Addiction and sobriety.

[Skylark]

Not sure if this is an appropriate topic but it's something that I think about daily.
I'm not one to believe in addiction being a disease I feel it's more a mental disorder (feel however you want about that). I've dealt with addiction I guess you could say (only thing I've felt I couldn't quit was Xanax) I've enjoyed many things to much on occasion.
From an early age I've been into drugs and used them as a way to cope and socialize. I've done some things that never really interfered with my life and I've done some stuff that has almost/have ruined/killed me.
Idk where I'm going with this but I just wanted to vent and possibly talk to others who understand.

I'm still not sober and not sure I ever will be. It's just hard to know this is always with me and could come back how it was.

 

[Anemone]

Why is physical illness a disease and mental illness not? Addiction has a pretty clear disease process and is relatively well understood. I'm only raising this because the distinction lends itself towards a disparity of esteem between physical and mental health which is only harmful.

I have some experience with addiction and it is indeed an awful thing. I think too little is made of what you have to give up to give up and how to replace it with something better. Change is possible but requires further changes to sustain. This is the foundation to build from, even though we can't see what can be built when we are picking through the rubble.

 

[Skylark]

Why is physical illness a disease and mental illness not? Addiction has a pretty clear disease process and is relatively well understood. I'm only raising this because the distinction lends itself towards a disparity of esteem between physical and mental health which is only harmful.

I have some experience with addiction and it is indeed an awful thing. I think too little is made of what you have to give up to give up and how to replace it with something better. Change is possible but requires further changes to sustain. This is the foundation to build from, even though we can't see what can be built when we are picking through the rubble.

Just my personal opinion on it and treating it as a disease that can be treated as other diseases just made it harder. Part of my problem is I've been successful as a functioning addict on everything but benzos and only reason I didn't function on those is due to reaching toxicity.

Just seems no matter how long I'm sober off one thing I'm still using something else to get by. I have so much to be happy for but I still end up supplementing life with chemicals.

 

[Anemone]

Just my personal opinion on it and treating it as a disease that can be treated as other diseases just made it harder. Part of my problem is I've been successful as a functioning addict on everything but benzos and only reason I didn't function on those is due to reaching toxicity.

Just seems no matter how long I'm sober off one thing I'm still using something else to get by. I have so much to be happy for but I still end up supplementing life with chemicals.

Why is it harder for being treatable? The treatment is hard compared with a lot of conditions but at least it exists.

I'm sure you are aware of this but be careful should you decide to stop taking benzodiazapines as the withdrawal symptoms can be profoundly dangerous.

Again I'm assuming you have asked yourself this question but what is it that the drugs or the addiction is doing for you? Can you get something equivalent in periods of sobriety? If not what are the obstacles?

 

[Skylark]

Why is it harder for being treatable? The treatment is hard compared with a lot of conditions but at least it exists.

I'm sure you are aware of this but be careful should you decide to stop taking benzodiazapines as the withdrawal symptoms can be profoundly dangerous.

Again I'm assuming you have asked yourself this question but what is it that the drugs or the addiction is doing for you? Can you get something equivalent in periods of sobriety? If not what are the obstacles?

Oh believe me I know the consequences of quiting benzos I've quit breathing twice from seizures due to withdrawal and 3 times from toxicity. Only 2 drugs can kill from withdrawal and that's alcohol and benzos.
I've never identified what's missing in life I just always feel the need to try and stretch out happiness to the extreme.

I've been through rehab on multiple occasions I I know how lucky I've been but I still crave my limits.
I've been to out and in patient rehabs and mental hospitals and the end result is them giving me drugs that don't work. Or me telling them not to give me benzos only to have them give me them and I abuse them.

I'm far better than I used to be but I still am craving benzos and opiates while drinking and taking modafinil regularly.

 

[Anemone]

Oh believe me I know the consequences of quiting benzos I've quit breathing twice from seizures due to withdrawal and 3 times from toxicity. Only 2 drugs can kill from withdrawal and that's alcohol and benzos.
I've never identified what's missing in life I just always feel the need to try and stretch out happiness to the extreme.

I've been through rehab on multiple occasions I I know how lucky I've been but I still crave my limits.
I've been to out and in patient rehabs and mental hospitals and the end result is them giving me drugs that don't work. Or me telling them not to give me benzos only to have them give me them and I abuse them.

I'm far better than I used to be but I still am craving benzos and opiates while drinking and taking modafinil regularly.

Sounds like you've not had the best experience of the care pathways. Have you tried counselling - like proper extensive work, not just a six week CBT quick fix - it might be the way to identify what it is that you are chasing after?

 

[babyamelia]

Sounds like you've not had the best experience of the care pathways. Have you tried counselling - like proper extensive work, not just a six week CBT quick fix - it might be the way to identify what it is that you are chasing after?

I would agree, just speaking from my own experience with addition, treatment centers, and counseling. To me it sounds like you still have something leftover to heal from. This may be why you still have issues chasing the feeling that drugs provide, that escape.

I spent close to 15 years in my addiction and have some similar experiences to what you shared. Almost dying, multiple trips to treatment facilities, and I've unfortunately lost two siblings to addiction as well. I have now been sober from alchohol for close to seven years. I do use some cannabis products still to help with anxiety because I refuse to take benzo's ever again. The reason I share this with you is that I feel very close to those on this forum who also battle with addiction.

I can only speak for myself in saying that I needed to stop abusing chemicals first before I could heal from the things that drove me to them in the first place. Over the years memories have come back and my body has healed. Only then was I able to truly work with a therapist on the root issues that drove me into my addictions. I have been going for the past nine months and I have made more progress in that time than all my visits to treatment centers combined.

I do believe you can heal too, but it takes time and work on your part. I feel like you wouldn't have posted here if some part of you didn't want that freedom in your life. I hope that you find help and peace. Being in this community is already a rare thing and I think that alone makes you a special person worth valuing.