Thoughts on the AB/DL dating scene?

[diaperwoody]

This is exactly my point. Too many people make it a lifestyle and not just a kink you bring out of the closet on occasion. It can sour a relationship because it can be tiresome. It’s obsession really.

Like my last girlfriend said before she left me…” I should’ve known. Addictions always come first.”

 

[safaridaze]

This is exactly my point. Too many people make it a lifestyle and not just a kink you bring out of the closet on occasion. It can sour a relationship because it can be tiresome. It’s obsession really.

It is not a lifestyle for me, but I have to say. when my urge to be little gets triggered, it is obsessive in me and does not just go away. So I can have tons of empathy for someone who has that urge and it is not possible to turn off and it never goes away. I wish mine away all the time. In that case maybe it needs to be a lifestyle - my guess is there are a great many that would love to just have it be kink they take out on occasion, but that is not possible!

 

[Anemone]

It is not a lifestyle for me, but I have to say. when my urge to be little gets triggered, it is obsessive in me and does not just go away. So I can have tons of empathy for someone who has that urge and it is not possible to turn off and it never goes away. I wish mine away all the time. In that case maybe it needs to be a lifestyle - my guess is there are a great many that would love to just have it be kink they take out on occasion, but that is not possible!

Obsession, of course, can be resolved. It is self perpetuating without intervention but that is why it is important to do something about it, even though the natural instinct is to resign one's self to it.

 

[safaridaze]

Obsession, of course, can be resolved. It is self perpetuating without intervention but that is why it is important to do something about it, even though the natural instinct is to resign one's self to it.

Well, my personal experience is that I have had an obsession with diapers since I can recall. I have hid, pushed, purged, drank and countless other efforts to "resolve" my obsession to no avail. I wish to "resolve" mine almost every day - I'm not saying it cant be done - but I guess I don't know how to, nor do I understand just how much is OK then and who is to say? I am sure others can have drives even stronger than mine.

I guess to me it is important to understand yourself, and find a balance that you and a partner can live with. (That is not me... I am hiding my diapers still). I also feel if someone wants or needs it to be a lifestyle, why is that bad and need to be resolved? I am actually laughing at this visual of me sitting here in a diaper, talking about how someone else really needs to get their diaper wearing obsessions resolved and under control... LOL

 

[MikeDJ]

I would recommend Fetlife as it based around where you are. There might be ABDL events in your area, like a munch type thing, where it is usually casual and you can meet new people.
I am lucky that my partner is 100% accepting of my kink/fetish but she doesn't participate at all so encourages me to make friends in the community who I can hang out with in diapers. It takes some steady communication but for me it works as we get along extremely well.

Id agree with Fetlife being a good place to start as far as those wanting to meet a like minded partner. Its still hard though because it works way better with guys meeting guys .I went to a few meet ups of sorts over the years and it was pretty much all older men wanting to meet other men. Again though Id say Fetlife is a good starting point. Its often a lopsided fetish so its not easy.

 

[WetDiapers247]

I assume you know of ABDLmatch. I look at it on occasion, but really more to help me come to terms that I am not alone. I have a girl, so not looking for another. But it mat be a place to look and know there is a similar interest to start. no idea how full of cans and spam it is. I do not pay for an account, just ease my mind.

Abdl match is a scam site. They're all bots. Tried it once... realized it was bs and was luckily able to get my money back through my bank.

 

[mammalun]

Sorry. From what I have seen, most girls in the ABDL scene get flooded with "requests" from all the dudes. that contributes to burnout and then they leave.

Oh god don't we just. I hadn't played with anyonr ABDL until last year. He found me purely by chance even if he was on the hunt for someone to be OK with hos ABDL. Howeve, as soon as I went looking for places to teach myself, find supory etc., dang. Seriously, thr rrason some people arr single or can't find a caregiver is because they are frigging horriböe. Instead of unsolicited dick picks I got overloaded by unsolociated messy diaper pics. Some just start off my calling me mummy, like they own me already or something. Really not the way to make me even remotely inteterested.

I love my Little because he is a kind and respectful person first, and ABDL second.

This site is the only one where I havem't been inundated with "be my mummy" requests.

 

[Anemone]

Well, my personal experience is that I have had an obsession with diapers since I can recall. I have hid, pushed, purged, drank and countless other efforts to "resolve" my obsession to no avail. I wish to "resolve" mine almost every day - I'm not saying it cant be done - but I guess I don't know how to, nor do I understand just how much is OK then and who is to say? I am sure others can have drives even stronger than mine.

Are any of those things you would advise someone struggling with an obsession to do? We have to learn to be kind to ourselves before we can accept our own help or needs.

I guess to me it is important to understand yourself, and find a balance that you and a partner can live with. (That is not me... I am hiding my diapers still). I also feel if someone wants or needs it to be a lifestyle, why is that bad and need to be resolved? I am actually laughing at this visual of me sitting here in a diaper, talking about how someone else really needs to get their diaper wearing obsessions resolved and under control... LOL

If something is not negatively impacting a person's life then there is no need to change it. If they are suffering then it begs resolution.

 

[PetahPetah]

Im in new hampshire. Gay guy, not that it makes much difference while diapered! Tried a hookup site, mostly just flirts who dont follow through and show up, grrr!

 

[CrazySmoker]

Any random ABDL contact site contains aprox. 66% of "Male bay seeking for moomy, need change my diaper" - mostly without any answer, 25% of gay conatct, 5% of something else and 5% of payservice. % are aproximated.

Women are frequently spammed by looser, who are unable to find any other way to get any contact with woman, indeferently if is into ABDL or not. For this reason most women ending run away from ABDL dating sites.

 

[jbond007]

The fact that I wear diapers is not a "lifestyle"; it's just one fact of my life. No one knows who doesn't need to know and that's just the way I want it. I can't imagine it being anything more. The problem is that, at least for me, there's no room to compromise. In my 20s & 30s, I was quite prepared to submerge (or at least conceal), through purging and self-shaming, my need for diapers, in order to have a romantic partner. Not only did keeping it a secret fail to help attract suitable companionship, but I realized eventually that keeping this secret from a potential partner would never have worked, anyway - not for long. For me, this is not a "once in a while" deal. This is as much a part of me as being gay and I can't cut it off without doing damage to the rest of me. I can't compromise "just a little bit" without total surrender. This is, of course, utterly objectionable and therefore not an option. It is not fair for a potential partner to ask me to suppress a very real need, while his own needs are freely expressed and my willingness to meet them taken for granted. This means that if some guy cannot accept the fact that I need to wear diapers, then we can still be friends but we cannot be in the bedroom together. This is no easier for gay guys than anyone else because gay men are often just as narrow-minded, bigoted, and fear-dominated as anyone, and not just where sexual matters are concerned. I don't want to go through my life alone but I am prepared to do that, if necessary. No relationship is worth if you can't be fully yourself.

 

[Eclectic]

It is not a lifestyle for me, but I have to say. when my urge to be little gets triggered, it is obsessive in me and does not just go away. So I can have tons of empathy for someone who has that urge and it is not possible to turn off and it never goes away. I wish mine away all the time. In that case maybe it needs to be a lifestyle - my guess is there are a great many that would love to just have it be kink they take out on occasion, but that is not possible!

100% agree with this. I can compartmentalize this as only 1% kink for me. I wear diapers 24/7 because of my severe urge IC. I am also a regressive little. That’s just a part of who I am.

If this is simply a kink, hobby or choice for you, then you can thank your lucky stars for that. When I first met my wife, she was actually quite accepting of using it as a kink/foreplay. Then she realized it was much more than that for me and, over time, she slowly acknowledged and accepted it. She is the dominant in our relationship, but not the nurturing mommy type. Could I have done better? Unlikely.

I haven’t dated in over 26 years, but when I did I was fortunate to have the good looks and personality so that women came to me and I could pick and choose. That being said I have only met a small percentage of women that I felt attracted to. Now imagine the much smaller percentage that I am attracted to and who are fine with me in diapers 24/7 and with being a little. My wife is that person. Is she thrilled with it? No, I don’t think so. Can she accept it and even embrace it because of all the other things I can offer. Absolutely.

You are better off looking for a person you are attracted to that can accept your ABDL because the likelihood of you finding an ABDL partner who you are also attracted too and want to spend the rest of your life with is much much smaller.

 

[safaridaze]

100% agree with this. I can compartmentalize this as only 1% kink for me. I wear diapers 24/7 because of my severe urge IC. I am also a regressive little. That’s just a part of who I am.

If this is simply a kink, hobby or choice for you, then you can thank your lucky stars for that. When I first met my wife, she was actually quite accepting of using it as a kink/foreplay. Then she realized it was much more than that for me and, over time, she slowly acknowledged and accepted it. She is the dominant in our relationship, but not the nurturing mommy type. Could I have done better? Unlikely.

I haven’t dated in over 26 years, but when I did I was fortunate to have the good looks and personality so that women came to me and I could pick and choose. That being said I have only met a small percentage of women that I felt attracted to. Now imagine the much smaller percentage that I am attracted to and who are fine with me in diapers 24/7 and with being a little. My wife is that person. Is she thrilled with it? No, I don’t think so. Can she accept it because of all the other things I can offer. Absolutely.

You are better off looking for a person you are attracted to that can accept your ABDL because the likelihood of you finding an ABDL partner who you are also attracted too and want to spend the rest of your life with is much much smaller.

Well said - And thanks. I agree. I do not think I am going to find a partner I like at some ABDL porn site. That is just not me.. I am an every day guy that was given this awesome fetish for diapers and have some regressive personality quirks to boot! But I am not the kind of guy you would find on a fetish dating sight. I would rather have a partner first, and a dominant care giver second! but it is hard to have anyone vanilla have any appreciation for this stuff..

 

[sjner2142]

I have always been curious to find someone romantically that I can share my comforts in this kink. However, more recently it’s been really hard to find someone who is like minded especially with all the bad people around…

What’s everyone thought on the AB/DL scene? What website/App have you tried? Any bad or good experience so far? Any tips of meeting new people?

I can definitely say I’ve thought about this myself as well. It can be difficult to find the right person IRL alone, and adding on this kink only makes it more difficult.

My thoughts are that the websites/apps aren’t the best in terms of actually finding a partner who shares this kink - but that experience definitely varies for men versus women, I would imagine. I’ve opened up in the past to some girlfriends and 2/3 were pretty accepting and I felt I was able to be open with them and communicative, so I consider myself lucky in that regard. But with currently being single, it’s definitely pretty scary knowing I will likely need to open up to a future partner who has probably never even heard of this kink before

 

[quartz200420012]

Regarding the dating scene on fetlife....

As a straight male. I would appreciate it if people would stop sending dick picks. I don't know why that's such an issue.

 

[PastelPadding]

In my experience, there's more men who are focused more on the fetish than on people and a relationship outside of diapers. It doesn't feel like they approach me as a person, but a means to satisfy their own ends. This isn't limited to abdl, I'm sure. A relationship based on a shared mutual interest in a fetish is not destined to last. I'd rather find someone who likes me for me and not what I can do for them and it seems like men in fetish spaces have a really hard time connecting on a personal level as the desperation to have the sexual fantasies fulfilled blinds them to anything else. The amount of messages I've gotten, unsolicited, with "baby talk" about suckling on my boobs from complete strangers tends to have me not wanting to be visible.

 

[greatlake5]

If (I'm not), if I was looking for an inline ABDL club or dating ABDL dating site, I'd certainly figure out where I might go for a "munch." For what I've seen, they seem to be fairly safe. Other "members" would be a face to face meeting. It wouldn't be a guarantee that they aren't creepy. But I think it would give you a sent of who they are. Then the next chance would be when you could talk to them. That would give you an idea of what they say and by then you can figure it out if they an idiot or not.

Any time you look for someone who is into your kink, there always have a risk. I'd go for a munch just to see people. I wouldn't be looking for a date. I'd look for friends only. If you meet someone and they seem friendly, you're half way there.

It might work the same way for meeting an incontinent group. Again, more safe (though probably less risk for an ABDL group). Investigate and research what you are looking for. Let me know how it goes.

 

[Anemone]

Regarding the dating scene on fetlife....

As a straight male. I would appreciate it if people would stop sending dick picks. I don't know why that's such an issue.

No one likes dick picks, being straight or male has nothing to do with it.

I'm pretty sure it is an issue everywhere, the problem being that a picture is worth a thousand words but many people simply have nothing worth saying.

 

[MaengDa2992]

I'd honestly give anything in the world for a solid relationship that incorporates AB/DL. My ex was open to exploring it, I was lucky enough. It wasn't her thing, but still entertained it sometimes for the sake of fun and adventure. Things eventually ended. Good relationships in general are hard to find, and can be difficult to maintain, let alone adding a kink into the mix. One can dream. Would love for there to be a solid site for this purpose. I've heard a lot of horror stories regarding Fetlife. That all being said it would be something truly special to find a woman genuinely into this that was also legitimately compatible. That's a huge part of the whole equation like a few others have mentioned on this thread. Things outside of the kink are just as important as the aspects inside of the kink. Balance is key I think. It's unfortunate this is considered so taboo aside from things like BDSM which are generally spoken about openly and engaged in between couples.

 

[Palle]

It is not a lifestyle for me, but I have to say. when my urge to be little gets triggered, it is obsessive in me and does not just go away. So I can have tons of empathy for someone who has that urge and it is not possible to turn off and it never goes away. I wish mine away all the time. In that case maybe it needs to be a lifestyle - my guess is there are a great many that would love to just have it be kink they take out on occasion, but that is not possible!

This is soo true for me as well, when triggered I also get more or less obsessive, not sure I always dislike that, but it sometimes put an end to other plans I may have had for that weekend. Don't get me wrong I mostly really loves being little, and well since I'm single, it seldom affects others than me, myself and I. Sometimes I can miss someone to chat to thought, especially when I am caught in the moment... But I have Adisc so I am mostly fine... Adisc really is the best forum I ever been a member in...