Wife wants me to see a Psychiatrists?

mayhem

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What about his children? Is he better off without them too?
The OP firstly needs to take care of hisself before he can take care of anyone else. If he is unhappy it will eventually reflect on all that he does. So the answer to your question is: yes.
 

Kaich

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The OP firstly needs to take care of hisself before he can take care of anyone else. If he is unhappy it will eventually reflect on all that he does. So the answer to your question is: yes.
Well from what you say the children are better off without him.
Maybe his wife will find a man who takes fatherhood more seriously.
 

Moo

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Sooooo I got caught by my wife who hates diapers and she is demanding that I see psychiatrist for my “mental illness”. She says something is seriously mentally wrong with me. She can’t understand why a grown man wants to wear diapers. She said she is disgusted and repulsed by it. She said she loves me but if I can’t stop then she will leave me. It’s a hard sport because we have two small children together and just bought a new house. So if I go see a psychiatrist what will happen. I’ve never been to one. Will it help me out of make it worse. At this point I’m lost at what to do. I truly wish I could stop wanting to wear and move on. I keep telling my self I can then I start thinking about all the time I have failed at it and gave in. But at the same time I was a complete idiot of not bringing this up before we got married. I was young and dumb. And she reminds me of that because she says she didn’t sign up for this. Sorry about the rant but I just need to know what to expect from a psychiatrist. Thanks y’all.
You were very foolish to not discuss this before you married her and had kids.
You essentially got into a very serious relationship with her without ever disclosing a big part of yourself.
Now you're in a tough situation.
First, you need to find a psychiatrist that is kink-aware, and won't have knee-jerk reactions to finding out about AB/DL. Google "kink aware professionals".
Second, you need to convince the psych to see both of you at once, so she can hash out her feelings with the psych present. She has at least as much to work out as you do.
Third, you need to convince her to go with you to the psych.
Finally, you need to do your research, so that when she inevitably says totally incorrect things about AB/DL you can cite the facts and gently show her that its not the terrible thing she thinks it is.

If she's not willing to go with you to therapy, and insists you go alone, get "fixed" or go away... then I don't think your relationship with her will last.
She needs to be willing to come to terms with your AB/DL status, and a psych can help her do that.
You will have to eat some humble pie for not telling her this before you married her and had kids with her.
But... its potentially savable.

If on the other hand, she refuses to go to therapy with you, and demands you either live in denial about an important part of your self, or you get divorced... I hate to say it, but divorce is probably healthier. Being with someone who doesn't accept you for who you are is terrible for you in the long term.
 

FridgeMagnetFish

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Jeez give the guy a break.

From previous posts it suggests they were quite young when they got married, he told her 10 years ago, and she’s put him through mental torture ever since by the sound of it. She most likely knew about his interests when they decided to have a family, and now she’s tying to convince him he has a mental illness, gaslighting much? Are we just going to gloss over that?
 

LainIsLain

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10 years is a long time to have this hanging in the air. Enough time for things to become toxic. The opinion of the potential end of the marriage is harsh but prudent. The longer this remains unresolved the more toxic it can become. Resolution good or bad is preferred to a relationship of an ambiguous nature especially if children are involved.

I hope the decision you make gives you strength. I hope you end up with self love rather than self hate and repression.
 

mayhem

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Well from what you say the children are better off without him.
Maybe his wife will find a man who takes fatherhood more seriously.

What an ignorant way to look at it. What makes you think he doesn't take fatherhood seriously? What makes you think the mother would have the most or all custody? What a narrow and simple minded way of looking at things. You really projected your insecurities in that post.
 
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LainIsLain

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When I see these things happen to people it makes me wonder about the wedding vows. You know, "for better or worse", that one.
So when she says, "I didn't sign up for this", well, you most certainly did.
I'll add that having just recently allowed myself to explore ABDL eventhough I knew something was there around the age about 12. I could just have easily gotten married and had kids. Then one day a life event comes along and all of a sudden your in diapers cuz it makes you feel better. I wonder how common this scenario is.
 

FridgeMagnetFish

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I'll add that having just recently allowed myself to explore ABDL eventhough I knew something was there around the age about 12. I could just have easily gotten married and had kids. Then one day a life event comes along and all of a sudden your in diapers cuz it makes you feel better. I wonder how common this scenario is.
100% this ^^
It’s exactly what happened to me, I went through all life’s normal adult stuff without so much of a thought of nappies until I hit stress in my 30s. Then bam, I discovered nappies, and it wasn’t until five years after my initial discovery that I remembered it’s something I first tried when I was 7.
 
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Subtlerustle

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Jeez give the guy a break.

From previous posts it suggests they were quite young when they got married, he told her 10 years ago, and she’s put him through mental torture ever since by the sound of it. She most likely knew about his interests when they decided to have a family, and now she’s tying to convince him he has a mental illness, gaslighting much? Are we just going to gloss over that?
Spot on. If a spouse tells you have a mental illness then threatens to leave you unless you get fixed how does that reconcile with the “sickness and in health” vow?
The genie is out of the bottle. The OP is a DL. If he stops wearing he is still a DL (probably unhappy as well) and the genie is still out of the bottle. How does the spouse know this and go from being repulsed to back in a state of bliss without doing some work on herself? Two kids, marriage and a new house is a heck of a lot at stake. I feel terrible for him but he cannot fix this alone.
 

Mal8

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Sooooo I got caught by my wife who hates diapers and she is demanding that I see psychiatrist for my “mental illness”. She says something is seriously mentally wrong with me. She can’t understand why a grown man wants to wear diapers. She said she is disgusted and repulsed by it. She said she loves me but if I can’t stop then she will leave me. It’s a hard sport because we have two small children together and just bought a new house. So if I go see a psychiatrist what will happen. I’ve never been to one. Will it help me out of make it worse. At this point I’m lost at what to do. I truly wish I could stop wanting to wear and move on. I keep telling my self I can then I start thinking about all the time I have failed at it and gave in. But at the same time I was a complete idiot of not bringing this up before we got married. I was young and dumb. And she reminds me of that because she says she didn’t sign up for this. Sorry about the rant but I just need to know what to expect from a psychiatrist. Thanks y’all.
Firstly, don’t panic. This will work out for the best one way or another. None of us wants to get caught having to explain ourselves unprepared. I’m sure you love your kids and that they love you too. Marriage has ups and downs and doesn’t always work out. It’s a waste of energy to debate whether you should have told her before marriage. Does every couple list all their sexual likes and dislikes before marriage in case the other party finds something unpleasant - of course not. ABDL doesn’t define all of who you are. Marriage is based on way more than this and itself is a highly imperfect thing. And you haven’t been unfaithful or assaulted anyone, or done anything illegal. I have friends who have been addicted to drugs or alcohol who didn’t tell their partners before marriage and ABDL is way less serious than those. Hell I didn’t even know what gender I was when I got married but I got married for love. And I’ve never told my wife and I am very confident that she doesn’t, and wouldn’t want, to know. Bear in mind that your wife may have her own unspoken reasons for wanting a separation and might love an excuse to blame you.

Also, I have to repeat what someone said earlier - a psychiatrist is not the right person to see. You need to see a qualified psychologist specialising in sex therapy/marriage counselling. You need to see them together as a couple to make any progress and a court will expect this to have been done before any separation or divorce proceedings anyway, at least where I live anyway. Your wife has serious issues to deal with in her own views as well. The priority for both of you should be what’s best for your kids. If you can amicably resolve this with your wife that would be best all round even if it’s just until the kids are old enough to leave home. If you can’t resolve the issues amicably you’ll have no choice but to separate and although that would be very painful it’ll ultimately lead to a happier life for all and new opportunities. At a counselling session you’ll both get to openly discuss the issues and clarify many misunderstandings with someone to referee the discussion. If one party refuses to engage in this the courts would take a dim view of that in any court proceedings. It’s stressful and expensive as a process but the best thing you can do is own it and be honest now that it’s out there. Don’t try to pretend you can give it up for her as that’ll never work. That would be my approach if I get caught out except I’d have to discuss
my gender dysphoria as well. If your wife truly loves you she will accept this part of you even if she doesn’t want to participate. If she doesn’t accept it then she is already lost to you and you will be happier finding someone else in the long run. For those of us still in the closet and coping, I see no need to rock the boat by outing ourselves especially when providing a safe, stable and loving home for our children is the main priority.
 

sbmccue

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If your wife truly loves you she will accept this part of you even if she doesn’t want to participate. If she doesn’t accept it then she is already lost to you and you will be happier finding someone else in the long run. For those of us still in the closet and coping, I see no need to rock the boat by outing ourselves especially when providing a safe, stable and loving home for our children is the main priority.
As I've said many times in other threads, many women have a very pragmatic view of diapers. Childhood and adolescence have conditioned them to believe that diapers are only for infants and small children, and the notion of an otherwise healthy adult wearing diapers is something of an affront. In the OP's particular case, the notion of him wearing diapers without a medical necessity is apparently a major affront. We can try all we like, but changing that decades-old conditioning is probably impossible.

The idea that a truly loving spouse has to accept her diaper-attracted mate is just plain wrong. She doesn't have to do anything of the sort. Since the OP hid his diaper predilection from her for some time before confessing, she would probably say she didn't sign on for this sort of thing. There's no 'love requirement' in wedding vows or in marriage that applies here ... this is tantamount to having your spouse tell you he or she is going to change genders, then reminding you that you promised to love, honor and cherish.

The road to psychotherapy is paved with good intentions, and - for ABs, anyway - it seldom ends well. My guess is that the OP's wife will refuse to accompany him, saying that the diapers are a problem that is exclusively his. Even if she did go, the odds are very good that the professional will side with her or that she will refuse to accept the professional's guidance that her husband's interest in diapers is harmless recreation.

Providing a safe, stable and loving home for the children is the main priority, but the OP might begin to think about what happens if wifey doesn't want that. She wants a normal relationship, apparently believes those still exist and won't accept anything else. In the final analysis, there's no 'safe haven' for the OP at home, which is a genuinely awful situation to find oneself in.
 

Mal8

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Providing a safe, stable and loving home for the children is the main priority, but the OP might begin to think about what happens if wifey doesn't want that.
I agree with you but I may not have been clear, the safe stable home I refer to may equally mean separation. All good parents want a safe and stable home for their children. It doesn’t mean the often dysfunctional institution of marriage has to continue for that to be the case. There is no circumstance in which I would use marriage vows as an argument to stop my spouse leaving if they weren’t happy.
 

blaincorrous

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But OF COURSE the man should tell his wife before the marriage. If he hasn't then it's despicable of him.
You’re trolling again. You know there are plenty of people here who are married but didn’t tell their partners, and many of them have perfectly good reasons. And now you’re throwing this absolutist garbage around to get reactions. I respectfully suggest you knock that shit off.
 

LainIsLain

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Although not directly related to OP I'll say that from the child's prospective an unhappy marriage or ambiguous relationship between parents is something that will effect them both now and when they develop their own relationships. I know now that my parents both had deep unresolved attachment issues. This strained the marriage in so many ways. One behavior was to keep their fighting behind closed doors and never addressing to me or my sister any kind of resolution for what they were fighting about. Their issues became my issues later in life. Again not totally related to OP post but in my case I think a mutual agreement that the marriage wasn't working would have saved our family a lot of heart ache and struggle rather than to watch everything implode after 20 years of just tolerating each other.

Also depending on how "hard headed" the wife will be about the diaper issue, it will be a difficult thing to overcome. Having to change your mind around something held so close to the heart would be extremely painful. To admit to being closed minded and accepting forgiveness is one of the most difficult things I've had to do in my life.

For the kids sake I hope they work it out, but the damage of the unresolved issue in denying a fundamental part of your self could be a worse out come for everyone involved.

I would have a completely different view of my parents if they were strong but separate individuals rather than the scared and anxiety ridden people they turned out to be.


Edit: BTW I don't mean the children should know about the diaper wearing. Sorry if I didn't make that clear.
 
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Peesalot

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I'll add that having just recently allowed myself to explore ABDL even though I knew something was there around the age about 12. I could just have easily gotten married and had kids. Then one day a life event comes along and all of a sudden your in diapers cuz it makes you feel better. I wonder how common this scenario is.
I was 71 years old and we had been married 33 years when I discovered diapers and how much I enjoy wearing them. I was 74 when I discovered how much I enjoyed wearing lingerie. Not everything is hidden from the outset. Some things trigger something in us and the results are often unexpected. Thank God my wife loves me unconditionally. Although she doesn't support it all, she does accept it all and has never said anything bad about what I wear.
 

BBchat

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I suggest that you negotiate. Agree to see the shrink in exchange for her reading a book of your choosing that explains abdl. She is probably under shock and her initial reaction may evolve.


Also, fully concur with Moo's comments above. You probably owe her some apologies for keeping it from her, and acknowledgement for the situation you put her in.
 

FridgeMagnetFish

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It’s a much more complex picture than a simple consent Vs non consent at the outset of a relationship or marriage. As we have discussed often these desires develop over time where he or she may not even have been aware of them at the time their relationship gets serious. I disagree it’s tantamount to changing genders, gender dysphoria, or even just deceit.

This interest is usually revealed when we’re at our most vulnerable and belies a much more basal need for love and support. But, instead, it is at this time when we’re kicked in the teeth, and made to feel unworthy of our partners, like they were tricked... It’s absolutely heart wrenching. In practicality every account I’ve read, they’re just asking for acceptance and an environment where they’re not made to feel shame, nothing more.

Regardless of all there is much more significant issue I want to raise again. He is being accused of having a mental illness by his spouse and given an ultimatum. This is psychologically abuse, he shouldn’t be expected to tolerate this just because he’s a man.

All that said, she does sound like a nut job and probably best all round to take the kids and start a new life before she can inflict any more psychologically trauma. /s
 
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