YAHLD

Yeah me too

Cuz I figured we could be friends hehe

thank you YAHLD. I just never thought I would be involved in such a tragic necessity. one NEVER really plans to do these things usually and I could not have been caught more flat-footed by this issue years ago and now I am faced with extreme pragmatism again and i'm growing tired of that trend in my life.

Greetings to you too hehehe

I am not going to lie to you YAHLD. I was driven mad and I nearly killed myself on multiple occasions by them doing this to me because I seriously THOUGHT at the time that it was for the best. it's so OBVIOUS that they could EASILY do that to me again UNLESS these drastic measures are taken. the truth of the matter is as much as mom and dad care about me they are a genuine threat to my mental well being right now and I see no other way to stop that threat to me then to threaten to cut them off until they realize that they where wrong to torment me so much thinking that torment was "tough love". I never wanted this but if they make it necessary I will not hesitate to do what is necessary. as important as family is to me there are a VERY few things that are even more important and human life is one of them. there is NO doubt in my mind if I don't do this I will NOT be able to handle this forever.

ironically they made it easy for me to have the motivation to do this and that anomaly should give them a wake up call.

That's why I need to get their undivided attention with that ultimatum. get on the bad wagon voluntarily or get removed from my life involuntarily. I cannot bluff this either so I will have to be prepared to go through with this and I seriously am much to my chagrin.

I am very upset still but my parents will refuse to even listen to what I am trying to say. mom even told me I plan to live off welfare the rest of my life because I want to. she refuses to even see the truth because she is so stubborn in her ways. in all honesty I am going to have to talk to them before Christmas sometime and deliver my ultimatum to them to stand down and know their place or remove them from my life entirely.

well I just got back from thanksgiving dinner and things have improved between me and my parents. I will just post what happened on that thread under mature topics.

I too am afraid of what my family will do to me if they ever found out. you see my parents are BARELY close-minded about this sort of thing. I know they are not going to handle this at all well and probably DON't want to hear about it but I am fairly certain that if they KNEW they will NOT tell me how to live either or anything like that.

as for your "maturity" I just learned that you should NOT put those "" marks around the word because I think accepting that this is just a part of yourself is a SIGN of maturity according to Near anyways on a EC+ forum thread. DO NOT let your parents define who and what you are and try to just be yourself because no one can do that for you even though some people can help to a limited extent. I hope I am saying this helps you actually. *hugs*

well I just made a new discovery. I am DEFINITELY a adult baby that's for sure. you see the signs that this is the case even though I have NEVER regressed before are as follows:

1) I got a little sick a week ago and had diarrhea that resulted in me temporarily having fecal incontinence again but I still ENJOYED wearing even though my libido was shot.(and yes I am just fine it was a unfortunate side effect of my medication and I have gotten used to it now to so no MORE IC)
2) I FULLY realized my motivation for even trying this in the first place. you see I have a LONG list of reasons to NOT want to do this and fear is the PRIMARY reason why I DON'T want to do this. and yet here I am thinking about buying bottles and a changing table or a high chair with dolls and all that. so seeing how it is that there's no KNOWN rationale for me to do this then I THINK I just want to because I have been STARVED for this therapy for far to long.

i am definitely aware of that. everything i knew 3 weeks ago was turned upside down concerning my self-image. i am GOING through total and major if somewhat healthy revisions on how i see myself. that's why i am so freakishly lucky to have literally found ADISC as my FIRST contact with other diaper lovers besides myself. what amazes me is how open minded i am about it. i had no clue i really was until this happened. my own validity and changing is by it's nature CONSTANTLY changing every time i log in here.

yes basically from a logical standpoint when something happens the truth however improbable must be the logical answer when there are no other logical answer's. i know i am quoting Spock from star trek but hey that is a acceptable and approved method of thinking in real life in scientific circles after all. the SOURCE of the truth is not as important as the fact although the source is important but ONLY for the purpose of credibility and/or validity.

i do have a THEORY as to why this has started at that time. the full realization and the accompany SHOCK that came with that of what i have done and what i am becoming just was a little to much for me to handle. be advised this is a THEORY i could be dead wrong and not know it. of course your right about me not having to be dealing with this issue much longer because if this theory is correct it is by and far the most mild case of the problem you can get and still have it happen on the face of the planet currently. the reason why i am skeptical about this theory is what are the odds of that being the case?

well actually when that happens i know for a fact that i have woken up trying to attack something that was not there. this is NOT a common occurrence and it started only like a few years ago AFTER things started to get better for me. i AM a light sleeper but that's starting to change. it looks like i can handle this with little assistance but i am still getting help anyways. as for my awareness i know i never wake up remembering what started things in the first place.

well the ACTUAL nightmares sometimes do occur but not on a regular basis i have them like once a year and only last year did i start waking up violently attacking the air for someone who was not even there. i did use the term nightmare figuratively speaking in that last post. just keep in mind those nightmares are a SYMPTOM of something else. but yes when i talk about nightmare's i could mean that BOTH literally OR figuratively speaking though not necessarily both at any given moment. that last post was in fact me being figurative.

oh that my therapist never knew about me being a diaper lover until recently actually. i was more concerned about just trying to neutralize my reckless tendencies then being a diaper lover AND i was to afraid and ashamed to tell her until i came here and got a wake up call. i must have communicated this to you incorrectly or something. i was after all just waking up from a nightmare and my mind is still severely weakened, i am still out of it right now just not as bad as usual. be sure to point out any inconsistencies you find in my story so i can try to remember what really happened. i was not joking that i could very well be wrong and just not know it yet. this is NOT intentional it's just when i say something is accurate TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE it is, but try to take it all with a grain of salt.

ironically i would not even use the word denial in order to use my inability to accept this part of me. i was so busy trying to help other's and deal with the constant pain of what i was going through that there simply was no room for anything else on my mind except maybe just survival at some point.

it is almost inconceivable that this has actually happened. my diaper loving activities where the only "therapy" i was getting for the longest time and well other then my religious views my therapist is hardly concerned about it. she did tell me to contact my pastor while she helped the mental health aspect

of all this and she never really expressed that using them to just relax was a bad idea. it was only the masturbation part that she told me that was a concern but that appears to be something that any pastor can help with in confession.

also yeah i am happy being here(referring to blog about myself) it's just insane realizing that i have learned more about myself in the last 2 weeks then the previous 19 years of my life. i can't even get the exact date's or time of most of this crap and i have to figure out what little information i remember by reversing my current age with paperwork on related things just to even have a vague way of figuring out a timeline.

at any rate i simply can't judge Dr. Phil but i will keep a distant eye out for him because it appears to be somewhat healthy of me to watch my back regarding Dr. Phil.