mattk
Contributor
- Messages
- 14
- Age
- 30
- Role
- Incontinent
I've had incontinence issues throughout my life that caused me a great deal of anxiety and shame. I was dealing with a lot of denial despite also being swamped with panic, knowing these things were happening; I'd be having an anxiety attack on the train and trying to covertly 'check' myself in the crotch area because I was so afraid I had peed. If I got home and my underwear was soaked I'd tell myself it was just sweat. I used to go on long car trips for certain business with friends/associates and I was always in a state of panic, I felt so self-conscious asking them to pull over all the time and I was terrified I'd have wet pants.. it kind of leaked out slowly over time and I didn't notice until I was pretty wet, and I didn't feel it either, was easy to rationalize as sweat because I couldn't 'feel' it coming out (should have been another sign that registered with me). For a while I was renting a room from an older woman who kept telling me I 'had an odor' and she was kind of controlling and made me wash my clothes like, three times a day. One day she approached me and gently offered me an incontinence pad, I wrote her off because of course that wasn't an issue, she was just on some bullshit like she often was. She had plastic on the bed when I moved in and one day told me 'it's not coming off,' abruptly. Still didn't register, denial, denial, denial. Went to a psych ward during an episode and a staff member gently confronted me and said they'd found fecal matter in my underwear and I shocked and panicked, absolutely thought they were on some bullshit, etc etc etc
A few years back, things got worse and I finally decided to get a prescription for diapers for the first time. I did go to a urologist but they didn't find anything.. I didn't have a great experience with them to be honest, but they wrote me that first script for diapers after I requested it. Wearing in public and telling roommates and friends about it was extremely embarrassing to me, but I noticed how much less anxiety I had when I was out, how much better I slept at night, etc. The 'awareness' that I'd had this issue for a long time clicked in my head. I didn't need to panic about getting to a bathroom or wetting my pants, I could just.. go in my pants lol. And if people know, that's even less anxiety..
I've been wearing off and on for periods of months at a time since 2020, I hate to say mostly because of shame and such. It gets better and worse, but a few days ago I started wearing again and told my roommate. Cost is covered by Medicaid, fortunately, as I have psychiatric disabilities as well. I get a feeling of comfort from them and enjoy wearing but the shame is immense socially.
What are your stories with this? Any tips for dealing with shame?
A few years back, things got worse and I finally decided to get a prescription for diapers for the first time. I did go to a urologist but they didn't find anything.. I didn't have a great experience with them to be honest, but they wrote me that first script for diapers after I requested it. Wearing in public and telling roommates and friends about it was extremely embarrassing to me, but I noticed how much less anxiety I had when I was out, how much better I slept at night, etc. The 'awareness' that I'd had this issue for a long time clicked in my head. I didn't need to panic about getting to a bathroom or wetting my pants, I could just.. go in my pants lol. And if people know, that's even less anxiety..
I've been wearing off and on for periods of months at a time since 2020, I hate to say mostly because of shame and such. It gets better and worse, but a few days ago I started wearing again and told my roommate. Cost is covered by Medicaid, fortunately, as I have psychiatric disabilities as well. I get a feeling of comfort from them and enjoy wearing but the shame is immense socially.
What are your stories with this? Any tips for dealing with shame?