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I just joined a reddit thread for DID. I had a couple of questions. One of them was about purchases that were made that I had vague recollection of doing.
I had wondered if my 4 year old little/alter had figured out how to purchase goodies for herself and the rest of the littles, or if it was another alter doing this since I was surprised to have seen certain purchases that had been made.
I don't have any children of my own so I don't know what a 4 year old is capable of in regards to technology.
When I asked, I suddenly felt attacked by a couple of people, saying my littles aren't actually their identified ages.
And that they can't be their ages because they aren't chronological. Basically, speaking for MY experience! At hearing me read their words, one of my little took it to mean she wasn't actually real. That she was fake. Pretend.
Newsflash: my parts have been with me since they WERE physically their identified ages. So, they actually are chronological. My 2 year old alter can recall a part younger than herself when my body was physically her age.
And, even if they weren't chronological, no one gets to determine the validity of my experiences.
When my 4 year old heard my adult part read what this person said, I felt her heart break and "heard" her screaming, "I AM FOUR! I AM REAL!" She then proceeded to burst into tears and I felt this deep, gut wrenching sadness she was feeling.
My 12 year old protector alter grew livid and jumped to the littles' defense toward this person, telling them there is no one-size fits all for DID and those who experience it, and who were they to tell us what is or isn't true within our diagnosis?
Despite this, my littles are feeling horribly sad and I'm doing my best to remind them of their experiences and what others have witnessed. That they are real, they aren't fake, and that professionals in the field of therapy have witnessed them front according to their ages. Motor skills, voice, and mentality all change and match their developmental levels and, as one therapist said after witnessing the dissociation, "You can't fake that."
They may not have their own individual bodies but their developmental stages match their ages. If it weren't for my older alters, they wouldn't even eat. We would die. Starve.
The more "forward" they are, the less my adult part remembers things.
There have been a couple of times where my adult self nearly lost my vision when one of them fronted. And, when I fought for control, my head had a pins and needles sensation, and I felt foggy and exhausted afterwards.
Despite reassuring them, it has caused the 4 year old to feel like throwing all their stuff away and denying themselves.
I know this post may seem a little off the wall but I can feel their angst and hurt and I just needed to vent and put words to their hurt.
I feel like this is a safe place to vent because, even if you may not understand, at least you guys are kind and supportive.
I thought maybe that reddit group might be beneficial but I think I'm going to delete my account. Too many people who think their experiences are how everyone's experiences should be with DID.
I had wondered if my 4 year old little/alter had figured out how to purchase goodies for herself and the rest of the littles, or if it was another alter doing this since I was surprised to have seen certain purchases that had been made.
I don't have any children of my own so I don't know what a 4 year old is capable of in regards to technology.
When I asked, I suddenly felt attacked by a couple of people, saying my littles aren't actually their identified ages.
And that they can't be their ages because they aren't chronological. Basically, speaking for MY experience! At hearing me read their words, one of my little took it to mean she wasn't actually real. That she was fake. Pretend.
Newsflash: my parts have been with me since they WERE physically their identified ages. So, they actually are chronological. My 2 year old alter can recall a part younger than herself when my body was physically her age.
And, even if they weren't chronological, no one gets to determine the validity of my experiences.
When my 4 year old heard my adult part read what this person said, I felt her heart break and "heard" her screaming, "I AM FOUR! I AM REAL!" She then proceeded to burst into tears and I felt this deep, gut wrenching sadness she was feeling.
My 12 year old protector alter grew livid and jumped to the littles' defense toward this person, telling them there is no one-size fits all for DID and those who experience it, and who were they to tell us what is or isn't true within our diagnosis?
Despite this, my littles are feeling horribly sad and I'm doing my best to remind them of their experiences and what others have witnessed. That they are real, they aren't fake, and that professionals in the field of therapy have witnessed them front according to their ages. Motor skills, voice, and mentality all change and match their developmental levels and, as one therapist said after witnessing the dissociation, "You can't fake that."
They may not have their own individual bodies but their developmental stages match their ages. If it weren't for my older alters, they wouldn't even eat. We would die. Starve.
The more "forward" they are, the less my adult part remembers things.
There have been a couple of times where my adult self nearly lost my vision when one of them fronted. And, when I fought for control, my head had a pins and needles sensation, and I felt foggy and exhausted afterwards.
Despite reassuring them, it has caused the 4 year old to feel like throwing all their stuff away and denying themselves.
I know this post may seem a little off the wall but I can feel their angst and hurt and I just needed to vent and put words to their hurt.
I feel like this is a safe place to vent because, even if you may not understand, at least you guys are kind and supportive.
I thought maybe that reddit group might be beneficial but I think I'm going to delete my account. Too many people who think their experiences are how everyone's experiences should be with DID.
Yes, people can be so mean about things they haven't experienced and/or understand! 
yes, I understand. 
Dissociative disorders can be rough at times, but it's a comfort to know I'm not alone and that what I have experienced is real!