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Hello! Can i get some advice?

Hello and Welcome
 
BBBen said:
Hi @Kitty13 ,
welcome here on adisc.
Its cool that you are in a well being marriage. But i know, that there are sometimes unfilled needs in that spectrum. And you doing well not to push your husband.

The problem is, that sometimes spouses couldnt fullfill evrything. And they dont have to. But what is very important, is that you for yourself accept your needs and care for them in first order.

The problem is, that for some needs, you need to have a bigger one, who cares. And if this one should be your husband you need much of serenity, time and talking. But step by step.
Sometimes its good, to take self care of things. I. E. is he fine with you being diapered in bed? Than do it from time to time. Do some little stuff for yourself.

Most of us experience in a marriage, that some aspects and needs are going to meet by our spouses. But it costs lots of time and calming down. Sometimes also indulging brings other problems and dynamics, you have to be aware. One of them is, that your spouse feels unhappy with your lifestyle, because of feeling nr. 2 or lesser in your life. Also unhappyness comes with couldnt meet your needs.

On the other way, we for our self have to know and get to know, what this needs are. Get in diapers? You can do it. Buy abdl stuff? Why not. Having abdl friends? This site is perfect for that. Having littlespace? Think about little thinks you can do in your life, like painting, hearing stories,...

There is so much to say about this topic. But there us only one thing you could do: your path and journey. And marriage is evrytime a adventure in this journey. We all should take attention to stay in contact, talk and feel the live again with our spouses. Time doesnt stand still. And perhaps at someday he is more involved, then you think.

At all, get in contact here and read others in their posts and blogs. There will be so msny who are in the same boat .

Iam looking forward to read you. Have a good start at adisc. BTW iam married and my wife gives me little little presents from time to time after 8 years being together. But she isnt fully in charge, but i can discuss with her and diaper up openly.


🦖🦕🙋‍♂️
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Thank you for your helpful advice! :)
 
So this might not work for everyone, but I personally am polamorous- I have several partners and all my partners are also partners with each other. We all have different ranges of kinks and some of us aren't into each others' but then are into others. For example, my boyfriend is really into bondage, but his mate isn't and I'm down to tie him up so we make that work because his mate does actually like to watch us do that and will play with him like that when I'm done. I'm not even really into bondage myself, but I like how excited he gets to be tied up, and it makes me happy that I'm making him feel good. What I'm getting at here is perhaps if you were to discuss with your partner adding a third if that is a healthy option who is into what you need and also fulfills needs for them that perhaps you can't and all three of you share the kind of couple energy that makes for a healthy relationship.
Sounds like you have gotten some other good and helpful advice already, but figured I'd throw my 2 cents in the well too.
Also, welcome to the crinkle club!
 
T
oreobaby89 said:
So I was/as in the same boat as you with a wife I jive with on everything else but not into this lifestyle and didn't want any part of it. We have come a long way since then and she now does act as my mommy in certain ways and time i.e. we created rules and consequences for me. We are not where I would want us to be but further then I thought we would ever go before we started this 3 years ago. All I have to say is give it time and do small steps. They have to accept ABDL just as we did. For most of us it took years to accept this part of us so we can't expect our partner to accept it over night either. It will take time, even years. When we started I only wore crappy discrete store bought pull-ups and I could only do it one day a week. Now I wear 4 days and during the day two at night. It takes a lot of conversations. You will have to express how important this is to you and that it is not a want it is a need. A good way to get them to think about is if you had some other disability such as being in a wheelchair, would they not accommodate that? ABDL is not a disability like that but it is still a need that needs to be met.

You will have to start out with small things to get them used it to. Do things they are comfortable with or only mildly uncomfortable with but can handle. As that normalizes have discussions about other things and start to add. You can only go as fast or as slow as he is willing. Talk to him about his concerns and address them. Work on helping him see ABDL differently. This will be a slow process but if he loves you he will start to adjust and give in little areas. Eventually I would recommend "There is still a baby in my bed" By Rosalie Bent. My wife found it helpful and it led to many good conversations between us. Just remember this all takes time and many, many, many, conversations. He will probably feel like this is a never ending thing and there is always one more thing becuase of how big it is.

I will also say that if your are religious prayer is a big help. God can help change peoples hearts and attitude towards things if the person is willing. I know that it is by the grace of Christ that my wife has changed and come as far as she has.
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Thank you for your reply. I seen that book when I was looking for another one and have it saved in my back pocket. What kinds of things did you guys start with? We aren't new to this and have dabbled in things but it's a not thing right now or has been for a long time. And yes that is my one-eyed love Daizy Mae
 
SnepperStepper said:
So this might not work for everyone, but I personally am polamorous- I have several partners and all my partners are also partners with each other. We all have different ranges of kinks and some of us aren't into each others' but then are into others. For example, my boyfriend is really into bondage, but his mate isn't and I'm down to tie him up so we make that work because his mate does actually like to watch us do that and will play with him like that when I'm done. I'm not even really into bondage myself, but I like how excited he gets to be tied up, and it makes me happy that I'm making him feel good. What I'm getting at here is perhaps if you were to discuss with your partner adding a third if that is a healthy option who is into what you need and also fulfills needs for them that perhaps you can't and all three of you share the kind of couple energy that makes for a healthy relationship.
Sounds like you have gotten some other good and helpful advice already, but figured I'd throw my 2 cents in the well too.
Also, welcome to the crinkle club!
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Thank you for the advice, but bringing anyone else in is a big no for us.
 
Kitty13 said:
T

Thank you for your reply. I seen that book when I was looking for another one and have it saved in my back pocket. What kinds of things did you guys start with? We aren't new to this and have dabbled in things but it's a not thing right now or has been for a long time. And yes that is my one-eyed love Daizy Mae
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It was really just starting with me wearing around her more often and her being more comfortable with it. Then a rare change. We tried to do things that were not to far off from normal things. A good example is bathing. It is normal for a spouse to wash the other one as a way to show love. So her doing that for me in more of a little context was not that hard or big of a leap. The biggest thing was conversations about what ABDL meant to me and its importance. Once she saw this was a need not just a kink, weird hobby or interest she became more willing to be involved. I would tell her things I wanted and we would talk about them. Generally we would agree to try it and go from there. One thing I made sure to do is any effort she put in I showed my appreciation. Even it is was not anything way I wanted or imagined I praised and thanked her for doing it. I generally don't give correction or guidance on how do things more to what I want until after we have done it a few times. I always make sure to let her know how much it meant to me and I enjoyed her doing it. I really try to emphasize the fact that her doing that helps me feel loved and supported by her. For her know that all those actions help me feel love makes it easier for her to do them and more willing.
 
oreobaby89 said:
It was really just starting with me wearing around her more often and her being more comfortable with it. Then a rare change. We tried to do things that were not to far off from normal things. A good example is bathing. It is normal for a spouse to wash the other one as a way to show love. So her doing that for me in more of a little context was not that hard or big of a leap. The biggest thing was conversations about what ABDL meant to me and its importance. Once she saw this was a need not just a kink, weird hobby or interest she became more willing to be involved. I would tell her things I wanted and we would talk about them. Generally we would agree to try it and go from there. One thing I made sure to do is any effort she put in I showed my appreciation. Even it is was not anything way I wanted or imagined I praised and thanked her for doing it. I generally don't give correction or guidance on how do things more to what I want until after we have done it a few times. I always make sure to let her know how much it meant to me and I enjoyed her doing it. I really try to emphasize the fact that her doing that helps me feel loved and supported by her. For her know that all those actions help me feel love makes it easier for her to do them and more willing.
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oreobaby89 said:
It was really just starting with me wearing around her more often and her being more comfortable with it. Then a rare change. We tried to do things that were not to far off from normal things. A good example is bathing. It is normal for a spouse to wash the other one as a way to show love. So her doing that for me in more of a little context was not that hard or big of a leap. The biggest thing was conversations about what ABDL meant to me and its importance. Once she saw this was a need not just a kink, weird hobby or interest she became more willing to be involved. I would tell her things I wanted and we would talk about them. Generally we would agree to try it and go from there. One thing I made sure to do is any effort she put in I showed my appreciation. Even it is was not anything way I wanted or imagined I praised and thanked her for doing it. I generally don't give correction or guidance on how do things more to what I want until after we have done it a few times. I always make sure to let her know how much it meant to me and I enjoyed her doing it. I really try to emphasize the fact that her doing that helps me feel loved and supported by her. For her know that all those actions help me feel love makes it easier for her to do them and more willing.
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Those are some great ideas! I'm going to try to start small and work my way from there. I do need to be better at being openly thankful for when he does do things.
 
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