Your thoughts on Homophobes

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Kraiden

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This isn't really me trying to start off a discussion, it's more me putting my thoughts down here and seeing if anyone else can relate to this.... Anyhoo..

Now, in real life, I'm in the closet. Mainly for a few reasons. For one, I don't feel that me proclaiming I'm a lover of "teh penis" is something people need to use as a way if identifying me. Another reason is that all of my friends in real life are rather Homophobic. I usually have to play it straight around them, and in all honesty, I don't really care about it *that* much. I mean, it's not hard to do.

However, I often wonder how they'd react if I eventually came out of the closet. Would they be accepting for my own sake, or would their homophobia kick in and would they look at me in a more hateful light? It often makes me think...

So, erm.. yeah. The point of this little thing? Nothing really. Just wanted to write something before I scoot off to bed. :p
 
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FullMetal

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Everyone will take it a different way, but if the person loves you, no matter what you do, they will always love you. My brother is gay and my mom and dad were mad at first and had a period where they didn't talk as much, maybe like a month. It didn't take long for them to start talking again because my parents love us so much that, sure they would get a little depressed, but they know there is no way around our faults and who we are, and they accept us even if it is hard for them. My mother still is a bit mad because of the whole children thing, but she has me and my two sisters. And now my brother is really really close with my mother, he tells her everything, even about his boy friend.

If the people love you, they will accept you, if not, you find out quickly that they never really did love you as much as you loved them nd you are pretty much wasting your energy on trying to love those people and you can well be better off, but that is my take.

Hope I helped.

FullMetal
 

Roland

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Homophobia is gay.

But on a realistic note, I know homophobic people, and in a way, I can't blame themselves for this rather bad mindset.

It's a natural instinct to have an aversion from anything radically different than oneself, and being gay is different from the norm.

However, with the right education, people can realise that it's a stupid thing to hate anything different (race, religion, preferencees in bed, Fetishes[?])

So, I don't blame homophobes in their way. I blame the/their lack of education/ineterest in learning about the other side of viewing things.

(Do not get me wrong, I do not endorse homophobia, I'm just saying that this phenomenon is a case of 'Hate the wrong, not the wrong doer'')

Also, generally, homophobes tend to be close minded people in other things to, so that's why I don't have many friends who are.

And finnaly, fact : Every teenager-young adult has/had interest (romanticall) with the same sex at least once in his life. Some people become gay, but most straight. Anybody who says ''I have never felt attraction to the same sex, even for a very little amount of time in my life'' is possibly lying.
(Prone to few exceptions, so if you haven't, or claim so, I do not blame you, reader)
 

care_a_lot

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I understand your fear of homophobia completely. I've run into quite a few problems because of my sexuality which is why I am not out at work. However anywhere else I most definetely am because I am the kind of lesbian who just wants to hold her lovers hand walking down the street, cuddle, kiss and etc. I figure my friends and family are going to either find out one way or the other so I'd rather just tell them. A lot are shocked initially but mostly they deal with it pretty well.
 

Vladimir

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Homophobes have no or few education about homosexuality. My generation (just to make you feel old ^^) is more educated, i.e. we get conferences about homosexuality and homophobia so people can understand early that homosexuality isn't a bad, unhealthy thing, and that it's not a choice. Older people have less understanding about that and don't really understand why people are homosexuals, and they are most likely homophobes because their parents or tutors told them directly or indirectly that being gay is a bad thing.

I could say that if you got out of the closet and your friends don't accept your homosexuality, they aren't real friends, but it's probably not even true. I blame it on the lack of education and their parents, and if they can't stand you because you're gay, it's because they were taught to avoid homosexuality in any form. I suggest you keep hiding it since it's rather easy for most people, and if you do anything gay, they'll just mock you and go on. They won't immediately assume that you're "one of them" (dom dom dom...).

I want to say that homophobia is bad and should be punished, but the best people could do is educate the next generation. That's why we see less and less homophobes today. I doubt you can get your friends to attend conferences about homosexuality, it might be a little too late, but as long as you feel comfortable hiding it, just let it be.


care_a_lot said:
I understand your fear of homophobia completely. I've run into quite a few problems because of my sexuality which is why I am not out at work. However anywhere else I most definetely am because I am the kind of lesbian who just wants to hold her lovers hand walking down the street, cuddle, kiss and etc. I figure my friends and family are going to either find out one way or the other so I'd rather just tell them. A lot are shocked initially but mostly they deal with it pretty well.
It's VERY different. Usually, people react more positively towards f/f homosexuality, because it's not like you can have the yucky anal sex or anything, and men are (usually) attracted by women, so they don't find it particularly bad. Women are, for the most part, more understanding, and they care less about either form of homosexuality, even though you'll occasionally find very close-minded girls, the kind that only think about their appearance and all that stuff. But m/m homosexuality is less accepted because if a heterosexual pictures two hairy men having anal sex on a bed, it's not a very attractive picture, but if a male heterosexual pictures two women in bed snuggling or whatever, they'll just find the women attractive without caring about the fact that they're gay. It's complicated to explain, but overall, females are more accepted than males in homosexuality.
 
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Error404

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I find that most people whom are homophobic do not understand it, or are extremely averted to the idea of a (to quote) "Penis in their backside", I have a friend who is homophobic, he's an odd one, he doesn't even like the idea of lesbians unlike most homophobes. It's his belief, that we are supposed to have ONLY m/f relationships and nothing more, he's not religious either, of any kind. So perhaps the mindset lies more in our consideration of not who we are but how people believe we SHOULD be.

I'm not gay but I've never been homophobic either, so I'd be lieing if I stated I could understand the mindset in any way at all.

I can live with homophobes, they're entitled to dislike gay people if that's what really riles them, as long as they don't go out of their way to harm or hurt them mentally or physically.
 

Footed P.J.

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Homophobes are inescapable. I am hetero. I am atheist (No god. No heaven. No reincarnation. No reunification with the dead once we are dead.). I get very angry at people that openly put down glbts. Especially so if they use the Bible, a holy book that I DO NOT READ, to justify their stance. I also get angry at those that bash on gays just because it's the coool thing to do. You're more of a jock, apparently, if you bash on gays.

But, again, outspoken homophobes are inescapable.
 
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For someone who's rather *open* to homosexuality, I must honestly admit, I crack quite a few homophobic jokes.

I think it has more to do with fitting in, rather than personal belief. In a group of people, even at my age, when I thought people would have finally gotten over all that school-yard sense of humour, I still hear quite a few homophobic comments or jokes. Of course, most of the people I know are straight, so it's no surprise really that such words are thrown around lightly. Growing up in a predominantly heterosexual environment doesn't really leave much room for being gay, and it's that ideal that gets imprinted onto a lot of people as they are growing up. Unwilling to depart from something they've believed in for so long, it's only seems natural to mock something that goes against their belief. And since we have a situation where the majority hold the same ideal, it's expected that you'll get quite a few of those who say it just simply to fit in.
 

Pojo

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I don't like homophobes too much...Seeing as they usually just give a reason from the Bible...(woot Athiest too, PJ!)...But that doesn't mean I don't do jokes about them n__n...I've heard that a lot of gay's are fine with like jokes/impressions and even find them funny because either we aren't doing it right, or some other reason...And I say things are "gay" which (got and earful of this from Liz) she says doesn't mean stupid...But another definition of gay has become "stupid"...It's not an official one, but...it's on Urban Dictionary...So there must be other people who say it...
 

Charlie

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My friends are pretty homophobic... I have one friend who my other friends sometimes joke that he might be bisexual, and one time people were discussing whether they'd fall out with him if he was gay.
The answer was that they wouldn't, but they'd have to make sure that he didn't intend to rape them...

I think the biggest worry of homophobes is having a guy find them attractive. I mean, these guys often see women as just potential sex partners, so they think that the gay guys are only interested in the sex...
I'm not sure if I'm gay or bi or anything, but if I was I'd never tell my friends because they'd always be weary of me... I'd never be able to become close friends with any of them, because the second we started to get close I bet they'd worry about whether the closeness was romantic or not. :(
 

starshine

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My stepdad is VERY homophobic.

My mom and I fought numerous times with him last summer about it. He even had the balls to tell my mom she was a bad mom because she had gay friends when I was born, and she allowed them to hold me. He has said it's disgusting and gross that gay people can adopt and get married now etc...

We have tried to explain but he doesn't listen so we've both given up.

I have told my mom... one day I'm going to chop my hair off and tell him I'm a dyke just to piss him off. He's actually told me I should get a boyfriend. Then told my mom later on I wasn't normal and I was going to end up either very lonely or with a woman. Even told me once, when I said I've never had sex, "Ya right, well if your telling the truth, you don't know what your missin'."

He is one of those "All teens should be wild and reckless" people... and anything out of the ordinary seems to scare him. Actually, I love to call him a fairy, just because it gets him goin'. It's the worst insult you could throw at him, even though it's quite harmless.
 

mizzycub

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There's one or two openly gay guys in my year, and even my more homophobic friends are relatively okay with them. From my experience they know being closed minded is wrong and feel embarrassed about it or are in denial about it.

I think the biggest worry of homophobes is having a guy find them attractive.
Something I've noticed. One of my gay friends went round ranking everybody out of 10 (with the express purpose of making them uncomfortable) and people were more worried about a high than a low score. I would have considered a high score a complement. At least somebody would have fancied me then.
The answer was that they wouldn't, but they'd have to make sure that he didn't intend to rape them

...

I mean, these guys often see women as just potential sex partners, so they think that the gay guys are only interested in the sex...
This is so true from what I have seen. Then again, one of the gay people I know sets out to make people feel uncomfortable so I can see where this comes from. If people took him seriously they could get him arrested for molestation, with the public groping and stroking he has done.

To some degree, a gay teenage boy is going to want sex as much as a straight one. It's the same hormones pointing in a different direction. From my experience the assumption that all they are thinking about is sex is correct, at least when they are 16 or 17.

Anyways, the reaction of a homophobe depends on age. How ingrained it is. Below the age of 19 or 20, people tend to be quite right wing and closed minded unless there is a reason for them not to be. They aren't homophobic in that they will necessarily believe that until they die. By the time they are at university age they would probably be actively against homophobia.

If they have it passed that age, it will probably never leave. Then they are truly homophobic. Then again by the time they get in there 50s or 60s, it is hard for them not to be. They would almost have definitely been brought up that it is wrong. It is very hard for even the most open minded human to go against an upbringing that told them in no uncertain terms something is wrong.

I do not condone homophobia. I just believe in young people it may not really be there or with old people that it isn't entirely their fault.
 

Thallis

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Being in the closet, going to a catholic, all guys school run by monks. I'm rather exposed to people in the homophobic region. Not to mention, most of the students have conservative upbringing, as do I. This is why I'm scared to death someone will find out. If my dad finds out, I could be out of the house.
 

dogboy

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This is why I'm scared to death someone will find out. If my dad finds out, I could be out of the house.[/QUOTE]

I can never understand why a parent would throw out their gay child. But living in a conservative state, I must listen to homophobic crap all the time. My college, Westminster Choir college. was one of the most gay institutions on the east coast. Like I have said in other threads, it was like living in the "Bird Cage". Everyone in school knew that me and my room mate were lovers. We didn't advertise it, but we did everything together. The problem that homophobes have with acceptance is that there were always those who rubbed their homosexuallity in everyone else's face. In the cafeteria you would hear, "Oh Pleeeese, pass me Sally Salt, girl, etc." This didn't help our cause. convincing the so called "normals" that we were just as normal, just living an alternative lifestyle.

Since I had substance abuse problems along with a lot of other problems, I would typically get invited to parties, pass out drunk, and wake up to some guy doing me. So I know what it is to be raped, and no, even though I messed around, I didn't appreciate it. Hard to believe, but I actually saved myself for a very select few, and I kept quiet about my affairs. Is it any wonder straights worry about being hit on.

We like to think that the world lives in the 21 century, and that people's attitudes towards others have changed. But the reality is that the world is a cold, harsh, and murderous place. We can be open with one another on this site, and for that I am so very greatful. It is a wonderful catharsis for me at a time I most desperately need it. But in RL, one must use common sense. The world is extremely judgemental. As a warning, and myself included, with such openness here, it is easy to transfer this reality into RL. We've seen it with those who have come out to their parents with disastrous results. Protect yourselves and use good decision making. All prejudices are wrong, and based in either ignorance, or hate, and often both. They can turn violent.
 

Lizzie

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Homophobia Is Gay!!!!

Sorry I had to say it.
But seriously I hate how two people can be the best of friends and then when friend one confides in friend to that he/she is gay and their friendship ends. It doesn't make much sense how that one little factor can kill a friendship. They're still the same person
 

Vaultin

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A lot of homophobia is caused by angry people needing something to hate. It's very easy to hate "the other" or what you don't understand. Homosexuals, the Transgendered, people of differing religious or political views, etc. fall into that category very nicely for many people. Education and productive anger management help.

For me, it was realizing gay people had as much choice in being gay as I had in liking diapers, realizing the very right-wing beliefs of my parents were knee-jerk, silly, and hateful, and just growing up in general.
 

Spirit

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People who are intolerant of gay people or any other difference for that matter usually have a problem themselves.

I don't mind people who crack a few jokes now and then, in fact I sometimes do it myself, but anything more can get a bit extreme.

There is nothing to be "afraid" of when you're around homosexual people. My guess is mainly people just think that gay people are going to tie them down when they're not looking and have their way with them, like it seems to be portrayed in the media. That just doesn't happen in the gay community (too often...).
 
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I definitely think that Homophobia has a lot too do with being scared that a gay guy or girl will hit on them. I mean I got labeled as gay for 2 years of high school simply because I didn't have a problem wearing a dress to play the part of Juliet for a group English assignment. Too me it wasn't a big deal but half my class went crazy. The worst teasing actually came from a group of girls I'd known since first grade.

For the record I'm straight, I've kissed another guy which was a big deal for him but I decided it wasn't for me. Gays don't both me at all, even getting hit on is a compliment! I mean who doesn't want too be told they are hot? :D

Some Homophobia I think is alot like Arachnophobia, its just built into some people to be freaked out by it. Just my :twocents:
 

Jeremiah

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Kraiden, their response would be very hard for us to determine. It greatly depends upon how ingrained is their objection to homosexuals. The response could be anywhere from "yeah, we already guessed that" to "let's take him out and stone him to death." Using a stereotype to answer this question would be immature. My recommendation is to carefully try to determine the level of risk and possible consequences before telling them. You would have to be prepared for regection before revealing such a secret. When you decided to tell them, you would have to carefully determine how to say it. To tell them "I am gay" without alleviating their fears will end in disaster.

Such an important detail about your life should be known and accepted by those closest to you. At some point, you will have to explain why you do not have a girlfriend or are not married. When that time comes, you will know which ones are truely your friends and which ones are not.

Personally, I consider myself "homophobic." I am straight and have never had any thoughts to the contrary. Homosexual conversations bother me, and the sight of two homosexuals publically demonstrating their love distrubs me. Further education will not change my opinion one iota. Any attempt to change me will not be well received. I am already sick and tired of reading homosexual policies at work. I certainly understand that people are different and accept that. My fear stems from others trying to force their opinions and activities upon me. I have every right to my opinions.

If you can accept me for who I am, I have no problem doing the same for you. Anyone, who cannot accept others for who they are, is a bigot and not worth my time.
 

Spirit

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Jade, that's exactly my point! You can't fear what you can't see, and it can be quite heartbreaking if you come out to you best friend and they turn your world upside-down because of it.
 
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