Dating?

[DiaperedInDenver]

I've been feeling really lonely lately and the main factor if it is because I don't really know how to go about dating. I feel like I should be upfront and honest about being a DL but at the same time I don't want people to automatically think im a weird horny creep. Idk.. I just feel like waiting for years before I tell a gf is kinda dumb. What and how can I stop being alone all the time?

 

[Sealander]

Well, I can't speak from personal experience, but hanging around in ABDL communities for years, it seems that a) you shouldn't give up hope about finding an accepting vanilla partner and b) telling after a few dates is a good idea. You're right that years is too long!

 

[DinoFrant]

I´m not even qualified to give dating advice, but I can tell you that I had "the talk" with my then gf on the same date when we agreed that she´d move in with me and she told me that she would´ve preferred to know about this "issue of mine" before accepting to be my gf because my bedwetting was one thing, but liking diapers was... well... we were 1 year into our relationship, so at least we know that´s not a good timing.

During our post-breakup feedback, my ex told me that maybe a good time to know would´ve been right before the stage when you first say "I love you" -considering you don´t say this lightly. This way you can either part ways relatively unharmed, or get even more solid grounds to start your relationship.

This is also the same advice I´ve seen on most previous threads here on ADISC, so I´d try that.

Good luck and stay positive!

 

[Eclectic]

I´m not even qualified to give dating advice, but I can tell you that I had "the talk" with my then gf on the same date when we agreed that she´d move in with me and she told me that she would´ve preferred to know about this "issue of mine" before accepting to be my gf because my bedwetting was one thing, but liking diapers was... well... we were 1 year into our relationship, so at least we know that´s not a good timing.

During our post-breakup feedback, my ex told me that maybe a good time to know would´ve been right before the stage when you first say "I love you" -considering you don´t say this lightly. This way you can either part ways relatively unharmed, or get even more solid grounds to start your relationship.

This is also the same advice I´ve seen on most previous threads here on ADISC, so I´d try that.

Good luck and stay positive!

This is good solid advice. I would even say this should be a sticky.

My gf, now wife, “found out” by discovering some little stuff I had not hidden well in my apartment before I could tell her. That was one year into our relationship. We did eventually get married and I am IC so I really need diapers, but it was difficult early on and, if I’m honest, sometimes still difficult. She even told me one time early in our marriage that had she known about my diaper wearing before she fell in love with me, she might have broken it off.

My advice. Find someone who is mature, nurturing and has an open mind. It also depends where you are on the ABDL spectrum. I have found women more accepting of the kink side than the non-sexual little side. But that’s not saying much because I haven't had that many serious girlfriends.

 

[DinoFrant]

She even told me one time early in our marriage that had she known about my diaper wearing before she fell in love with me, she might have broken it off.

It´s sad to learn about this reaction from someone who is supposed to back you up no matter what. My ex didn´t exactly say that she might have broken it off, but rather that she would´ve taken longer to consider whether I was a good pick... so it was pretty much the same. We tried to make it work and I was always respectful of our space, asking her if it was ok for me to put on a diaper, but even when she said she was ok I could always tell she wasn´t really comfortable.

The thing is that her lack of support with this "issue" caused me to gradually lose interest in our relationship because my trust in her got severely affected by her judgmental attitudes, even when she said she wasn´t judging me... unfortunately eyes never lie.

So, yeah, know yourself, accept yourself, love yourself, and then you´ll be able to know when someone else loves you for who you really are, instead of conditioning their love for you to the type of underwear you like to wear. Easier said than done too.

 

[mammalun]

Well my Little told me after we had known each other one month, or thereabouts. For us I'd say he timed it about right and I appreciate how direct and honest he was about it. The timing was good because it was enough time to get the idea of whether you liked the person but not so long that you had invested so much to risk it being devastating if that person said "um thanks, but no thanks".

Now to be fair, I'm not that vanilla myself, something he deliberately asked me about the first time he met me (why waste effort if the person isn't into kink at all was the thought process). He spent a lot of time figuring out exactly where I lay on the kink side of life myself before he told me about his diapers and baby thing. We have quite a lot of overlap in our thoughts/ kinks/ general outlook even if our preferred scenarios may be a bit different. The whole ABDL thing was new to me - well, I knew it existed I guess but had never, as far as I know, met anyone who is ABDL before. But as I said to him, different is good, I like different. And he was up for doing my preferred scenarios too - so that seemed nice and fair to me. A good fit for each other really. So people like me are out there - you have to just keep looking and be brave enough to give it a try. It will almost certainly take you lots of tries before you find the right fit for you.

You know, I read a lot. And I used to think I HAD to read a book from start to finish. I'd almost torture myself into getting to the end of a book I really wasn't enjoying. You usually know if you don't like a book after a chapter or so. Then someone said to me, why waste your time on something you don't like? If you don't like it, put it down and go read something else. And you know what - dating is like that. Give it a try and be OK with just putting those that don't fit you aside. No need to be mean about it. Just be direct and honest and if they don't fit you, put them down and go try someone else.

Anyway, if I'm honest, back then I didn't really appreciate just how stressful it was for him to tell me at all. Because he was so direct in his questions to me, and so sure of what it was he liked. I assumed he had buckets of confidence about the issue. It was only later when we were talking some more, and after I'd signed up here for some education and support, that I realised how incredibly vulnerable and stressful that conversation had been for him. It's been 6 months now and I can honestly say it's been a rollercoaster BUT it's also been the most open and honest communication I've ever had with anyone in my life. No idea where our relationship is heading but I'm very glad he found me.

I hope you can find your person.