cowjam40
Contributor
- Messages
- 2
- Role
- Diaper Lover
I've had many fetishes in my lifetime, and diapers is something I keep on returning to. But it's complex.
I was a bedwetter when I was younger, which brought a great deal of embarrassment and shame but never led to diapers. But parents didn't help things, and my brothers found it a great source of fun. In fact, looking back I wish I had been forced to use diapers. At least it would have been an admission / acknowledgement of my situation.
I guess my brothers calling me a "baby" reinforced that idea. I do remember - I guess around 9-12 - finding some of my old rubber pants as a baby, and loved wearing them... so that clearly planted a seed.
In my late thirties (I know big jump, right) I had already explored lots of fetishes - cp, rubber, bondage, leather, uniforms, sportwear and nylon shorts... I think some (rare) piss play got me interested in diapers.
I and was lucky enough to have a diaper club night in London called ABC which gave me the opportunity to explore diapers. It was an amazing experience. I met lots of people, had lots of fun - on and off club nights - but also struggled to find a relationship match, or people who wanted to do anything more than play.
Then I found a guy - entirely vanilla - and fell in love. And while I discussed my fetishes with him, he didn't seem interested. And there was also a part of me who didn't find it attractive to explore my fetishes with him. That bit, I'm still struggling with to this day,
Six years into my closed relationship, we're still together, but diapers and other fetishes are still on my mind and not going away. It's difficult to understand how to approach this subject. It feels like there's real jeopardy for our relationship, because I want to pursue diapers without my partner. That feels pretty selfish. I don't want to hurt him, but it feels like that's exactly what I'll do by revealing my fetishes have never gone away and he's not at the centre of them.
This is probably one of the most challenging times of my life.
I was a bedwetter when I was younger, which brought a great deal of embarrassment and shame but never led to diapers. But parents didn't help things, and my brothers found it a great source of fun. In fact, looking back I wish I had been forced to use diapers. At least it would have been an admission / acknowledgement of my situation.
I guess my brothers calling me a "baby" reinforced that idea. I do remember - I guess around 9-12 - finding some of my old rubber pants as a baby, and loved wearing them... so that clearly planted a seed.
In my late thirties (I know big jump, right) I had already explored lots of fetishes - cp, rubber, bondage, leather, uniforms, sportwear and nylon shorts... I think some (rare) piss play got me interested in diapers.
I and was lucky enough to have a diaper club night in London called ABC which gave me the opportunity to explore diapers. It was an amazing experience. I met lots of people, had lots of fun - on and off club nights - but also struggled to find a relationship match, or people who wanted to do anything more than play.
Then I found a guy - entirely vanilla - and fell in love. And while I discussed my fetishes with him, he didn't seem interested. And there was also a part of me who didn't find it attractive to explore my fetishes with him. That bit, I'm still struggling with to this day,
Six years into my closed relationship, we're still together, but diapers and other fetishes are still on my mind and not going away. It's difficult to understand how to approach this subject. It feels like there's real jeopardy for our relationship, because I want to pursue diapers without my partner. That feels pretty selfish. I don't want to hurt him, but it feels like that's exactly what I'll do by revealing my fetishes have never gone away and he's not at the centre of them.
This is probably one of the most challenging times of my life.
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