Family treats me poorly emotionally

[biohazardgoat22]

My family treats me poorly as I need diapers. I still need to live with them in the summer too so I can put money towards college.

My mom is the only accepting one.
My aunt acts annoyed I wear diapers. My younger sister falls into work mode treating me like I’m one of the severe special needs ppl she works with. It has to be subconscious as no matter what I say it doesn’t change. She acts like a babysitter since I’ve needed diapers. She pays attention to my diapers and sometimes I only notice I’m wet as she’s staring. She acts like I can’t handle stuff since needing diapers. Such as she will either watch me do something like clearing my plate or won’t allow me to, as she thinks I don’t know. Stiff like that.

My family has told everyone in it or they have noticed I wear diapers. They also say to everyone before leaving for something, “make sure you went the bathroom” which only started after I started having accidents.

My sister doesn’t notice what she’s doing and won’t stop as she doesn’t see it. How am I supposed to deal with having a whole summer at home at 22years old, where I’m basically being babysat

 

[LupintheWolf]

I can understand the feel although for reasons I can't mention after I started having incontinence problems for the first 4 years of dealing with it my parents didn't understand that incontinence problems don't magically turn off when I'm awake and actively tried to nag me for wearing diapers during the day even threatened to treat me like a 3y/o in public if i didn't stop wearing.it took me having 2 tests done that require shoving something up my urithra for them to get it

 

[sbmccue]

Hmmm ...

I'm not trying to be unkind, but you're a trans young adult and wearing diapers while living amidst your entire immediate and extended family.

What could possibly be wrong with that?

How does your aunt "act" annoyed? Does she give you disapproving looks? Has she told you she's annoyed with you?

Your only 'real' problem seems to be your sibling. I'm sure that, in your younger sister's mind, there's much to equate you with the special needs patients she cares for. As you note, she doesn't notice what she's doing, and probably wouldn't agree that there's anything wrong with the way she's treating you.

The first thing you ought to do, in my view, is to thank God you have a family that loves you and cares about your wellbeing. Many of us don't have that ... and quite a few of us never have.

I would also suggest that you examine your own attitudes and actions to determine what you can do to head off the 'babying' attitudes over the summer months. This might be as simple as being somewhere else ... at work, at the library, out in the backyard. If you're out of sight, you're likely going to be out of mind as well.

Third, sit down and have conversations with your sister and your aunt rather than interpreting their actions and attitudes as hostile to you. You may find that they are confused or concerned for an entirely different reason.

Many of the problems we all face in life are those we have created in our mind. If your mother is accepting, perhaps she can speak to your younger sister and your aunt on your behalf. I imagine everyone can be persuaded to mitigate their overly solicitous behavior to the point where you can endure it for the summer.

 

[chiaochai]

as an IC person myself, i do have to wonder why your sister is seeing you with no pants on so often to be able to "pay attention" to them in the first place.

you could always just put some dang pants on so she cant notice XD

 

[biohazardgoat22]

as an IC person myself, i do have to wonder why your sister is seeing you with no pants on so often to be able to "pay attention" to them in the first place.

you could always just put some dang pants on so she cant notice XD

Im in pants. She just notices the sagging before I notice as I wear leggings a lot

 

[biohazardgoat22]

Hmmm ...

I'm not trying to be unkind, but you're a trans young adult and wearing diapers while living amidst your entire immediate and extended family.

What could possibly be wrong with that?

How does your aunt "act" annoyed? Does she give you disapproving looks? Has she told you she's annoyed with you?

Your only 'real' problem seems to be your sibling. I'm sure that, in your younger sister's mind, there's much to equate you with the special needs patients she cares for. As you note, she doesn't notice what she's doing, and probably wouldn't agree that there's anything wrong with the way she's treating you.

The first thing you ought to do, in my view, is to thank God you have a family that loves you and cares about your wellbeing. Many of us don't have that ... and quite a few of us never have.

I would also suggest that you examine your own attitudes and actions to determine what you can do to head off the 'babying' attitudes over the summer months. This might be as simple as being somewhere else ... at work, at the library, out in the backyard. If you're out of sight, you're likely going to be out of mind as well.

Third, sit down and have conversations with your sister and your aunt rather than interpreting their actions and attitudes as hostile to you. You may find that they are confused or concerned for an entirely different reason.

Many of the problems we all face in life are those we have created in our mind. If your mother is accepting, perhaps she can speak to your younger sister and your aunt on your behalf. I imagine everyone can be persuaded to mitigate their overly solicitous behavior to the point where you can endure it for the summer.

am thankful I have a caring family.
I have tried having my mom speak to others and tried speaking for myself.
I do try to get out of the house as much as possible.

I just struggle coming home from the freedom of college, to being babied.
I don’t know how to get used to when home having my sister paying attention to my diapers and not letting me do anything.

 

[chiaochai]

Im in pants. She just notices the sagging before I notice as I wear leggings a lot

wear something other than leggings? no wonder most of your family has noticed

if you insist on the leggings, at least put a skirt over them

 

[hbic60]

am thankful I have a caring family.
I have tried having my mom speak to others and tried speaking for myself.
I do try to get out of the house as much as possible.

I just struggle coming home from the freedom of college, to being babied.
I don’t know how to get used to when home having my sister paying attention to my diapers and not letting me do anything.

Sorry, maybe I'm terribly wrong, but as I read your concern 1st time, especially "I just struggle coming home from the freedom of college, to being babied." sounds to me more being some fantasy than reality.

If the whole situation is real, then it's all very, very abusive behavior of your family. Treating someone with IC as a baby is abusive! And of course I excuse myself for reading it wrong

If this all is more a fantasy, then you are posting definitely in the wrong forum.

 

[biohazardgoat22]

Sorry, maybe I'm terribly wrong, but as I read your concern 1st time, especially "I just struggle coming home from the freedom of college, to being babied." sounds to me more being some fantasy than reality.

If the whole situation is real, then it's all very, very abusive behavior of your family. Treating someone with IC as a baby is abusive! And of course I excuse myself for reading it wrong

If this all is more a fantasy, then you are posting definitely in the wrong forum.

Not a fantasy

 

[BlameBaby]

am thankful I have a caring family.
I have tried having my mom speak to others and tried speaking for myself.
I do try to get out of the house as much as possible.

I just struggle coming home from the freedom of college, to being babied.
I don’t know how to get used to when home having my sister paying attention to my diapers and not letting me do anything.

Understand I have this problem myself but in a high degree. She is the baby if the family , & I'm not. Every family has one , but it teaches you a very good lesson there not always going to be there for you. Personally in my life things with my sister and me are getting better. Let me tell you the way your family cares that you need to go to the " bathroom alot" actually means they care about you. In some certain degree there are a lot of littles that family members don't really care about. Anyways sorry for the book if you needed it your welcome.

 

[enthusi]

@biohazardgoat22 that really stinks. One of my favorite sayings for when I feel stuck is “Like a kidney stone, this too shall pass.” That is to say sometimes the only thing to is push through it until something better comes alone.

That said, have you looked into getting a therapist? My guess is if your family treats you this way about incontinence, not respecting your privacy and boundaries, then it’s causing problems in other areas of your life. A good therapist is worth their Wright in gold. They can push you to discover new strengths and figure out ways to communicate more effectively with your family.

 

[Wetshisbed]

My family were never very supportive when I grew up. My sister found it a great source of amusement that her older brother still wet his bed every night. My father was disgusted by it and my mother just thought I was dirty and lazy.

 

[biohazardgoat22]

Understand I have this problem myself but in a high degree. She is the baby if the family , & I'm not. Every family has one , but it teaches you a very good lesson there not always going to be there for you. Personally in my life things with my sister and me are getting better. Let me tell you the way your family cares that you need to go to the " bathroom alot" actually means they care about you. In some certain degree there are a lot of littles that family members don't really care about. Anyways sorry for the book if you needed it your welcome.

That’s a really good point, I never thought about it as them caring.

 

[biohazardgoat22]

@biohazardgoat22 that really stinks. One of my favorite sayings for when I feel stuck is “Like a kidney stone, this too shall pass.” That is to say sometimes the only thing to is push through it until something better comes alone.

That said, have you looked into getting a therapist? My guess is if your family treats you this way about incontinence, not respecting your privacy and boundaries, then it’s causing problems in other areas of your life. A good therapist is worth their Wright in gold. They can push you to discover new strengths and figure out ways to communicate more effectively with your family.

I do have one