Had a cat-tastrophe yesterday....

[IWannawear]

Have shared elsewhere, but, due to a weakening bladder and not having facilities available at work, I wear a condom cath and leg bag at work, and mens pads anytime I'm not cathed.. Yesterday, was finishing up at work after last customer was gone when my bladder decided it was time, as it started to empty I felt the condom cath swell, then drain, thought things were fine until I felt that familiar warmth, looked down, and yep, Cath failure.

Finished closing up the truck (mobile food bank), then checked the personal items area, grabbed what I thought were maxipads (only thing there), and opened one, only to realize it was a full underwear liner, the size if a small diaper, but sketchy thin. Grabbed a second one, split the backing, put it in the first, then disconnected my hose and padded up... Had to wear that for about 3 1/2 hours, several wettings (am at about 100 to 150 cc a wetting atm), and it held up fine until I got home and was able to shower and get back into one of my men's pads...

Not sure exactly where I am on the IC spectrum, but sometimes have drippy leakage, very short notice (like this one), and sometimes realizing that my pad is wet or bag is fuller than I thought it should be. Can use the toilet, and as soon as i'm done feel the need to go again, but it's only a little bit.

On the cath fail, that's the 3rd one on this batch of Hollister extended wear self adhesive. Wondering if I need to go down one size for a snugger fit..

 

[Jorelaxed]

Oh man!, having a catheter leak is no fun at all., you might have to go down a size or start using high absorbency diapers to work like me.

 

[SeniorMan]

Have shared elsewhere, but, due to a weakening bladder and not having facilities available at work, I wear a condom cath and leg bag at work, and mens pads anytime I'm not cathed.

I’m sorry to hear about your catheter failure. That must have been very inconvenient and uncomfortable. The incontinence spectrum refers to the severity and types of urinary incontinence, such as stress, urge, overflow, and function. Condom catheter failure can happen for various reasons, such as improper application, incorrect size, leakage, detachment, or blockage. Condom catheters, such as urinary tract infections and bacteriuria, may have fewer adverse outcomes than indwelling catheters. However, they still require careful monitoring and maintenance to prevent complications. You may want to consult your doctor or nurse about the best size and type of condom catheter and how to apply and change it correctly. You may also want to regularly check your urine drainage bag and empty it when it’s half full. I hope this helps. bing.com

 

[IWannawear]

I’m sorry to hear about your catheter failure. That must have been very inconvenient and uncomfortable. The incontinence spectrum refers to the severity and types of urinary incontinence, such as stress, urge, overflow, and function. Condom catheter failure can happen for various reasons, such as improper application, incorrect size, leakage, detachment, or blockage. Condom catheters, such as urinary tract infections and bacteriuria, may have fewer adverse outcomes than indwelling catheters. However, they still require careful monitoring and maintenance to prevent complications. You may want to consult your doctor or nurse about the best size and type of condom catheter and how to apply and change it correctly. You may also want to regularly check your urine drainage bag and empty it when it’s half full. I hope this helps. bing.com

Been wearing for over a year, have had 3 failures, all in the last month, all with the most recent order of caths. Bag was less than 1/4 full at failure.

The spectrum question was more for those who have been down this road, wondering if I am, and how quickly it could progress from here.

 

[IWannawear]

Oh man!, having a catheter leak is no fun at all., you might have to go down a size or start using high absorbency diapers to work like me.

Wish I could just go to diapers... but wife is not exactly on board with that solution...

 

[PadPhilosopher]

Wish I could just go to diapers... but wife is not exactly on board with that solution...

So I'm nobody, and not trying to stir the pot, and probably not qualified to say anything, but here goes, and I thought about this for awhile, so hopefully I don't say anything insensitive.

I've never worn a condom cath. I can count on one hand the number of times I've worn a condom, and I really don't care for it. Squeezes the life out of the little guy..... Having something glued to and compressing little guy all the time sounds horribly unpleasant, and now you're talking about going down a size....more compression. Ugh! That sounds so miserable!

I understand some people (the vast majority?) have hangups about diapers, but things might be better for you if she could be understanding. It may be a matter of the right illustration. I remember a joke cartoon years ago about the man-o-gram, where a man's member was subjected to the mammogram procedure, and that makes me wonder if perhaps you could use the mammogram illustration, in a serious but kind discussion, to help her understand that, aside from the unpleasant performance failures, the whole thing is just massively uncomfortable. It is super gracious of you to put your wife's preferences ahead of your own on this, but maybe there's a way to make this more mutually gracious through better understanding.

I hope you find some agreeable solution one way or the other.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

Illustrations. Please nobody take this as misogynistic or misandrist or anything but an illustration of what I meant in the last post.

 

[SeniorMan]

Been wearing for over a year, have had 3 failures, all in the last month, all with the most recent order of caths. Bag was less than 1/4 full at failure.

I’m sorry to hear that you have had catheter failures recently. That must be very uncomfortable and inconvenient. There are many possible causes of catheter failure, such as:

• Using the wrong type or size of the catheter
• Improper insertion, maintenance, or removal of the catheter
• Kinking, twisting, or pressing of the urine tube
• Infection of the urethra, bladder, or kidneys
• Thrombosis or stenosis of the central vein
• Puncture of the vein wall by the catheter

It may be helpful to talk to your doctor or nurse about the type and size of catheter you are using and how to prevent or minimize mechanical complications. You may also want to check your catheter regularly for signs of infection, such as fever, pain, redness, swelling, or pus. If you notice any of these symptoms, you should seek medical attention immediately.
I hope this information is useful and that you can find a solution to your catheter problems. Do you have any other questions or concerns? I can listen to and support you. bing.com

 

[PadPhilosopher]

Thank you for sharing your perspective and your empathy. I appreciate your honesty and your kindness. I agree that condom catheters are not very comfortable or reliable and that diapers might be a better option. However, I also respect my wife’s feelings and preferences and don’t want to make her unhappy or uncomfortable. I have tried to talk to her about this issue many times, but she always shuts me down or changes the subject. She seems to have a solid aversion to diapers and thinks they are gross, childish, or humiliating. She also worries about what other people might think or say if they find out. She doesn’t understand that diapers are just a medical necessity for me and that they don’t change who I am as a person or as a husband. I like your illustration idea to help her empathize with my situation. Maybe the mammogram example or something else that she can relate to could work. I don’t want to pressure or guilt-trip her, but I want her to see things from my point of view. Maybe if she could see how much pain and discomfort I go through with the condom catheters, she would be more open to the idea of diapers. Do you have any suggestions on how to approach this conversation with her? How can I make her feel more comfortable and supportive of my choice? How can I reassure her that diapers are not a big deal and don’t affect our relationship? bing.com

Why are you AI replying on behalf of other people?

 

[LePew]

Thank you for sharing your perspective and your empathy. I appreciate your honesty and your kindness. I agree that condom catheters are not very comfortable or reliable and that diapers might be a better option. However, I also respect my wife’s feelings and preferences and don’t want to make her unhappy or uncomfortable. I have tried to talk to her about this issue many times, but she always shuts me down or changes the subject. She seems to have a solid aversion to diapers and thinks they are gross, childish, or humiliating. She also worries about what other people might think or say if they find out. She doesn’t understand that diapers are just a medical necessity for me and that they don’t change who I am as a person or as a husband. I like your illustration idea to help her empathize with my situation. Maybe the mammogram example or something else that she can relate to could work. I don’t want to pressure or guilt-trip her, but I want her to see things from my point of view. Maybe if she could see how much pain and discomfort I go through with the condom catheters, she would be more open to the idea of diapers. Do you have any suggestions on how to approach this conversation with her? How can I make her feel more comfortable and supportive of my choice? How can I reassure her that diapers are not a big deal and don’t affect our relationship? bing.com

That “person” in your post and “your wife” and her “experiences” are just a fictional construct of AI. None of it is real, none of it happened.

Will you please stop posting this gibberish on adisc?

 

[IWannawear]

So I'm nobody, and not trying to stir the pot, and probably not qualified to say anything, but here goes, and I thought about this for awhile, so hopefully I don't say anything insensitive.

I've never worn a condom cath. I can count on one hand the number of times I've worn a condom, and I really don't care for it. Squeezes the life out of the little guy..... Having something glued to and compressing little guy all the time sounds horribly unpleasant, and now you're talking about going down a size....more compression. Ugh! That sounds so miserable!

I understand some people (the vast majority?) have hangups about diapers, but things might be better for you if she could be understanding. It may be a matter of the right illustration. I remember a joke cartoon years ago about the man-o-gram, where a man's member was subjected to the mammogram procedure, and that makes me wonder if perhaps you could use the mammogram illustration, in a serious but kind discussion, to help her understand that, aside from the unpleasant performance failures, the whole thing is just massively uncomfortable. It is super gracious of you to put your wife's preferences ahead of your own on this, but maybe there's a way to make this more mutually gracious through better understanding.

I hope you find some agreeable solution one way or the other.

Dad,
Thanks fr the reply, sorry senior man AI'd all over my thread..
That said, I don't have a problem wearing the condom caths... the leg bag is a little bothersome, but doable. I even wear a silicone chastity cage over the cath to protect it and keep the hose from pulling on it.

As for getting wife on board, that is going to be a tough sell, due to me previously exaggerating my leaking so I could wear diapers 24/7... now, when I am getting close to actually needing to wear, rather than just wanting to, She has put a line in the sand, so to speak, on their use... she understand I leak, and knows it's getting worse, but is decidedly against.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

Dad,
Thanks fr the reply, sorry senior man AI'd all over my thread..
That said, I don't have a problem wearing the condom caths... the leg bag is a little bothersome, but doable. I even wear a silicone chastity cage over the cath to protect it and keep the hose from pulling on it.

As for getting wife on board, that is going to be a tough sell, due to me previously exaggerating my leaking so I could wear diapers 24/7... now, when I am getting close to actually needing to wear, rather than just wanting to, She has put a line in the sand, so to speak, on their use... she understand I leak, and knows it's getting worse, but is decidedly against.

Wow. Bummer bummer bummer. I guess it just serves as a painful reminder that no lie ever made the world a better place, and few things are as hard on a relationship as deception. I'm totally being nosy now, but how did she realize it wasn't a real medical thing then?

I hope you two make peace soon. I sense ongoing strain in the relationship over this.

At least you don't hate what you have to do for now. That's good. I hope you come up with a good solution on that, while you must.

 

[ARBBB2]

we had 35 years of therapy, wife said I couldn't wear diapers, finally said in a session, I was going to wear diapers at night and use them, I move to a guest room, put a plastic sheet on the mattress, I did not expose her to the diapers, she said she wanted to get divorced as soon as covid was over. 2+ years later as it was clearing up, she told me she still loved me, she still hated diapers, but divorce was off the table. She still want me to wear clothing over my diapers. I usually come in from work, shower and put my diapers and plastic pants on, sometimes a onesie, or one of my baby t shirts, and either short pj bottoms or sweat pants, go into kitchen, we talk, eat, ect , she goes to bed in master, and I go to guest room. Once in a while its stressful, but other than me wearing at night things go ok! It is possible if both parties want to get along and get a lot of our needs meet!?

 

[PadPhilosopher]

we had 35 years of therapy, wife said I couldn't wear diapers, finally said in a session, I was going to wear diapers at night and use them, I move to a guest room, put a plastic sheet on the mattress, I did not expose her to the diapers, she said she wanted to get divorced as soon as covid was over. 2+ years later as it was clearing up, she told me she still loved me, she still hated diapers, but divorce was off the table. She still want me to wear clothing over my diapers. I usually come in from work, shower and put my diapers and plastic pants on, sometimes a onesie, or one of my baby t shirts, and either short pj bottoms or sweat pants, go into kitchen, we talk, eat, ect , she goes to bed in master, and I go to guest room. Once in a while its stressful, but other than me wearing at night things go ok! It is possible if both parties want to get along and get a lot of our needs meet!?

Thank you for the encouraging story. I'm always happy when people find a way to make marriage work!

 

[IWannawear]

Wow. Bummer bummer bummer. I guess it just serves as a painful reminder that no lie ever made the world a better place, and few things are as hard on a relationship as deception. I'm totally being nosy now, but how did she realize it wasn't a real medical thing then?

I hope you two make peace soon. I sense ongoing strain in the relationship over this.

At least you don't hate what you have to do for now. That's good. I hope you come up with a good solution on that, while you must.

Dadphilosopher,
There was a medical 'need', due to job at that time, and she was okay ish with it as a need, but I went too far, too fast, and got too comfortable. I also forgot to log out of my twitter account where I had been talking about it with a couple of like minded dl's... relationship is okay, other issues affect it more, but that is a different conversation...

 

[Edgewater]

I am very late to this discussion and see that a AI Bot had contributed - sad!

It is time to return to your doctor and if possible with your dear wife so that she hears where you are currently and the likely path your IC will travel in the future.

From what I can put together, it seems you have a combination of release types and as such, each can affect a condom style catheter resulting in failures. As you have likely determined or are both to, condom styles work best with a light, continuous flow. A flash flood overloads it and they commonly fail at the condom. The hose, its connections and the bag each can fail. When perfectly sized, assembled, and directed they can handle light to moderate flow, but failures can still happen, it is the downside of the beast.

You have made an error in your preparations. In truth, you are not alone as being new to the IC community finds one not having available a 'diaper bag' in which, in your case, you should have had the needed clean-up supplies and either an additional Catheter and its system componets or expectable support pads, pull-ups or diapers. I would also recommend a change of clothing. That bag travels with you!!

As has been covered, you are at this point because of your past. Verifiable honesty, at each step as you move forward will begin to help!

 

[Freddie07601]

we had 35 years of therapy, wife said I couldn't wear diapers, finally said in a session, I was going to wear diapers at night and use them, I move to a guest room, put a plastic sheet on the mattress, I did not expose her to the diapers, she said she wanted to get divorced as soon as covid was over. 2+ years later as it was clearing up, she told me she still loved me, she still hated diapers, but divorce was off the table. She still want me to wear clothing over my diapers. I usually come in from work, shower and put my diapers and plastic pants on, sometimes a onesie, or one of my baby t shirts, and either short pj bottoms or sweat pants, go into kitchen, we talk, eat, ect , she goes to bed in master, and I go to guest room. Once in a while its stressful, but other than me wearing at night things go ok! It is possible if both parties want to get along and get a lot of our needs meet!?

I'm happy to hear that you and your wife are hanging in there together .I believe you will find a way forward that works for both of you. It's obvious that you care deeply about each other and your relationship.

 

[IWannawear]

I am very late to this discussion and see that a AI Bot had contributed - sad!

It is time to return to your doctor and if possible with your dear wife so that she hears where you are currently and the likely path your IC will travel in the future.

From what I can put together, it seems you have a combination of release types and as such, each can affect a condom style catheter resulting in failures. As you have likely determined or are both to, condom styles work best with a light, continuous flow. A flash flood overloads it and they commonly fail at the condom. The hose, its connections and the bag each can fail. When perfectly sized, assembled, and directed they can handle light to moderate flow, but failures can still happen, it is the downside of the beast.

You have made an error in your preparations. In truth, you are not alone as being new to the IC community finds one not having available a 'diaper bag' in which, in your case, you should have had the needed clean-up supplies and either an additional Catheter and its system componets or expectable support pads, pull-ups or diapers. I would also recommend a change of clothing. That bag travels with you!!

As has been covered, you are at this point because of your past. Verifiable honesty, at each step as you move forward will begin to help!

Copy all, and thank you Edgewater. A travel bag is definitely going to be built going forward, would have made the whole cath-tastrophy almost a non issue, as this happened after all the customers were gone. A similar incident in the midst of service could be really bad, as I have no place to cleanup and change, other than the 'office' area of the trailer, which is open to the rest, but away from the product.

And yes, because of the past, the present and future are that much more of a challenge....

 

[hbic60]

Also coming late to this discussion, I had a few days of vacation. @IWannawear and @ARBBB2 - I cannot follow up why your wife's are struggling so much with your wearing diapers.
I've made much different experiences with my beginning IC a year ago. Right from the beginning I talked a lot with my wife of 37 years, absolutely openly and naturally what happened with my starting dribble and urge urinary IC, how it feels for me, and we discussed how to manage best. I started wearing protection, beginning with pull-up style, later for the nights full diapers, later on daytime belt diapers. I explained why I decided for which kind of product, the pros and cons for me, how I feel about everything and of course also what she thought about it. She had no issues at all, her main comment over all was that I should do whatever I feel best and most comfortable with in managing my IC. Nothing could change her feelings towards me, no matter which kind of "underwear" I use, I always remained the same person to her than before - I simply had now a medical condition which has to (and can) be managed quite easily with wearing proper protection.
So her focus was to help me to feel still totally accepted and loved, no matter if now diapered or not. All in our relationship remained as it was before - including cuddling and intimacy. She has no issues touching me everywhere, including from time to time my diaper area.
What I'm doing is - although we can and do talk openly, although we often share the big master bathroom together, including sometimes my change of diaper which I don't have to hide at all - that I don't involve her more than necessary. I would for example never recommend her to change my diaper, why should I as I can do easily myself. I don't walk around at home only in a diaper, I try to be discreet, wearing always according clothing, and don't make any deal or show of my diaper wearing - it's simply my normal underwear and nothing else. My diaper wearing has nothing to do with a fetish, I'm not aroused wearing them although they feel quite comfortable for me, it's for both of us simply the best and easiest way to manage my IC in a way that we can continue our active and social lives without limitations compared to the possibilities we had before! I think that's what counts most in our relationship: nothing major changed, only the kind of my underwear, which has, if you push away all stigma, shame and possible embarrassment, no influence on anything.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

Copy all, and thank you Edgewater. A travel bag is definitely going to be built going forward, would have made the whole cath-tastrophy almost a non issue, as this happened after all the customers were gone. A similar incident in the midst of service could be really bad, as I have no place to cleanup and change, other than the 'office' area of the trailer, which is open to the rest, but away from the product.

And yes, because of the past, the present and future are that much more of a challenge....

I've thought about your situation a lot since my last reply, and read other people's replies, and actually started another reply and discarded it, because it felt trite. But there is one more thing I would like to say, and I hope I can do it in a way that is helpful, not hurtful.

I believe that the reason your wife is so vehemently opposed to your wearing diapers is that you made them something other than what they innately are to her. She was OK-ish with them, until they became a symbol of something hurtful in the relationship. Exactly what that was, from her perspective, I'm too far outside the situation to say with certainty. Betrayal? Deception? I'm sure you didn't intend those things, but it seems she felt them.

You said that other things are affecting the relationship more than diapers, and that sounds correct. The relationship is strained in general, and diapers are just a trigger. While she may love you, and I hope she does, I think there's a trust problem. Again, I'm too far outside the situation to take more than a very poorly educated guess, so if I'm obviously incorrect, forgive me. From my point of view, with what little you've shared, it seems that trust, not diapers, is the real issue.

I don't envy you. It sounds like you have some major relationship repair ahead, and your body is putting you in a spot on top of it. I do hope that the end result will be a better relationship, as well as better management of the UIC challenges. Interpersonal challenges are often the greatest trials we face. I wish you the best with yours.