Having a hard time!

[Nick1029]

Hello all,

The last few days, mainly since Valentines Day 2/14, I’ve been having a very rough run of things. For those that read my Introduction Post, you may be able to figure out why. I have been ABDL for as long as I can remember. I think I first realized it after a visit to a cousin’s home in Atlanta when I was 6 maybe 7 years old. I’m from St Simons Island, Georgia originally so Atlanta was amazing when I went at such a young age. My cousin, I guesstimate she was an older toddler at the time and still wearing diapers. I found myself watching her be changed and he mother noticed, and asked if I wanted to be diapered for bed too. Obviously I said yes. My mother didn’t care one way or the other. I ended up in diapers that whole visit. Ever since then I always found myself trying to find opportunities to be in diapers especially when I knew they were present. Through the years, I have been very fortunate to find a few partners that were willing to participate and even wear diapers themselves, as long as they got sex at some point. Eventually I met my now late wife and I will tell you I fell in love with her immediately. We dated for four years and during our dating we eventually had the kink/fetish/tendency discussion.
I was incredibly relieved when she actually verbalized her love of diapers and diapering. I pretended, at first to be a slight bit stand offish, but very quickly told her my story. We were madly in love with one and other before then, so this was just kind of like the icing on the cake. We were in our early twenties and diapered each other all of the time. And as hesitant as I was she got me to the point that I could wet or mess or both and she would change me. It was what she wanted. After fours years of dating, we were married on Valentines Day of 2009.
Following our marriage our diapering activities never changed in any way. She had 3 children from a previous marriage that I love and adore, as well as raised as my own, to this very day. In 2010, we became pregnant with our mutual daughter and she was born in December of that year. Just before and continuously after her birth, my wife insisted on breastfeeding me while diapered. The experience was amazing and drew us so much closer together and we were inseparable, or so I thought. Sadly my wife was injured in a car accident in 2013ish and her physicians kept shoving medications down her throat. Very sadly, she developed a dependency on opioid medications. She went to rehab and came off of them. Tragically, in October of 2019, she went to visit family in a southwestern state within very close proximity to the US/Mexico Border and gave in to her craving for an opioid. On October 6th, 2019 She died and I was notified by the county’s Medical Examiner’s Office. The past five and a half years have been exceptionally hard on me and our children. 3 days ago would have been our 15th Anniversary. In many ways, I am broken and I do realize I will never be truly the same.
I have found that in times of stress and anguish that I turn to diapers more and more. Maybe as a coping mechanism, but I’m not a Psychologist. But, since the relationship that she and I had, I absolutely yearn to relive it. Obviously it would have to be with somebody else. However after a 20+ year career as a ranking Firefighter/Paramedic that was forced to medically retire, and have slowly seen all of my friends move out of state or very far away from me. I have nobody to talk to, no local friends to confide in, and especially nobody that would even come close to understanding this side of my life.
In a nutshell, I’m very lonely. Though I am extremely far from naïve, and am highly educated and street-smart. The now “Modern Dating World”, is ridiculous. It reverts back to an old policy of mine after years and years of training and experience, “Trust No One”. This online dating nonsense if filled with liars, catfish, and straight up fakes. I’m at a point where I just don’t know what to do. All I would really like is some friends that share the ABDL interest and that even seems impossible due to some very unwarranted stigmas. It kind of feels hopeless and I am just not sure what to do, where to look, or how even to proceed. I surly didn’t mean to bog anybody down with my lengthy post, but I would sure some insight, advice, or anything else that comes my way.
Thanks all

 

[MrDiaperLoverUK]

I’m so sorry to read about your wife passing in October 2019 my thoughts are with you and your family at this time even though it was over 4 years ago now. Carry on wearing your diapers as a coping mechanism as long as you need like I have been wearing my diapers as a coping mechanism myself when I feel down for any reason like I recently lost my last ever Nan that I had as a second mother to me and it hit me hard so I turned to diapers to help me.

 

[Nick1029]

Thank you for that. I am sorry about your loss. I really deeply miss the relationship aspect as it made me feel even more than truly loved! I wish you all the best!

 

[Nick1029]

Any advice that I can get from anyone would be appreciated. I really need some good friends. In my case the term Lonely I don’t think comes close to describing how alone I feel lately

 

[LittleAndAlone]

That's rough. Perfect life gone just like that. Guessing the 3 kids are adults now and have their own lives. Your daughter isn't though. Spend some time with her. The gift your wife left you.

 

[Nick1029]

That's rough. Perfect life gone just like that. Guessing the 3 kids are adults now and have their own lives. Your daughter isn't though. Spend some time with her. The gift your wife left you.

My now teenage daughter is my best friend and obviously together every day! You are absolutely the gift my wife left me; in fact, she was our miracle baby. I spend quite a lot of time with her trying to enjoy life to the fullest. However, I still have needs and desires that she doesn’t need to know about, and I still long to fulfill. Thank you for your amazingly poignant response and rest assured my little girl always comes first. Oh, and yes my other kids are 26, 24, and 21.

 

[Joeysms]

thank you for sharing with us your story. Warm thoughts and wishes for you and your family moving forward. losing someone special especially one who was a cornerstone figure in your life is extremely difficult. having an ABDL relationship with a life partner that you have lost can be even more difficult because an ABDL relationship one goes very deep with an amazing bond formed. the beauty is you have those memories to help you move forward and possible help you build on something new. we never know who we might meet with each new corner we turn. keep an open mind to various possibilities in a relationship and try not to force a recreation of what you once had just honor that as it was. i believe any true relationship will happen in person (real time) not online. you are right much of what is online is fake. try getting out there to ABDL events small medium large but go with the intend of having fun and possible making a friend or two not looking for the one. Don't only look within the ABDL community be social in area that hold interest for you something like travel, camping, biking, etc. once you start finding friends and maybe dating you never know what that individual might be open. you have to put yourself out there. and it will not be easy for there will be many missteps along the way especially given your ABDL side for that puts you in a more vulnerable position than most, however there can not be any reward without risk in dating. like you said you have street smarts so you will find your way to navigate this. when dating always honor your ABDL side never treat it as a shameful or embarrassing part of you, for if you treat it that way it will be perceived that way. go into any new situation with the hopes of fun meeting new people and making friends first than explore more possibilities. we usually meet an amazing person when we are least looking. best way to help loneliness is becoming active and social.
diapers for many of us are a great way to dealing with mental health issues especially the trauma of losing someone special so wear as much as you like. there is comfort security and warmth in memories that come with wearing a diaper so just go with it.

 

[Nick1029]

Thank you so very much for your amazing response. I really appreciate your advice and suggestions!

 

[RuffRuff]

Thanks for sharing your story with us. Here you can find a lot of support and make friends. What you had with your wife was very special. From what you have said, she sounded amazing. With her passing away, I understand your situation a little bit, because I am a funeral director as my career. I have unfortunately have seen this happen to many families. It is good you are spending time with your daughter, because I am sure it is helping her out that you are there for her, and helping her through hard times as well. I am sure she wants to be with you to help you as well. Everyone on this site is here to help and support each other. Everyone here wears diapers in one way or another.

 

[Nick1029]

Thanks for sharing your story with us. Here you can find a lot of support and make friends. What you had with your wife was very special. From what you have said, she sounded amazing. With her passing away, I understand your situation a little bit, because I am a funeral director as my career. I have unfortunately have seen this happen to many families. It is good you are spending time with your daughter, because I am sure it is helping her out that you are there for her, and helping her through hard times as well. I am sure she wants to be with you to help you as well. Everyone on this site is here to help and support each other. Everyone here wears diapers in one way or another.

Thank you very much for your response. As a funeral director I can definitely see how you’d have a unique perspective on my situation. Your words have brought some comfort.

 

[sbmccue]

I don't think you ever replace someone as genuine and caring as your wife. I know if my SO were gone tomorrow, there's no way I could find another 'her.' I wouldn't even try.

I've experienced the unremitting loneliness as well - years with a largely absentee spouse - so I know both sides of the equation.

The challenge is particularly difficult when you consider that comparatively few women out there are 'into' diapering. I've met several who were wild about diapering their own kids, but only one or two who really wanted to diaper and change an adult.

The decision you have to make, it seems to me, is whether you'll continue to experience the loneliness with which you're already so familiar, or decide to push your chips forward, ante up and try to find someone else.

You loved and lost. If you don't try again, that makes the love of your life seem like a great cosmic accident. Were I in your situation, I know I'd make the effort. While you may well spend the rest of your life looking, at least you can be content knowing that you're trying.

 

[Nick1029]

Thank you very much for your input. I must say that I do agree with you and I am trying to look for somebody new. Unfortunately, with as long as ABDL has been around there is still, at least as far as I can tell, no truly authentic places to even really start. But as a wise man once said if you aren’t learning you are dying and I’m nowhere near there. Just very lonely. Thanks again

 

[Luvshugs]

I’m sorry to hear how you lost your wife, and a special partner. I’m sure so much of that was/is devastating and very deeply hurtful. I know it’s gets better, but the pain will never go completely. I myself lost my wife and ab/dl partner. Although she didn’t meet with a tragic end, she did up and leave me, with no indications or warnings. We were fairly happy together. The story is a bit irrelevant, the important part is, the tremendous loss I felt when she left. It’s been a couple of years now, but I still have heart ache over it. I know allot of what you’re feeling. At least when it comes to, the lonely loss of someone who understood your abdl tendencies. It’s as if, a whole piece of me is gone and now missing. I think, maybe forever. Because like you, I feel the strain of how difficult it is to find anyone new. I have lost most of my best friends, and don’t have anyone to talk to in the real, off internet world.
It’s a blessing you have your daughter. At least there, you have someone to share the memories of your dear wife. She also may some day, expand out with family of her own, and you can look forward to that.
I’m not sure what I can say, that can help you with the abdl part of your life? I struggle with that myself. There are some suggestions here, ab/dl meet ups, etc. I know it might not be for you? I’m not every much outgoing, when it comes to that sort of thing myself. But, it could be an option?
Well, I don’t know if any of what I have said helps? But, I felt I wanted to say something. Know that, you do have people here who understand, and you have a place to come to.

 

[Nick1029]

Thank you so much! It has been both hard and devastating. I in many ways feel just like you do. I don’t know about ABDL meet ups, but I am more than willing to give it a try. Unfortunately, I have yet to find any that occur in Atlanta or the surrounding metropolitan area; but, would love to find one. Like you, most all of my friends have moved out of state, Arkansas, Kansas, North Carolina, Connecticut, Texas, or so far out of town it’s difficult to get to see or communicate with any of them. Sadly, after a 20+ year career as a Ranking Captain/ Firefighter/Paramedic, most of the good friends I had have either died in the line of duty or retired and disappeared. So like you I have nobody to talk to especially offline. I do truly appreciate everything you said and if you ever want to talk, I am always open. After all, conversations are what ultimately begin friendships.

 

[sbmccue]

I don't think you get very far searching for ABDL meetups, munches, or even going to church, to bars, or restaurants. There's just no substitute for meeting someone face-to-face.

With your background and expertise, you should have a relatively - compared to the rest of us! - easy time meeting women who have a natural caregiving disposition. I'd use that to your benefit. In my view, you're far more likely than most of us to meet someone who's inclined to think that wearing diapers isn't a big thing.

In most situations, that's preferable to trying to find ABDL meetups in the hope of finding someone who's intelligent, attractive and single. I'm not saying that attractive ABDL women don't exist ... but you'll seldom encounter them in a room full of male ABs.

 

[adam]

There IS a group here in Metro Atlanta. It meets monthly and unfortunately just met yesterday. I have been going since 1996 when it began. It has sort of evolved into more of a littles munch (most bring their "bigs" or caregivers. But there are still a few of us DLs who go. I don't know really of any DL specific meet ups though. Of course there re people like me who have been at it a long time and just arrange individual meetings too.

Diaper Depot is the local store, but isn't an ABDL store by purpose. One of the former employees/daughter of owner got them started carrying a lot of ABDL stuff though and they still do. They are out on Memorial Drive out side of I-285.

Nice to meet you and it sounds a lot like both of us got started the same way. Look at the bottom of my message and you will see my personal web site which has been around for a couple of decades now.

Adam

Thank you so much! It has been both hard and devastating. I in many ways feel just like you do. I don’t know about ABDL meet ups, but I am more than willing to give it a try. Unfortunately, I have yet to find any that occur in Atlanta or the surrounding metropolitan area; but, would love to find one. Like you, most all of my friends have moved out of state, Arkansas, Kansas, North Carolina, Connecticut, Texas, or so far out of town it’s difficult to get to see or communicate with any of them. Sadly, after a 20+ year career as a Ranking Captain/ Firefighter/Paramedic, most of the good friends I had have either died in the line of duty or retired and disappeared. So like you I have nobody to talk to especially offline. I do truly appreciate everything you said and if you ever want to talk, I am always open. After all, conversations are what ultimately begin friendships.

 

[Nick1029]

There IS a group here in Metro Atlanta. It meets monthly and unfortunately just met yesterday. I have been going since 1996 when it began. It has sort of evolved into more of a littles munch (most bring their "bigs" or caregivers. But there are still a few of us DLs who go. I don't know really of any DL specific meet ups though. Of course there re people like me who have been at it a long time and just arrange individual meetings too.

Diaper Depot is the local store, but isn't an ABDL store by purpose. One of the former employees/daughter of owner got them started carrying a lot of ABDL stuff though and they still do. They are out on Memorial Drive out side of I-285.

Nice to meet you and it sounds a lot like both of us got started the same way. Look at the bottom of my message and you will see my personal web site which has been around for a couple of decades now.

Adam

Adam,
That is awesome! I’d love to know more about it. Like where they meet, when, etc. unfortunately I didn’t see your site listed though. But I’d love to check it out!
Nick

 

[adam]

Adam,
That is awesome! I’d love to know more about it. Like where they meet, when, etc. unfortunately I didn’t see your site listed though. But I’d love to check it out!
Nick

My site should be in the footer below the message, in pale letters. https://adam.vaporware.org

Atlanta Littles Munch 3rd Saturday at Landmark Diner on Roswell Rd a couple of miles inside I-285 1-3:30 PM

 

[Nick1029]

My site should be in the footer below the message, in pale letters. https://adam.vaporware.org

Atlanta Littles Munch 3rd Saturday at Landmark Diner on Roswell Rd a couple of miles inside I-285 1-3:30 PM

Adam,
Thanks so much. I will check it out!

 

[Nick1029]

My site should be in the footer below the message, in pale letters. https://adam.vaporware.org

Atlanta Littles Munch 3rd Saturday at Landmark Diner on Roswell Rd a couple of miles inside I-285 1-3:30 PM

Adam,
Thanks for the website! I loved it. We seem to have quite a bit in common. I have yet to meet any DL in Georgia, let alone in the Atlanta area. I’d love to chat with you sometime.

Nick