Spouses question

[JeriHfoley18]

My U-IC and now small but still an issue none the less bowel.
My wife, man she supports me as I go on this journey.. But it’s painfully obvious it’s completely disgusting to her, and I get it.
Believe it or not I’m disgusted by changing someone else’s diaper, yet I wear…

Any opinions on how to make it easier on her? I’m not looking for her to change me or go that route, just a little easier.

Thanks in advance fellow incontinent warriors!
Semper fi!

 

[Bigbabybret]

Well, what about it is actually being hard about it.

it's just a fact that uring happens, and if she isnt changing you then about the only thing you can do is to keep yourself clean.

When you need to change, if you want to, do it in the bathroom, put in a bag so she doesnt see/smeel the diaper.

Perhaps wear pajamas over the top all the time if you dont, if seeing a diaper bithers her.

You need to ask her or least say what you know/think is bothering her.

I mean, in all reality, she bleeds every month and used a pad or tampon for that, this is life, and shouldnt be anything to be bothered by, it's like everyone uses the bathroom it not something that can be avoided.

My suggestions without specific info from you:
Change when you need to, use some scented powder too.
Wear pajamas over the top of the diaper, if not a diaper cover too.
Change in the bathroom, dispose of the diaper asap and/or put in a seperate bag right away.
Maybe keep things trimmed to keep smells as bay.
If being intimate, take a shower right before, and if there is any issues with any spillage then maybe get a bed pad, but that isnt usually an issue anyhow.

Besides that, i cant think of any general thing that you can do, but please post if you have specific things she is having issues with, i may be of more help once knowing that.

 

[slimjiminy]

Perhaps wear pajamas over the top all the time if you dont, if seeing a diaper bothers her.

I think this is key. My wife for example, would not like seeing me around our place in just a T-shirt and diaper. I wear PJs, PJ shorts in summer, to keep things as dignified as possible.

I know there is not a lot of dignity in getting old, but we do what we can.

 

[NappiedTruckDriver]

I think this is key. My wife for example, would not like seeing me around our place in just a T-shirt and diaper. I wear PJs, PJ shorts in summer, to keep things as dignified as possible.

I know there is not a lot of dignity in getting old, but we do what we can.

I live with mother and oldest brother who’s 10 years older than me so has seen me in just nappies around the house when I was a baby
But I don’t do that now I’m 48 1/2 not 2 1/2.
Always wear PUL pants and at least shorts or a onesie over nappy
We’re adults not children

 

[ltaluv]

Some of how you handle it depends on which parts of your incontinence bother your wife.

My wife isn't bothered by seeing me in diapers - I feel old and broken, but she says she finds me sexy and enjoys ogling me when I'm undressed, even when I'm changing my diaper. We haven't discussed her helping me change because I don't need the help and that's not something that I particularly want, but I think she would have no problems with changing a wet diaper.

On the other hand, I got an ileostomy last year, and she's grossed out by the stoma. She doesn't mind seeing the bag as long as it's an opaque one that the stoma isn't visible through, but she doesn't want to see the stoma or have anything to do with it. It's unfortunate since there have been times that having her help with bag changes would have been really helpful, but all I can do is work within her limitations as well as my own.

If your wife is put off by your diaper, then by ask means keep it covered around her. If she is bothered by urine, then you don't necessarily need to keep the diaper covered, but keep her from setting it when it's wet. If it's just the thought of having to clean urine off of you or handle a wet diaper that bothers her, then change where she doesn't have to ser or smell anything. You shouldn't cut yourself off from your spouse any more than you have to, but you also shouldn't expose her to things that are off-putting to her.

 

[greatlake5]

Having been IC since the beginning (U-IC/F-IC), most people who knew me when I was in school, they knew I was wearing a diaper. Of course it wasn't fun. After college I moved to another state and bought a company (with my father). Despite having good friends I didn't have a girlfriend until I connected with a particularly girl. Long story short, she is know my partner (for over a year +). She has said that she's not afraid of my diaper. In fact, she thinks they're cute (really?). After we slept together I tried to hide my diaper. I would get into bed and wear some thin sweat shorts. But one night she just grabbed my shorts and said she wanted to see my diaper. So eventually I don't hide them. Even in the morning when I usually have a BM while sleeping, she says it doesn't smell like poop (I use chlorophyll). But she knows there is a load in the bottom of my diaper. I finally let her change me as long it was only in the evening when my diaper was wet. I've never let her change a messy diaper. For me it would just be too embarrassing.
She's okay with my incontinence. She knows it's a medical problem and my diaper doesn't bother her at all.

As for dealing with wet and dirty diapers, there are a few things you could use. There really isn't anything you could do about someone who simply hates the fact that you're IC and diaper dependent. But if they became more understanding about our IC issues, you can live just about as normal.
If you have F-IC, I suggest using internal deodorants. You won't stink around the house. Also, make sure you change a wet or dirty diaper when you can. I also use incense and cologne. It helps. Most of the time I wear plastic pants over my diaper. I don't sit around the house in just a diaper (even though my girlfriend doesn't mind). Sometimes if your partner is disgusted about your accidents, you probably picked the wrong partner. Sorry but it's true.

 

[K911]

Being an Asian Chinese, its almost a taboo to be married to husband (me) that wears diapers.
But she was into it and even took the initiative to wear and get a feeling how it works. My wife wears cauze partly curious, partly convenience, and most of all its a supportive action that she took to make me feel less bad about it and to show me that she is not disgusted by it. Im always delighted that i found a women that doesnt see me like a weirdo. I am only U-IC. I try not to inconvenice her like there are times i have to stop the car so i can make a quick change, or i leak in the movies etc.

There was a few times that she changed me but was mostly cauze she cares about my health and I was drunk at a party and fell asleep while waiting for her. I got home and dropped dead on the sofa. She changed me without me knowing, till i woke up the next day and yeah, ive no memory that i changed before sleeping. I did ask if she finds it disgusting , she says its good practice that if i were to be senile before she does, she is trained to change my diaper haha.

As for F-IC, i think so long your spouse is okay , dont think too much about it. She's your wife after all. through thick or thin, health or sickness. So long you treat each other with respect, i would say there is almost no such thing as 'embarassment" between spouses.

 

[Zeke]

I would say that you should try and make sure that your fecal odors are controlled and contained. Controlled by the use of a odor reducing supplement like Nullo or chlorophyll, Staying hydrated, taking a good probiotic (I also snclude Greek yogurt for its probiotics) and a reducing my red meat and sugar consumption seems to have greatly lessened the intensity of my fecal odor. Combining this reduction in intensity along with plastic pants for containing wandering odors I find very effective. If they’re topped with compression shorts it will prevent odors from being expelled when sitting or bending, plus they’re likely to look more dignified than plastic pants along to her. Take the above for what it’s worth since I haven’t been married or lived with anyone for three decades, but I’ve been dual incontinent and wearing around the clock for more than eight years.

 

[Edgewater]

I was married prior to the car crash that resulted in my becoming 24/7, U-IC. She knew, I was U-IC prior to me, post the surgery that pulled me back together. Now nearing 46 years of being U-IC, my dear wife has never displayed any disgust or rejection of any kind regarding my U-IC! If anything, she has been very supportive and has changed me whenever I am unable. Yes, I am from time to time prone to F-IC.

The both of you need to have a long and open discussion regarding your U-IC. Like it or not, it is not going to get any better any time soon!! Plus, you will become ill, need surgery or like limiting issue and helping you or full-on changing you will be a reality.

 

[Zeke]

I was married prior to the car crash that resulted in my becoming 24/7, U-IC. She knew, I was U-IC prior to me, post the surgery that pulled me back together. Now nearing 46 years of being U-IC, my dear wife has never displayed any disgust or rejection of any kind regarding my U-IC! If anything, she has been very supportive and has changed me whenever I am unable. Yes, I am from time to time prone to F-IC.

The both of you need to have a long and open discussion regarding your U-IC. Like it or not, it is not going to get any better any time soon!! Plus, you will become ill, need surgery or like limiting issue and helping you or full-on changing you will be a reality.

The way I understood JeriHfoley18’s original post was that he’s been U-IC for some time now, but recently has been having some F-IC and that’s why what I posted focused on the latter.

 

[Tenaman]

I am U- IC and wife is very accepting and understanding of me having to wear nappies. Just recently I too have had some bowel issues due to drugs I have been taking after an operation. It is almost always first thing in the morning when I get up. I have not said anything to my wife about this and it has been pretty horrible to deal with but I am hoping it is just temporary. In the past I have had the occasional bowel accident on a long car journey but always been on my own so have been able to stop and change. No less upsetting though. Only once I think has it happened at night and again luckily I was away from home so was able to deal with it.

 

[DelC]

My U-IC and now small but still an issue none the less bowel.
My wife, man she supports me as I go on this journey.. But it’s painfully obvious it’s completely disgusting to her, and I get it.
Believe it or not I’m disgusted by changing someone else’s diaper, yet I wear…

Any opinions on how to make it easier on her? I’m not looking for her to change me or go that route, just a little easier.

Thanks in advance fellow incontinent warriors!
Semper fi!

I have a silly question... Have you tried asking her what you could do to help her be more comfortable, or what specific things make her uncomfortable? I'm hardly a relationship expert (I've only ever had a high school girlfriend, many years ago), but communication is important. I'd also like to think that she'd feel valued to be included in the discussion of what you can do to help her feel better. Talking about what's bothering her may even help her be more accepting, and become more comfortable with it.

If you don't, and you make changes to make her more comfortable, and she realizes why you made those changes, while she may appreciate the thought, she may also start to feel like she's burdening you. On the one hand, it's nice to do things to help your partner be happy, especially without them asking you to do them, but...it is indeed a partnership. This is also a matter of personal care, though, so I know it's awkward to talk about, and it's probably something you'd rather keep to yourself. But hey, this is marriage, right? It's not always sunshine and rainbows, fiery passion, and going on fancy vacations... From my observations, a lasting marriage comes from finding ways to make even the mundane moments feel special in some way, to always show your love, in some small way, and communication will go a long way.

 

[JeriHfoley18]

We had the talk and we are solid.
Thanks everyone for the advice.

No, no Abdl stuff.
I’m glad her and I are on the same page.

 

[fredy552]

I change in our bedroom or the bathroom our room is upstairs we have 2 Grandsons that live with us now 16 and 18 so being discreet is a must as far as I know they do not know Grandpa wears diapers. She walked in on me changing my diaper, but it was no big deal. Would you help I honestly do not know I never asked her, and she has never offered to help. We have been married 42 years so not a big deal. I keep my used diapers in a bag and dispose of them daily in the garbage.

 

[Edgewater]

I am U- IC and wife is very accepting and understanding of me having to wear nappies. Just recently I too have had some bowel issues due to drugs I have been taking after an operation. It is almost always first thing in the morning when I get up. I have not said anything to my wife about this and it has been pretty horrible to deal with but I am hoping it is just temporary. In the past I have had the occasional bowel accident on a long car journey but always been on my own so have been able to stop and change. No less upsetting though. Only once I think has it happened at night and again luckily I was away from home so was able to deal with it.

So, tell your wife of your occasional F-IC as there will be a time when she clearly becomes aware of this reality! It is a sad reality of being males and our willingness to hide medical issues! Also, on your next visit with your medical team assure that it is part of your records and especially the medication you believed likely caused it recently.

 

[fredy552]

So, tell your wife of your occasional F-IC as there will be a time when she clearly becomes aware of this reality! It is a sad reality of being males and our willingness to hide medical issues! Also, on your next visit with your medical team assure that it is part of your records and especially the medication you believed likely caused it recently.

Thanks, Edgewater and yes, my doctor has it documented in my file NOW.

 

[DLfuunseeker]

Having been IC since the beginning (U-IC/F-IC), most people who knew me when I was in school, they knew I was wearing a diaper. Of course it wasn't fun. After college I moved to another state and bought a company (with my father). Despite having good friends I didn't have a girlfriend until I connected with a particularly girl. Long story short, she is know my partner (for over a year +). She has said that she's not afraid of my diaper. In fact, she thinks they're cute (really?). After we slept together I tried to hide my diaper. I would get into bed and wear some thin sweat shorts. But one night she just grabbed my shorts and said she wanted to see my diaper. So eventually I don't hide them. Even in the morning when I usually have a BM while sleeping, she says it doesn't smell like poop (I use chlorophyll). But she knows there is a load in the bottom of my diaper. I finally let her change me as long it was only in the evening when my diaper was wet. I've never let her change a messy diaper. For me it would just be too embarrassing.
She's okay with my incontinence. She knows it's a medical problem and my diaper doesn't bother her at all.

As for dealing with wet and dirty diapers, there are a few things you could use. There really isn't anything you could do about someone who simply hates the fact that you're IC and diaper dependent. But if they became more understanding about our IC issues, you can live just about as normal.
If you have F-IC, I suggest using internal deodorants. You won't stink around the house. Also, make sure you change a wet or dirty diaper when you can. I also use incense and cologne. It helps. Most of the time I wear plastic pants over my diaper. I don't sit around the house in just a diaper (even though my girlfriend doesn't mind). Sometimes if your partner is disgusted about your accidents, you probably picked the wrong partner. Sorry but it's true.

You’re very lucky to have found such a wonderful partner. That’s a definite keeper.

 

[NotTheAverageMan]

Even though I have the full support of my wife in regard to my incontinence, I never walk around the house in just a diaper and t shirt, I still want to preserve my dignity by acting discrete. Even though there’s no reason for me to hide the fact I’m wearing a diaper, I see no reason to flaunt it. I always at least wear a pair of underwear on top of my diaper. Sure there is the tell tale diaper bulge, but that’s as far as I want to go.

 

[Tenaman]

Likewise I try and remain discrete. I change in the bathroom as a rule or in our bedroom if my wife is in the bathroom and I certainly would not walk about the house in just a nappy. Wearing nappies is now my normal but it is something only my immediate family knows. Although some years ago the wife of friend did catch me changing when I forgot to lock the bathroom door. Very embarrassing but she has never mentioned it since.

 

[schooner]

Thankfully my wife is not bothered by my severe OAB and incontinence at all. Twenty years-ago when faced with my being on meds or wearing diapers 24/7, she urged me to wear diapers as she was concerned about the long-term side effects of the pills I would be taking. I am ultra discrete and always change and dispose of wet diapers in private. Although I don't walk around the house in nothing but a diaper, since I run hot at night, I just wear a diaper and plastic pants to bed, which she doesn't mind. To give my skin a break I usually go unprotected for a time each evening, and it is common for me to wet my pants during those times. So long as I keep the furniture dry, she is very understanding.