Hello from a skeptic

[JacobHazel]

Hello.
It's come to my understanding that we aren't supposed to share our names, but i feel more comfortable when i feel like i'm talking to real people, so please just call me Jacob.

I've been aware of my diaper fetish for about 6 or 7 years now, but when i look back at my childhood it's clear it's been there for far longer than i've known.
I'm going to be completely honest with you all and just say it as it is. I absolutely hate it. I hate the fact that i find diapers sexually attractive, and i hate the fact that i can't get aroused without thinking about of diapers.
I've been through it all. The Binges, purges, buying, throwing out, accepting, regretting, all of that.
And no matter what i do i can never seem to find the perfect balance in my life.

Ideally i want to be rid of this fetish all together, but i think i've come to terms with the fact that it's here to stay.
Right now i'm just trying to accept that this diaper stuff is my sexual outlet, but that it isn't anymore than that. I don't want it taking over my life you know.

But what i seem to gather from reading a bunch of posts, and what i've gathered from personal experience is that the more you start accepting the diapers in your life the more they take over your life.
It seems like everyone here at some point has considered going, or are already, 24/7, and that genuinely scares me.
The main advice that's plastered everywhere is "Just accept it", but i'm really not convinced that's the best move.

I want to listen to my body, but my body is deceiving me.
I can sometimes have dreams where i'm in diapers, and days where my brain convinces me that i should wear a diaper for comfort or whatever. But as soon as i put it on, it switches and becomes pure sex. No feelings of safety or comfort, just sex. And as soon as i come in them, i just feel an immense amount of shame and guilt. Suddenly my brain switches up on me and tells me to take that disgusting thing off.

I just don't know what to do. I really want to be able to live a normal life that isn't affected by diapers, but for some reason, i still feel like my attraction to diapers are somehow deeply rooted in my identity. I don't understand it.
I came here to adisc to seek advice from people who've gone through this. I know i'm not the only one.

My DM's are also open if you want to talk privately.
Thanks so much in advance.

 

[Sealander]

Hey Jacob. I'm new here too.

I've had somewhat similar experience to yours. I've rejected my diaper fetish for a long time, basically my entire adult life, and am just now grappling with it and allowing myself to indulge in it. It feels like a massive leap.

I can relate to a lot of what you say. Feeling like it's ultimately just about sex, feeling disgusted and ashamed after masturbating, feeling daunted by the way some people seem to devote their lives to it. Maybe we can follow up over DMs sometime.

 

[DiaperLifer]

If your fittin' the bill for the diapers, then it might hurt the wallet

 

[Rusher]

Hello.
It's come to my understanding that we aren't supposed to share our names, but i feel more comfortable when i feel like i'm talking to real people, so please just call me Jacob.

I've been aware of my diaper fetish for about 6 or 7 years now, but when i look back at my childhood it's clear it's been there for far longer than i've known.
I'm going to be completely honest with you all and just say it as it is. I absolutely hate it. I hate the fact that i find diapers sexually attractive, and i hate the fact that i can't get aroused without thinking about of diapers.
I've been through it all. The Binges, purges, buying, throwing out, accepting, regretting, all of that.
And no matter what i do i can never seem to find the perfect balance in my life.

Ideally i want to be rid of this fetish all together, but i think i've come to terms with the fact that it's here to stay.
Right now i'm just trying to accept that this diaper stuff is my sexual outlet, but that it isn't anymore than that. I don't want it taking over my life you know.

But what i seem to gather from reading a bunch of posts, and what i've gathered from personal experience is that the more you start accepting the diapers in your life the more they take over your life.
It seems like everyone here at some point has considered going, or are already, 24/7, and that genuinely scares me.
The main advice that's plastered everywhere is "Just accept it", but i'm really not convinced that's the best move.

I want to listen to my body, but my body is deceiving me.
I can sometimes have dreams where i'm in diapers, and days where my brain convinces me that i should wear a diaper for comfort or whatever. But as soon as i put it on, it switches and becomes pure sex. No feelings of safety or comfort, just sex. And as soon as i come in them, i just feel an immense amount of shame and guilt. Suddenly my brain switches up on me and tells me to take that disgusting thing off.

I just don't know what to do. I really want to be able to live a normal life that isn't affected by diapers, but for some reason, i still feel like my attraction to diapers are somehow deeply rooted in my identity. I don't understand it.
I came here to adisc to seek advice from people who've gone through this. I know i'm not the only one.

My DM's are also open if you want to talk privately.
Thanks so much in advance.

Hi and welcome to the community and forums. I am IC and ABDL I think maybe you took many members of acceptance as just don’t fight it?

If you’re really trying and tired of it affecting your life and sex life. I would suggest a therapist. You admitted that no matter how hard you’ve tried you can’t walk away?

I write this with all the sincerity in the world.
If it was me I would love someone to suggest this. I don’t judge you at all. I can read how this is causing you serious issues in your life.

A good therapist dealing with fetishes etc. wouldn’t hurt to try? After all it sounds you’ve tried everything you could on your own. I hope some threads here help you. DM’s are open I just think maybe thinking about that option may help you.

Wish you the best and you can DM me if you need to. Take care Jacob

 

[LePew]

So to me, acceptance means not feeling guilty, bad, disgusted or whatever when you wear diapers.

You’re a DL, you do your thing in there and when you’re done with #3, you want to get the “disgusting diaper” off. The point of acceptance is to purge those negative feelings from your psyche.

You don’t have to let diapers take over your life or wear them 24/7. This fetish is here to stay so stop beating yourself up over it. It’s socially deviant but it’s not “wrong”.

 

[Rusher]

Hey Jacob. I'm new here too.

I've had somewhat similar experience to yours. I've rejected my diaper fetish for a long time, basically my entire adult life, and am just now grappling with it and allowing myself to indulge in it. It feels like a massive leap.

I can relate to a lot of what you say. Feeling like it's ultimately just about sex, feeling disgusted and ashamed after masturbating, feeling daunted by the way some people seem to devote their lives to it. Maybe we can follow up over DMs sometime.

Welcome to you too. I hope you’ll find it helpful here as well. I was very shocked by the support I’ve received. I hope you’ll experience the same

 

[Edgewater]

I came here from the other side of the scale. One morning I was fully Continent, that afternoon I was fully Incontinent! Car Crashes and other medical issues can cause that. I have zero choice in whether I wear or not as I would leave a wet trail where ever I go! As so well stated by Rusher (above) acceptances helps and adding see a therapist that works with Diaper Lovers will help.

I accept that I wear diapers, which to me means I am "Okay with Wearing!" As wearing them allows be to be out and about enjoying life. Yes, you are different. But it all starts with coming to accepting yourself for who you are today and then find where you want to be and begin moving it that direction Set-backs occur, it part of the process and you will need to accept that as well!

Wish you the best as you move forward!

 

[TeeMousy]

Thank you for your openness. Even though diapers are not a sexual thing for me now, they used be. I get it you give in to the urge and then feel totally disgusted afterwards. I much prefer the innocence of just wearing them for comfort. But there are other aspects of my sexuality that are not so easily delt with so I feel your pain.

 

[Cottontail]

Welcome, @JacobHazel. I hope we can be helpful. I’ll keep this short because I’ve only got my undersized phone and two oversized thumbs to work with right now:

I’ve been at this for four decades at least (I’m 47 now), and although it’s definitely a big part of me, it’s ironically a lot smaller when I embrace it fully. When I’ve tried to put it aside, it’s become an all-consuming obsession. I’m married with kids, and there are some other moderating factors in play, but I’ve managed to normalize diapers to an extent and it’s been such a positive thing. I really think that if you can find a way to fit this into your life—not go crazy with it, but not bottle it up—you’ll be a whole lot happier.

I wish you the best, and like others above am happy to chat.

 

[JulestheFloof]

Hey, welcome!

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with the "acceptance" side of things. I'm 31 now and only finally starting to allow myself the enjoyment of my kink and interest in the ABDL world. I would always feel guilt and shame after wearing, and did purge my diapers once in college, but meeting real life people that are in to different facets of the ABDL hobby/kink/lifestyle through a convention changed my outlook entirely.

Simply socializing with these folx made me realize we're all just people sharing an interest in this. We're not criminals, or have bad intentions. We may be quirky and not fit in the vanilla mold of many things, but everyone there was attending for one simple reason - to have fun!

I made friends, did some shopping, attended panels, ate with strangers, drank and partied, just like I did with anime and furry conventions. It really made me understand that this is just one unique kink many people share with diaper fetishism as one facet of many sides to their lives.

And to add to your concern about "lifestyling" or "24/7" - I have no intention of doing so, unless I become completely urinary incontinent as I age. For me personally, it would ruin the excitement and anticipation I have about wearing after a long week. And realistically, I can't afford to. I work a full time job, pay my bills, and take care of my adult crap first before I indulge.

But, I now understand and embrace the motto "life is short, wear the damn diaper". It's only one part of yourself. You are so much more than just a kink.

 

[Subtlerustle]

Hi Jacob and welcome. I would suggest you focus on an achievable target and that would be balance. If diapers are sexually replacing a partner then I’d seek therapy to balance the two out. Note this though, you can’t shut down your sexuality. It is what it it is. When I was younger I was just like you. Same internal conflicts and same sense of disgust. Within a day though the desire would come right back. Rinse and repeat. It’s all natural though. As a young male you’re full of urge by nature. Basically how and what someone jerks off to is private and varied. People don’t generally share this. Who knows or even cares what the neighbours need to get their rocks off?
If however, this gets in the way of relationships, work, etc then think about therapy to make diapers fit the big picture.

 

[puppyinthemoon]

Hello Jacob! The main reason people here are encouraged to not reveal personal information is as a safety precaution, because some people have a hard time understanding what an appropriate level of sharing is and will reveal things like their home address. If using your real name is more comfortable then it's perfectly fine to go by that.

Finding balance can be very hard under any circumstance, but it's a lot more of a struggle when dealing with something that's not very "socially acceptable" like diapers. A very important skill to learn in cases like this is moderation. Binging and purging are a very ruthless cycle that feeds into itself. If you over indulge you'll make yourself sick, once you make yourself sick you'll want to avoid it, but after a while you'll start craving whatever you had over indulged on until it gets so intense that you over indulge again. It's a cycle that's hard to break away from, but if you can get a hang of it then you'll have a much more pleasant time and it won't be so intense. It takes a lot of trial and error to figure out where you need to be.

I wouldn't really say that most people here have considered going or are 24/7 diaper users, in fact I think it's the opposite. The people who are interested in 24/7 wearing are simply more vocal about their preferences and post about it a lot more actively than someone who may have a more casual interest. Most people I know who like diapers don't want to be in them all day every day. Going 24/7 is often impractical or completely impossible to do even for the people who are interested in it.

Feeling a sense shame after cumming is actually a very common thing for people to experience, even for people to get off to the most "normal" stuff possible. There hasn't really been much research into this topic so it's hard to say exactly what the cause is, just know that you're not alone with this problem.

Overall, I do think acceptance is your best option moving forward. Things won't change until you put in the work to change them, and posting here is a step in the right direction I think.

 

[SnepperStepper]

Hey there Jacob, I see you've got some replies that have got more balanced stuff to say so I'm just gonna hit you with my two cents.
A long, long time ago I felt very uncomfortable with everything I am. I'm incontinent as well as being turned on by wearing diapers. But I'm also a furry, autistic, a kid in a grown up body, horny by default, transgender, a stoner, into fixing, maintaining and using stuff older than me (i'm 28yo), i can't keep a "regular" job for more than a month, and i don't keep up with the joneses, so to speak. My life was a living hell because everything reminded me of these things I felt shame about. I wasn't brought up religious or in an otherwise closed-minded house, I was just afraid to be myself. Then one day I let something slip. Oh my god it felt like the world was ending. But it didn't. and people were overall okay with it. So I did it again. Same thing. As it turns out, most people are actually chill with a lot more than it seems we give them credit for these days. Now I'm out and proud about all these things, and I've let my life work with them instead of against them, and its gotten SO MUCH BETTER. You CAN find this too, the only one truly holding you back is yourself.

And, for what its worth-- I had a friend once who's since moved away whom was worried that because he liked fat like we like diapers, that bigger people would be uncomfortable around him even though what he liked was fat on his own body and he would be happy with a partner who was also bigger but didn't seek it actively. It turns out, he was worried for nothing. He was just over-analyzing everything he said and did because he was very flustered about his kink and the fact he had been putting on weight recently. He confided in me before he moved in with his partner in another state that he thought he had messed things up several times by being forward about her weight but that she actually really appreciated the fact he liked it. It brought both of their self-esteem so much higher. They're married now, by the way, and found healthy weights that satisfy their interest but also don't impact their preferred lifestyle.
Diapers can work the same way.

 

[Pelusos]

Hi Jacob! I's good to read your honest words!
Ballance can work. I had been in much bigger trouble before I learnt accepting myself. I did and felt like you, desire of wearing, masturbate in them and feel guilty for a decade. And in this period I was afraid of loosing control of diapers. Compulsion, uncontrollable desire used me. After I had learnt accepting I realised that I can handle it. Now I don't want to be in 7/24, don't want to be IC, I wear them if I like, I use amd enjoy diapers, not they use me.

 

[ILuvDiapers]

Hi Jacob,

So from what you have said it seems like you really don't want to wear diapers, and have developed a hatred of them, while at the same time you have an addiction to them, but mostly in a sexual capacity.

You state that you hate the fact, that you can't get sexually aroused, without thinking about diapers. While at the same time when you do wear a diaper, its solely a sexual release mechanism, you simply masturbate into it, but then as soon as you have done so, you feel an immense amount of shame and guilt, with your brain telling you to take that disgusting thing off.

Maybe therapy might be a good option for you. I think it would be wrong to tell you to "just accept it", when it is clear that you have already stated that you don't feel that is the right approach for you. "Just accept it", but i'm really not convinced that's the best move.
We all think differently, and while "Just accepting it", does work for a lot of people, it's not a one shoe fits all policy.

I'm left with the impression that you really don't want diapers to form any part of your life moving forward, but that your addiction to them has become a stronghold over you, which you are struggling to break.

I've been through it all. The Binges, purges, buying, throwing out, accepting, regretting, all of that.
And no matter what i do i can never seem to find the perfect balance in my life.

I really think that you need to seek therapy for this, as you appear to have been struggling with this for a long time, but haven't broken the habit or found peace with it.

I wish you well Jacob, and hope that you can find a solution to breaking your addiction to diapers, if that is what's best for you moving forward then i hope you succeed, because you are clearly very unhappy with the current state of play.

 

[Ali123]

Hiya Jacob, and welcome.

There’s some interesting and very genuine advice been offered here.

I like wearing nappies, but I don’t let it take over my life. If you’d like a private chat my DMs are open.

 

[Jorelaxed]

Hi and welcome Jacob to the Adisc community forum.