Binge and purge

[Pizzanque]

So.... I have a question for the dls out there that aren't living in secret anymore to only them selves.
I outed myself to my wife in September. She knows better than I do that I need diapers in my life.

However I don't like wearing when we aren't connected.

Which is a self fulfilling strategy.(we keep getting worse)

So after about 2 weeks I have terrible thoughts about it.

I start thinking I must have a mental illness. And that I really don't want or need them in my life.

Than all it takes is her saying "what? No diaper?" And my mind is filled with euphoria. And a weight is lifted.

It doesn't feel like depression, it's almost like a dull claw across my brain....

Am I the only one constantly in doubt of their sanity? Unless you got to wear recently

 

[BigAl2]

Don't purge. Stick them aside for now. I get the same way about guns i don't shoot often. But i don't sell them. Because i do get them out for some fun then.

 

[Pizzanque]

A little pew pew is always good for the testosterone.... I don't throw away anymore. I'm pretty proud of my collection, I have near 4 full bags, and 2 more cases on the way. 4 different rearz types. It's more the way I feel about it the longer I go without wearing one

 

[Cribbin]

Ending of the binge and purge cycle, IMHO, is after self acceptance. Took 25+ years of B&P to finally stop. Huge waste of money BTW.

 

[Diapersntights]

I came into DL through cross dressing, so I already had a bit of an awareness of the urge to purge and coping with it. The simple answer for me was to buy in small quantities - I'm not full time (most of the time real life has to take over) and I've never had more than 2 packs at a time, so if I did feel guilty about what I was doing, I could simply use them up a bit quicker (change after every wetting, pleasure myself in them, wear and use more often by avoiding using the toilet etc) to get rid of them, or forget about them in the corner of my wardrobe for a while. The cycle became fairly comfortable in the end, when I got through the last of my nappies, I'd start to miss them, or think they could be useful in a real time of health issue, so I'm comfortable with the feeling of me wanting them.

 

[DiaperedTeddyBear]

I outed myself to my wife in September. She knows better than I do that I need diapers in my life.

However I don't like wearing when we aren't connected.

Which is a self fulfilling strategy.(we keep getting worse)

I've experienced the same. I don't like to wear when my wife and I are fighting because it makes things worse. She'll be completely ok with me wearing and even participate a little bit, but then we get into a fight and suddenly my diapers make her feel bad, like I'm choosing them over her. I'll stop wearing, but then I don't have anything to comfort myself with and I get depressed and withdrawn, which makes our fights last longer. It becomes a downward spiral.

But when we're doing good she'll be very affectionate and accepting, giving me bottom pats and even acting kind of disappointed when she pats my rear and doesn't feel me wearing a diaper. I hate the emotional roller coaster of her blowing hot and cold like that. It's very hard to deal with and I do often feel like there's something wrong with me.

We've been married over 10 years, and she's known the entire time, but she still doesn't understand how much I need my diapers. It's like she thinks that they're just a hobby that I can start and quit whenever I want to. And in the past I've repressed the desires, for years at a time, but I was also very depressed and miserable for much of that time and our marriage wasn't very good either. I'm so much happier when I have regular diaper time, but I don't always get it.

I swear, my wife has a more complicated relationship with diapers than I do and she's not even the one wearing them.

 

[safaridaze]

Yep. I know a few of my little triggers, and I love to wear just to calm down. But an argument with my SO is an instant big trigger. I want nothing to do with them at that point. I want to purge it all, but have learned to know better