. Even now, I send her cards, bring her flowers, and buy her chocolate. She always looks forward to babysitting me again because she knows I'm going to go out of my way to show her how much I love and appreciate her.

 

[WifesLilOne]

I would suggest that you sit down and make notes of your situation. For example, Maybe a pros and cons listing of what you like about it, what is comfortable, and what is not, what is fun or exciting about it to you, what you think may make it more exciting to you. Basically a list of "Heres the thing" Maybe you can come up with lets say 10 reasonable semi normal things you like or enjoy.

Now you will need a list from her, starting with for example, what she finds OK about you being diapered, How she feels about diapering you. Is it on her terms or yours. Who decides when this playtime takes place. Is there something she may want to add to this time. Does she tease you in any way that implies, she would like to feed you by spoon or make bottles, even if it is just offering to cut up your food. etc. Are you telling her how to do this or that, are you happy with how she does things, or do you complain about little tasks such as the tapes or pins are too loose. What would make it easier for her, what kind of fun can she derive from the experience.

Basically what I am getting at is, there will be a happy medium where you both should be comfortable. When you wear. Who does the diapering, Incl the initial clean diaper from the start, then on to what about the changes, what is acceptable and what is not? cummies, wet, dirty. How you use the diaper (if at all, when she is there for example). Who else is around, are you wearing under your pants when you go to the store together, or browsing the Mall or out to a Movie or even attending a cookout at friends or neighbors or her family. See, now without asking, IDK, and maybe you do this already, and she is against it.

Learning what she thinks is acceptable, pleasing, fun or even entertaining (for her) is the best way to move forward. Learning about how she feels about her involvement in any of these things, such as what the experience in this as a play activity be like for her. Maybe it is only once a month when she "plays along", but is that instigated by you? What about the other times when "normal" playtime is initiated, is she happy with the "ol standby of vanilla activity" or is there something that she may want to try... You may find it more exciting if you give her the authority to govern when your playtime activity in diapers begins and ends the way she see's fit. Perhaps changing her title to Mistress instead of Mommy is something that can change her state of mind (Even if just a little) beginning with your very next conversation with her.

I would be curious to learn what she has learned about the subject, the difference between Ab and Just Dl, are there any things you can think of, maybe things you didn't think she would like or approve of that you haven't told her. Such as you being a lil boy, or a lil girl. Has she chatted with or even read about other couples to learn from some of their activities that she may actually like or hate, something that might make her curious and even suggest how maybe the two of you could maybe do that? Communication is so very important, but truthful honesty is the key.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

Thank you so much for your feedback. Very well written and informative from your perspective. Thanks!

That was generated by AI. It took him 15 seconds.

 

[PeeJayTee]

Hello all,
I've been in my relationship with my gf for 2 years now. I told her about my abdl side about 6 months into dating. We are very much in love and everything is leading to us being together for the long haul. The only big hurdle still in our relationship is that she is still a little uncomfortable with me in diapers. She feels awkward and feels like she loses me and moments in our relationship when I wear and sometimes sink into more of a baby headspace. I wear to bed once or twice a week and she is ok with it, but doesn't love it. And she diapers me and let's me embrace my little side about once a month. She doesn't prefer it, but she is willing to put in the work to make this relationship work. She has her boundaries and I respect them. We've talked about it plenty of times before and she wants to be with me and wants this relationship to work. She is willing to stay with me if we can get to a place where she is perfectly ok with me wearing and acting normal and can be confident that it won't interfere with our lives. She doesn't like me falling into my little headspace and she doesn't want to be my mommy all the time. And thats ok with me. I want a grown up relationship as well and would just like those random nights every once in a while for me to be in that headspace and embrace my little side and abdl. My question is how do I help her get to the point of being comfortable with this part of me and knock out this last big hurdle in our relationship so we can finally move on and just start our life together? What can I do to desensitize her from abdl because it is daunting to her sometimes? What helped you and your significant other? Any and all ideas are welcome. Thanks!

Hmmm.....this looks like a classic case of insecurity on her part. I think Rhoda Lipscombs book "You're not Broken" could possibly help you help her understand that it's not a replacement for her but it has to be genuine on your part. Do you think she's the one? I went through it twice before I understood. You know how us guys are.....we're a bit slow. lol!

 

[maxpitchup]

SeniorMan's second point bears repeating: Appreciate her efforts and show gratitude.

Out of curiosity, what did you do to thank her the last time she diapered you? Even with paid caregivers, I go out of my way to show them how much I appreciate their efforts and how grateful I am for the care. Unfortunately, a genuine 'show' of gratitude and appreciation seems beyond many ABs.

Better yet, since you live with the lady, be alert for wishes and wants, and fulfill them. Whenever she says, "I wish ..." or "I want ..." jot down what she mentions. Surprise her with something from her 'wish' list the next time she 'babies' you.

Trust me when I tell you, nothing will get her over the diaper hurdle faster than knowing that you're paying rapt attention to her needs, wants and desires. The first time my girlfriend diapered me, I sent her a dozen roses at work. She was the envy of her all-female office! I always worked hard to show her that I appreciated what she did for me. Even now, I send her cards, bring her flowers, and buy her chocolate. She always looks forward to babysitting me again because she knows I'm going to go out of my way to show her how much I love and appreciate her.

I took her out for a nice dinner. But yeah, that seems like it really makes sense. Make her feel really appreciated and she might feel better doing it the next time. Thanks!

 

[maxpitchup]

That was generated by AI. It took him 15 seconds.

Lol yeah I noticed that after the fact haha

 

[maxpitchup]

Hmmm.....this looks like a classic case of insecurity on her part. I think Rhoda Lipscombs book "You're not Broken" could possibly help you help her understand that it's not a replacement for her but it has to be genuine on your part. Do you think she's the one? I went through it twice before I understood. You know how us guys are.....we're a bit slow. lol!

Is that book actually helpful? Would it be more geared towards me? Or would it help her if she read it?

 

[PeeJayTee]

Is that book actually helpful? Would it be more geared towards me? Or would it help her if she read it?

Both actually. She included a chapter specifically for a partner to read. I used it as a tool with the last woman I was seeing and it was perfect. But you really have to be patient and peel the layers slowly.

 

[lilbabyjooce]

I think @WifesLilOne and @sbmccue have given the best advice for this situation.
Obviously, it’s understandable why this is such a big deal for you, and why it’s so important for this need to be met in some capacity for you. But your partner is already going above and beyond what most would do when they don’t understand or feel exceptionally comfortable with this kind of dynamic. That’s not to say it’s wrong of you for wanting even more care, but I would be very careful with pushing your desires beyond what is reasonable. You say you’ve talked about this plenty of times before, but how often do you communicate about this on the regular rather than relying on past conversations? Have you ever asked her what the best case scenario would look like for this dynamic on her terms rather than just yours? I find the comment, “she is willing to stay with me if we can get to a place where she is perfectly ok with me wearing and acting normal and can be confident that it won't interfere with our lives” to be concerning because it places a lot of the weight on her, when in reality it is your desires that need to be compromised here. It can’t be all on her—which I’m not saying is what you’re implying, but it’s important to emphasize that this isn’t just a matter of her getting more comfortable but you also being exceptionally active in trying to find that balance that works for the both of you. Is this also her view on the future of the relationship, or are these just your feelings? Have you both come to an agreement as to what this being normal and not interfering looks like?
The biggest, most important things as highlighted by the comments I think do it best are communication (being active with it, frequent with it, clear with it) and making up for the labor she has to go through caring for you when you’re little in other capacities of the relationship (showing gratitude, making sure to stay active in the adult parts of the relationship). ABDLs tend to let their desires consume them and let them take the wheel as the driving force in the relationship, which rarely turns out positively. You need to have a very keen sense of self awareness through this all to make sure your fantasies aren’t the only priority. Even the CGs that love taking care of others still have to exert a lot of energy to do so, so for those who this isn’t their truly their interest it is even more of an effort. Be careful not to take her efforts for granted as your desires seem to have taken center stage when thinking about the future of the relationship. I hope the both of you can continue to work together and make each other both feel as if your needs are being met. Best of luck!

 

[PaddedRita]

I think @WifesLilOne and @sbmccue have given the best advice for this situation.
Obviously, it’s understandable why this is such a big deal for you, and why it’s so important for this need to be met in some capacity for you. But your partner is already going above and beyond what most would do when they don’t understand or feel exceptionally comfortable with this kind of dynamic. That’s not to say it’s wrong of you for wanting even more care, but I would be very careful with pushing your desires beyond what is reasonable. You say you’ve talked about this plenty of times before, but how often do you communicate about this on the regular rather than relying on past conversations? Have you ever asked her what the best case scenario would look like for this dynamic on her terms rather than just yours? I find the comment, “she is willing to stay with me if we can get to a place where she is perfectly ok with me wearing and acting normal and can be confident that it won't interfere with our lives” to be concerning because it places a lot of the weight on her, when in reality it is your desires that need to be compromised here. It can’t be all on her—which I’m not saying is what you’re implying, but it’s important to emphasize that this isn’t just a matter of her getting more comfortable but you also being exceptionally active in trying to find that balance that works for the both of you. Is this also her view on the future of the relationship, or are these just your feelings? Have you both come to an agreement as to what this being normal and not interfering looks like?
The biggest, most important things as highlighted by the comments I think do it best are communication (being active with it, frequent with it, clear with it) and making up for the labor she has to go through caring for you when you’re little in other capacities of the relationship (showing gratitude, making sure to stay active in the adult parts of the relationship). ABDLs tend to let their desires consume them and let them take the wheel as the driving force in the relationship, which rarely turns out positively. You need to have a very keen sense of self awareness through this all to make sure your fantasies aren’t the only priority. Even the CGs that love taking care of others still have to exert a lot of energy to do so, so for those who this isn’t their truly their interest it is even more of an effort. Be careful not to take her efforts for granted as your desires seem to have taken center stage when thinking about the future of the relationship. I hope the both of you can continue to work together and make each other both feel as if your needs are being met. Best of luck!

Very well said lilbabyjooce ! ! !

I like to mention that just don't push it on her !! Do it very gradually until both of ya are very comfortable about wearing ! When Abbie and myself move in together it took me way over a year to get comfortable of wearing around her and like wise ! Eight plus some years later it just normal any more !

 

[ItsTimmyTime]

You've had some fantastic responses here so I feel there's little more I can add. I will say though, in regards to her not being comfortable with you slipping into little space and her feeling like she's lost you "in that moment".

Something that helped my wife understand and accept my littlespace was recognising a definitive line between little me and big me, mixing the two mindsets together didn't work for us. That only confused her.

Over time my wife has learned to understand how therapeutic little time is for me and how much that benefits me in my day-to-day adult life. This has been a huge factor in our success! Have you discussed the therapeutic benefits you feel, it can be a pretty powerful thing. I've likened it to mediation.

Like many others have said. It's all about patience, loads and loads of honest, open communication - but not constantly, don't overburden her because she'll feel burned out. Pick one day a week where you can speak freely about stuff, whether that's face-to-face or via messaging each other. Even now for my wife and I, we sometimes finding messaging is best because it's easier to articulate your feelings and emotions, whilst giving the other person the time to respond and not feeling like they've been put "on the spot".

@lilbabyjooce made an important point when she spoke about the effort your partner has to put in when taking care of you. Even in a "normal" scenario, caring for a baby/toddler is a massive drain on energy levels, both physically and mentally. Add to that, this isn't a normal situation for her will only make it doubly draining for her. Likely she'll want to give you the best experience she can offer you but you have to acknowledge constantly that you're aware of this fact and you wholeheartedly appreciate even the smallest thing she does for you.

My wife still experiences those feelings now. She can't always fully engage with me in littlespace, but often she'll do as much as she can. Other times she goes all out. It's really important to acknowledge and appreciate even the tiniest acts our SO do because every little thing to us is likely a huge thing to them!

 

[star]

I was reading this thread and wondering: perhaps she is also feeling "what will happen if we have a baby together"? That's an interesting dynamic and deserves some thought.... If she is keen to have children, this could be a big cause of confusion and uncertainty.