I never knew I had a little side until recently. For 20+ I always said I was 100% DL, but this story changed all that. I had one of the coolest days of this year exploring and camping with my best friend. We are becoming bikepackers where we build custom bikes to haul all of our camping gear into secluded areas and stealth camp, kind of a leave no trace behind mentality. I had a spot in mind a few hundred yards from the house I grew up in which borders the big wild mountain in dense woods. I lost that home due to family divorce over 25 years ago and have come to terms with it long ago. So the home was on the lower edge of a big hill/small mountain that is technically a park but is also sort of left to grow wild, and bears and big predatory cats have moved in and resettled after a century of being driven out. We bushwhacked and climbed our way on our loaded bikes we have been spending years curating to fit our bodies, needs and abilities and I was struggling to climb some of the climbs I could easily walk as a kid. I've struggled with my weight gain and loss of youthful energy for a while so this one hit me hard. I'm one of those guys who grunts and cries and lets it all out to try and conquer new terrain on my bikes so it's hard to fail. Luckily I have a really supportive crew who cheers me on and they seem to understand the struggle of a dadbod trying to do stuff younger people make look easy. We eventually rode in to the spot I had in mind, but it was all overgrown and covered in fallen trees and I almost didn't recognize it. Once I got my bearings I realized I was in the exact spot I was always scared to explore as a kid.
We decided not to camp where I had wanted to since after seeing it for the first time after 20 years, it was in terrible condition. It was an old cabin along a small creek with a really cool fireplace and intricate fieldstone fireplace, burned down probably 100+ years ago, but the weeds and snakes and bugs made camping there impossible.
We found the most epic spot just up the hill from it and set our camp and built a tiny fire from twigs, enough that we could stomp it out in seconds, but also hot enough to cook meat on a sharpened stick on. Once we had unpacked our camp setups we just chilled and drank beers and cooked meat and told stories and watched the sky and listened to the bird songs die off and the vernal spring frog songs began and went on all night. We were in the trees but above the treeline of the next hill so I could see like 30 miles of town and village lights and it got me wondering about all the people below us. When we were both tired enough we called it a night and climbed into our hammocks. I ended up having one of the best nights sleep I have ever had. At one point I did wake up but it was due to sleep paralysis. I was so cozy in my layers of down that I heard a noise and my body couldn't react. When I finally awoke before dawn due to all the bird songs my best friend was snoring hard in his hammock.
I got up and did my usual camp routine (I'll leave that to your imaginations) and when he woke up he told me he didn't think he had slept at all. We packed our bikes and decided to ride down the trail to pass my childhood home. I knew the trail so well because 4 year old me walked it every day and it's where I grew up. About half way down we passed the last big landmark I remember as a kid, and then I suddenly became lost. The trees were down everywhere and bushes were growing all around. I struggled to find my way and I was literally reaching into places only my 4-5 year old brain knew. I could feel the panic building, but I'm a 40 year old guy with a lifetime of super stressful experience so I pushed it aside. Eventually the picture became clear and I realized I was exactly where I thought I was, but the scenery had completely changed.
We backtracked and found another trail I knew that led us back to the road where we could pedal our bikes back to the truck parked 2 towns away where we began our journey.
It was at the moment that I first said hello to my little side. It was seeing a place so familiar look so different, and it was normal me navigating a way out that was known and safe. It's taken me several weeks to discover the impact of a simple bike ride and camping trip, but it was the trigger that unlocked a whole new world of mental processing for me.
I'm taking it as a win, since its allowing me to talk with young me. I hope this story can help you who read it to try and discover ways of talking with your younger selves.
