I came out, and my mom blew up

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First let me say i sypathize, and I like the astronaut analogy, especially since astronauts wear NASA diapers. Anyway I could totally imagine my mom saying all those things your mom said. I think you have a need to share and feel accepted and ok for who you are. But you have to pick your safe people carefully. And you need to get in touch with your big boy side so you can become more responsible and not have to rely on Mom so much. Until then you might have to lay low, not risk losing parental support, etc. Hang in there.
 
Your mother's right. A little bit too normal maybe, but right. :)

One of the things often stressed here is balance. Spending your clothes and school money on diapers isn't balance if it leaves you short of cash for things you should be getting. Spending your own money on diapers is a nice idea but how much of "your" money would you have if you weren't living at home?

Much of what's happening is normal friction between a college kid living at home and the parent(s). Your situation is worse because of the divide over your ABDL behavior. We understand your desires but the average person simply cannot accept this behavior.

Don't lose sight of what is important. You have an opportunity to advance your education and expand your horizons. Don't let your ABDL desires become an obstacle to this. It may seem like a long ways off but if you play your cards right the time will come when you have your own place and can afford to live the lifestyle you choose. In the meantime respect your mother's wishes.
 
While there are obstacles to overcome. i would focus on getting school over and done with since it makes part of life stressful (been there done that.) Its a great feeling when you get the worst of life out the way. see if you can get part-time work, better to temporarily have a crappy job, but a bit of your own money to help.

Does your mail get opened?

you'll have to make some hard decisions especially for your own sanity and living arrangements.
Life does get better once your out of school and working a job.

put the fetish on hold for awhile, remember it's only temporary, how temporary? its up to you. a month, 3 months.
having other hobbys will help as distraction.
 
To add to the other posters who have already covered all the excellent points about it being her house, her rules and about her giving you money specifically for clothes and then you spending it on something else, etc...

I want to bring up the fact that you told your mother about a diaper fetish. Why on earth would you start sharing your fetishes with your parents? No one needs to know about what you're into sexually! Especially not your parents. No wonder she went a bit crazy. I can't imagine talking to a family member about my sexual preferences, let alone telling my mother about my kinks. Honestly, I think you rather walked into this one. You used money that she gave you to buy clothes to buy stuff that gets you off sexually, and then told her about it. Think about it from her point of view.
 
sjm1225 said:
Does your mail get opened?
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No, but they stand over my shoulder and hover when I get packages... they are of the firm belief that if you have to hide it from your parents, it's got to be something illegal or immoral.
 
The more I read this, the happier I am that I live on my own.
 
I just wanted to add Feeka, on a lighter note, since you've gotten some hard to listen to advise, to what your mom had to say. It sounded like some of the stories I read on other sites. I like shame and forced regression stories, and wow did your mom pour on the shame and guilt. The reality of what she said was harsh. I wondered how you took it?

My mom discovered my stuff when I was in college, and so I got pretty much the same treatment, but even she wasn't that harsh. She was more concerned about my sanity, and so she sent me to a psychiatrist. I was so embarrassed that she found out that I did whatever she asked. I also went on the extreme down low so the issue wouldn't come up again. Simply put, I lied and said I was cured. I'm not sure she believed it, but it put an end to the discussion.

I'm sure none of this has been easy on you and as others have said, your only real solution is to eventually move out, which I'm sure is one of your future goals. Until then, do as I did and go on the down low. It won't be easy, but it might make your life easier. You might have to wait until you have the house to yourself in order to enjoy yourself. I at least had the entire attic for my bedroom, and that helped.
 
FeekaDimension said:
I told her I was going to buy a diaper cover, and that she shouldn't open the mail when it came, and she blew up about it -- she said I was "wasting" my money on diapers (then asked if I was using THEIR money on Diapers, which I'm not) and told me it was disgusting at least eight times, and that she wants me to "only use the toilet from now on. You're not a baby!" I told her I couldn't help the way I felt and she said "YOU CAN HELP IT MORE THAN YOU THINK YOU CAN!"

I know I shouldn't listen to her but I am still living in her house. I'm a student in school so I can't really go anywhere either. :c Advice?

Highlights of her rant:

"Why would you want to pee in your diapers like a little baby?!"

"You're wasting money on DIAPERS! Think about it for a minute!"

"They STINK! Nobody even wants little baby diapers around. You're an adult, that makes it worse!"

"I hope you're not using our money for diapers! Here we are covering your food and gas, and instead of clothes, you buy diapers!"

Is she right? I don't have many clothes to wear now either bc I'm always spending my money on toys, food, or diapers... I'm not very responsible.
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From what I have seen, I have to tend to agree with her reasoning so I have to be the antagonist. I hate to say this, but it has to be said, in that you are being irresponsible with what you do with your money and life choices. Food and clothing should be your #1 priority. First off, do you work? Do you drive? Oops, now you need to start saving up for your own car and insurance, first and foremost. When you buy that car, it needs to be something that will be able to get you around. Let's not forget the most important fund though and that's an emergency fund of at least $500-$1000. You aren't set yet for the real world because you haven't budgeted your time and money properly.

Don't worry, I understand the emotional attachment to the diapers, but that is not what is most important at this time. I myself have ADD and likely borderline aspergers as I have some of the symptoms, but I don't use that as an excuse for behavior. Ask yourself this- How much do you spend on toys and diapers on a regular basis? If it's more than food, then stop. If it is more than clothes that you need, then stop. You've got future rent to possibly think about, so stop and save for that. Are you paying for college? Gotta stop it. Naturally I'm assuming your mom is still paying for your health insurance, so you have until age 26 to prepare for that, pending on what the House and Senate does with Obamacare before that time. So you need to find a job with health insurance. It also seems you don't have much extra money available to you for a blow fund for all the items you have.

You have so many factors that have been aided, but won't be there forever, by your mother. I've been a similar situation by still living with my family because I couldn't yet support myself on just a part time job. I had to get two jobs to be able to help myself get to where I am now. Diapers were not a priority and still aren't. I've never been in debt because of it and using my savings properly. I now have several expensive Power Rangers collectibles, many of which I'm putting on resell in the future, because I can afford to do it now and yes I do have some diapers much to the chagrin of my family.

You're still living at home which means you still have to go under your mothers rules, because she still provides food and water for you, a house and shelter, health insurance, etc. She's trying to help you get prepared for the world by teaching you restraint and how to live your life wisely. Ask her to help you set up a plan and a budget. Follow Dave Ramsey's baby steps, get his envelope system going, etc. It worked for me and my family, so it will definitely work for you.

It's for your own good really. It's pretty much what Cottontail told you, but I'm showing you another side to the problem. Get down to the root of the problem and start working it out so then you can start affording stuff later.

Edit: After reading further comments, I see I'm not the only one saying for you to learn how to discipline yourself. It's tough, I know, but it will be worth it in the long run. The truth hurts, I know that better than anybody, but eventually when you have proven yourself to you and your mom, you guys will probably see this as a distant memory.
 
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I skimmed through the replies, but I will leave my opinion:

You are under their roof, live by their rules. Do not burn bridges for something like this. You were honest and told her, she did not accept it. Move on, for now.

I will tell you something my father told me, not about diapers, but it has a similar message:

"Work hard at school, get a good job, make tons of money, buy a house, and then do whatever the fuck you want to do."

Where to go from here? If you have no physical need for them, quick cold turkey, make a display of you throwing away everything, do not hold back. To your parents you are no longer interested in diapers, at the very least you are giving it an honest attempt at removing it from your life.

Mend the bridges. . .

Give it a few months or a year, try to live diaper free. If at that time you are still having trouble living without diapers, calmly sit down and talk to your mother. Tell her of your efforts, stress you want her to be happy- you do don't you? -but you are having trouble sleeping or however else suppressing the desire is affecting you.

If she is agreeable then, go slow, but go for it. If not, apologize and try to live without them again.

As for the eventual living on your own, that can be a long struggle, even once you are on your own there are several hurdles, but it will come, be patient.
 
Duality said:
She'll accept you when she's ready.
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Let's hope that for all of us.
 
Thanks for all the sound responses. I guess I should have mentioned that the diapers were bought with Christmas money that I had set aside as play money. I haven't had a toy budgeting problem in a while.

I actually re-went over the diaper thing with my mother in the room when I went to see a therapist today. My mom seemed relieved that I only told her so that she didn't rummage through my mail and think the cover was something else. I do agree tho, if I was indeed spending too much money on diapers and not enough on my own finances that my mom's anger would be unfounded. I guess I do need to mature a bit more before moving out.

Thanks again
 
I think even if you are spending money that is rightfully yours on diapers (wouldn't you rather spend your christmas money on something less disposable?) the fact remains that it's her house her rules, so do be sure to show some moderation and discretion in your using in the future. Now that your mum knows she's going to be on hyper alert.

I'm glad that it's all worked out for you though, especially in a safe space such a therapists office. :)
 
FeekaDimension said:
Thanks for all the sound responses. I guess I should have mentioned that the diapers were bought with Christmas money that I had set aside as play money. I haven't had a toy budgeting problem in a while.

I actually re-went over the diaper thing with my mother in the room when I went to see a therapist today. My mom seemed relieved that I only told her so that she didn't rummage through my mail and think the cover was something else. I do agree tho, if I was indeed spending too much money on diapers and not enough on my own finances that my mom's anger would be unfounded. I guess I do need to mature a bit more before moving out.

Thanks again
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I'm just going to add this link here for you to read FeekaDimension in case you talk to your mom about this in the future. It might help her calm down http://aboutabdl.weebly.com/information-for-parents-of-abdl-childrenteens.html
 
I feel like I'm super late to the conversation.

Welp. There's having a fetish, and then there's having a fetish. I'm not judging you, but perhaps you could use a little more balance?

I'm a DL, have been for a long time. Not going to stop any time soon. But I pay my bills, I have food in the pantry, I hold down a decent job, take care of four kids, and send my wife to college. Would it be nice to have a stash stocked with year's worth of diapers? Sure. Do I have other responsibilities to look after? Absolutely. With maturity comes prioritization. Something they don't tell you in school, or your parents for that matter, is that it's a myth that you can't have your cake and eat it too. You can, and so much more.

If you're still living at home with the folks, and they're spotting you cash for your necessities, like food, clothing, and shelter, and your ABDL hobby is consuming most of your budget... maybe it's time to re-evaluate those priorities. Criticism withers in the face of responsible actions. If you're paying your way, and have the extra to indulge in diapers, etc... their attitudes will change. In their minds it'll go from being a disgusting wasteful, dangerous daytime TV talkshow freakshow habit to...that quirky thing you do that they don't really understand but put up with because they love you and realize that even though it's weird to like wearing diapers, pacifiers, onesies, etc... you are ultimately responsible for your actions, make good sensible decisions, and are capable of fending for yourself.

Adult Baby/Diaper Lover does have the word "adult" in it, which implies that somewhere there lies some responsibility and accountability on behalf of the person bearing the title.

Diapers, thankfully, are our preferred escape from that very same responsibility and stress. Anyway, no matter how you shake it, even at three diapers a day (when I was 24/7) the most expensive diaper is still cheaper than a pack of cigarettes, or drinking a six pack of beer a day. There's more expensive and personally destructive habits to have, I speak from experience here in that I'm pretty sure that peeing your pants is pretty low on that scale.

So you could always make that argument to your folks...
 
All good responses here, but it can't be said enough, BE CAREFUL OF YOUR CHOICES.

CAREFUL of whether you should share your ABDL activities with anyone outside the lifestyle
CAREFUL of how much of your resources are spent in pursuit of your fetish
CAREFUL of where you hide goodies (and baddies!), lest someone else find & ponder their meaning
CAREFUL of trying too hard to let everyone think/know that wearing diapers, or living the lifestyle is perfectly "normal" (what's normal?)

You get the point... I was just on reddit, and someone was dealing with their mom finding used diapers (baddies) in the trash. You guys should be smarter than your parents, when it comes to ways to receive goodies, and what to do with baddies, to keep the peace, while living at home, or with friends.

LAST POINT. I'm a parent, and grandparent. If any of my kids, or grandkids, had this particular fetish, and I found out, I'd just drop it right there. Their lives / their choices. If, on the other hand, I found blades, broken glass, talk of suicide, death themes plastered all over their walls, I'd definitely look at things differently, worrying about their thoughts of shortening their lives. Diaper rash is one thing, funerals are another...
 
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we all have over shared your could have just said enough
 
FeekaDimension said:
I guess I do need to mature a bit more before moving out.

Thanks again
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I disagree with that. Sorry, but listening to your story reminds me of my mom and how she's nosy and think she knows everything.

I love my mom but parents in general have a natural need to prove they're right and she's no exception. I once explained that a fetish is something you like, not hate, and she swore up and down I was wrong. She does the classic, "well I guess you know everything", thing.

Anywhooo.. I think you're plenty mature enough. It's your money and it's your responsibility to handle it properly. Judging by the story I'd say you already fully know that; so good on you.
 
It's the unfortunate reality of coming out, especially about something that is not yet as widely accepted (in the developed world at least) as LGBT. Even the most open minded of people can turn on you and something as harmless as this can be what crosses the line for them and it's sad. My mom always says I can talk to her about anything, but I keep my diapers and BIID to myself as I don't want to take any chances and take the risk of her not understanding. When you still live with your folks it's more often than not best not to take any chances and wait until you're out on your own. Sometimes it's best to as Elsa's parents put it, "conceal, don't feel." Once you're not relying on your parents for any financial and residential support then you could make the choice to come out if you want to. There's less overall repercussions that way. Not as much can happen away from their roof as can happen under their roof. I always try to be discreet about it. If it does come out by accident there's not really much you can do. It's already been said so the best thing to do now is give it some time, and when she's cooled down, try to educate her a bit, Bittergray's Articles on Understanding Infantalism do a very good job of this.
 
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