Wife wants me to see a Psychiatrists?

[Eclectic]

There are many threads on ADISC like yours, unfortunately. Searching some of them out might help. A lot of us guys, and I include myself here, go into our 20's thinking diapers will be a thing of the past. We even get into serious relationships and don't think they will be an issue, until they are.

My advice is similar to what sbmccue said. First, try to take her side for a second to see where she is coming from. Most couples who have been married for a long time (I've been married for 18 years) find out things about their spouse that they don't like or even disgust them. You push past that if you want to stay married for several reasons. #1 No one is perfect and we all have flaws. #2 You are not married to those unlikable parts of your spouse, you are married to the whole person. Couples who stay married push past these things and even try to make light of them with humor.

Without getting into another debate about ABDL being a fetish, a kink, or a personality trait. The fact is that you will have it for life. But, it should not define you or take over your thoughts. A psychiatrist can diagnose you with a fetishistic disorder or other specified paraphilic disorder under the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th Edition). However, only if the "behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning."

Are you wearing diapers and employed? A caring, non-abusive spouse and father? Not a threat to yourself or the safety of others? If all of these apply, then you cannot be diagnosed with a paraphilic mental disorder. There are cases of ABDLs who have been in trouble with the law and a small number of infantilist patients in the primary psychological literature. However, all those cases are people who have either stolen diapers, coerced others, or done something else that clearly broke the law, and got caught. In short, their behavior was completely out of control and significantly impacting others. In your case, you have a wife who thinks wearing diapers is disgusting. The question you need to ask yourself is can you live with that because most likely her assessment will not change much over time. Best of luck.

Note: Psychiatrists have an M.D., diagnose mental conditions, and disperse medications. Psychologists may or may not have a Ph.D. and specialize in individual and/or group behavioral therapy. They often work together.

 

[neophyte]

Sooooo I got caught by my wife who hates diapers and she is demanding that I see psychiatrist for my “mental illness”. She says something is seriously mentally wrong with me. She can’t understand why a grown man wants to wear diapers. She said she is disgusted and repulsed by it. She said she loves me but if I can’t stop then she will leave me. It’s a hard sport because we have two small children together and just bought a new house. So if I go see a psychiatrist what will happen. I’ve never been to one. Will it help me out of make it worse. At this point I’m lost at what to do. I truly wish I could stop wanting to wear and move on. I keep telling my self I can then I start thinking about all the time I have failed at it and gave in. But at the same time I was a complete idiot of not bringing this up before we got married. I was young and dumb. And she reminds me of that because she says she didn’t sign up for this. Sorry about the rant but I just need to know what to expect from a psychiatrist. Thanks y’all.

I hope you see this.

My story is EXACTLY like yours.

I’m a regular guy, family man with kids, wife, full time job, house, married 7 years and we’ve been besties for 17 years.

So 5 years into marriage I discover ABDL and I get hooked.

After two years of diapers i open up to my wife and she flips, she has never insulted me but with diapers she called me a freak and many other nasty things. She lost it. She said I should have told her before we got married (even though i wasn’t ABDL aware at that point). My wife literally said “she didn’t sign up for this”

Long story short I did set myself up with a psychologist, I had two 90 minute sessions.

My psychologist made me feel comfortable and accepting of my ABDL, a topic he was aware of.

If your wife thinks any dr or psychologist or psychiatrist will “fix” you... she is wrong.

We are doing nothing wrong.

If you want to stop your obsession with diapers then they will help you; if you’re happy with diapers then they will enforce your wearing diapers.

Please Message me if you want to talk more and get an idea of what they may say or ask. I’ve been through it and can offer some of my experiences over the past two years of problems. Sadly my marriage has ended as a result and I tried everything to save it.

Bottom line is our wives are disgusted by diapers and the thought of their man wearing a diaper.

 

[CrazySmoker]

Visit a shrinks or not, it'll not change you IMHO I think that woman doesn't love you enough.

 

[Abdlforfun]

Look I didn’t even read all of the responses but do yourself a favor do not listen to your wife you do not need to see a psychologist. If she cannot except this part about you then leave her you’ll be much happier

 

[Abdlforfun]

If your wife doesn’t except you for who you are leave her I am sort of going through the same thing and I have decided that I don’t need to see a therapist I’m happy with who I am and if my wife doesn’t like it it’s too bad I’m happy to get divorced

 

[DianaDiagonal]

So sorry to read your story. Even though DL/ABDL might be something within you from early age, it's possible not rediscovered again before you are in your 30's.

I had a urge to wear diapers from age 6-8, but didn't dear to do anything about it before I was 23. Bought 3 packs and after they were used I felt the shame and guilt ect. and I stoped again after that.

Fast forward 12 years the urge came back so intense that it felt like I was about to explode. Sure I felt it here and there during that time, but it usually went over quickly. By the time I was 35 I had allready got married, with 2 children, house, cars and my own business. I did not tell my wife before we got married because diapers was not a huge part of me at that time. I did not think or know that the urge would come back, and I did not browse the Internett for more information about it either.

So yes, there are situations where getting married without discussing the topic before doing so is most possible!

However I would understand the "I did not sign up for this" response and be relieved to know that divorceing someone who doesn't love me might be the best thing that ever happend to me.

However. Even though I told my wife my story about diapers from when I was a kid, she still sticks around. Diapers are a huge turnoff for her, and when I got urge IC it did not make it easyer. She only demands to keep it discret when she is around, and that is the least I can do.

My point is:

1) I don't think she fully understod the "for better or worse" part..

2) Beeing married also involve not running away if your partner is into a fetish/kink. Just a quick FYI..

3) She might not know enough about the ABDL/DL community or fully understand your story. I guess you have told her everything from the beginning?

4) Going to a psychiatrists will not cure you or her issue with you. You will need to talk to her directly, and figure out what compremises you both can live with.

5) Respect each others wishes.

 

[Kymi]

What an ignorant way to look at it. What makes you think he doesn't take fatherhood seriously? What makes you think the mother would have the most or all custody? What a narrow and simple minded way of looking at things. You really projected your insecurities in that post.

Oh? What am I insecure about?

 

[RainbowFairy]

Sooooo I got caught by my wife who hates diapers and she is demanding that I see psychiatrist for my “mental illness”. She says something is seriously mentally wrong with me. She can’t understand why a grown man wants to wear diapers. She said she is disgusted and repulsed by it. She said she loves me but if I can’t stop then she will leave me. It’s a hard sport because we have two small children together and just bought a new house. So if I go see a psychiatrist what will happen. I’ve never been to one. Will it help me out of make it worse. At this point I’m lost at what to do. I truly wish I could stop wanting to wear and move on. I keep telling my self I can then I start thinking about all the time I have failed at it and gave in. But at the same time I was a complete idiot of not bringing this up before we got married. I was young and dumb. And she reminds me of that because she says she didn’t sign up for this. Sorry about the rant but I just need to know what to expect from a psychiatrist. Thanks y’all.

What do you want @Seth17? Perhaps instead of going to see a psychiatrist on your own it could be worth you and your wife having a chat with a counsellor first. I only suggest this because from your post, it kind of seems that you are both pretty normal people but have opposing views when it comes to wearing nappies/diapers (I'm British so it's nappies this side of the pond). Maybe it is worth trying to understand each others views first and see if there is any middle ground.

 

[mayhem]

Oh? What am I insecure about?

You display a clear discomfort for men. That probably stems from daddy issues. I could go through your posts and evaluate you but you're going to have to pay me for something like that. My time is not free. You have made a fool of yourself with your assumptions and accusations. Your mentality is all that is wrong with the world. You blindly believe things to be one way without the slightest modicum of questioning or looking at a different view point. You come to a conclusion with no evidence and cast a hatred based judgement (refer to my first sentence). Again, if you want me to tell you more about yourself and insecurities, you will have to pay for my time.

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

When I see these things happen to people it makes me wonder about the wedding vows. You know, "for better or worse", that one.
So when she says, "I didn't sign up for this", well, you most certainly did.

I wonder. "For better or for worse" is best reserved for events which arise during the marriage, not really the undisclosed things beforehand. This is the kind of thing which can be equivalated to a spouse confiding to their mate after the wedding day that they have a $75,000 college debt they 'forgot to mention'...oopsie!

Guess what? Saddled, regardless of non-disclosure. I've seen it with my own eyes.

I told my ex shortly after we engaged that I loved wearing diapers...I was not AB then. I knew this was going to be pivotal and could throw the engagement off. Her reaction: to her, it was "odd but okay, there are worse out there", with the further asking that I not expect her to change my diaper. Fair 'nuff.

Disclosure before a commitment like that is everything. My question here is innocuous, no malice intended: looking back, @Seth17 , do you feel not telling your wife about this before marriage made your life feel as though you were living a double-life? I've always been curious about that matter but never had a chance to ask anyone about it until now. I do hope there's some sort of common ground formed here.

 

[Hockeyczar]

It is a difficult situation and in my opinion, if you love your wife, kids and family you need to do what ever it takes to make it work. And if you plan to fight this battle and it will be a battle, you will need to tell your wife all of the above and that you will also need her help to make it work.
Again, this is just my opinion, sorry if I offended anyone.

 

[Swollover88]

Your wife is being awful. But, did you guys forget he said he knew he was an ABDL before the marriage? So, yeah, he should have told her before marriage. But still, no one should make you feel bad about it.

It sounds to me like you should go to a psychiatrist because your wife asked you, then, if they refer you to a sexual/marriage psychologist, see them together, and then hopefully your wife realizes she's wrong and needs to let you wear diapers and be an AB, or, the other thing will happen, and what sounds to me like what should happen: your wife will leave you and you will be rid of a bad person in your life, and you will get some kind of custody of your kids.

 

[Kymi]

and v.v. the woman should tell her fiancé before the marriage. If she hasn't then it's despicable of her.

I agree...

 

[db80]

But OF COURSE the man should tell his wife before the marriage. If he hasn't then it's despicable of him.

and v.v. the woman should tell her fiancé before the marriage. If she hasn't then it's despicable of her.

I agree...

I must admit I regret by now that I had answered at all.
My answer wasn't about whether one should tell their partner or not, but that your post seemed (to me at least) somewhat one-sidedly hostile towards men.
I totally agree with blaincorrous who explained that

[...] there are plenty of people here who are married but didn’t tell their partners, and many of them have perfectly good reasons.

 

[littlemoosey]

You were very foolish to not discuss this before you married her and had kids.
You essentially got into a very serious relationship with her without ever disclosing a big part of yourself.
Now you're in a tough situation.
First, you need to find a psychiatrist that is kink-aware, and won't have knee-jerk reactions to finding out about AB/DL. Google "kink aware professionals".
Second, you need to convince the psych to see both of you at once, so she can hash out her feelings with the psych present. She has at least as much to work out as you do.
Third, you need to convince her to go with you to the psych.
Finally, you need to do your research, so that when she inevitably says totally incorrect things about AB/DL you can cite the facts and gently show her that its not the terrible thing she thinks it is.

If she's not willing to go with you to therapy, and insists you go alone, get "fixed" or go away... then I don't think your relationship with her will last.
She needs to be willing to come to terms with your AB/DL status, and a psych can help her do that.
You will have to eat some humble pie for not telling her this before you married her and had kids with her.
But... its potentially savable.

If on the other hand, she refuses to go to therapy with you, and demands you either live in denial about an important part of your self, or you get divorced... I hate to say it, but divorce is probably healthier. Being with someone who doesn't accept you for who you are is terrible for you in the long term.

You nailed it.

 

[littlemoosey]

Has Seth responded at all here since his original post? Did I miss it, I just looked all the way through... but then again my eye sight is not what it used to be. I hope they figured this out.

 

[WetDiapers247]

100% this ^^
It’s exactly what happened to me, I went through all life’s normal adult stuff without so much of a thought of nappies until I hit stress in my 30s. Then bam, I discovered nappies, and it wasn’t until five years after my initial discovery that I remembered it’s something I first tried when I was 7.

I just started wearing in my 30s, but have been obsessed with them for as long as I can remember... when it really took its hold around puberty, I'd love to read ABDL stories. When I got into my 20s, I tried to fashion makeshift diapers to no avail. They were comical-looking lol

Now, I'm glad that I've fully embraced it! It doesn't hurt anybody and it's not illegal... not a bad obsession to have at all!

 

[NabePup]

If you're well adjusted and your abdl side fits into your life healthily. As long as this side of you isn't getting in the way of you being able to live a healthy fulfilling productive life and isn't harming anyone, then there is nothing wrong and your wife is just having a knee jerk reaction to something she's not use to and doesn't understand which is making her uncomfortable.

Hopefully, if the psychiatrist is worth their salt, at the very least they'll recognize this and offer support and encouragement to help reduce the stress and anxiety caused by this situation. And if this is the case, then try to use it as an opportunity to help educate your wife and make her more understanding and tolerant of the situation which is the actual problem. Ask her to join you for your sessions and see if you, with the help of a paid professional, can help her be more understanding of the situation.

 

[theancientmariner]

If she actually lived you she would try to understand instead of labeling you and telling you to get help. She doesn’t love you. She loves the idea of what she wants you to be. You’re better off without her.

I agree with everything you said except the last sentence. She can't just throw an ultimatum at him. That's not fair on any level. This man supports his family and if this grown up wants to wear his diapers, by God I say let him do it. He needs support, not this whole "see a psychiatrist" shit.

 

[Rearzlover]

I didn’t become a DL until after I was married. There’s never been much to our sex life, because of some physical problems she has. Before we met, I was a highly sexual person, and she has bad knees, hip & a ruptured diaphragm from a prior surgery. So if I get on top she can’t breath. If she gets on top, it hurts her knees and hip, so we just do the mutual vibrator about once a month. I’m 59, so it doesn’t really work as good as it use to. That’s when I turned to diapers. She doesn’t like it, but I keep it to myself and don’t involve her. We truck along the marriage road this way and get along ok.