Wife HATES my fetish

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Babyjames5

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When my wife and I started dating she had no issues participating in my fetish. In fact, she's worn diapers many times. As well, she would change me without any complaint and was at one time going to indulge me even more by writing an ABDL story.

Since our daughter was born three years ago, she wanted me to quit this lifestyle all together. I attempted this and failed miserably multiple times. At one point, much to her dismay, I was wearing and using diapers all the time.

I have since calmed my urges but can not, or rather will not, give up my lifestyle. It was actually the hardest thing I ever tried to do. However I do see her point and I don't want our marriage to be ruined by this. I was wondering if anybody has any advice? As it currently stands, I was going to ask her if she could let me know what her boundaries were when it comes to me wearing, but I don't know if that's a good idea.
 

blackwaltz

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you poor wonderful person i feel for you ive never found anyone like that why is she against it now? seems odd she knew you liked it so why judge maybe just wear them when alone all the time would be a little to much if its not her thing or try when yourself or she is away or try come to a compromise i wish you all the best
 

Babyjames5

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I pushed her too far and that's why she began to resent them. I was wearing them too much, expecting her to care for me, and she actually thought I liked them more than her at one point. As well, she began to become disgusted by them. Even still she married me a year ago knowing full well my lifestyle. I think she thought I would stop. Now I need to do something before my marriage goes down the toilet. I honestly can wear them when she is not around and I will if that is the only other option. I miss what we had, and I don't believe that will ever be an option again. I appreciate the advice and sympathy blackwaltz.
 

MysticalMelody

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I hope you can patch things up! Kids change a lot of things in life, and like you said, your intense interest helped spark these events. I don't mean that in a mean way (I am easily addicted to anything/everything I enjoy, much to my boyfriends dismay!)

I would start by opening up with her about how you feel. Tell her that you don't think the diapers are more important than her, but that it is impossible for you to give them up. Any healthy relationship is about give and take, and the way I see it, the least you could compromise with is wearing when she isn't around, or at set times away from one another. If on better circumstances, perhaps you can chalk it up to a little around her, but not forceful, ie. a diaper under your street clothes/pajamas at home.

I am not in your situation, and I am not you :). But I do know from dating my boyfriend for 7+ years, communication is key, even if we don't agree at all and completely butt heads on a given topic.
 

KimbaFoxNatsume

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I think the three most important things here are 1) open communication 2) compromise and 3) her understanding that your urges are not going to go away.

It's probably going to sting, but you have to talk to her about this. Choose a quiet, relaxed moment to bring it up. Apologize to her for being too pushy with your desires in the past. Explain that you are willing to compromise, perhaps by wearing only when she's not at home or only on certain days. But make sure she understands that this isn't something you can put in the closet and forget about. It's a part of who you are, and trying to repress it to a non-existent level is not realistic or healthful. It's a harmless habit that makes you happy.
 

PearlPinkFloydJam

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All you really can do is try calming your urges like you have been. Maybe try finding something else that you can both enjoy?

She may have just gotten tired of wearing and participating after your daughter was born because of diaper overload. Seeing diapers all of the time on a child and changing them is too much in itself. After all of that, who really wants to look at or see them anymore? Sometimes people try to wear themselves out on this fetish by wearing and using diapers 24/7 for a week or more. Feeling uncomfortable, adjusting schedules for changes, and the fear of being caught are often enough for people to start disliking the fetish. However, it can backfire like anything else.

I've come to the conclusion that no one can really give up on this lifestyle. There'll be purge cycles and you'll do everything you can to take your mind off of it, but it will never disappear.

Hang in there! I couldn't imagine a divorce coming up because of this unless you became violent or she was very shallow. Neither sound like it is an issue in this case.
 

whiskeybravo

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well, gee welcome to club of people that have a wife that doesn't like diapers. :) I have noticed a few things that help in my marriage. One is kind of keeping the issue "out of sight, out of mind" So, my stuff is never out, we more or less never talk about it, because my wife hates it. And I try to limit my wearing when she is not around. However, that does risk your partner starting to think that you wear EVERY time they are not around, and that's kind of an unhealthy assumption. Also, lately we have been spending the money to see a "Psycho-therapist" And he seems to help our marriage a little bit. (I'm not sure how she's going to handle the case of dry 24/7s I just got :)) Anyway, those are things that seem to help my wife, even a little. but, YMMV.
 

dogboy

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All very good advise from above. The only thing I can add is that I suspect her attitude toward you wearing diapers changed once you had a child. Some people make that association between us and babies and our part of it as very unhealthy. Having a baby now may be re-enforcing feelings of association. She's thinking, you are not a baby, but now the father of a baby. She wants you to be that father, and most people's idea of a father figure is one of strength. Wearing a diaper contradicts that impression. It's important to realize that the idealized stereotype of fatherhood is well ingrained in our society.

I think the best scenario for you is wearing diapers when she's not around.
 

bashfuldlguy

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Hey, Babyjames5,

In order to indulge my DL-side, I enjoy it when I'm camping/fishing/hiking with my buddies.
They have no idea as to what I'm up to, and hiding my diapers from them is a lot of fun. Also, my diapers are very convenient when it's 35 degrees outside. I just 'let 'er rip' right in my sleeping bag without even having to get-out of it. Umm, warm! Then, I roll-over and continue sleeping.
The only thing complicated is when I dispose of soaked diapers. Trash bags take care of it, and dumpsters are nearby. The bag gets kinda heavy, (I use dry 24/7s and plastic pants) as I go through three of them per night.

As I don't currently have a GF, I can (and do) wear to bed almost every night.
I can't even imagine having to tell my wife/GF about this whimsical side of me. It must have been sensational when your wife was more accepting of your 'little secret.'

I think dogboy has it right. Find a place or activity where she's not around........
And, of course, don't let her see your 'stash.' Put it in a place she doesn't see.
Good luck to you, friend. There's no way I'd sacrifice a marriage for this.........and I hope it doesn't happen to you.

Happy camping......
 
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Babyjames5

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Thank you everybody for the great advice. I'll definitely have to talk to her about it and set boundaries. Wish me luck!
 

xtrabulk

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Being vegetarian is a lifestyle. Being ABDL is not...imho. I mentor lgbq folks, and my eyes have been opened. If it were a lifestyle, many of us would have ditched it by now. But, although we may not have been born this way, we were imprinted somehow. And, although I speak for exactly 1 member, I believe this identity can no more be forsaken than being gay, bi, trans, cis, etc. I agree you need boundries, but please consider your enhanced dna before you try to supress such a vital part of yourself. Good luck, and it sounds like you have a pretty cool mate! hashtagenvy!
 

MetalMann

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For her to participate, and then do a total 360 on you and all of a sudden change everything is not fair. I'm Sure having a kid was a big part of it. Maybe she thought you were going to "grow up." She knows this about you. I don't know how much you've actually talked to her about the fetish. She still seems not to totally understand what's going on here.

She also has no one to talk about this but you. I'm pretty sure you only explained a little bit about this fetish. Maybe she needs some others to talk to her.

She needs to know that we are a responsible adult when life calls for the need. Wearing diapers before and wearing diapers after having a child does not change who you are, and it goes both ways.

Talk to her and all her why she didn't tolerate it. Then work on it and make boundaries that you BOTH can go by.
 

Ladyfur

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I don't have children, but lots of my friends do, and a very consistent theme is mommy burn out. When we go out for drinks and they say, "it's so wonderful to have an adult conversation again!" So very often. Perhaps being a real child's caretaker and yours is just too much for her right now. You are her mate and main adult in her life and she's probably looking to you for the adult conversation and interaction and is getting even more kid stuff.

I'd really sit down with her and work out a compromise. One of the other guys here sort of made a contract with his wife outlining exactly what he wants, I thought that was a great idea. You might offer an exchange like looking after the kid for the night so she can get out with her friends for a little of her caretaker time, or a night of fine dining or something adult she really enjoys.

The important part is complete openness and communication about what the two of you really need. Also that she is the love of your life, and that your family is very important to you, but you really like diapers and are a calmer happier person when you get to periodically indulge.
 
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Lozza1979

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If you cant even stop wearing nappies for your own marriage and/or kids, then I'm sorry but I have no respect for you.I hope things work out okay between you.
 

Babyjames5

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If you cant even stop wearing nappies for your own marriage and/or kids, then I'm sorry but I have no respect for you.I hope things work out okay between you.

I'm sorry you feel this way. It was something I struggled with for a few years and I kept telling myself I could do it, but when you work at one of the largest diaper retailers (amazon). It's very difficult to get it off your mind.

As for everyone else, thank you for the continued great advice. I truthfully appreciate it. And, I will post to let everyone know how it went.
 

Calico

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If you cant even stop wearing nappies for your own marriage and/or kids, then I'm sorry but I have no respect for you.I hope things work out okay between you.

Wow harsh. I wonder if you will be able to stop wearing yours. Also imagine if your own girlfriend/wife did the 180 on you.
 
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KimbaFoxNatsume

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If you cant even stop wearing nappies for your own marriage and/or kids, then I'm sorry but I have no respect for you.I hope things work out okay between you.
I'll bet there's things the OP's wife does that he would prefer she didn't, but that's sort of how marriage works - it's about compromise and making sure each spouse is happy. Diapers make Babyjames5 happy, so why shouldn't he be able to enjoy them in moderation? They're not harmful to him, his wife, or his child. If the op's wife cannot allow him to occasionally enjoy what he likes, I think that would be selfishness on her part. After all, she knew what she was getting into when she married him, and it's not like the diapers were a surprise out of the blue.
 

mightyme

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I think in a relationship communication is key, sounds cringy but its true. See if you can meet each other in the middle. Maybe do it privately? I don't know. But talk to her, something has to come around then :)
 

EPO1

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When my wife and I started dating she had no issues participating in my fetish. In fact, she's worn diapers many times. As well, she would change me without any complaint and was at one time going to indulge me even more by writing an ABDL story.

Since our daughter was born three years ago, she wanted me to quit this lifestyle all together. I attempted this and failed miserably multiple times. At one point, much to her dismay, I was wearing and using diapers all the time.

I have since calmed my urges but can not, or rather will not, give up my lifestyle. It was actually the hardest thing I ever tried to do. However I do see her point and I don't want our marriage to be ruined by this. I was wondering if anybody has any advice? As it currently stands, I was going to ask her if she could let me know what her boundaries were when it comes to me wearing, but I don't know if that's a good idea.


The best advice I can honestly give you is this:

Seek an active DIALOG with your wife.
Sit down, comfortably, and have a long talk .- have many long talks.

I guess in all long lasting relationships there will always be the one or the other compromise to be made.
Whilst you certainly should not give up your ABDL stuff, moderation is most likely a key point.

I don't have children - but I guess it is a lot of stuff to deal with on its own, as wonderful as it may be... and I guess there was some sort of schism when you opted to full heartedly indulge and your wife was probably having enough to to with one kid. (including diapers).
So I guess at that point she wanted you as a "man" not as an "Adult Baby" and I guess thus she lacked the indulgence she previously had and some stuff must have pushed the issue over the top.

I'd say it is about time to find out what it was, what went wrong and what to do to salvage what is left.
I guess it is also time to - as you say - find her boundaries.

But far more than finding her boundaries, I would suggest finding out if there is anything SHE would WANT / NEED...
The ABDL stuff is YOUR thing and your wife indulged (including wearing diapers) FOR YOU... which is great.
But at least from the few words you have divulged so far about your story, I can not tell if you have done similar things FOR HER...
that kind of "Balance" is of an utmost importance in a functioning relationship. If there is no equilibrium in those matters, the one sided part will start to "tip over", weigh too much, become a burden, become bothersome...
I'm not limiting this to sexual stuff, it can be sexual - but is certainly not limited to it.

The key, as used as this may sound: is communication - keep an "open line" between the two of you. Show that your relationship is IMPORTANT ...

I'd say it should not be about where your boundaries in relation to wearing diapers are defined or should be defined - but it is more about trying to work out what the underlying issue is and then decide what to do about it.

- - - Updated - - -

If you cant even stop wearing nappies for your own marriage and/or kids, then I'm sorry but I have no respect for you.I hope things work out okay between you.

To one part I am inclined to agree - but not to the full extend.
Personally I believe that once in a while anyone has to choose - has to decide between a few things. Sometimes we can not have "everything".
And yes, if it would boil down to decide whether it would be enjoying the nappies or keeping the marriage / kid etc... I'd have to say it would be a decision that should focus on your responsibilities as a father, and your obligations to your family.

Yet, I can not see such an issue as a plain black and white problem - and I think a scenario of choosing between trying to give up a fetish and your family, especially if you are not hurting anyone and not involving anyone else with your fetish but yourself... in this case I believe that in 99% of the cases it all boils down to the ability to communicate as a couple, to be able to moderate, make compromises, try to not become "egoistic" in a relationship and try to create a balance.
I believe indeed, that with this a LOT of relationship-problems can be solved.
And in this I do disagree with you - I don't think that in most cases the choice is diaper or relationship, even though it might sound like it.
 

LovelyLily

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I am in similar situation as the OP. So I understand how you feel. Lots of good advice above, and I am inclined to agree. However, I would like to pinch in with my own experience...

My wife (when we were dating) was perfectly fine with me wearing diapers and all. She even bought me Goodnites when we were just a month together at the time. Eventually, I took her acceptance for granted and I went too far. Far to the point that she slowly turn around aganist to me about this. We had a talk about this few times before. She admits that she was just putting up with me and was hoping I will outgrow soon. We are together for 6 years (married for 2 years). I tried to quit for her many times before and every time it failed. Every time this happens, she always look disappointed with me. Then we came up with a compromise after a good talk about this. Such compromises are I wear diapers when she isn't home (usually when she's at work). I am not allowed to wear diapers in bed or anytime when she's home. She wasn't pleased that I still wear diapers but somehow she somewhat understood that it's too hard for me to let it go and I put up with compromise with her to make her happy and save our marriage. It's not much of a compromise actually but it's better than nothing at all. Everything is good now. I love my wife very much and I do anything and my hardest not to throw my marriage away over diapers.

I hope you guys can be able to compromise over this. Also, talk with your wife (in calm manner, of course) about how much diapers means to you and part of your life. It's not something you can easily get rid of. Offer her that you can wear whenever she isn't home (if it's possible).... it usually works because it's out of her sight. I kept my diapers in my closet in my home office room and out of her sight. If the compromise is successful, then try not to mention too often or bring it up about you wearing diapers... it will be a burden reminder to her of the fact you wear diapers. Bring it up when absolute necessary. That what I did as well. So she wouldn't think too much about it when I don't talk about it. I wish you guys nothing but good luck and smooth this over. =)
 
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