New mommy looking to learn

[runnergirl23]

My boyfriend of 5 years very recently confessed his ABDL tendencies to me. I was really confused and slightly weirded out at first. I think he saw that, and told me he didn’t expect me to accept or even tolerate this part of him. He said he’d been terrified to say anything and hadn’t meant to, but it just slipped out. That seemed heartbreaking to me.

The thing is, I love my boyfriend more than anything, and I want him to be loved in whatever way makes him feel safe and happy. If this is that for him, then I want to do everything I can to understand and give him what he needs. We have decent communication about it so far, but I am starting from a completely blank slate here. I didn’t even know this community existed 2 weeks ago. I’ve always had a tendency to “take care” of him but never in a true mommy/baby way. Any advice, tips, or even just things you’ve experienced that made you feel a special connection or a deeper level of happiness would be very much appreciated to hear.
He also told me he’d like to be Daddy sometimes. And eventually he wants me in a diaper and being Baby. I don’t even know how to start approaching this—let alone how I should feel about it. Right now it just feels sort of embarrassing. I’ve told him I’ll try anything once, but I’m worried I won’t be into it and it’ll hurt his feelings.

Bottom line is I want to be there for him and care for him the best I can. Any advice would be great. I was astonished at how supportive this community is while reading some forum posts on this site—I hope I’ll end up a decent addition to the community.

 

[sofeea]

well, my advice would be to ask him and discuss what he would want to do short term and come up with some plan that would give both of you some time to experiment on your own and find what works for you, I'm afraid that I'm not to much help as I'm a little looking for a caregiver as I've never had one but in my experiences just ask him what he would like to try and see where you go from there. I think that you would surprise yourself that the community is not that bad and to be honest, it's kinda fun I reckon. definitely sit down with him and have a discussion on what he wants out of it and how it benefits him, there's nothing wrong with asking, don't push it though as he might be a little shy as you said he was trying to hide it.

 

[RedPandaDL]

Welcome to the community! I think you are off to a great start just by joining and sharing your story. Sounds like you will make your bf very happy. You shouldn’t feel pressured to do anything you are uncomfortable with; just be open and honest about it. I am a diaper lover only and not into the AB side, so I don’t have a lot of advice other than having open communication with your bf and ask what would make him happy. Each person is unique, so only he knows what makes him tick.

 

[tails1234]

My boyfriend of 5 years very recently confessed his ABDL tendencies to me. I was really confused and slightly weirded out at first. I think he saw that, and told me he didn’t expect me to accept or even tolerate this part of him. He said he’d been terrified to say anything and hadn’t meant to, but it just slipped out. That seemed heartbreaking to me.

The thing is, I love my boyfriend more than anything, and I want him to be loved in whatever way makes him feel safe and happy. If this is that for him, then I want to do everything I can to understand and give him what he needs. We have decent communication about it so far, but I am starting from a completely blank slate here. I didn’t even know this community existed 2 weeks ago. I’ve always had a tendency to “take care” of him but never in a true mommy/baby way. Any advice, tips, or even just things you’ve experienced that made you feel a special connection or a deeper level of happiness would be very much appreciated to hear.
He also told me he’d like to be Daddy sometimes. And eventually he wants me in a diaper and being Baby. I don’t even know how to start approaching this—let alone how I should feel about it. Right now it just feels sort of embarrassing. I’ve told him I’ll try anything once, but I’m worried I won’t be into it and it’ll hurt his feelings.

Bottom line is I want to be there for him and care for him the best I can. Any advice would be great. I was astonished at how supportive this community is while reading some forum posts on this site—I hope I’ll end up a decent addition to the community.

You said you've had a tendency to take care of him. Can you expand on that? My advice (as a chronically single male) for couples starting out has always been "do something both of you enjoy, in a diaper" (or this case only him) SO many people here have stated that even getting their partner to be in the same room as them, when they are wearing, would be an accomplishment. So before saying anything else, are you at least in that stage? (It's fine if you aren't)

 

[dogboy]

Great that you're so supporting of your boyfriend. My wife supported me but she didn't directly participate, like wearing diapers. She did buy me things like footed jammies, sippy cups, plushies, etc. and I think she enjoyed doing that. (she is no longer living)

You will need to find that comfortable middle ground where you can support his being AB/DL but also setting your own limits. He's lucky to have you and very fortunate that he has your support. That's plenty.

I think if you read a number of the different topics and threads on this site you'll get a good understanding of who we are, what we enjoy and what we fantasize about. I know you'll be kind to him but don't let him make you do something you aren't comfortable doing. All marriages are built on compromises.

 

[LittleBabyBoy29]

following this. my wife wanting to know more about this side of me. She is out of town or a bit

 

[littlemoosey]

Bottom line is I want to be there for him and care for him the best I can. Any advice would be great. I was astonished at how supportive this community is while reading some forum posts on this site—I hope I’ll end up a decent addition to the community.

You already are! Great post, and your boyfriend is lucky.

Just remember this, you are probably the first person he has ever shared this with, he may have sat on this for a long long time. He is going through a lot of things in his head right now about telling you. And he is much more afraid than you are. Just be there for him, ask questions... no judgements though. Take time to learn and think about things.

You have great resources here including several successful AB/MOMMY marriages.

Bottom line as others have said, dont do anything that takes you out of your comfort zone, and just have fun with it!

 

[Forced]

Welcome and well done on reaching out.

I’ve had three long term relationships in which I told my partner at different stages, all fortunately, like you, we’re willing to participate as a caretaker.

I’d suggest that this should be a direct question to your B/F, you may well get ideas of what posters like or would want from a ‘Munny’ here but I think every individual is different and no one idea would fit us all.

If you think that your OH will be too embarrassed to talk to you or answer questions about his revelation then ask him to take his time and write you a letter explaining what he would like from you that you can read on your own.
Explain to him how much you love him and promise not to judge him on anything he writes done.
Obviously this does mean that you take the chance that he will suggest something that you may really dislike (say poopy nappies) but once you read it you can take your time to digest the information and eventually either chat or write back to him.

Good luck, I hope it works out well for you both.

 

[WeakEndPartyPerson]

Thank you for sticking with him, you're one of the good ones and could continue on through life knowing that you are an ally.
Thank you again.
-
BW

 

[NappyCouple1980]

My boyfriend of 5 years very recently confessed his ABDL tendencies to me. I was really confused and slightly weirded out at first. I think he saw that, and told me he didn’t expect me to accept or even tolerate this part of him. He said he’d been terrified to say anything and hadn’t meant to, but it just slipped out. That seemed heartbreaking to me.

The thing is, I love my boyfriend more than anything, and I want him to be loved in whatever way makes him feel safe and happy. If this is that for him, then I want to do everything I can to understand and give him what he needs. We have decent communication about it so far, but I am starting from a completely blank slate here. I didn’t even know this community existed 2 weeks ago. I’ve always had a tendency to “take care” of him but never in a true mommy/baby way. Any advice, tips, or even just things you’ve experienced that made you feel a special connection or a deeper level of happiness would be very much appreciated to hear.
He also told me he’d like to be Daddy sometimes. And eventually he wants me in a diaper and being Baby. I don’t even know how to start approaching this—let alone how I should feel about it. Right now it just feels sort of embarrassing. I’ve told him I’ll try anything once, but I’m worried I won’t be into it and it’ll hurt his feelings.

Bottom line is I want to be there for him and care for him the best I can. Any advice would be great. I was astonished at how supportive this community is while reading some forum posts on this site—I hope I’ll end up a decent addition to the community.

With this as your start, I’d say you’re already a decent addition to the community.

 

[runnergirl23]

You said you've had a tendency to take care of him. Can you expand on that? My advice (as a chronically single male) for couples starting out has always been "do something both of you enjoy, in a diaper" (or this case only him) SO many people here have stated that even getting their partner to be in the same room as them, when they are wearing, would be an accomplishment. So before saying anything else, are you at least in that stage? (It's fine if you aren't)

I just mean he’s always been the needy one in the relationship (not in a bad way) and I’ve always enjoyed giving him the extra attention. Like if we’re cuddling he wants to be the one curled up lying on me. Or I’ll wash his hair for him or give him back rubs when he’s not feeling well, etc.

 

[runnergirl23]

Thank you for sticking with him, you're one of the good ones and could continue on through life knowing that you are an ally.
Thank you again.
-
BW

I appreciate this, thank you

 

[runnergirl23]

Welcome and well done on reaching out.

I’ve had three long term relationships in which I told my partner at different stages, all fortunately, like you, we’re willing to participate as a caretaker.

I’d suggest that this should be a direct question to your B/F, you may well get ideas of what posters like or would want from a ‘Munny’ here but I think every individual is different and no one idea would fit us all.

If you think that your OH will be too embarrassed to talk to you or answer questions about his revelation then ask him to take his time and write you a letter explaining what he would like from you that you can read on your own.
Explain to him how much you love him and promise not to judge him on anything he writes done.
Obviously this does mean that you take the chance that he will suggest something that you may really dislike (say poopy nappies) but once you read it you can take your time to digest the information and eventually either chat or write back to him.

Good luck, I hope it works out well for you both.

I like the letter idea, thank you for the advice

 

[runnergirl23]

You already are! Great post, and your boyfriend is lucky.

Just remember this, you are probably the first person he has ever shared this with, he may have sat on this for a long long time. He is going through a lot of things in his head right now about telling you. And he is much more afraid than you are. Just be there for him, ask questions... no judgements though. Take time to learn and think about things.

You have great resources here including several successful AB/MOMMY marriages.

Bottom line as others have said, dont do anything that takes you out of your comfort zone, and just have fun with it!

Thanks for the advice—It’s crazy for me to think about how long he may have been terrified of telling anyone about this. My heart goes out to him

 

[runnergirl23]

Great that you're so supporting of your boyfriend. My wife supported me but she didn't directly participate, like wearing diapers. She did buy me things like footed jammies, sippy cups, plushies, etc. and I think she enjoyed doing that. (she is no longer living)

You will need to find that comfortable middle ground where you can support his being AB/DL but also setting your own limits. He's lucky to have you and very fortunate that he has your support. That's plenty.

I think if you read a number of the different topics and threads on this site you'll get a good understanding of who we are, what we enjoy and what we fantasize about. I know you'll be kind to him but don't let him make you do something you aren't comfortable doing. All marriages are built on compromises.

I’m sorry for your loss, your wife sounds like she was a wonderful woman. Thank you for the genuine advice, I appreciate it

 

[littlemoosey]

The more I read about you runnergirl, the more impressed I am... you will do just fine, you truly are a "unicorn". Not only did you not recoil from this revelation, you are actively looking to learn and help your SO with this. That is very admirable and something we dont see a lot of, which leads to anguish, frustration and more.

This is something your BF has carried guilt and self loathing over forever. He has been and still is terrified of others knowing. He may have ideas how he got here, but none of us can exactly pin point it. He has probably tried to walk away from it, but in the end it provides him with something so powerful he cant and goes back, and now you are that one piece of the puzzle that has been missing, loving acceptance by the most important person in his life. In the end this about acceptance, love, hugs, and soft fun cute things that only you he felt secure enough to reveal these deep hidden secrets. That says allot... about you.

If you can make this work, you will have a relationship like no other, you will truly be welded at the heart.

We are all pulling for you.

 

[PNW509Little]

My boyfriend of 5 years very recently confessed his ABDL tendencies to me. I was really confused and slightly weirded out at first. I think he saw that, and told me he didn’t expect me to accept or even tolerate this part of him. He said he’d been terrified to say anything and hadn’t meant to, but it just slipped out. That seemed heartbreaking to me.

The thing is, I love my boyfriend more than anything, and I want him to be loved in whatever way makes him feel safe and happy. If this is that for him, then I want to do everything I can to understand and give him what he needs. We have decent communication about it so far, but I am starting from a completely blank slate here. I didn’t even know this community existed 2 weeks ago. I’ve always had a tendency to “take care” of him but never in a true mommy/baby way. Any advice, tips, or even just things you’ve experienced that made you feel a special connection or a deeper level of happiness would be very much appreciated to hear.
He also told me he’d like to be Daddy sometimes. And eventually he wants me in a diaper and being Baby. I don’t even know how to start approaching this—let alone how I should feel about it. Right now it just feels sort of embarrassing. I’ve told him I’ll try anything once, but I’m worried I won’t be into it and it’ll hurt his feelings.

Bottom line is I want to be there for him and care for him the best I can. Any advice would be great. I was astonished at how supportive this community is while reading some forum posts on this site—I hope I’ll end up a decent addition to the community.

Great for you two!!!

I can tell you that I recently had the same conversation with my wife of over 10 years and it was probably one of the most nerve wrecking moments of my life. But I was so lucky that just like you, and also after some time to process, she came to the conclusion that she just wanted to help me be happy and healthy any way she could and that she would work on getting used to these elements.

Since both of us were exploring at the same time, what really helped was reading. Alot. However, I will tell you that when you read stuff, take it just as one perspective because if I have learned anything it is that this is not one size fits all and every one of us is unique. I remember my wife reading "Help there's a baby in my bed" and she was then sorta confused as to what I really needed from her. I 100% recommend that book but what is key is to follow up with a convo with your boyfriend about what things he needs/wants from you. And he may not completely know either. I found so many things out about myself and my desires once we started exploring them together. As long as he knows you are open to his honesty and feel like he can safely explore with you, you two will do amazing. But remember that you are also exploring and learning and he needs you to be open and honest about how certain things make you feel too. Like they say, If mommy isnt happy, then no one is happy!

Hope this helps and happy exploring to you two.

 

[PNW509Little]

I just mean he’s always been the needy one in the relationship (not in a bad way) and I’ve always enjoyed giving him the extra attention. Like if we’re cuddling he wants to be the one curled up lying on me. Or I’ll wash his hair for him or give him back rubs when he’s not feeling well, etc.

I can 100% relate to this! Once I learned more about myself, I realized that my neediness (also not in a bad way, I hope) is tied to that desire to feel nurtured and cared for. Inside each of us is a desire to feel wanted and loved, his just naturally falls into a role where you are more motherly and that is great that you support that. From the little side, there is nothing better when you are feeling off or that you are having a rough day and then your SO lets you curl up and she holds you. The world becomes round again.... Try giving him a bubble bath... That was a revelation in itself!

 

[Trainingwheles]

my advice would be to do your best to help him feel safe, nurtured and cared for. You should be patient with him and don't forget that he may be really sensitive at times and that could lead to crying. Do your best to support him in any way you can. From the little side, I definitely recommend giving him lots of attention and trying not to get too frustrated with him. one thing you should never say to him is anything relating to him being too babyish, his headspace is supposed to be a safe place for him to cope with whatever he is going through.