Concerned About New Roommate

[Pokogirl]

My old roommate is moving out and the university is allocating a new roommate in our room. Most probably a freshman (junior) from my university. Still don't know who she is or from which department.

I have to wear diapers due to bedwetting issues. My previous roommate knew about this and she was very good at keeping secrets. She didn't tell anybody (atleast from my knowledge). However, she is canceling the hall facilities due to financial issues. I tried to convince her to stay but it was in vain. Now that she's leaving, I realized how lucky I was to get a roomie like her.

Diapers were an embarrassing topic for me and it still is. I know many people wouldn't be happy to share a room with someone that wets the bed. I'm embarrassed to death thinking about having to spill the beans to another stranger/ or get eventually found out. Should I keep it a secret? Should I tell her? Should I move out myself? I'm so confused. Maybe I'm over thinking all this. But If word gets out, my social life will be destroyed.

What should I do??

 

[Bearcatz]

I wouldn't worry about it, because it really isn't a big deal.

In my experience, individual people don't think much of diaper wearing in relatively close proximity if it's just pee. It's really unlikely to be noticeable at all with a splash of powder and cream. Out of sight [and smell] out of mind.

 

[Raven801]

First off I know how you feel, but in my experience people don't exactly react the way you fear they will. I have experienced a lot. My ex wife outed me to everyone when we divorced after 10 years. She was always very cruel over my ic even though it was intermittent at that time. She told everyone family friends... I was crushed but then I had people telling me that she did that and they were disgusted by the fact she was telling everyone something so personal...she actually ended out getting me a lot of support and outing herself.
When new friends find out they are generally pretty understanding
And to be quiet honest anyone who would look down on you for it ain't worth knowing anyways. Just remember keep your head up and when you tell someone act like it's no big deal be short and brief and move on to another subject. Seems to have worked for me. That and you would be amazed at the amount of people out there that have experienced it or know a loved one that has. When I was dating after my divorce I started dating someone I worked with..and she was petite and very beautiful and friendly to boot . As we were dating I was constantly thinking about how to tell her I was in and wore diapers. 3 dates in we went to a movie after dinner and we started kissing and stuff in the theater. As her hands explored my body I found myself in full panic mode. I didn't know what to do. So I pulled back and let things calm down for a few she seemed a little confused but got focused on the movie. I spent the rest of the movie contemplating how to tell her. After the movie she said she wanted to keep hanging out and said we should go to her place she had ice cream and cheese cake. I politely declined and she began asking me why I said simply I wanted to be a gentleman and I was tired.
She continued to push the issue and I started to tell her I had a medical issue and continued to open up and explain.
I put it all out there she looked at me for a second and then kissed me and said that's it ? I was stunned.. not what I expected but she told me then that she was a bedwetter and very accident prone until she was 16 and it wasn't until some surgery that she got dry.
Long story short we had a lot of fun together but we eventually relised we had different interest and just took a step back and decided to be friends... Which we still are to this day. I've dated several women over the years only had one that was negative about it.


So keep your head up and remember if people don't like you the way you are or they pass judgement on you .... Fuck em!

 

[brut2333]

Just come out and be truthful with her.

 

[Lyric]

It sounds like your first roommate knew you and your bedwetting issues before you moved in together. How did this happen? Was it arranged in some manner? I'm asking because it may be best for you to discuss this with someone in administration at your university. Your need to wear diapers at night is subject to a variety of disability rights laws and your school is obligated to provide accommodation for your disability. Your are entitled to confidentially and the school is obligated to provide that.

 

[KaleidoscopeKitty]

I think in your shoes I would plan to tell her as soon as possible. I think it’s generally better to own something you hold secret if you can and to act as if it’s not a big deal than to hide it and show it is your weakness when it’s found out. Most people will be understanding of something like this which is a medical condition. I would probably sound her out for a day or two first just to make sure there were no massive red flags suggesting she isn’t going to react well but then assuming she seems nice it will be far better for you to get it out in the open rather than try and hide it, which will obviously be really difficult if you are sharing a bedroom. The fact you are already in the room and presumably already have a social circle is to your advantage too, if she is new to the halls she is likely to be nervous about meeting new people etc, it’s unlikely she is going to want to make an enemy of you by reacting badly or telling people your secret, it’s far more likely she will want to be accepting of you and aim to build a friendship.

I do agree with @Raven801 that generally people won’t react in the way you fear they will, most adults will be supportive and understanding of another adult’s medical condition. I had an issue where I wet the bed (drunk) recently and had to tell a friend and she was very understanding and kind about it when I was expecting the worst. If she were to tell people in an unkind way that would be more likely to reflect badly on her than on you, and as an adult she is likely to know that and so isn’t likely to use something like this against you in the way that might happen with someone younger (eg: in middle/ high school).

 

[Babynie]

I had struggled with the exact same thing before. In my case I'm not a bed wetter but a diaper lover who can't live without diapers. I kept it as a secret to my roommate and she didn't notice anything about it throughout the semester. There is always a risk that she tells others about this and embarrass you, though I agree most are considerate, but if the new roommate is mean or you have conflicts in the future, who knows. Therefore, I think it is better not to tell her at least before you know what kind of person she is.

It is not that hard to make it discreet. Others do not always pay attention to you, especially in college where you have your own business. What I do is first, discreetly change diapers in the bathroom (this is very easy to achieve), second, hide your stash properly. I put it in my suitcase or somewhere deep inside my closet. Another thing might be the choose for pajamas, make sure you can hide your diaper bulge. Also if you worry about the crinkles just use cloth-back diapers.

Of course these are just my suggestions for reference, you can dm me and we can talk about this experience further. Hope you can soon find out a way that works for you. Best luck for your new roommate!

 

[FenKit]

My old roommate is moving out and the university is allocating a new roommate in our room. Most probably a freshman (junior) from my university. Still don't know who she is or from which department.

I have to wear diapers due to bedwetting issues. My previous roommate knew about this and she was very good at keeping secrets. She didn't tell anybody (atleast from my knowledge). However, she is canceling the hall facilities due to financial issues. I tried to convince her to stay but it was in vain. Now that she's leaving, I realized how lucky I was to get a roomie like her.

Diapers were an embarrassing topic for me and it still is. I know many people wouldn't be happy to share a room with someone that wets the bed. I'm embarrassed to death thinking about having to spill the beans to another stranger/ or get eventually found out. Should I keep it a secret? Should I tell her? Should I move out myself? I'm so confused. Maybe I'm over thinking all this. But If word gets out, my social life will be destroyed.

What should I do??

Sounds like you are wearing them for a legitimate medical issue. I’m sure that anyone with at least two brain cells would recognize that if someone has to wear diapers for medical issues, it is something that should be taken seriously and not spoken of to other people. Personally, I wouldn’t worry bringing it up unless they ask. Besides, making fun of you over having to wear diapers to sleep would be harassing a student over a medical condition… And I’m pretty sure that’s something that wouldn’t fly over faculty very well if reported.

 

[Dinotopian2002]

It's tough, but I'd recommend gathering up your courage and being honest with her.
You wear diapers for bedwetting so it's a medical issue, not a kink.

From my own experience of being incontinent all my adult life I know full well it's awkward to explain to people.
And it's better being honest with your new roommate upfront is better than trying to hide them and have them find out.
If you're going to be living in the same room and you don't tell her, that's going to make things very stressful, even more so than there would be normally. So, if possible, I'd nip it in the bud -If your previous roommate was able to understand it, then this roommate should as well.

And if not, I'd speak to whoever manages your halls for advice on this. They may be able to help you manage it better.

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Dinotopian2002

 

[craigd1341]

I think you have a beat situation here. You were in the room longest. Throughout college and grad school, I found out that when you move into a room at the same day as your roommates then it’s “group room”, but when you had a roommate move out and a new person comes in then it’s “your room”. Now that gives you Slight advantage. If the new roommate feels awkward then it’s their responsibility to move out. I would love a few diapers in the bathroom if you have a room bathroom or on your desk / closet and pretend it’s totally normal. This will give the new roommate time to think it though and process it before you have an outright discussion. Just an option.

 

[MarcusWeeb]

My old roommate is moving out and the university is allocating a new roommate in our room. Most probably a freshman (junior) from my university. Still don't know who she is or from which department.

I have to wear diapers due to bedwetting issues. My previous roommate knew about this and she was very good at keeping secrets. She didn't tell anybody (atleast from my knowledge). However, she is canceling the hall facilities due to financial issues. I tried to convince her to stay but it was in vain. Now that she's leaving, I realized how lucky I was to get a roomie like her.

Diapers were an embarrassing topic for me and it still is. I know many people wouldn't be happy to share a room with someone that wets the bed. I'm embarrassed to death thinking about having to spill the beans to another stranger/ or get eventually found out. Should I keep it a secret? Should I tell her? Should I move out myself? I'm so confused. Maybe I'm over thinking all this. But If word gets out, my social life will be destroyed.

What should I do??

I feel like you are overthinking it. Which obviously is very understandable given the nature of the subject.
It might not be the first thing to open a conversation with but it would probably be less embarrassing to tell her then if she would just awkwardly find out. Like when its getting closer to the evening just say it like it is: "you have this medical issue and you handle it like this". People are adults, they should be mature enough to respect your privacy. Dont forget that you already done it once before with a stranger and it worked out that time, you got this!

 

[Kbaby84]

Most colleges/ universities have a residential life program. If it is medical go and speak to resident life director. They are there to confide in and support and ensure you have the same oportunities as any college student. I was an RA in college. So keeping those key people in the loop can help.