Do all DL's have some component of AB in them?

[Elros]

I posted this as a response to another thread, but it is something I think I'd like ideas on separate from that thread.

I consider myself 100% DL. Recently, my partner read, "So Your Husband is a DL." The Author makes the argument that DL's all have some component of AB in them and that no true DL's exist. My partner asked me a list of questions from the book and the result has me questioning my presumption that I am pure DL. At first, I considered the possibility that the author (Joyce Kinnebrew) and I had a different working definition of what an AB is, however, the research on understanding infantilism suggest she may be correct. The "ABDL triangle" proposes any interest in humiliation/loss of status/loss of control or desire for role change are AB qualities.

I never considered loss of control an AB quality (but more of a sub quality) and now I'm conflicted after believing I was pure DL for over 20 years.

This all started with me trying 24/7 and the introduction of some D/s play. I found the suggestion of this book somewhere on the internet and I bought it. That said, I did exactly what the author requested and, initially, did not read it (until my girlfriend did). The Author suggest, in the case of the book, the wife goes along with the 24/7 diaper idea as long as she gets more control. She proposes a safeword that would end the whole thing and afterwards she would refuse to involve herself from that point forward if it is invoked. I like my partner being involved and being accepting of the 24/7 diaper idea (and frankly, I'd hate to lose it because I accept myself more, have more confidence, overcame the vicious binge/purge cycle, i am happier, I am less anxious [my actual blood pressure and heart rate have gone down significantly], etc.). So, if asked if I would use my safeword if my partner wanted to spoonfeed me or bathe me at the risk of her never being involved again, I said no. I find this manipulative, but I'm finding it hard to disagree with the author that if I'm not willing to use my safeword, part of me is okay with it or, at the very least, not so bothered by it to leave it all behind. So...maybe I am part AB?...I don't know. I also don't think it likely matters if at the end I'm happier.


I'm curious though, do you think all DL's are slightly AB? If you had a partner willing to go all in and be involved with general diaper stuff and completely accept it, what would you be okay with to keep it? Do many DL's, as she suggest, enjoy some humiliation? Another book takes it a step further and suggest all men like being babied, which is different from being a "baby," but shares some similarities.

 

[dpcare]

I don't have any AB or DL

 

[Hemix]

Humans show neoteny, so everybody has juvenile traits, but apart from that, I don't think so.

 

[sbmccue]

The notion that all DLs are, in some measure, ABs plays to the pragmatic view of diapers shared by many women. Because of their early conditioning, women often believe - at least subconsciously - that diapers are only worn by babies. Making their diaper-wearing partner a 'baby' tends to play to this conditioning. I imagine it makes the entire diaper thing easier for some women to accept.

That said, there are many 'babying' activities that most women would prefer to indulge rather than change diapers. For example, an ex-girlfriend was perfectly willing to feed me or bathe me, but changing diapers 'crossed a line'.

In my view, some DLs can exist quite happily without wanting to be 'babied' in any respect. I'm not one of them; for me, the two components - diapers and being cared for as a toddler or small child - go hand-in-hand. For many women, however, AB play is probably a way they can reconcile the notion that their partner is wearing diapers. Absent the AB connection, diaper wearing is a difficult thing for many women to accept.

 

[Elros]

The notion that all DLs are, in some measure, ABs plays to the pragmatic view of diapers shared by many women. Because of their early conditioning, women often believe - at least subconsciously - that diapers are only worn by babies. Making their diaper-wearing partner a 'baby' tends to play to this conditioning. I imagine it makes the entire diaper thing easier for some women to accept.

That said, there are many 'babying' activities that most women would prefer to indulge rather than change diapers. For example, an ex-girlfriend was perfectly willing to feed me or bathe me, but changing diapers 'crossed a line'.

In my view, some DLs can exist quite happily without wanting to be 'babied' in any respect. I'm not one of them; for me, the two components - diapers and being cared for as a toddler or small child - go hand-in-hand. For many women, however, AB play is probably a way they can reconcile the notion that their partner is wearing diapers. Absent the AB connection, diaper wearing is a difficult thing for many women to accept.

I think many women are more wired to be more nurturing and would likely have the urge to tie that in with a partner who had a desire to wear diapers. My girlfriend has her own kinks, including the love of washing me. It isn't my thing, but I let her do it because she loves it, it isn't hurting me, and frankly feels good. The Author of that book would likely suggest me allowing her to do that is an AB quality because I'm giving up some "control." Furthermore, if she wanted to do other nurturing things or "baby me" slightly to accept my diaper wearing, I likely wouldn't object if it meant her staying involved. Would that willingness to go along to keep her involved indicate that I am an AB?

 

[Wetshisbed]

I am not AB just incontinent and unashamedly DL but have the greatest respect for those who are AB .Why not if it gives you pleasure and hurts no one.

 

[DarkWolf]

No. I think that there definitely are diaper lovers who do not have any AB tendencies.
I do like a few adult baby things myself though But for the majority, I consider myself to be more on the DL side of things,

 

[ade]

Along with what Hemix said, there are various pathways into this whole thing and, especially if you were raised in ignorance of this [and much more], you'll have gone through a process, by trial and error, of trying to understand what this is.

I'm DR (diaper recreationalist); I'm loathe to call it 'love', even though that would be what I'd have called it when I was more ignorant of what love is (therein's more about the process of growth and development, of which our thing is just a part).
I grew up in ignorance and with the wrong ideas [as laid out by my 'betters'] of what 'this' is and while it's true that there are some likeable elements of infantilism, that's more because they're [baby stuff] designed to be likeable (and doesn't like to be waited on hand and foot?). So, it's quite easy to find some aspect of infantilism appealing.

I'm very not into being babied and never have been (even when I was a baby, as far as I can tell).

 

[PaddedinHaslet]

I am pretty sure I am a DL without any AB tendencies. I don’t want to act like a baby. I don’t want to be treated like a baby. I guess the closest thing is that I wouldn’t mind being changed by somebody, but that’s not a need at all.

 

[sbmccue]

I think many women are more wired to be more nurturing and would likely have the urge to tie that in with a partner who had a desire to wear diapers. My girlfriend has her own kinks, including the love of washing me. Would that willingness to go along to keep her involved indicate that I am an AB?

If that were the case, we wouldn’t see so many sad tales of rejection, fights, breakups and shaming. Women are still conditioned to be nurturers, certainly, but that conditioning quite often imparts a very pragmatic view of diapers and who should wear them.

I don’t think enjoying your girlfriend bathing or washing you makes you an adult baby. If she buys herself a bath mitt and baby wash and puts toys in the bathtub, on the other hand, she may be thinking of you in that light.

 

[artemisenterri]

I am pretty sure I am a DL without any AB tendencies. I don’t want to act like a baby. I don’t want to be treated like a baby. I guess the closest thing is that I wouldn’t mind being changed by somebody, but that’s not a need at all.

This is me as well. I like the freedom being diapered imparts, but have no desire to "regress" into any level of "babyness"... I like my "grownup" things like video games, sci-fi movies, and roller coasters at the amusement park, and would not want to lose out on them. (And tbh, i find a lot of the "baby" shows these days to be mind-numbingly annoying in their repetitiveness and lack of any underlying story.)

 

[Mingus]

I posted this as a response to another thread, but it is something I think I'd like ideas on separate from that thread.

I consider myself 100% DL. Recently, my partner read, "So Your Husband is a DL." The Author makes the argument that DL's all have some component of AB in them and that no true DL's exist. My partner asked me a list of questions from the book and the result has me questioning my presumption that I am pure DL. At first, I considered the possibility that the author (Joyce Kinnebrew) and I had a different working definition of what an AB is, however, the research on understanding infantilism suggest she may be correct. The "ABDL triangle" proposes any interest in humiliation/loss of status/loss of control or desire for role change are AB qualities.

I never considered loss of control an AB quality (but more of a sub quality) and now I'm conflicted after believing I was pure DL for over 20 years.

This all started with me trying 24/7 and the introduction of some D/s play. I found the suggestion of this book somewhere on the internet and I bought it. That said, I did exactly what the author requested and, initially, did not read it (until my girlfriend did). The Author suggest, in the case of the book, the wife goes along with the 24/7 diaper idea as long as she gets more control. She proposes a safeword that would end the whole thing and afterwards she would refuse to involve herself from that point forward if it is invoked. I like my partner being involved and being accepting of the 24/7 diaper idea (and frankly, I'd hate to lose it because I accept myself more, have more confidence, overcame the vicious binge/purge cycle, i am happier, I am less anxious [my actual blood pressure and heart rate have gone down significantly], etc.). So, if asked if I would use my safeword if my partner wanted to spoonfeed me or bathe me at the risk of her never being involved again, I said no. I find this manipulative, but I'm finding it hard to disagree with the author that if I'm not willing to use my safeword, part of me is okay with it or, at the very least, not so bothered by it to leave it all behind. So...maybe I am part AB?...I don't know. I also don't think it likely matters if at the end I'm happier.


I'm curious though, do you think all DL's are slightly AB? If you had a partner willing to go all in and be involved with general diaper stuff and completely accept it, what would you be okay with to keep it? Do many DL's, as she suggest, enjoy some humiliation? Another book takes it a step further and suggest all men like being babied, which is different from being a "baby," but shares some similarities.

This seems like a dangerous proposal. Refusing ever to engage in role play because someone uses the safe word is, at best, toxic. I would actually ignore the book and its suggestions on this basis alone.

 

[sbmccue]

I like my "grownup" things like video games, sci-fi movies, and roller coasters at the amusement park

From my point of view, there's a lot of 'childishness' in the 'grownup' things you like. Granted, I don't game, don't watch much sci-fi and don't ride roller coasters anymore. To me, those things are often associated with adolescents. I'd pretty much given up everything you listed by the time I was 30.

 

[artemisenterri]

From my point of view, there's a lot of 'childishness' in the 'grownup' things you like. Granted, I don't game, don't watch much sci-fi and don't ride roller coasters anymore. To me, those things are often associated with adolescents. I'd pretty much given up everything you listed by the time I was 30.

I look at it as games with long drawn-out storylines are way above the mindset of toddlers or babies, sci-fi can either confusing or scary for little kids, and roller coasters are definitely scare for really young kids...

I have zero interest in drinking from bottles or sippy cups, playing with baby toys, wearing baby-style clothing, and definitely no interest whatsoever in watching anything made for babies...

 

[87dervaTheExplora]

I posted this as a response to another thread, but it is something I think I'd like ideas on separate from that thread.

I consider myself 100% DL. Recently, my partner read, "So Your Husband is a DL." The Author makes the argument that DL's all have some component of AB in them and that no true DL's exist. My partner asked me a list of questions from the book and the result has me questioning my presumption that I am pure DL. At first, I considered the possibility that the author (Joyce Kinnebrew) and I had a different working definition of what an AB is, however, the research on understanding infantilism suggest she may be correct. The "ABDL triangle" proposes any interest in humiliation/loss of status/loss of control or desire for role change are AB qualities.

I never considered loss of control an AB quality (but more of a sub quality) and now I'm conflicted after believing I was pure DL for over 20 years.

This all started with me trying 24/7 and the introduction of some D/s play. I found the suggestion of this book somewhere on the internet and I bought it. That said, I did exactly what the author requested and, initially, did not read it (until my girlfriend did). The Author suggest, in the case of the book, the wife goes along with the 24/7 diaper idea as long as she gets more control. She proposes a safeword that would end the whole thing and afterwards she would refuse to involve herself from that point forward if it is invoked. I like my partner being involved and being accepting of the 24/7 diaper idea (and frankly, I'd hate to lose it because I accept myself more, have more confidence, overcame the vicious binge/purge cycle, i am happier, I am less anxious [my actual blood pressure and heart rate have gone down significantly], etc.). So, if asked if I would use my safeword if my partner wanted to spoonfeed me or bathe me at the risk of her never being involved again, I said no. I find this manipulative, but I'm finding it hard to disagree with the author that if I'm not willing to use my safeword, part of me is okay with it or, at the very least, not so bothered by it to leave it all behind. So...maybe I am part AB?...I don't know. I also don't think it likely matters if at the end I'm happier.


I'm curious though, do you think all DL's are slightly AB? If you had a partner willing to go all in and be involved with general diaper stuff and completely accept it, what would you be okay with to keep it? Do many DL's, as she suggest, enjoy some humiliation? Another book takes it a step further and suggest all men like being babied, which is different from being a "baby," but shares some similarities.

I think it's just that men want to feel secure and taken care of (babied) in some instances. Just the affection and closeness to someone is what I need. I don't want to be a baby, but in the diapers i feel safe and secure. Kind of the same premise of swaddling clothes

 

[sbmccue]

I look at it as games with long drawn-out storylines are way above the mindset of toddlers or babies, sci-fi can either confusing or scary for little kids, and roller coasters are definitely scare for really young kids...

I have zero interest in drinking from bottles or sippy cups, playing with baby toys, wearing baby-style clothing, and definitely no interest whatsoever in watching anything made for babies...

And I was a very studious kid who became a workaholic. I'm working on my 17th book. I wouldn't have time for a video game if it crawled up my sweatpants and bit me.

Everyone has their own relaxation mechanism. I can point to several of my friends who drink to excess. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't do video games, I don't do amusement parks, and I don't watch much television. I relax by being a two-year-old again.

My point is that there's just as much of an escapism component in the things you do. I try to avoid judging how people escape, relax or unwind, because my technique for doing so is pretty extreme in comparison. I'm certainly not judging you for the things you enjoy.

 

[SparkyDog]

I am IC & DL
Been that way my whole life basically
Now I used to call my self ABDL
for years I did the cute baby print diapers & paci's & bottles etc but no age play
one day I just wasn't interested in AB anymore. I purged all my AB stuff and haven't looked back. It's been years now already and haven't had a desire be AB.
Now my DL is more about security & comfort
Diapers keep me dry but also act like a shield I wear. Helps me with my anxiety & ptsd

So take it as you will but I currently have no AB now though I did for a period of time.

 

[Traveler]

I've been a DL for about 35 years and been wearing diapers on and off for 23 years. It wasn't until very recently with the advent of all the great podcasts about ABDL that I have realized that it's ok to explore, and that like most things in life it is some kind of a spectrum. Years ago I bought a pacifier just to try it out, as seeing girls with them got me excited, and I didn't really like it. In the last 2 years my stress level has gone through the roof and I've looked inward to my DL side to cope which has helped tremendously. At the same time my sex life with my wife is finally starting to come back to life and she is exploring some deep dom feelings she has never tried before, and I am LOVING it! Last night I did some research on sleep apnea and discovered adult pacifiers so I ordered some to try, and that got me thinking, "Yup I officially have some AB tendencies." I had a couple beers in me and just decided to stick my thumb in my mouth and something immediately clicked. I have never done it before even as a baby so this was literally the first time ever that I can remember. I got a good latch and felt the anxiety melt away and I passed out almost immediately, so yeah as of last night this lifelong DL can proudly and officially call himself ABDL!

 

[LittleTyke]

I agree with you regarding the loss of control thing. In my opinion, that has very much to do with being submissive, and I guess that there could be a logical fallacy in that book you mention.

There is no doubt that many (most?) ABs enjoy losing control to a dominant partner or playdate. But that doesn't mean that if you like losing control, then you are definitely an AB. You could just as well be an "ordinary submissive".

Don't worry about which labels other people would want to put on you. IMHO it makes no difference whether or not you have an AB side. Just embrace your kinks, and do what you enjoy.

 

[LittleTyke]

Also, I very much disagree with the "all or nothing" approach, with the safeword that instantly ends all the fun. That's no way to act as partners in a close relationship.

For one, even subs have limits, which doms should respect. Pushing boundaries is okay, but the "do this, or it all goes away" approach turns into an ultimatum. That is unacceptable in a loving relationship.

Secondly, we all have bad days from time to time. Some days there are things we just we just don't want to do, due to fatigue, headache, stress, or whatever. And having a safeword with an ultimatum attached to it is definitely not helpful.

While I don't know the book, and thus haven't read it, I guess that there is much that I disagree with in it, just from your short description.