I'm confused. I'm afraid to tell my partner that I'm an adult baby

[koffka]

I do not know what is wrong with me. I like to feel little, but I've never met anyone in my life who could share these.
I have a girlfriend, but we fight a lot on the grounds that I'm stupid, that I need attention and need basic things explained to me. But she cares about me... I think it's an emotional swing? I don't know, I'm confused about who I am. Maybe I'm really stupid, or maybe I'm really naive. I'm afraid to tell her about age regression and how I feel like an adult baby. Has anyone else had this problem?

 

[TreeLad]

You haven't really given much context but, from what you have said, that you're fighting a lot over "you being stupid" sounds a bit one sided to me. I think telling her about your desires could be like adding more fuel to a fire.

I think you need to explain a bit better to get better advice.

 

[Noodle]

I do not know what is wrong with me. I like to feel little, but I've never met anyone in my life who could share these.
I have a girlfriend, but we fight a lot on the grounds that I'm stupid, that I need attention and need basic things explained to me. But she cares about me... I think it's an emotional swing? I don't know, I'm confused about who I am. Maybe I'm really stupid, or maybe I'm really naive.

To reiterate what TreeLad said if you guys are having arguments that have led or are leading to this kind of conclusions its probably not best to tell her for the time being. It would only help create tension if you're reaffirming a belief she has of you while angry.

I'm afraid to tell her about age regression and how I feel like an adult baby. Has anyone else had this problem?

That said you'll eventually have to come to terms that this is a part of your life and will eventually be dealt with by anyone who wants to share a life romantically with you. As it is Relationships are Give and Take so this probably a conversation to have when it comes to the bedroom. Can't expect her to accept it without accepting any of her oddities that might fall in this embarrassing range. Do consider the length of your relationship though and if the current arguments actually threaten the stability of it before telling her though.

 

[mammalun]

Well, you haven't said much but here's my impression based on what you wrote. If you are fighting lots, and it's leading to you thinking you are stupid (you almost certainly aren't), that it's bad to seek attention from someone that is supposed to care for you (it's not usually, we all need attention sometimes) and that you need things explaining (we all do, even if we refuse to admit it).... it seems to me that you are not in a relationship that makes you happy. And potentially it's making you feel not good at all. And as others have said, relationships are about balancing your needs against the other persons. However, from the little you have said it does sound like your relationship is way off balance, for whatever reason. It certainly doesn't sound like the kind of relationship where you feel safe enough to be yourself. So, um, what's the point? Seriously. I think you need to consider if the relationship is right for you at all. As an outsider it certainly doesn't sound right. She may indeed care about you, but that doesn't automatically mean you are right for each other. For a relationship to work you have to feel comfortable telling the other person about your thoughts, feelings and desires, and know that they are not going to put you down or belittle you as a person even if they don't agree or understand you. That is true for all relationships, kinky and vanilla alike.

 

[foxkits]

Your not stupid.
You can be very smart in your own way. A great way to learn a lot is read lot of books any kind I learned a lot from reading sci-fi books.
I feel your some what summative person. The only thing with your girlfriend putting you down is you can get to believing the negative comments which is not true really.
She may care but we need a positive life and relationship to enjoy life.
Best of luck.

 

[LittleTyke]

What first went through my mind was "Why is this person staying in such a relationship?" From the relatively short description you have presented, this relationship does not seem healthy.

In my opinion, you only have two options:

1. Tell her.
2. End the relationship.

If you are an AB, but cannot be your true self because of the nature of your relationship, then you are pretty much doomed to be miserable. I've been there myself. My situation was slightly different, but the basics were mostly the same.

What do you fear will happen if you tell her? If there is a genuine risk that she will out you to friends and family, then she is not for you. Partners must be willing to keep each other's deepest secrets.

If she gets mad or disgusted, then I don't see a future for this relationship. Sorry.

But... there might be a chance that your AB side could explain some things about you, as a person. To me, realizing that I'm a sub, suddenly explained a lot of things, even incidents in my school years. If she gets to know that you are an AB, that might give her some insight. "Oh, that's why he acts this way..."

I have no idea what the chances are, that she will accept your AB side. If she is very open-minded, and possibly has kinks of her own (e.g. BDSM), then there might be a realistic chance. If not, then the chances are probably slim to none.

If we think ahead for a moment, and assume that your current relationship ends, then please tell a potential future girlfriend about your feelings and needs as early as possible in the relationship. Do not wait! If she doesn't accept your kink, then that relationship is not for you. It is much better to rip the bandaid off early on.

My wife knew about my ABDL kink before we even met the first time. Also, the women I met one-on-one (not necessarily on dates) while I was single, also knew about it. This worked as an excellent dating filter, and was also a basis of some interesting conversations.

 

[googlyeyes467]

You're not stupid. I'm not sure what your SO is actually like so I'm not sure if this is abusive or not but I hope this isn't an everyday thing or it's more lighthearted. It can be abusive if it is constant and for little things even if you are trying (the key point being that you're just trying your best). You may want to talk to a therapist or another qualified 3rd party. I once talked to the domestic abuse hotline and they were actually really objective and helped me orient things.

That being said, there is a real fear from partners that if the other partner expresses their little side that they will become dependent. I definitely get that. Sometimes this type of reaction from an adult partner can be an emotional response to your AB needs because they fear they will then have to take care of you instead of having an adult partner who also takes care of them. There has to be a balance. You can be little sometimes and an adult other times or even both at the same time but I think there are clear times when you need to be an adult for your partner. They probably didn't go into the relationship expecting to have someone to take care of all the time.

 

[sbmccue]

You mention that you 'fight a lot on the grounds that I'm stupid.' Is this an actual fact, or your girlfriend's opinion? Are you mentally limited in some way to justify her saying something that hurtful, or is this just the way you feel?

All of us need 'basic things' explained to us from time to time, and every single little on this board needs 'attention.' Either your girlfriend is with you because she enjoys being parental or maternal toward you, or she's verbally abusive for no good reason.

Every AB in a relationship wonders whether they can actually tell their SO and what the SO's reaction will be. Those are two unanswerable questions; no one knows until you make the effort.

As TreeLad notes, you really haven't provided enough context for us to be much help. At this point, I'd say the chances of her accepting this side of you are probably about even, but a little more information will certainly help us help you decide whether to make the disclosure. Once you've let the genie out of the bottle, there's no way to put it back in.

 

[koffka]

What first went through my mind was "Why is this person staying in such a relationship?" From the relatively short description you have presented, this relationship does not seem healthy.

In my opinion, you only have two options:

1. Tell her.
2. End the relationship.

If you are an AB, but cannot be your true self because of the nature of your relationship, then you are pretty much doomed to be miserable. I've been there myself. My situation was slightly different, but the basics were mostly the same.

What do you fear will happen if you tell her? If there is a genuine risk that she will out you to friends and family, then she is not for you. Partners must be willing to keep each other's deepest secrets.

If she gets mad or disgusted, then I don't see a future for this relationship. Sorry.

But... there might be a chance that your AB side could explain some things about you, as a person. To me, realizing that I'm a sub, suddenly explained a lot of things, even incidents in my school years. If she gets to know that you are an AB, that might give her some insight. "Oh, that's why he acts this way..."

I have no idea what the chances are, that she will accept your AB side. If she is very open-minded, and possibly has kinks of her own (e.g. BDSM), then there might be a realistic chance. If not, then the chances are probably slim to none.

If we think ahead for a moment, and assume that your current relationship ends, then please tell a potential future girlfriend about your feelings and needs as early as possible in the relationship. Do not wait! If she doesn't accept your kink, then that relationship is not for you. It is much better to rip the bandaid off early on.

My wife knew about my ABDL kink before we even met the first time. Also, the women I met one-on-one (not necessarily on dates) while I was single, also knew about it. This worked as an excellent dating filter, and was also a basis of some interesting conversations.

Thank you so much, those words meant a lot to me. I have the courage to talk to her about it, I'm ready to break up if I have to. Sometimes in a relationship like this you think it's your fault, but you have given me a great encouragement, thank you. I will always remember your words

 

[koffka]

Everyone here is so nice, I didn't think I'd find any support. I'm crying with happiness. Thank you all

 

[Bazarama]

I don't know if you've told her yet but if you haven't a word of caution. If she doesn't understand she may tell friends and or family what you say about your feelings. You need to be mentally prepared for that outcome.
Nobody should live a lie and maybe the fighting is because you're desperately unhappy hiding you.
Good luck and no you're definitely not stupid.

 

[Joeysms]

it is hard to give relationship advice and advice on how one should live his or her life. it is never a good thing to view yourself in negative light nor down yourself. i would suggest finding a good therapist to work on your self-esteem. couples have arguments but i believe those arguments should never be about one partner being stupid and not being an equal partner. that is an unhealthy relationship. a person has to be who he or she is and live his or her life being the best of what he or she is, so if you are thinking of a long-term life partnership with your girlfriend then you need to be open with her about who you are. there is nothing shameful or embarrassing about having a strong ab/little side. your little side has to be able to shine like all parts of you. if you are willing to accept her and everything about her then that has to be a two way street. being in a relationship where you have to hide who you are will lead to being very unhappy. life and relationships are always evolving so one never knows where things will lead you in life just make sure the majority of your life is about happiness not sadness.

 

[Joeysms]

relationships are supportive and about building each other up not down