No courtesy, good manners anymore.

[Jorelaxed]

Hi everyone, hope you all are doing good this evening.
I have been seeing a disturbing trend recently,
I have noticed that when a person does a post and another member sends their greetings and friendly welcome, the poster will ignore that person and acknowlege other people that say a common courtesy Hello.
I will acknowledge anyone that responds or says hello in my posts.
It is rare when don't respond to someone
The only time I usually won't respond anymore is if someone has been very disrespectful towards me.
I guess common courtesy or manners are very rare nowadays.
I grew up in the late 70's, early 80's,
those characteristics were taught to me by school and society back then.
They are who I am and my strength.
Just my thought of the moment I guess.
I notice only certain individuals tend to do that.

 

[Sissyleslie]

I try to be courteous and polite - that's the way I was raised by my parents. The one thing I can't stand is when I am out and about and walking to the next village. If someone comes towards me in the opposite direction, then I will usually greet them with either a friendly "Good Morning" or " Good Afternoon". Mostly people will respond, but there are always one or two people who will blank me. There's one guy who lives in my village, who I often see walking down the street. I don't acknowledge him anymore, not since I used to greet him and he totally ignored me. So now I don't bother. The rude pr*ck!

 

[Woncrinklz]

I, too, am surprised by the lack of manners. Both walking by someone and saying, "Hi" and noticing some say hi (very few) and most don't respond, and just how communication seems lost.
I try to tell myself it's maybe because they think I'm talking on a cell phone, and that's why they don't say hello back, or smile. But it hurts. Eventually, I look down when walking and don't bother engaging people for the sake of just being a nice passer by. It feels bad doing so for posture and body language. But what else is there? I guess society changed. But when I feel enough spark, I still smile at strangers and say greetings. Sure, I get hurt when ignored. I also wonder what it was about me that wasn't acceptable sometimes.

On social media, it's hard to keep up, though. Certainly, I'd like to say I never mean to not respond to anyone if I was responded to. A lot of the times, I am not logged on. But I know the feeling about manners and being insulted. I grew up in the late '60s through 80s, so I miss the manners a lot.

Another thing I noticed is attention changes according to what age I was through life. When I was younger, everyone said a smiley "Hi". And when I got into my 40s, it slowed. Then stopped into my later years. Now, well, I'm told I interrupt people. Oh-well! Maybe it's because I'm either starving for attention, lonely, scared, impatient, insulted, or insane??? I dunno. But I try. I hope I'm not "losing it". I might be, but I believe in manners. Sorry to interrupt if I did.

 

[Edgewater]

Far too many folks lost in being deep in thought about themselves, to busy on their phones, mentally out to lunch, etc., etc..

I see specific people that truly do not want to interact and others that while driving are busy with driving. I have come to a point that with the first group, I place them in that group of their missed opportunity and move on with my life.

Life is way to short to be concerned with that group!
Spend the time with those that smile back!!

 

[SissyABSamantha]

Yeah I guess each new generation aren't taught the same values as we were back in those days. I'm from the 1970's and 80's as well. Schooling and parenting was different back then. Politeness, courtesy, manners etc were taught at home and in school and it stuck in our psyche as the normal way of behaving. These values don't seem to matter so much nowadays especially with the younger generations.

 

[vriska]

this is a really interesting conversation to me! i’m in my 20s and quite often don’t respond to strangers on the street, what makes you all think of it as rude? i was raised big on “stranger danger”, and because of that as well as being autistic and growing up in a big city, usually a stranger trying to speak to me without a clear reason makes my anxiety spike. i think most people around my generation are generally more wary of strangers, and it shouldn’t be rude to want to keep to myself, i would think. i’ve heard people say such before, and it’s always confused me. ^^;

 

[Edgewater]

this is a really interesting conversation to me! i’m in my 20s and quite often don’t respond to strangers on the street, what makes you all think of it as rude? i was raised big on “stranger danger”, and because of that as well as being autistic and growing up in a big city, usually a stranger trying to speak to me without a clear reason makes my anxiety spike. i think most people around my generation are generally more wary of strangers, and it shouldn’t be rude to want to keep to myself, i would think. i’ve heard people say such before, and it’s always confused me. ^^;

Being autistic provides a reason as you perceive the world around you differently. When one considers the variation of reactions within autism it runs the gamut from greeting everyone openly to deep fear.

What this thread is speaking toward, is that as a whole, society has stepped further away from general interactions of kindness and accepting the resulting coldness. I my opinion this coldness is dangerous as it tends to lead toward a willingness to accept 'Hate' of others and all the ugly that leads in that direction, we become a society that accepts degrading of others with greater ease.

 

[gmate1713]

I think it's becoming more and more common for people to not care about basic decency and politeness. There's a reason we joke about potential partners who are visual 10/10s, yet you'd never be willing to be with them because they're rude to staff.
The fact that this is being extended to forum posts doesn't shock me.

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

There's a person like that living here: a guy whose life seems to be one king-sized chip on his shoulder...and he wears it like a 3-day-full diaper. Nobody here talks to him or has anything to do with him...because he's not only extremely rude but postures as though we are a physical threat to him.

Our live-in landlord claims he's a real nice guy, just that his job involves Customer Service, and thus he hates people. Which is odd...we want nothing from him! Also here are a quiet college guy...and a working guy who, like myself, is rather happy and has no teeth. He and I got along right from first sight.

But nobody wants anything to do with the other guy because he is pure hate. So we ignore him. What else can we do? We're allowed to do anything we want in our rooms as long as it doesn't affect others...no loud noises, no filth, no smoking/vaping. Fair 'nuff...I'm now a known AB to my friend, the live-in landlord, who says my baby life and diapers are fine, just no smells or filth. He knows I have a crib, high-chair, rocking chair, dresses, teddy bears, toys, all that. "Keep it in your room", is the mantra. That's more than fair. Just wish one certain person kept their hate in their room...because it doesn't belong in the common open. And there should be a rule about that here at my place. It could only help.

this is a really interesting conversation to me! i’m in my 20s and quite often don’t respond to strangers on the street, what makes you all think of it as rude? i was raised big on “stranger danger”, and because of that as well as being autistic and growing up in a big city, usually a stranger trying to speak to me without a clear reason makes my anxiety spike. i think most people around my generation are generally more wary of strangers, and it shouldn’t be rude to want to keep to myself, i would think. i’ve heard people say such before, and it’s always confused me. ^^;

Well, you're not expected to greet and/or befriend everybody, that'd be impossible...just a simple, polite gesture towards someone who's trying to come through a door you want through, or another one with whom you have another sort of imminent "social collision course". That's always been my manners, even before finding out I have autism.

Sure, there'll be prople who'll read you as a patsy in their book. You learn when they do it. All ya do is walk away, leave 'em behind. All you can do. Most others you run into...just be polite.

 

[SissyABSamantha]

this is a really interesting conversation to me! i’m in my 20s and quite often don’t respond to strangers on the street, what makes you all think of it as rude? i was raised big on “stranger danger”, and because of that as well as being autistic and growing up in a big city, usually a stranger trying to speak to me without a clear reason makes my anxiety spike. i think most people around my generation are generally more wary of strangers, and it shouldn’t be rude to want to keep to myself, i would think. i’ve heard people say such before, and it’s always confused me. ^^;

That is understandable as there is more danger from strangers these days or at least the awareness of that danger is far more apparent especially in the online environment. However not all strangers who try to interact with you are dangerous or have an ulterior motive. They may just want to be polite or strike up a pleasant conversation like on this forum.

The coldness nowadays is very different in society compared to what it use to be like before the internet, social media and iPhones which is sad. Back then people were more inclined to speak to strangers as they had no alternative other than friends, colleagues and family of course. In fact strangers would help each other out in time of need but this is quite rare now as people tend to think they have a sinister motive for doing so. Back then it was considered simple kindness, humanity and noble. Now its thought of as being scary, weird and sinister.

This difference in society between the different generations is what this thread is all about. Back then it would be considered impolite or even rude to ignore people in this way. Blanking someone would be considered rude and sometimes even offensive to the older generations but I guess this is considered normal nowadays to the younger generations.

iPhones and social media addiction is certainly to blame for the coldness as everyone seems to be more involved in online conversations than in person. They seem to live their lives online instead of in the real world around them which in itself isn't healthy or productive for developing social skills and ordinary relationships.

People are far more likely to film everything around them and post it online for the whole world to see instead of actually helping people in need or respecting their privacy. Many people don't want their lives posted online for the world to see especially if it's an unpleasant experience that is being filmed which is considered entertainment nowadays which is just plain evil, quite offensive and even traumatic sometimes to those who are being filmed and to decent human beings.

 

[Cottontail]

The internet is like one of those funny carnival mirrors that grossly distorts everything. You just don't know what's actually going on with people when you communicate with them on a platform like this. I sometimes wonder whether my own silences are wrongly interpreted as intentional disregard or rudeness. I'm often peeking at ADISC on my phone, and during my workday (I work from home) I keep it open on my computer. To others in the same or nearby timezones, it probably seems like I do nothing but hang out on ADISC. The reality is that I glance frequently, but my mind is usually tied up with other things, and I just can't be relied upon to respond promptly. Sometime I do. Often times I don't, and in the time between reading a communication and finding time to reply, I do sometimes forget. (There's a reason I don't generally use Discord or other instant messaging platforms.) Recognizing this about myself, I've tried to apply the same level of expectation to others here, and it's made me a lot happier.

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

The internet is like one of those funny carnival mirrors that grossly distorts everything. You just don't know what's actually going on with people when you communicate with them on a platform like this. I sometimes wonder whether my own silences are wrongly interpreted as intentional disregard or rudeness. I'm often peeking at ADISC on my phone, and during my workday (I work from home) I keep it open on my computer. To others in the same or nearby timezones, it probably seems like I do nothing but hang out on ADISC. The reality is that I glance frequently, but my mind is usually tied up with other things, and I just can't be relied upon to respond promptly. Sometime I do. Often times I don't, and in the time between reading a communication and finding time to reply, I do sometimes forget. (There's a reason I don't generally use Discord or other instant messaging platforms.) Recognizing this about myself, I've tried to apply the same level of expectation to others here, and it's made me a lot happier.

Didja ever notice how things seemed to get really screwed up with the advent of chatrooms? I sure did.

And nothing's been the same since David Lee Roth left Van Halen.

 

[Cottontail]

Didja ever notice how things seemed to get really screwed up with the advent of chatrooms? I sure did.

And nothing's been the same since David Lee Roth left Van Halen.

Ha ha. But yeah, with Discord coming to prominence, I've seen a lot of Discord-style communication attempted here, and this place just isn't great for that. Technically, with the introduction of push notifications, ADISC can facilitate near-realtime chat, but whether people come here to do that is another matter. When somebody is on Discord, it's implied that they're available and ready to interact promptly. It's just not reasonable to expect the same of another ADISC user. This place is all on-demand. The only thing implied by a user's appearance in the "Members online" box is that they refreshed a page recently. For the sake of one's own feelings, it's best not to read more into it!

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

Ha ha. But yeah, with Discord coming to prominence, I've seen a lot of Discord-style communication attempted here, and this place just isn't great for that. Technically, with the introduction of push notifications, ADISC can facilitate near-realtime chat, but whether people come here to do that is another matter. When somebody is on Discord, it's implied that they're available and ready to interact promptly. It's just not reasonable to expect the same of another ADISC user. This place is all on-demand. The only thing implied by a user's appearance in the "Members online" box is that they refreshed a page recently. For the sake of one's own feelings, it's best not to read more into it!

I'm not a chatroom person. Despite the irony of my advanced age, I got all the time in the world to chat in the forums.

 

[PCPilot]

Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

 

[Zeke]

There's a person like that living here: a guy whose life seems to be one king-sized chip on his shoulder...and he wears it like a 3-day-full diaper. Nobody here talks to him or has anything to do with him...because he's not only extremely rude but postures as though we are a physical threat to him.

Our live-in landlord claims he's a real nice guy, just that his job involves Customer Service, and thus he hates people. Which is odd...we want nothing from him! Also here are a quiet college guy...and a working guy who, like myself, is rather happy and has no teeth. He and I got along right from first sight.

But nobody wants anything to do with the other guy because he is pure hate. So we ignore him. What else can we do? We're allowed to do anything we want in our rooms as long as it doesn't affect others...no loud noises, no filth, no smoking/vaping. Fair 'nuff...I'm now a known AB to my friend, the live-in landlord, who says my baby life and diapers are fine, just no smells or filth. He knows I have a crib, high-chair, rocking chair, dresses, teddy bears, toys, all that. "Keep it in your room", is the mantra. That's more than fair. Just wish one certain person kept their hate in their room...because it doesn't belong in the common open. And there should be a rule about that here at my place. It could only help.


Well, you're not expected to greet and/or befriend everybody, that'd be impossible...just a simple, polite gesture towards someone who's trying to come through a door you want through, or another one with whom you have another sort of imminent "social collision course". That's always been my manners, even before finding out I have autism.

Sure, there'll be prople who'll read you as a patsy in their book. You learn when they do it. All ya do is walk away, leave 'em behind. All you can do. Most others you run into...just be polite.

I’ve learned not to harbor anger and hatred as it always proves more detrimental to me than who it’s focused on. As the old saying goes "Holding onto anger is like drinking poison andexpecting the other person to die.".

 

[ShyBoo81]

Im a Millennial who also happens to be a huge introvert with social anxiety (sadly)

IMO, I hate that other Millennials and GenZ are like this. Wish I could comfortably wave a simple hello to people on occasion, but reason I dont is because Im scared that others will be creeped out by me just randomly greeting them even if its only for a second, and so I dont do it. I'll wave hi back ONLY if the other person says hi to me first just to be safe. I get self-conscious too about coming off as cold and stoic because of this. And the biggest drawback is it makes meeting new people or friends very difficult. Although I guess that my social anxiety is partly to blame for this difficulty, so there is that

 

[Edgewater]

As we are Now in October here in North America, life is changing at our cottage as the Summer only folks are business in the City and the only folks here are the locals and regular weekenders. Hence, most know or at least kind of know each other by general location.

So what? Well it becomes safe to wave hi, as folks drive or bike by! And, surprise, surprise they wave back. It is one of the nice parts of getting out of the big Cities and get to know folks!

Likely to be a big comfort to yourself!!

 

[SissyABSamantha]

Im a Millennial who also happens to be a huge introvert with social anxiety (sadly)

IMO, I hate that other Millennials and GenZ are like this. Wish I could comfortably wave a simple hello to people on occasion, but reason I dont is because Im scared that others will be creeped out by me just randomly greeting them even if its only for a second, and so I dont do it. I'll wave hi back ONLY if the other person says hi to me first just to be safe. I get self-conscious too about coming off as cold and stoic because of this. And the biggest drawback is it makes meeting new people or friends very difficult. Although I guess that my social anxiety is partly to blame for this difficulty, so there is that

I too suffer from a more advanced social anxiety disorder called Avoidance Personality Disorder or avpd for short. It is more extreme than simple social anxiety and has played havoc in my life especially socially. Consequently it has turned me into a loner so I spend a lot of my free time alone and online funnily enough. I have no problem expressing myself on forums like this but in person it is a very different story.

Considering I come from Generation X, I may be quite cold towards people without even realising it unintentionally as a result. I don't tend to strike up conversations with strangers in any case except on rare occasions but even then I am presented with this kind of coldness from them anyway which I find offensive. Even though I may do the same to others.

Therefore there could be many different reasons why people from all ages may be this cold towards strangers in public.