Bullied by family

[Chloris]

I have to ask.. as this has affected me for years..has anyone been bullied by family members for having to wear as a kid??

When I was younger. 7/8 I was bladder IC, can't remember what the doc called it but I digress..

My mam and dad were busy so they had my aunt "babysit" .. problem came when I needed a change (I couldn't do it right myself at the time)..

My aunt tho would ridicule me.. and never help me change.. leading to some nasty rashes.. I never told my parents as I thought I was the one doing something wrong..

At that age I felt like poop on a shoe and it's still in my head.. doesn't help I saw her today and she is still mean.

 

[IcyBlue]

One of the hardest thing to accept in life is that some people are not worth your time or effort including family. Empathy isn’t a choice for many people including myself but when we return the respect we have received with a smile and no words it’s a powerful message. To forgive ourselves we must forgive others and accept they’re just that kind of person.

If it’s more than a snide remark and actively picking on you then it’s time to ignore them completely. I’ve also suffered from family members that were not happy with the way I lived life as I was young but in your case it was a responsibility that was neglected. Your parents should have understood that when you did get a rash it correlated to whenever your aunt looked after you hopefully. If you are completely independent you are free to live however you want keeping whoever you want in your life.

 

[Jorelaxed]

I have to ask.. as this has affected me for years..has anyone been bullied by family members for having to wear as a kid??

When I was younger. 7/8 I was bladder IC, can't remember what the doc called it but I digress..

My mam and dad were busy so they had my aunt "babysit" .. problem came when I needed a change (I couldn't do it right myself at the time)..

My aunt tho would ridicule me.. and never help me change.. leading to some nasty rashes.. I never told my parents as I thought I was the one doing something wrong..

At that age I felt like poop on a shoe and it's still in my head.. doesn't help I saw her today and she is still mean.

Why, why why is it people who are the closest and take advantage of someone with special needs, even if they are that kind of person, that's no excuse for neglect of a special needs child.
If child protective services would have found out, the "Aunt" would have been introuble with the County Child services" and would have had a record on file... It's good to forgive I understand, just very frustrating.

 

[Chloris]

One of the hardest thing to accept in life is that some people are not worth your time or effort including family. Empathy isn’t a choice for many people including myself but when we return the respect we have received with a smile and no words it’s a powerful message. To forgive ourselves we must forgive others and accept they’re just that kind of person.

If it’s more than a snide remark and actively picking on you then it’s time to ignore them completely. I’ve also suffered from family members that were not happy with the way I lived life as I was young but in your case it was a responsibility that was neglected. Your parents should have understood that when you did get a rash it correlated to whenever your aunt looked after you hopefully. If you are completely independent you are free to live however you want keeping whoever you want in your life.

I agree with forgiveness.. but she was just cruel, I wanted to tell my mother as she was the one that helped me change then and noticed the rashes.. but being insecure already I couldn't.. fearing I'd get blamed.

 

[Chloris]

Why, why why is it people who are the closest and take advantage of someone with special needs, even if they are that kind of person, that's no excuse for neglect of a special needs child.
If child protective services would have found out, the "Aunt" would have been introuble with the County Child services" and would have had a record on file... It's good to forgive I understand, just very frustrating.

I do agree with you.. as I said in begging she made me feel like poop on a shoe.. I know now I should have said something (still never have) to parents.

 

[Deleted member 64479]

I have to ask.. as this has affected me for years..has anyone been bullied by family members for having to wear as a kid??

When I was younger. 7/8 I was bladder IC, can't remember what the doc called it but I digress..

My mam and dad were busy so they had my aunt "babysit" .. problem came when I needed a change (I couldn't do it right myself at the time)..

My aunt tho would ridicule me.. and never help me change.. leading to some nasty rashes.. I never told my parents as I thought I was the one doing something wrong..

At that age I felt like poop on a shoe and it's still in my head.. doesn't help I saw her today and she is still mean.

So sorry you had to go through that. If anyone should be there when you need them, it's family. sadly, it's not always the case. If you ever need to talk or vent, I and a lot more of us are here. Thats why I joined this group. I feel people here are closer than a lot of my in person friends. AND some family for that matter. *hugs*

 

[Chloris]

So sorry you had to go through that. If anyone should be there when you need them, it's family. sadly, it's not always the case. If you ever need to talk or vent, I and a lot more of us are here. Thats why I joined this group. I feel people here are closer than a lot of my in person friends. AND some family for that matter. *hugs*

Thank you *hugs*.. after seeing her again (aunt) today.. it just dragged all the pain back.

 

[Cottontail]

At that age I felt like poop on a shoe and it's still in my head.. doesn't help I saw her today and she is still mean.

Adults are more human when you are one. When you're little they're like gods, and the things they say and do are much more powerful, for better or worse. Adults who don't understand that can do a lot of harm even when they're not inherently mean people. When they are inherently mean......

Sorry you went though that, Chloris. I hope seeing her isn't a regular occurrence.

 

[Deleted member 64479]

Thank you *hugs*.. after seeing her again (aunt) today.. it just dragged all the pain back.

I have triggers that bring up old memories too. some good some bad, some really bad. but talking it out helps, and of course you know now, that you did absolutely nothing wrong back then, she was the adult, she knew your situation, if she wasn't comfortable or didn't want to help, she never should have agreed to be your babysitter in the first place. But, me being me... I'd have to allow her to feel a little of what you felt. Tell her. then she will feel some of the emotion you felt. But that's me. I can forgive as well, but i don't forget as easily. Smile my friend, you have friends here who care.

 

[fbi21openup]

I was bullied when I was around 4-5 I was a bed wetter till 12, even after I was adopted it was mostly on and off probably due to trauma and adhd meds I was a deep sleeper. I still deal with daytime issues now night time I get up a lot.

As too how I was bullied so young well my bio family is horrendous at parenting, they made a full size gate to keep us in our room for punishment, no physical abuse so it took time to realize it was abusive.

I had issues with bladder when I was 4-5 I don’t exactly remember everything, but I know I was basically shamed by my bio aunt and mother they were early 20s coming out of teen years.
They often threatened to put a pull up on and they did a few times it was mostly just a lot of shaming

Sorry I’m a Ranty person

 

[HugeBulge]

I'm not IC. But reading this brought me to tears.

 

[InconLifer]

It's always really sad reading how awfully people were treated because of issues beyond their control and when I've talked with fellow incontinence sufferers it's depressing how much of a common thread it is. I mean, you wouldn't shame someone in a wheelchair for not being able to walk but it seems some parents/guardians are happy to shame their kids for bladder and bowel issues beyond their control. I'm grateful that my parents were really good about it on the whole and was rarely chastised for accidents. The issue is it sort of went too much the other way when my issues were never brought up but it was obvious they had workarounds (washing my trousers every day for example).

When I had to wear a suit in the Sixth Form (final two years of school) I was baffled that they got me dry clean only suits though and it was two years of misery as the trousers only got cleaned once a week (which is still crazily frequent and must have cost them a fortune!) and given they started smelling bad before the end of Monday, I'd just get more embarrassed and anxious as the week went on and they got worse. Luckily I was never bullied about it and no one ever said anything. I honestly don't know how I made it throughout Secondary School with my incontinence never being noticed by anyone. I guess I'd become a pro in hiding accidents by then but there were a couple of times I thought the game was up.

The only good thing to come out of that was that it was basically two years of me trying to pluck up the courage to say something as I did really want to see a doctor and try and find solutions as time trundled on and eventually I was able to as it had gotten too much. My Mum obviously wasn't surprised but said they never said anything as they didn't want me to be embarrassed and as I was born prematurely, figured I'd grow out of it. When I found out I had Autism and ADHD at uni and found out about the executive age/actual age divide my issues with toileting made a lot of sense. I guess whilst they didn't know about the Autism and ADHD back then, them figuring the premature birth caused developmental delays meant they were understanding for the same reason.

 

[Chloris]

It's always really sad reading how awfully people were treated because of issues beyond their control and when I've talked with fellow incontinence sufferers it's depressing how much of a common thread it is. I mean, you wouldn't shame someone in a wheelchair for not being able to walk but it seems some parents/guardians are happy to shame their kids for bladder and bowel issues beyond their control. I'm grateful that my parents were really good about it on the whole and was rarely chastised for accidents. The issue is it sort of went too much the other way when my issues were never brought up but it was obvious they had workarounds (washing my trousers every day for example).

When I had to wear a suit in the Sixth Form (final two years of school) I was baffled that they got me dry clean only suits though and it was two years of misery as the trousers only got cleaned once a week (which is still crazily frequent and must have cost them a fortune!) and given they started smelling bad before the end of Monday, I'd just get more embarrassed and anxious as the week went on and they got worse. Luckily I was never bullied about it and no one ever said anything. I honestly don't know how I made it throughout Secondary School with my incontinence never being noticed by anyone. I guess I'd become a pro in hiding accidents by then but there were a couple of times I thought the game was up.

The only good thing to come out of that was that it was basically two years of me trying to pluck up the courage to say something as I did really want to see a doctor and try and find solutions as time trundled on and eventually I was able to as it had gotten too much. My Mum obviously wasn't surprised but said they never said anything as they didn't want me to be embarrassed and as I was born prematurely, figured I'd grow out of it. When I found out I had Autism and ADHD at uni and found out about the executive age/actual age divide my issues with toileting made a lot of sense. I guess whilst they didn't know about the Autism and ADHD back then, them figuring the premature birth caused developmental delays meant they were understanding for the same reason.

My mother was really understanding too.. my dad (step-dad) a little less so. But I understood.. he never punished me but did refuse to help when changing was needed (i think it just embarrassed him, and to be honest it would have me too) but i respect him he came into a relationship with 2 kids, one IC.. and he is still around nearly 30 years later..

 

[LittleAndAlone]

Adults being cruel to little kids is one of the few unforgivable sins to me.

 

[rennecfox]

People like your aunt behave this way because they lack empathy… someday when her body starts failing and she starts having to deal with these kind of issues perhaps it will open her eyes to what it was like for you and how horrible she has been, or perhaps the old lemon will get even more sour, it’s a personal choice

 

[Chloris]

People like your aunt behave this way because they lack empathy… someday when her body starts failing and she starts having to deal with these kind of issues perhaps it will open her eyes to what it was like for you and how horrible she has been, or perhaps the old lemon will get even more sour, it’s a personal choice

She is already now in a wheelchair (doctorstold her all she has to do is lose weight), her kids moved away. She just became that lady that screams at kids to keep off her lawn.

 

[Bryle]

For me it was my cousin. I was a bedwetter till almost 10 and diapered at night. My cousin used to tease me horribly about it. I hated her for it.

 

[greatlake5]

I went to a Catholic school (both grade school and high school). The nuns and the other teachers were great during grade school. But when I went to high school it was different. When I was a freshman there was a guy, I think he was a sophomore, he just couldn't stop screwing with me. First with bully than he finally started to try to beat me up. Surprise, surprise...my older brother was walking through the halls and saw it. He simply beat the shit out of him. The nuns freaked out and called the brothers. My older brother got suspended and was getting ready to expelled him. Until they found out what the guy was doing. He actually got suspended. And my brother became a hero. His friends thought he was only looking for me but when this guy f**ked with me, he was the king. I'm sure regular high school can be rough. Just like Catholic school. Bullies continues. What you need is a protector. There're out there. They're my hero's

 

[ShyGirl91]

I have to ask.. as this has affected me for years..has anyone been bullied by family members for having to wear as a kid??

When I was younger. 7/8 I was bladder IC, can't remember what the doc called it but I digress..

My mam and dad were busy so they had my aunt "babysit" .. problem came when I needed a change (I couldn't do it right myself at the time)..

My aunt tho would ridicule me.. and never help me change.. leading to some nasty rashes.. I never told my parents as I thought I was the one doing something wrong..

At that age I felt like poop on a shoe and it's still in my head.. doesn't help I saw her today and she is still mean.

I'm so sorry you went through that. It's not okay. What she did was abuse, and you did nothing wrong. The protector in me would have made heads roll.
I pray that you are able to heal from this. I know that must have been very hard on you.

 

[richieboy]

Catholic school here too, I had a problem in 7 or 8th grade with a big 18 year old boy that had been left back a few times. We made a time to fight, btw I was 5’6 or 7” about 90 lbs, he was over 6’ and around 180 pounds. We both showed up, he was so shocked, he just laughed, and gave me a big hug and said he admired me. Said he would never ever hit me. I was extremely relieved!