I Struggle With Communication.

[SourPatchSquid]

It makes it so hard to make friends, my marriage is suffering because of it, does anybody have tips on getting through feeling like going non-verbal? I feel like I'm trapped in my own head

 

[Spankedanddiapered]

All I can tell you is in a relationship communication is key without that it’ll fall apart. Not sure what you mean by going nonverbal. I know I am a bit shy myself, especially in a crowd I get a lot of anxiety for instant, if I have a business meeting where I have to mingle with people I don’t know. But family is a whole lot different especially my wife. Can you give us a little more detail? What are you actually feeling? Are you having trouble talking with your wife? I’m not sure what you mean by trapped in your head exactly. it would be helpful if we had a little more information

 

[SourPatchSquid]

All I can tell you is in a relationship communication is key without that it’ll fall apart. Not sure what you mean by going nonverbal. I know I am a bit shy myself, especially in a crowd I get a lot of anxiety for instant, if I have a business meeting where I have to mingle with people I don’t know. But family is a whole lot different especially my wife. Can you give us a little more detail? What are you actually feeling? Are you having trouble talking with your wife? I’m not sure what you mean by trapped in your head exactly. it would be helpful if we had a little more information

I guess this proves my point a bit lol. I have a hard time articulating what's inside my head, I can be thinking one thing and say it completely wrong. I also get stressed out easy, which causes me to just put my head down and focus only on what is stressing me. I have been stressed about work as of late, which has caused me to focus solely on work, making myself emotionally unavailable to my wife, which now has her frustrated (understandably so)

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

I have a question: do you have autism or suspect you do? Autism makes communication difficult. There's a lot of us here with autism...myself included. And it's okay...and you're okay, too! We can listen to what you're sayin', try to help.

Do you both have a counselor to help? Just curious.

 

[Seasonedcitizen]

I do better communicating in writing than by speaking. I have problems getting my thoughts connected to my words. Dyslexia, Autism, or just stress?

 

[PetahPetah]

My dad, and i, have weird hearing. Cannot always make out everything said ( its the T s,and S sounds mainly, i need turned up!). Wish they made closed caption glasses! other issue i have, dumb people make me angry. At work especially. I don't always comunicate the best. Never been properly tested for autism etc. But theres so many more Things these days!

 

[Happy2BeInNappies2]

Please @SourPatchSquid do not allow the stress of life affect you to where you cut off communicating with your wife.
(That would slowly suffocate the relationship to death).
Write short notes in front of her for when verbal expressions fail you.
Listen to your wife, follow her advice. You are there for each other to share the daily pains and joys of life, together.
(If needed get professional help).
Whatever you are going through now, the added stress of a failed marriage, would make life even much harder to endure alone.
All the best with your future.

 

[dogboy]

You might also seek therapy. I see a psychologist for a number of reasons and I think it has helped.

 

[littleFeathers]

You might also seek therapy.

Definitely. There's a time to "do it yourself", and a time to seek professional help, whether it's plumbing or personal relationships. I've used professionals for both of those.

 

[SourPatchSquid]

I have a question: do you have autism or suspect you do? Autism makes communication difficult. There's a lot of us here with autism...myself included. And it's okay...and you're okay, too! We can listen to what you're sayin', try to help.

Do you both have a counselor to help? Just curious.

I have never been tested, but have become inclined to believe (especially in recent years) that I might be on the spectrum. I used to have a counselor, but haven't been able to afford one lately

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

I have never been tested, but have become inclined to believe (especially in recent years) that I might be on the spectrum. I used to have a counselor, but haven't been able to afford one lately

I have family with autism who either are or have been nonverbal: my nephew speaks very little, which has lost him both jobs and wonderful relationships...and my oldest granddaughter spent her first 4 years saying almost nothing at all but once she turned 4, the floodgates were loosed! Yow!

Lack of eye contact is another factor in autism, and from that a fear and/or nonwillingness to participate in debative or otherwise challenging conversation. I have to fight to maintain it and I hate it. People not on the spectrum tend to weaponize and dominate with it; I walk away from people who do because that is 100% inhuman and unfair. But still, the matter remains and is considered a major factor in the success of relationships.

I'm not saying this for your sake but for your wife's, and thus for your relationship's sake: please, get counseling. This difference between you both regarding conversational differences is jeopardizing your relationship and she needs to understand why. Your relationship needs help, badly, so the reason can be understood, accepted and accommodated.

You have the chance to accomplish this, if you want; back before the '00s, there was not a lot of recognition of autism or autistic traits among counselors and their perspective in marital issues was "we did the best we could with what we had to work with", a pretty tragic cop-out. Now, they know better, understand more. Can you both get access to a counselor?

 

[Spankedanddiapered]

I guess this proves my point a bit lol. I have a hard time articulating what's inside my head, I can be thinking one thing and say it completely wrong. I also get stressed out easy, which causes me to just put my head down and focus only on what is stressing me. I have been stressed about work as of late, which has caused me to focus solely on work, making myself emotionally unavailable to my wife, which now has her frustrated (understandably so)

I get it describing and expressing thoughts in your head to another person even a loved one isn’t always easy I know for myself many times it comes out wrong. I can only tell you that you need to work very hard at being there emotionally for your wife. This stresses in life are always gonna be there. We all deal with stress differently. Shutting down never has a positive outcome. Share what you’re feeling with her and tell her you need help in coping with whatever you’re going through. But at the same time don’t get consumed with yourself totally and be mindful of her needs and make efforts to meet them also

 

[littleFeathers]

Lack of eye contact is another factor in autism, and from that a fear and/or nonwillingness to participate in debative or otherwise challenging conversation. I have to fight to maintain it and I hate it. People not on the spectrum tend to weaponize and dominate with it; I walk away from people who do because that is 100% inhuman and unfair.

I'm not autistic, and I try to be tolerant of different people (it's not like I'm on top of the bell curve myself, so...) but this is not something I've thought about. Thank you for pointing this out so I can be on guard that I don't become a problem for someone.

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

Thank you for pointing this out so I can be on guard that I don't become a problem for someone.

Just my thought, but anyone who's a Someone won't see you as a problem. Just my .00000029 Bitcoin.

 

[SourPatchSquid]

My dad, and i, have weird hearing. Cannot always make out everything said ( its the T s,and S sounds mainly, i need turned up!). Wish they made closed caption glasses! other issue i have, dumb people make me angry. At work especially. I don't always comunicate the best. Never been properly tested for autism etc. But theres so many more Things these days!

I have tinnitus from faulty ear plugs in a loud work environment, certainly doesn't help

 

[SourPatchSquid]

I appreciate everyone's kind responses. I'm catching up on posts now, life's been crazy. Losing a close family member. Death is hard.

 

[Kirisin]

I guess this proves my point a bit lol. I have a hard time articulating what's inside my head, I can be thinking one thing and say it completely wrong. I also get stressed out easy, which causes me to just put my head down and focus only on what is stressing me. I have been stressed about work as of late, which has caused me to focus solely on work, making myself emotionally unavailable to my wife, which now has her frustrated (understandably so)

Ha I do that all the time most times I think I should stick my foot in my mouth before I say something stupid then maybe I won't say it

 

[PaddedCub]

I use a speech generating device to talk most of the time, there are free apps that are text to speech programs. What also works is a whiteboard, paper and pen and signing. ‘Pushing through’ the speech loss episode (nonverbal and semiverbal are permanent states) will usually create more stress in many peoples experiences. There is no shame in alternative communication methods, we ALL use them, texting is one!

 

[Woncrinklz]

I appreciate everyone's kind responses. I'm catching up on posts now, life's been crazy. Losing a close family member. Death is hard.

Was the concern for the loved one resulting in you not communicating much with others? I hope you are okay. I have been through all the levels of loss. If you need to talk, I am here.

 

[60something]

I appreciate everyone's kind responses. I'm catching up on posts now, life's been crazy. Losing a close family member. Death is hard.

I'm sorry to hear whatt you're going thru. I was right where you are now a few years ago. Not a good place t be. I lost my dog, my Dad, my job of almost 30 years and almost lost my wife. It left me devastated. It took me to a vey dark place where I attempted to leave this world. It was my wife that pulled me back just in time,

If possible throttle back on the job and put that energy in your relationship with your wife. She absolutely cares more about you than your employer, I found that out the hard way. That doesn't mean give up on your job, just consider a limit to how much you can give.
Tinitus.... Ugh. It sounds like a leaky air hose 24/7 in my head.

Seriously. Check your local mental health services. There is usually a basic system that could help you. Possibly even free or at least low cost. At least to get you thru your rough time. I used to come home to my wife and she'd ask, "how was your day"? I always answered "It was there". Toward the end the stress levels there went thru the roof. I finally just separated myself from it. When I got home i refused to give it any more of my time. That helped a bit. What I should have done was embrace my wife, Had I remained close to her and let he help me thru a tough time I would have fared a lot better. Instead, I built a shell around myself and tried to shut out the world. It didn't work
.
Please. don't be afraid to ask for help. if I had sooner I would have been far better off. Good luck my friend.