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Well...putiing it respectfully--and I do respect you--that's something which has different meanings to Muggles and auties.60something said:
We are mysteries to one another, Muggles & auties: one can't fully fathom the other. We're remarkably different. It's like explaining a Monet to a blind person, much is lost in the process...and that goes both ways. I was the only autie in my immediate family...but that wasn't known then.
Autism was not common, either in concept or word, in the days of my youth. It was so easy for others to fit in...except me. You know the concept of the so-called "pink elephant in the room": it's merely endured, hopefully goes away after being ignored. But sometimes that elephant gets hit, too. Coldly regarded. I heard "retard" in regard to myself frequently. And try as they might, my parents tried to pretend nothing was wrong but at the end of the day, they lied. Something was wrong.
I got out, struggled with life, with work, health, with a wife & kids. Lost it all after enough time passed. The mystery remained to haunt me. I don't know if you could understand that or not but I was sick and goddamned tired of living in a fog. I was ready to kill myself.
On December 14, 2018, I got the answer. I wasn't seeking it, it wasn't seeking me. It just happened, Twilight-Zone-ishly, at a Minneapolis-St. Paul airport terminal during a 5-hour layover. A gift from a professional who took the time to hear me out, offer his view. It took over 3 weeks for the reality to sink in.
My 50-plus year mystery was over. Just as I fought for things necessary to my adult survival, against my parents' will, and achieved them...I ended this mystery. The rest of my life was free for life, already in progress. And it wasn't as hard a fight anymore. I understood myself more instead of fighting myself within a mystery...and amid navigating the world, hard as it is.
Just like Helen Keller. She was once written off, too. Until someone reached in.
I have a very, very hard time with the yammering of labels: some live by them, some demonize them all...but sad as it is, labels do exist; it's how we use them that matters. In their proper context, with an aim toward getting needs met instead of trying to stand above all others...to build up instead of tear down...to liberate instead of confine...labels can have some benefit.
I wonder what so-called 'counselors' who demonize 'labels' think, say or do in the 15 hours their offices are locked. From what I've seen and experienced, I can lay good money down--and win--on their hypocrisy. Even they have personal agendas. Their altruism is fake.
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