None ABDLs, does anyone accuse you of having a diaper fetish?

[PadPhilosopher]

Sorry this happened, people are so cruel and ableist. To be accused of being a DL is the same as what my ex did to me by assuming I was kinking all the time when I was just being myself and he just had to assume everything I did was ABDL. I mean people on the spectrum tend to be more childish and like immature things anyway but there are even NTs that are into immature stuff and look at Japan and Kawaii and Lolita fashion. But my ex's logic, they all be ABDL.

Me liking apple sauce, ABDL which was stupid so by his own logic, he was also ABDLing since it was his apple sauce he was sharing with me.

I once did a "What is a Jerry?" thread but it got removed because it got derailed. It was mostly about my ex, the crap he did to me.

I'm so sorry you got treated this way. Compassion for others is not the norm anymore, sadly.

 

[InconLifer]

"Any decent diaper is considered ABDL" is an over generalization. I believe a reasonable delineation is how would a medical professional view a diaper. My urologist is fully aware of all of my urinary incontinence and the diapers and pads I use to contend with it, my retention and the catheters he prescribes for it, the side effects of medication I have tried, and the lack of medical/surgical procedures that will help "fix" my type of incontinence. There is a big difference between what he would think if I showed up in a white MegaMax or a Tykables whatever print. The quality of the diaper is for me. The appearance of the diaper is for the medical professionals that I am in constant contact with. Scooby-Doo not printed on my butt is not going to mean it's going to be a bad day!


Please take heed of the header at the top of each page of the Incontinence Forum, as well as the Sticky Thread on page 1 of the Incontinence Forum (We cannot give you medical advice). Incontinence is a symptom of disease, disorder, or damage, and is extremely varied as a result. Likewise the degree of disability that may accompany said disease, disorder, or damage, may necessitate intervention, even if it's only for the convenience of the individual. This is why we do not give or discourage medical advice. After metastatic prostate cancer and major reconstruction of my bladder neck, I required an indwelling catheter for six weeks to prevent newly forming scar tissue from blocking my urethra. Many, many people on this website, including you, speak about the riskiness of surgery, medication, and indwelling catheters. But I required all three in a life saving surgery. I was incontinent and wearing diapers pre surgery. I am incontinent and wearing diapers post surgery. I believe what you are doing is fighting to make people accept instead of supporting, and that is not what the Incontinence Forum is about.

Well said!

Same reaspn why someone would wear printed underwear. I hated my panties in 6 and 7th grade because they were all plain colored or white and I was forced to go for bikinii underwear in junior high and high school because they had had patterns on them and prints and they looked childish to me but I still wished they were granny panties. Then I started to see bikini type being made for children as well so i thought I guess I can start learning to like mine now since kids can wear them now in their sizes.

I have always been childlike and never liked plain looking clothes that looked too mature.

Not all continent people like pattern underwear either so they wear plain colored or white ones. I have seen IC people say online they like to have fun sometimes so they wear a printed diaper. I never assume they are ABDL like some might because of the association.

In terms of the wider discussion on here, I think the key issue is that it's a whole different ball game practically and psychologically having to wear nappies all the time because they're the least worst option after a long period of trial and error vs. choosing to wear for fun now and again. In my experience (and again, I can only talk about myself here), there's really nothing fun about having to wear 24/7, 365 days a year, regardless of what print you're wearing.

When you add other disabilities into the mix as well (I have ASD, ADHD, and am a wheelchair user due to neurological complications from Long Covid meaning my right side doesn't work properly) then in my experience, my entire existence feels like fighting to be treated as an adult and feeling very childish due to all the help and adaptations I need. Indeed, a significant amount of the time (especially if I'm with one of my parents) people treat me like a child because of the wheelchair which is infuriating. Thus, anything else that makes me feel childish really, really isn't a positive.

I don't think the underwear comparison really works either as the key thing with regular underwear (and I used to like stylish underwear as well!) is that you don't throw it away multiple times a day or wear anything over the top. Dealing with severe incontinence is hugely expensive and so I'd see buying printed products as being a bit decadent really if it wasn't necessary. Now obviously everyone's different and I can only talk about my experiences and views. For me, I've bought products in spite of the print rather than because of them. The other factor is of course that I can't think of any brands that do prints which mimic the prints on say the underwear of brands like Hollister or Quiksilver so wearing a childish print I don't feel is the same as wearing stylish underwear as an adult. I have mused in the past that it may be cool if brands did that to make things feel more grown up but I doubt there's a market for it.

Obviously everyone's different and each to their own and all that! I hope this just better explains my feelings.

 

[greatlake5]

I am disappointed, even displeased, that some people were sufficiently rude to openly say that the OP's question was stupid.

Yeah I should have just ignored the question. You have identified yourself as dl. Which is fine. In fact I enjoy some of their information. But...

This was the pervasive view in every incontinence forum I encountered from when I got on the internet
Please take heed of the header at the top of each page of the Incontinence Forum, as well as the Sticky Thread on page 1 of the Incontinence Forum (We cannot give you medical advice). I am incontinent and wearing diapers post surgery. I believe what you are doing is fighting to make people accept instead of supporting, and that is not what the Incontinence Forum is about.

Some what I've read you have posted on the IC forum, most of them are focused on compassion and understanding. In fact they're arguably intelligent. Sometimes you could be better served by simply editing some of your fetish posts. You're good at mixing up ab comments with IC issues on the IC forum. You would be better if you stuck with the ab or the dl forum.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

Yeah I should have just ignored the question. You have identified yourself as dl. Which is fine. In fact I enjoy some of their information. But...

Some what I've read you have posted on the IC forum, most of them are focused on compassion and understanding. In fact they're arguably intelligent. Sometimes you could be better served by simply editing some of your fetish posts. You're good at mixing up ab comments with IC issues on the IC forum. You would be better if you stuck with the ab or the dl forum.

I have since changed my role to "other," because I didn't see that option when I signed up and DL was the closest thing I saw, but not very close, and I picked it grudgingly. I'm not at all AB, and I get no sexual enjoyment out of diapers, but neither do I medically need them; they solve some practical logistical problems for me. I don't do what I consider fetish posts at all, so I'm not sure what you mean by that.

Yes, I am very focused on compassion and understanding, always, but also practical help where I can offer some. That's just who I am. Thank you for the arguable compliment. I'm not sure why you say I'm good at mixing up comments in different sections, though. I see many of the practical, logistical aspects of IC and DL as overlapping, even though the one is because they can, and the other is because they must. If they both do, there is information that is relevant to both.

I certainly have no wish to be anything other than helpful. If the simple fact that I have no medical necessity causes some to feel I'm not qualified to comment on practical and logistical things wherein I do have some relevant understanding, or matters of people being judgemental against one another, I guess there's nothing I can do about that. It's pretty clear that at least a few people here view me as a nuisance. I'm not quite sure if you do or not, but I suspect you do.

I have quickly gotten a sense that many (but definitely not all!) in the IC community resent those outside it who wear diapers without a medical necessity. As I've said before, sometimes the excesses of the AB/DL community make that pretty easy to do, and some of them make exceedingly thoughtless and insensitive remarks. A recent one (since deleted by mods) about becoming incontinent via cigarettes comes to mind; you may or may not have seen it. At any rate, the fact that those without a major medical problem will never fully understand the challenges of those with them doesn't seem to me to be a good reason to resent encouragement and attempts to offer practical advice.

I will own that I've said a few things which, while kindly meant, were probably unhelpful and would have been better skipped. I also tend toward a dogmatically confident tone which can feel very arrogant at times to others. I'm still learning to be sensitive to the needs of others, to offer my thoughts gently, and to know what is and is not helpful in a given situation. Even in the few weeks I've been here, I've learned a great deal. But know that my purpose was and is always to help and encourage.

I will (again) seriously consider just minding my own business, as I don't really believe I've accomplished much here other than annoying people. That really saddens me, because I tried so hard to be a help to people, even if all I had to offer them at that moment was a caring heart.

 

[Diaperman95]

I do not personally believe anyone with incontinence only and not a Dl AB fetish would ever wear a baby printed diaper. I see youtuber videos not naming the people but they claim to be IC and just like baby prints or one says she is not even a diaper user but just lves to spread the word on quality AB diapers, you can so tell they are all adult babies. I have no issue with AB's I just do not think any doctor would ever think someone that has no control is going to want to be associated with being a baby. This is why the medical industry calls them briefs. I would never use a AB printed diaper myself either. I do sometimes use the solid colors from Mega max just because I get tired of white. but I would never even wear one of those to the hospital or doctors as I do not want them to be confusing me as a ABDL. I mean if you see a grown man standing in a adult diaper in baby print
what would your first thoughts be?.... oh poor dude he is incontinent... No it is going to be look at the AB! So why would doctors or nurses take you serious? I really do not think this is even a appropriate question to post in the incontinence section to be honest. We ae here for totally different reasons. Kind of a question in bad taste in my opinion.

 

[Diaperman95]

I have quickly gotten a sense that many (but definitely not all!) in the IC community resent those outside it who wear diapers without a medical necessity. As I've said before, sometimes the excesses of the AB/DL community make that pretty easy to do, and some of them make exceedingly thoughtless and insensitive remarks. A recent one (since deleted by mods) about becoming incontinent via cigarettes comes to mind; you may or may not have seen it. At any rate, the fact that those without a major medical problem will never fully understand the challenges of those with them doesn't seem to me to be a good reason to resent encouragement and attempts to offer practical advice.

I do not resent the ABDL's on this site in anyway. I often think they they do not consider the members that are IC with their comments. This group is primarily adult babies and Diaper lovers with a fetish and no real medical need. I just wish before they choose to post in our section they would stop and think how we are going to perceive what they say. I joined this site because I wanted some support from people that understand the stress of wearing diapers daily and I honestly fell in love with the most all the members and I even enjoy reading what calico has to say most of the time too. The fact of the matter is unless you have had a very embarrassing incontinent event bladder or bowel in public or fear one happening you can not possible understand our lives. I have not met one incontinent person that does not have that fear or have had the fear. We are not proud that we can not make the restroom it is not fun and I personally do not see any of us wearing /ab prints for fun that would draw more attention to us and make people disregard our medical need to use them.

I on the other hand think many members her are jealous of those that have a real medical need and they want it so bad they say dumb things without thinking how we might see it. Their are folks that have a fetish to be disabled in a wheelchair or have a limb amputated, but I would hope they never go up to a person in that position and ask them to describe their suffering and then tell them how lucky they are. I have seen that happen over and over on this site as well as others.. I just think people need to think about what they say when addressing the IC members especially in our section. But I do do realize we re the minority of the group but never the less it is AD"I"SC and the I is for us so we have just as much right to be here and to share our feelings on this topic as well as any other. I think Greatlakes feelings should be considered and not just dismissed after all you are in his section and he has went through hell his entire life dealing with both bladder and bowel IC and he just wants some emotional support as well. He has endured more than most members here. I was not bowel incontinent in school I can only imagine because being bladder incontinent was more than bad enough.

I love all the members here even though I will not always agree with what they have to say. BTW you are welcome to disagree with me.
I do want to welcome you to our community either way and I hope you are enjoying yourself.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

I do not personally believe anyone with incontinence only and not a Dl AB fetish would ever wear a baby printed diaper. I see youtuber videos not naming the people but they claim to be IC and just like baby prints or one says she is not even a diaper user but just lves to spread the word on quality AB diapers, you can so tell they are all adult babies. I have no issue with AB's I just do not think any doctor would ever think someone that has no control is going to want to be associated with being a baby. This is why the medical industry calls them briefs. I would never use a AB printed diaper myself either. I do sometimes use the solid colors from Mega max just because I get tired of white. but I would never even wear one of those to the hospital or doctors as I do not want them to be confusing me as a ABDL. I mean if you see a grown man standing in a adult diaper in baby print
what would your first thoughts be?.... oh poor dude he is incontinent... No it is going to be look at the AB! So why would doctors or nurses take you serious? I really do not think this is even a appropriate question to post in the incontinence section to be honest. We ae here for totally different reasons. Kind of a question in bad taste in my opinion.

That wasn't even part of the original question; it came some posts later. @InconLifer specifically said, 2 posts before yours, that he does wear them because he's found them to be the most functional product for his situation, stating, "For me, I've bought products in spite of the print rather than because of them." You should read what he wrote. He has other, more debilitating issues on top of his incontinence, fights to be taken seriously every day, and explains that. Your post strikes me as very unkind to him, albeit I'm sure unintentionally. You seem like a reasonable guy, albeit with a very strong opinion on this.

Having a little fun with an unpleasant situation is pretty common among some personality types. Some people who are incontinent (and can afford to do so) have stated that they buy prints sometimes for fun, much like you buy colors. I've seen this many times, in many places. They just take variety farther. It's not that different from people who are poor and have a terrible car decorating it with spray paint, duct tape, and stickers to have some fun with the situation. Would I do that? No. Am I judgemental toward people who do? Not at all. I think it's funny.

This is apparently not true for you, but for many people, introducing an element of humor, or even farce, can make a difficult situation more bearable. If a printed diaper can help them to smile in spite of their situation, good for them! Everyone facing a challenge should find a way to smile in spite of it.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

I do not resent the ABDL's on this site in anyway. I often think they they do not consider the members that are IC with their comments. This group is primarily adult babies and Diaper lovers with a fetish and no real medical need. I just wish before they choose to post in our section they would stop and think how we are going to perceive what they say. I joined this site because I wanted some support from people that understand the stress of wearing diapers daily and I honestly fell in love with the most all the members and I even enjoy reading what calico has to say most of the time too. The fact of the matter is unless you have had a very embarrassing incontinent event bladder or bowel in public or fear one happening you can not possible understand our lives. I have not met one incontinent person that does not have that fear or have had the fear. We are not proud that we can not make the restroom it is not fun and I personally do not see any of us wearing /ab prints for fun that would draw more attention to us and make people disregard our medical need to use them.

I on the other hand think many members her are jealous of those that have a real medical need and they want it so bad they say dumb things without thinking how we might see it. Their are folks that have a fetish to be disabled in a wheelchair or have a limb amputated, but I would hope they never go up to a person in that position and ask them to describe their suffering and then tell them how lucky they are. I have seen that happen over and over on this site as well as others.. I just think people need to think about what they say when addressing the IC members especially in our section. But I do do realize we re the minority of the group but never the less it is AD"I"SC and the I is for us so we have just as much right to be here and to share our feelings on this topic as well as any other. I think Greatlakes feelings should be considered and not just dismissed after all you are in his section and he has went through hell his entire life dealing with both bladder and bowel IC and he just wants some emotional support as well. He has endured more than most members here. I was not bowel incontinent in school I can only imagine because being bladder incontinent was more than bad enough.

I love all the members here even though I will not always agree with what they have to say. BTW you are welcome to disagree with me.
I do want to welcome you to our community either way and I hope you are enjoying yourself.

There's no question that many people who are not incontinent are exceedingly inconsiderate of those who are. Just last night some clown came into a thread where someone is dealing with an apparently rare neurological condition and said (summarizing) "It's hard to become incontinent, but I've heard that smoking can cause it, so I'm smoking as much as possible." That rightly got deleted, along with the responses to it, but I like what @InconLifer said in response: "It's like going up to someone in a wheelchair and saying 'I wish I were in a wheelchair; it looks like fun!'" As an aside, he is wheelchair-bound, and also a very smart (and quotable!) young man. It's a great illustration; as a child, I played in wheelchairs occasionally, and it WAS a bit fun; however, having a debilitating condition that requires using a wheelchair just to navigate life is NOT fun, and definitely not the same as an able-bodied person playing with a wheelchair for amusement. To say to someone suffering with a medical condition that you wish you had it too is insensitive and stupid; I think most of the people who "wish for incontinence" really just wish to be able to truthfully say that they need to wear diapers if someone asks.

I definitely did not dismiss @greatlake5 remarks, and am curious why you suggest that I did. I even admitted to saying some inadvisable things myself. Emotional support is the whole thrust of all my posts which aren't solely practical. I'm just sorry that it seems I don't know how to do it in a way that people understand.

 

[Diaperman95]

There's no question that many people who are not incontinent are exceedingly inconsiderate of those who are. Just last night some clown came into a thread where someone is dealing with an apparently rare neurological condition and said (summarizing) "It's hard to become incontinent, but I've heard that smoking can cause it, so I'm smoking as much as possible." That rightly got deleted, along with the responses to it, but I like what @InconLifer said in response: "It's like going up to someone in a wheelchair and saying 'I wish I were in a wheelchair; it looks like fun!'" As an aside, he is wheelchair-bound, and also a very smart (and quotable!) young man. It's a great illustration; as a child, I played in wheelchairs occasionally, and it WAS a bit fun; however, having a debilitating condition that requires using a wheelchair just to navigate life is NOT fun, and definitely not the same as an able-bodied person playing with a wheelchair for amusement. To say to someone suffering with a medical condition that you wish you had it too is insensitive and stupid; I think most of the people who "wish for incontinence" really just wish to be able to truthfully say that they need to wear diapers if someone asks.

I definitely did not dismiss @greatlake5 remarks, and am curious why you suggest that I did. I even admitted to saying some inadvisable things myself. Emotional support is the whole thrust of all my posts which aren't solely practical. I'm just sorry that it seems I don't know how to do it in a way that people understand.

If I have offend you it was not my intent. I refed to you in regards of great lake for saying
DadPhilosopher said:
I am disappointed, even displeased, that some people were sufficiently rude to openly say that the OP's question was stupid.

As I explained that Greatlake and as well as many others view incontinence very differently and being we are on a Incontinent form and not a AB thread we we have both expressing our reasoning. If that offends I a am sorry but you yourself clam not be incontinent but keep speaking for incontinent folks. I believe you might of heard a few incontinent folk say they like AB prints but I would also be willing to bet money they had AB Desires before becoming incontinent and I can think of a couple members here supporting that claim I know from their own confessions made themselves diaper dependent thru un-training their bladder and one even their bowel. But they are not the majority of the incontinent members and to be honest they might not be able to hold their bodily function but I do not consider them incontinent anyways. Also I strongly disagree your theory that a incontinent person is like a poor person putting bumper stickers and spray paint or even a big band-aid on their car. (I seen that ounce and it said ouch. )

You ca say what you like but if you see a man in a woman's dress you are going to say cross dresser or trans. Not judging them for being so because I could care less in fact maybe they just want to air out their privates... I do not know but it is the first thing most all of us naturally assume. I am simple stating B diaper with baby dinosaurs or bears or any other child like print on it into a any medical office my doctor or nurse are going to assume Adult baby and not take me serious and so is most every person on the planet. Now maybe they are or are not judgmental to ABDL's it does not matter people re going to think it either way. For someone that has spent their entire adult life dealing with adult diaper stigma and what people think I assure you it is VERY VERY Exhausting. So outside of a few ABDL turned incontinent form un diaper training or health issues I assure you those of us with out a choice are very self coconscious of being confused and lumped in that category. It has 1000% nothing to do of my opinion of ABDL's but the fact mine is not by choice and it is not for fun and I do not want to be dismissed from doctors when talking about my issues. It is very hard to get some doctors to believe a 20 year old man is having issues holding their bladder even with a diagnosis in front of them and doing anything to add to that stigma I just do not see the large majority of this incontinent group or any other from adding more doubt or humiliation to our platter. You say you are not incontinent but yet you want to argue with me (incontinent 30= years) and dismiss how a incontinent person feels on hear say you got from most likely a AB pretending to be incontinent or was one before becoming incontinent. I tried everything I could to explain my view I even openly welcomed you to the group and I still do. but you are not the voice of a incontinent person in anyway and nor is the Original person posting have incontinent mentioned on their profile. Me and Greatlake was not the only ones to speak up and other incontinent members like both of our remarks. I am not trying to be a dick nor do I want to run you off but you are straight up calling me liar and speaking for a group of us that you have zero life experience living in our Shoes.

I have been a member a couple of years and maybe a few people do not like me IDK but I am fast to appologise if I have wronged someone I do make mistakes I am human. I do not hold grudges and I do not judge folks. I am a believer in the Lord Jesus and I leave the judging to the Lord. I am not trying to convert people to my beliefs but I feel I have every right to express my feeling in this group on this subject especially as I am one of the few incontinent members here and this was posted in our section by a non IC member. When the rules clearly ask that not incontinent folk please remain respectful when posting... I do not believe you mean to be disrespectful (Nor the OG post) and you do not seem to be the type to resort to immature name calling or childish troll like qualities. Thank God everyone here is above that!! I want you to know I genuinely want to invite you to stay active in our community and I really do look forward in engaging in other topics with you that we might see more eye to eye on. I love to see more people become active in our group. I hope you have no hard feelings at me and we can agree to dis-agree on this and move on to other threads with a open mind toward each others views. Have a good night

 

[PadPhilosopher]

If I have offend you it was not my intent. I refed to you in regards of great lake for saying
DadPhilosopher said:
I am disappointed, even displeased, that some people were sufficiently rude to openly say that the OP's question was stupid.

As I explained that Greatlake and as well as many others view incontinence very differently and being we are on a Incontinent form and not a AB thread we we have both expressing our reasoning. If that offends I a am sorry but you yourself clam not be incontinent but keep speaking for incontinent folks. I believe you might of heard a few incontinent folk say they like AB prints but I would also be willing to bet money they had AB Desires before becoming incontinent and I can think of a couple members here supporting that claim I know from their own confessions made themselves diaper dependent thru un-training their bladder and one even their bowel. But they are not the majority of the incontinent members and to be honest they might not be able to hold their bodily function but I do not consider them incontinent anyways. Also I strongly disagree your theory that a incontinent person is like a poor person putting bumper stickers and spray paint or even a big band-aid on their car. (I seen that ounce and it said ouch. )

You ca say what you like but if you see a man in a woman's dress you are going to say cross dresser or trans. Not judging them for being so because I could care less in fact maybe they just want to air out their privates... I do not know but it is the first thing most all of us naturally assume. I am simple stating B diaper with baby dinosaurs or bears or any other child like print on it into a any medical office my doctor or nurse are going to assume Adult baby and not take me serious and so is most every person on the planet. Now maybe they are or are not judgmental to ABDL's it does not matter people re going to think it either way. For someone that has spent their entire adult life dealing with adult diaper stigma and what people think I assure you it is VERY VERY Exhausting. So outside of a few ABDL turned incontinent form un diaper training or health issues I assure you those of us with out a choice are very self coconscious of being confused and lumped in that category. It has 1000% nothing to do of my opinion of ABDL's but the fact mine is not by choice and it is not for fun and I do not want to be dismissed from doctors when talking about my issues. It is very hard to get some doctors to believe a 20 year old man is having issues holding their bladder even with a diagnosis in front of them and doing anything to add to that stigma I just do not see the large majority of this incontinent group or any other from adding more doubt or humiliation to our platter. You say you are not incontinent but yet you want to argue with me (incontinent 30= years) and dismiss how a incontinent person feels on hear say you got from most likely a AB pretending to be incontinent or was one before becoming incontinent. I tried everything I could to explain my view I even openly welcomed you to the group and I still do. but you are not the voice of a incontinent person in anyway and nor is the Original person posting have incontinent mentioned on their profile. Me and Greatlake was not the only ones to speak up and other incontinent members like both of our remarks. I am not trying to be a dick nor do I want to run you off but you are straight up calling me liar and speaking for a group of us that you have zero life experience living in our Shoes.

I have been a member a couple of years and maybe a few people do not like me IDK but I am fast to appologise if I have wronged someone I do make mistakes I am human. I do not hold grudges and I do not judge folks. I am a believer in the Lord Jesus and I leave the judging to the Lord. I am not trying to convert people to my beliefs but I feel I have every right to express my feeling in this group on this subject especially as I am one of the few incontinent members here and this was posted in our section by a non IC member. When the rules clearly ask that not incontinent folk please remain respectful when posting... I do not believe you mean to be disrespectful (Nor the OG post) and you do not seem to be the type to resort to immature name calling or childish troll like qualities. Thank God everyone here is above that!! I want you to know I genuinely want to invite you to stay active in our community and I really do look forward in engaging in other topics with you that we might see more eye to eye on. I love to see more people become active in our group. I hope you have no hard feelings at me and we can agree to dis-agree on this and move on to other threads with a open mind toward each others views. Have a good night

I don't wish to argue with you either, or anyone else for that matter. I don't have the time, the energy, or the desire. I, too, "am a believer in the Lord Jesus and I leave the judging to the Lord." I don't think you're trying to be rude any more than I am; it does sound like a life of frustrating experiences has left you, and some others, a little jaded. I didn't mean to call you a liar (and have no idea why you say I did) but I do think you, too, have been unintentionally rude, and to another incontinent person present here with other much more debilitating struggles, by your dogmatic assertions on matters of personal opinion. But saying someone's question is stupid is always rude, and Greatlake5 (who wasn't the only one who said that) was the only one with enough character to admit he should have just left it alone. He seems like a really good guy, as do you.

But clearly I am just being a nuisance at this point. I wish I could help, but clearly I have nothing to offer that helps anything. I guess l'll just quietly watch the goings on, quietly cheering for the victories and hurting with the hurting and staying out of most discussions. I only got into this one because I saw a circular firing squad forming, and even the ICs taking potshots at each other, though again, presumably unintentionally. Since you stated affinity to Jesus Christ, I'll insert a few Scriptures that explain my thought processes. Galatians 5:15 "But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another."

My overarching message here, as always, is "Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another." Romans 14:15. It seems that the best way for me to do that now is "study to be quiet, and to do [my] own business" (Thessalonians) since my interactions seem to just fuel dissension.

No hard feelings, just disappointment that I can't contribute anything but more strife.

 

[InconLifer]

@DadPhilosopher Many thanks for the kind words!

I do actually agree with @Diaperman95 and don't take offence at anything he said. I agree that it's doubtful anyone would choose to wear printed products all the time over regular ones for numerous reasons - price, the embarrassment and the fact that if anyone saw anything they'd jump to conclusions.

For me it comes down to the price and the features. Plain Northshore products cost £90 for 40, Tykables cost £79 for 40 and come with hook and loop tabs. Plus, after the Brexit stuff and Covid I've found that products are often out of stock and so choices are limited. As I said in another thread re clothing, with disability it's often a case of swallowing your pride for cost and/or practical reasons.

I'd never dream of wearing a printed product to a medical appointment where my underwear would likely be on show though and I keep a stock of plain products, which whilst not as good, would avoid any awkwardness. Indeed, I'm really pleased that NRU came out with the plain, high capacity ones as they'd be perfect for things like that. I think the issue is less that printed products are better quality and more that the most available brands often are lacking in quality.

 

[hbic60]

I never ever had the idea to wear any printed diapers. A diaper has to be comfortable, with an according saturation level I need for the period between two changes, as discreet as possible, as breathable as possible (important if you have to wear 24/7) and for a reasonable price. The criteria I saw in Adult Diaper Section which seem to be important for many ABDL ( as thick as possible, minimum 5 liters capacity, only plastic backed counts, loud crinkle, funny prints, sweet smell) do not count anything for my IC purposes. Even in diaper questions the interests between ABDL and IC people in my opinion seem to be quite different!
For me being IC I want to eliminate every possible connection between "diaper" and "baby/childish". Diapers are for me solely a (very good) tool to manage my IC in a proper, comfortable and reasonable way. I never ever want to feel myself or to be seen as a baby/toddler, just because I wear diapers for a medical reason. I'm a full grown, intelligent, proud and self-employed adult, with a well-paid interesting job, married with a lovely wife, having children and even grand-children! I'm searching here (and have found for sure) many interesting, intelligent people, sharing IC- (and diaper) related and other experiences, and I want to talk openly and open minded as an adult to other adults, not wanting to have anything to do with any babyish or childish behavior / feelings!

 

[InconLifer]

I never ever had the idea to wear any printed diapers. A diaper has to be comfortable, with an according saturation level I need for the period between two changes, as discreet as possible, as breathable as possible (important if you have to wear 24/7) and for a reasonable price. The criteria I saw in Adult Diaper Section which seem to be important for many ABDL ( as thick as possible, minimum 5 liters capacity, only plastic backed counts, loud crinkle, funny prints, sweet smell) do not count anything for my IC purposes. Even in diaper questions the interests between ABDL and IC people in my opinion seem to be quite different!
For me being IC I want to eliminate every possible connection between "diaper" and "baby/childish". Diapers are for me solely a (very good) tool to manage my IC in a proper, comfortable and reasonable way. I never ever want to feel myself or to be seen as a baby/toddler, just because I wear diapers for a medical reason. I'm a full grown, intelligent, proud and self-employed adult, with a well-paid interesting job, married with a lovely wife, having children and even grand-children! I'm searching here (and have found for sure) many interesting, intelligent people, sharing IC- (and diaper) related and other experiences, and I want to talk openly and open minded as an adult to other adults, not wanting to have anything to do with any babyish or childish behavior / feelings!

I think there's some crossover in that for me high capacity and plastic backing is a must as due to the inaccessibility of a lot of places, I need something that will contain multiple accidents and still wick away the moisture as I've been in the position where I haven't been able to change for hours. It's one of the most frustrating aspects of being a wheelchair user. However, the noise, prints and things is definitely a huge negative to me and I guess goes back to the issue which is that things which are seen as 'fun' by non-IC people definitely aren't by people like me and that appears to be what some non-IC folks don't get and seems to be the main barrier in this thread.

I mean, the OP's question was essentially why do people get accused of being ABDLs if they wear printed products and allow people to change them? The answer (from my perspective) is that printed products are hugely embarrassing and getting changed by someone is the most utterly humiliating thing imaginable so if someone were to join an IC forum and bang on about those subjects it's obvious why there would be red flags.

I think also, I mean I joined here because another IC community I'm in isn't as active and my disability's really getting me down at the moment so would like to connect with other people with similar issues, the frustration is there are instances of non-IC people not being particularly sensitive and understanding. There's another thread in which someone who was going through a tough time and looking for support and someone said they'd love to be incontinent. I mean, how insensitive is that? I guess the solution is for non-IC people to just assume that there's nothing fun about being incontinent and not post here saying that there is. I mean, I summed up the misery of chronic incontinence in another thread if it can't be treated easily - essentially, the choice is not having the embarrassment of wearing protection but having to hide accidents/leakage and smell all the time (my entire life at school) or not having to hide accidents /leakage and smell all the time but having the indignity of wearing protection. Neither option is much fun.

 

[KenworthW900b]

I do not personally believe anyone with incontinence only and not a Dl AB fetish would ever wear a baby printed diaper. I see youtuber videos not naming the people but they claim to be IC and just like baby prints or one says she is not even a diaper user but just lves to spread the word on quality AB diapers, you can so tell they are all adult babies. I have no issue with AB's I just do not think any doctor would ever think someone that has no control is going to want to be associated with being a baby. This is why the medical industry calls them briefs. I would never use a AB printed diaper myself either. I do sometimes use the solid colors from Mega max just because I get tired of white. but I would never even wear one of those to the hospital or doctors as I do not want them to be confusing me as a ABDL. I mean if you see a grown man standing in a adult diaper in baby print
what would your first thoughts be?.... oh poor dude he is incontinent... No it is going to be look at the AB! So why would doctors or nurses take you serious? I really do not think this is even a appropriate question to post in the incontinence section to be honest. We ae here for totally different reasons. Kind of a question in bad taste in my opinion.

I'm incontinent and will wear printed diapers though I'm not particularly big on all the babyish prints I prefer something a little more grown up or at least neutral. Personally I got started on printed diapers because at the time they were just infinitely better than most of the medical stuff available at the time. Today there are many medical diapers that are as good or better than the ab stuff and most of what I wear is white or a few black or blue I'll even do green, foresite used to have some really nice adult ish prints but they have been unavailable since Covid started. I'll use a few printed rearz like the barnyard or rebel and I'll do the blue camo tykables but that's about as deep ad I'll go into the printed stuff. Would I want to be seen in them? Not anymore than I'd want to be seen in any other diaper but honestly in my mind a diaper is a diaper regardless of what's on the outside. It seems to genuinely bother some folks that I don't let being incontinent bother me or even slow me down but I decided long ago I have incontinence, incontinence doesn't have me... and it never will! Am I crazy? Likely, but I will not be dragged down by a trivial condition or the fact that I need a different type of underwear.

Not to be down on you in any way, just what you wrote struck a little bit of a nerve because of the shame and depression I felt when becoming incontinent and the ridicule and berating comments I got for choosing diapers over medical procedures and medications. No argument or disrespect intended!

 

[KenworthW900b]

I think there's some crossover in that for me high capacity and plastic backing is a must as due to the inaccessibility of a lot of places, I need something that will contain multiple accidents and still wick away the moisture as I've been in the position where I haven't been able to change for hours. It's one of the most frustrating aspects of being a wheelchair user. However, the noise, prints and things is definitely a huge negative to me and I guess goes back to the issue which is that things which are seen as 'fun' by non-IC people definitely aren't by people like me and that appears to be what some non-IC folks don't get and seems to be the main barrier in this thread.

I mean, the OP's question was essentially why do people get accused of being ABDLs if they wear printed products and allow people to change them? The answer (from my perspective) is that printed products are hugely embarrassing and getting changed by someone is the most utterly humiliating thing imaginable so if someone were to join an IC forum and bang on about those subjects it's obvious why there would be red flags.

I think also, I mean I joined here because another IC community I'm in isn't as active and my disability's really getting me down at the moment so would like to connect with other people with similar issues, the frustration is there are instances of non-IC people not being particularly sensitive and understanding. There's another thread in which someone who was going through a tough time and looking for support and someone said they'd love to be incontinent. I mean, how insensitive is that? I guess the solution is for non-IC people to just assume that there's nothing fun about being incontinent and not post here saying that there is. I mean, I summed up the misery of chronic incontinence in another thread if it can't be treated easily - essentially, the choice is not having the embarrassment of wearing protection but having to hide accidents/leakage and smell all the time (my entire life at school) or not having to hide accidents /leakage and smell all the time but having the indignity of wearing protection. Neither option is much fun.

I have to say being changed by someone is incredibly humiliating... I didn't like it at all, my wife changed me a couple times after I had stitches in my hand and I was also mortified to find out I had been changed by someone when I was under anesthesia while having oral surgery. So yeah I definitely do not enjoy that!

 

[Ceary]

I have since changed my role to "other," because I didn't see that option when I signed up and DL was the closest thing I saw, but not very close, and I picked it grudgingly. I'm not at all AB, and I get no sexual enjoyment out of diapers, but neither do I medically need them; they solve some practical logistical problems for me. I don't do what I consider fetish posts at all, so I'm not sure what you mean by that.

Yes, I am very focused on compassion and understanding, always, but also practical help where I can offer some. That's just who I am. Thank you for the arguable compliment. I'm not sure why you say I'm good at mixing up comments in different sections, though. I see many of the practical, logistical aspects of IC and DL as overlapping, even though the one is because they can, and the other is because they must. If they both do, there is information that is relevant to both.

I certainly have no wish to be anything other than helpful. If the simple fact that I have no medical necessity causes some to feel I'm not qualified to comment on practical and logistical things wherein I do have some relevant understanding, or matters of people being judgemental against one another, I guess there's nothing I can do about that. It's pretty clear that at least a few people here view me as a nuisance. I'm not quite sure if you do or not, but I suspect you do.

I have quickly gotten a sense that many (but definitely not all!) in the IC community resent those outside it who wear diapers without a medical necessity. As I've said before, sometimes the excesses of the AB/DL community make that pretty easy to do, and some of them make exceedingly thoughtless and insensitive remarks. A recent one (since deleted by mods) about becoming incontinent via cigarettes comes to mind; you may or may not have seen it. At any rate, the fact that those without a major medical problem will never fully understand the challenges of those with them doesn't seem to me to be a good reason to resent encouragement and attempts to offer practical advice.

I will own that I've said a few things which, while kindly meant, were probably unhelpful and would have been better skipped. I also tend toward a dogmatically confident tone which can feel very arrogant at times to others. I'm still learning to be sensitive to the needs of others, to offer my thoughts gently, and to know what is and is not helpful in a given situation. Even in the few weeks I've been here, I've learned a great deal. But know that my purpose was and is always to help and encourage.

I will (again) seriously consider just minding my own business, as I don't really believe I've accomplished much here other than annoying people. That really saddens me, because I tried so hard to be a help to people, even if all I had to offer them at that moment was a caring heart.

I just saw my role was available to change after forgetting about it for a while. I was DL but I'm UIC so I put incontinent. I have had overactive bladder for 19 years but it went unacknowledged because other issues were more focused on with my chronic health issues. I was DL as a teen because I didn't know anything else after reading things in the community in mid to late 2000s. I didn't realize my tendency towards diapers were medical based and I needed something to belong with since in real life I had no one. I stopped wanting to embrace being a DL when I thought that's what I was. I realize now it was a need to find a secure way to manage my feelings about having to use the restroom 12 times a day or more. I would leak too. I was so insecure about my issues I thought the DL community of ABDL was comforting. I was made fun of by my one sibling after the found me trying on a baby doll diaper (first experience with diapers since potty trained) and then I immediately stopped focus on that and went on with life. Age 16 I was always in and out of the bathroom and felt insecure. I wondered if someone was like me who had issues with bathroom trips and such so I found the ABDL community.

I think fetish was linked to it so quickly by anyone I told but I really regretted even relating to the DL side because of that. I wasn't into it like that. It was comfort and insecurities because of medical issues being unaddressed by parents and medical professionals. I definitely know I have to wear diapers for protection and my incontinence got worse because of nerve issues. I really am just that. Incontinent.

 

[hbic60]

@InconLifer, you are right, I agree that there might be some crossover between ABDL and IC diapers. Apologies, your (and others) situation being wheelchair users was totally out of my focus. Sure you have - in opposite to me, who can change easily even being somewhere outside - a need for much more absorbent diapers. Thanks for bringing this into my mind!
It also didn't come in my mind how it might be if you can't change yourself but if you depend on help of others. I see too much only my own personal situation where being IC is an easy thing to handle - just a different way of underwear and I'm fine as I can do everything by my own. It's so great that this forum exists and I can listen to what you are telling me!

@Ceary: fine that you switched your role to "incontinent" and that you found your way dealing with your issues. There is generally nothing wrong being DL, but finding out that in reality you're not a DL but simply (?!) incontinent might be a game changer for you. Now there is something you can work on. Maybe your symptoms can be improved by finding more about the causes, but even if not you know that it's not in your head being crazy but simply a medical condition. All the best for you!

 

[PadPhilosopher]

Ok, @hbic60 I have a confession: I forgot about that list of AB/DL diaper priorities. :O As I said, I'm not one. Obviously most of that list has nothing to do with function or meeting a need, but as @InconLifer noted, high capacity is important to some; limited access to suitable changing facilities, limited mobility, or (and I could name 2 members in this situation right now) very high urine output. [I see that you already acknowledged this but I wrote it before your post.] That aside, I can see where the existence of that priority set could make this topic irksome to those with genuine need.

Thank you @KenworthW900b for confirming that I wasn't just imagining some things. :O You probably are a very awesome, positive kind of crazy. I love your attitude.

Maybe in the end I did accomplish something besides making a nuisance of myself. The tone of this thread sure feels a lot more positive and supportive now. That is all I really wanted.

 

[Ceary]

@InconLifer, you are right, I agree that there might be some crossover between ABDL and IC diapers. Apologies, your (and others) situation being wheelchair users was totally out of my focus. Sure you have - in opposite to me, who can change easily even being somewhere outside - a need for much more absorbent diapers. Thanks for bringing this into my mind!
It also didn't come in my mind how it might be if you can't change yourself but if you depend on help of others. I see too much only my own personal situation where being IC is an easy thing to handle - just a different way of underwear and I'm fine as I can do everything by my own. It's so great that this forum exists and I can listen to what you are telling me!

@Ceary: fine that you switched your role to "incontinent" and that you found your way dealing with your issues. There is generally nothing wrong being DL, but finding out that in reality you're not a DL but simply (?!) incontinent might be a game changer for you. Now there is something you can work on. Maybe your symptoms can be improved by finding more about the causes, but even if not you know that it's not in your head being crazy but simply a medical condition. All the best for you!

@hbic60 so far the symptoms are likely caused by neurological dysfunction and the medicine for oab just doesn't seem to do much. I can't tell. The neurological dysfunction has wracked my throat, stomach, intestines, and now bladder. Vagus nerve. I've done a lot for the nerve stimulation stuff but nah. Being Incontinent with no fix isn't a bother anymore but the issue of accepting me and myself is the biggest thing. I did enjoy parts of wearing diapers as it's comforting but I didn't find the reality of it enjoyable. Now I wear to have confidence and leak protection.

 

[InconLifer]

@InconLifer, you are right, I agree that there might be some crossover between ABDL and IC diapers. Apologies, your (and others) situation being wheelchair users was totally out of my focus. Sure you have - in opposite to me, who can change easily even being somewhere outside - a need for much more absorbent diapers. Thanks for bringing this into my mind!
It also didn't come in my mind how it might be if you can't change yourself but if you depend on help of others. I see too much only my own personal situation where being IC is an easy thing to handle - just a different way of underwear and I'm fine as I can do everything by my own. It's so great that this forum exists and I can listen to what you are telling me!

@Ceary: fine that you switched your role to "incontinent" and that you found your way dealing with your issues. There is generally nothing wrong being DL, but finding out that in reality you're not a DL but simply (?!) incontinent might be a game changer for you. Now there is something you can work on. Maybe your symptoms can be improved by finding more about the causes, but even if not you know that it's not in your head being crazy but simply a medical condition. All the best for you!

No need to apologise! I agree with your point. That was very much my philosophy pre-Long Covid complications as well which is why I found it easier to handle psychologically. My mentality was sure, I have this embarrassing condition but I'm a great runner and guitar player so that cancels it out. It was easy to manage and ultimately protection made me a lot more confident. When everything stopped working as it were and my incontinence changed to being much more severe it was harder to deal with because rather than one issue I have it became a reminder of how nothing works in my body.

The capacity thing's the key thing with the wheelchair really, due to the potential of not being able to find a toilet to change in and also wanting to really minimise the chance of leaking on my seat a high capacity is key. I do have some lower capacity, regular ones for round the house for cost reasons but they're prone to leaking and if they leak at home then I can't risk them outside.

I just saw my role was available to change after forgetting about it for a while. I was DL but I'm UIC so I put incontinent. I have had overactive bladder for 19 years but it went unacknowledged because other issues were more focused on with my chronic health issues. I was DL as a teen because I didn't know anything else after reading things in the community in mid to late 2000s. I didn't realize my tendency towards diapers were medical based and I needed something to belong with since in real life I had no one. I stopped wanting to embrace being a DL when I thought that's what I was. I realize now it was a need to find a secure way to manage my feelings about having to use the restroom 12 times a day or more. I would leak too. I was so insecure about my issues I thought the DL community of ABDL was comforting. I was made fun of by my one sibling after the found me trying on a baby doll diaper (first experience with diapers since potty trained) and then I immediately stopped focus on that and went on with life. Age 16 I was always in and out of the bathroom and felt insecure. I wondered if someone was like me who had issues with bathroom trips and such so I found the ABDL community.

I think fetish was linked to it so quickly by anyone I told but I really regretted even relating to the DL side because of that. I wasn't into it like that. It was comfort and insecurities because of medical issues being unaddressed by parents and medical professionals. I definitely know I have to wear diapers for protection and my incontinence got worse because of nerve issues. I really am just that. Incontinent.

I can really relate to this as it sounds very similar to me. I was taken out of nappies way before my bedwetting ended. I was really glad but then the reality that rather than sleeping through the night and having a dry bed and pyjamas I'd have interrupted sleep and be soaked every night kicked in, I missed the protection. Indeed, I remember wondering why being miserable was a better alternative to protection. The reason I was taken out of protection was because my Dad was embarrassed about buying nappies at the supermarket in case he saw anyone. However, then when I was ten we were staying with family friends and he was worried about the embarrassment of me wetting the bed so I was back in protection. I remember my Mum asking me if I was okay with it and I was fine. Indeed, I was actually glad to not have to worry about wetting the bed again.

My nightly bedwetting ended when I was ten but I'd still wet now and again but never told my parents as I was too embarrassed as when I became a teenager I figured I was way too old to be doing it and couldn't bring myself to tell them. However, as I knew that whilst my issues were a whole lot better that they hadn't completely disappeared, I was always super anxious on school trips and at sleepovers. I was due to go on a German Exchange and was utterly terrified of wetting the bed and did wonder about DryNites as I'd seen them advertised and knew I'd have my own room in the house but never plucked up the courage to ask and was just super, super cautious about fluids. I remember one night we were around someone's house and his parents weren't there and so they had some alcohol. I had a bit of a drink of some but then felt like an idiot as I was convinced I'd end up wetting the bed. Fortunately that didn't happen but I was super, super anxious and indeed relieved to wake up in a dry bed in the morning.

Then again in the Sixth Form at school I wondered about protection and solutions to my daytime issues as my trousers were now dry clean only and so come the end of the week they'd smell really strongly of urine. I once again wasn't able to pluck up the courage to talk to my parents and mused on trying to go to the doctors without telling them but it wasn't doable. I guess that ultimately, I'd always seen the positive aspects to protection and that's why I did eventually pluck up the courage to go back to using it and after feeling very awkward and self-conscious actually became much more confident.

Nowadays though, as I said above, my headspace is very different due to the severity of my overall condition.