Exactly. In my own case, if I were to wear a diaper in front of someone who I don't want to know about my ABDL side, my own thinking would be, "I wonder if he/ she can tell?" and just by having that uncertainty in my mind, I would think, "I may have not respected this person's own right to relate to me as they would very much like and prefer, preferring to relate to me on a purely professional or social level without having to find out about the first thing about my sex/ fetish life."
Therefore it would be my "thinking" and not the diaper itself, that would cause me to feel this way. If anyone can wear a diaper and instead think only (and fully and truly believe) something like, "my diaper is completely invisible to everyone but me, and I am 100% confident in this," then they would be able to feel OK about wearing a diaper like that. I personally don't feel OK about it for myself, but obviously others feel, think, and believe differently from myself.
But as pamperluvs pointed out, the next question that comes up sort of automatically is, "Makena, if you were 100% confident that nobody cares about you wearing a diaper to work, then why do you ask, 'what should I do if they fire me?'"
For me, and undoubtedly for most of us, there seems to be a whole suitcase full of "thoughts" that comes with being an ABDL. Amongst some of these "thoughts in the ABDL suitcase are, comfort, peacefulness, shame, and yes for me, exhibitionism. It is this last "ABDL suitcase thought" of exhibitionism, that I have had to be the most careful about, and have had to "be the adult" about the most.
Yes I still have thoughts about shame, and shame is always involving having someone else "find out" about my ABDL side that I didn't want to have to find out. It is these two thoughts: shame, and exhibitionism, that I have had to work to contain to within my fantasies only. This is how my thinking has worked for me. I can't say that everyone else will think the same way, and really have no way of knowing the answer to that question. Only you can answer the question of whether or not you think that same way, for your own self, or not.
Also, in the cases of ABDL's who got put into jail due to their ABDL behavior, in every case it seemed to me that these ABDL's had let their exhibitionist thoughts run wild to the point where they were intentionally offending enough people through this, that those people ended up having to band together and have the ABDL's thrown into jail.
The fact that I'm an ABDL, for me means that I will make "some space" for my ABDL side in my life, but not that I will appoint that ABDL part of me, as ruler over everything that I think and that I do. I also make equal space in my life for my professional self, and for my social self, both other parts of me which have no desire to be ruled over by my ABDL self.
Yooda