Navigating Mental Health in the AB/DL Community with relationships / friendships

[TheDiaperB0Y]

I've been struggling with a dilemma,

I want to return to Fetlife, Instagram & social media to reconnect with fellow AB/DLs and make new friends again. However, I know that my emotional dysregulation caused by my ADHD and borderline personality disorder makes it difficult for me to maintain healthy relationships within the AB/DL community.

In the past, I was very active on social media like Instagram and Fetlife, trying to connect with people in the AB/DL community. While I made some great friends, my toxic self-destructive tendencies, fueled by my ADHD and borderline personality disorder always messed things up. My emotional rollercoaster often led me to damage relationships and then self-isolate when faced with criticism or fear of rejection. Due to my borderline personality disorder, I find myself seeking praise and attention in an unhealthy manner, a manifestation of the challenges associated with both my ADHD & BPD.

Looking back, I can't ignore the damage I caused within the AB/DL community on Instagram, Twitter & Fetlife. I don't know how to mend the reputation I tarnished. Some folks I befriended in the past dislike me now, thinking I'm a liar and a narcissistic jerk. I wish I could blame it all on my mental disorder, but I know that saying sorry won't fix things.

I get that blaming all my emotional issues on my mental health isn’t a productive way to seek understanding & forgiveness from other AB/DL friends. I am committed to becoming a better person, by actively working on managing my emotional dysfunction, I just want to make real connections in the AB/DL community without using my mental health as a crutch for my issues.
I've tried to grow from my past emotional temper tantrums, acknowledging my mistakes and working to change from the arrogant person I used to be.

I used to be a people-pleaser, forgetting my own boundaries, and it landed me in several unhealthy friendships. I had to step away from social media and the AB/DL community for my mental health, but now I want to reconnect with my old friends along with making new connections, despite my toxic emotional reputation.

I'm torn between reactivating my Fetlife account, making a new AB/DL Instagram, redownloading Telegram & Discord along with making a new Diaper. bois profile all in the hopes of reconnecting with old friends and making some new ones after disappearing off all social media platforms without a trace for almost a year and a half. or finding friends outside the AB/DL community who appreciate me beyond our shared diapered interests.
As much as I want to reconnect, I know my emotional struggles might continue to scare people away. or that I haven’t learned my lesson about my emotional immaturity.

Some folks have suggested finding friends outside the diapered AB/DL community, focusing on real genuine connections rather than shared diapered kink and little space.

Honestly, I'm at a loss for what to do.
I know the second I get back on social media or try to reconnect with old friends they’ll ask why I ghosted them & disappeared, without warning anyone about why I was leaving social media. even though I’d explain it was for my mental health and it wasn’t personal, people tend to be offended when someone they were close with suddenly cuts off all communication. I just assume nobody will truly care or understand why I continue to come back to the community for a while before getting overwhelmed with my self-hatred & emotional dysregulation to the point of going offline again for 6 to 9 months if not longer in some cases.

I just don't want to be alone anymore, but my desperation sometimes leads to being taken advantage of, continuing a toxic cycle of loneliness & emotional trauma. ( ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )

For those facing challenges with Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD, or any other mental health or neurodivergent condition, I'm curious about your strategies for handling anxiety, depression, and emotions positively. Additionally, how do you navigate building healthy relationships within the AB/DL community without feeling the need to conceal your true personality traits behind a facade of constant cheerfulness & an overwhelming desire to make everyone else happy & like you? It's a struggle for me to maintain authenticity when grappling with my sense of identity.

I genuinely don’t know who I am anymore.
(ㅠ﹏ㅠ)

 

[Jeremiah]

Please accept the following as being intended as helpful advice from an Autistic person who has no ability to understand tone or other subtle social elements. I am direct, but rambling also.

First thing: don't try to mind read. There is no way to know what others think without them telling you.
Second: extended absences from social media happen regularly. This is normal and acceptable. Giving warning that you are taking a break is acceptable. Needing a break from social media doesn't need a reason or explanation. It is nice that you provided a reason before your absence, but it was not necessary.
Third: please have realistic expectations of your ability to please others with your social media presence. You cannot please everyone. Regardless of what you do on social media, someone will approve it, someone will hate it, and the comments section will always be a complete disaster.
Fourth: the only person you can change their mood is you. Do what you need for your emotional and mental health. Be honest and genuine. Some will appreciate you for this. Those who cannot accept you as you are are not healthy to you and don't matter to your life. The awesome people will accept you as you are and support you in becoming who you desire to be.
Fifth: part of maintaining a healthy balance is finding a healthy pace. Full social media frenzy will wear you out, drag you down, and start the horrid cycle over again. Go slow and cautious with the social media. Start with one platform and be a little-bit involved, like 15-30 minutes at a time (per day or week, whatever works). Watch out for your warning signs that you did too much.

I wish you the best and hope you find a healthy balance and perspective.

 

[claire123]

As someone who also suffers ( and I mean that ) with borderline personality disorder and also awaiting assessment for adhd and autism, I completely understand majority of what you wrote.

I would pick 1 platform first, to try and reconnect with old friends, have ready your explanation as to why you “ghosted” them, but nothing massive or heavy just a small I’m sorry my mental health was in a bad place I had to take time away of social media and work on myself, hope your ok? Should do it, genuine friendships/relationships, can pick up where you left off, there can also be forgiveness aswell.

as for navigating new friendships/relatiobships, that’s more difficult, because we struggle to understand that sometimes we can just not gel with others and that’s not our fault nor is it theirs, I always take it slow, but I try be semi open about my mental health struggles, so as a friendship develops, if I may step across a line or go to far, I’m not out of the blue saying sorry that’s part of my bpd I’m working on it, they were already aware. As friendship develops you don’t feel the need to hide behind cheerful facade as such I tend to use my mental health is bad currently and we talk about something lighter or easier not heavy deep meaningful conversation.

Honestly me and my best friend who ironically now is diagnosed with bpd to, went 2 years of not speaking due to both of us acting out having the “emotional temper tantrums” all over social media to each other with other people is was a crazy time, but we moved past it can laugh about it now! And in fact some of our best conversations is literally laughing at our “bpd” moments it helps us realise we’re not alone!
Feel free to message me if you wish, I’ve probably more advice good and bad with regards to bpd and relationships friendships or if you just want to chat with someone who gets it xx