Why tell?

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Snivy

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I have recently noticed a few threads starting about how you are telling your family or your not opening up to family about the AB or DL fantasies since it is 2015.

Just because it is a new year, of course with new years resolutions, does not mean it will be different if you open up to your family. There are some bad things and some good things you need to consider about opening up to family.

Before I continue, friends are different to open up to compared to family, you may lose a friend if they are not trustworthy but a family member will be with you all the time and that's alot of trust your breaking. The bad things about this you need to consider is this.

1: Therapy would be a most obvious answer from a family member if they think your going crazy nibbling on pacifiers or wearing diapers or even trying to squeeze into baby cruisers. Your mom or dad will not like the idea (possibly) so consider being extremely cautious about this one because there are probably some alternate ways besides therapy like grounding with no access to anything up to going to routine conventions.

2: Stress will be a likely cause when you expose yourself. You might tell your mom you are an AB/DL and she has no idea what you are talking about until it's too late and she is freaking out like crazy and questioning her mother methods. She thinks something is wrong with you and lots of feelings can get hurt. You will have stress upon you over this.

3: Last but not least, trust. That's a big bond you build with you and your family. When you do drugs or steal, either parents don't care and trust stays the same or they do care and they lost a huge chunk of it and you have to re-gain that back. While diapers are harmless, they will look at them as in you have a fetish going on as diapers are usually meant for babies or people with IC problems. They will immediately think you have a problem and that you are a different person to them and they will assume the worst.

These things will or will not happen if you expose your AB/DL side to your family. It is a 50/50 chance they will either accept you for who you are or be absolutely mad/furious at you. That is a risk your taking and for what it's worth, unless it's necessary like getting married, moving away, moving out, etc it's not worth telling. Some good things about telling them and they are accepting of you is that they might be willing enough to actually buy you supplies, glad that you are honest with them and you have more breathing room, walk around without absolute guilt about the entire idea but this is a cost/risk your taking and you might not get this option, again 50/50.

For all members on ADISC that make decisions everyday on thinking about telling, please be careful when you make that decision. Is it really worth it telling just to get guilt off of you and risk for something exciting where it might be really good or bad? It's a thing that should not involve our parents or does not even concern our parent's business but if we are either caught or if we expose, this is a high price to pay so be careful everyone.
 
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Tyger

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Lets not forget that not only will they loose trust in you over something that is not a legitimate thing to loose trust over, but you will loose trust in them when they start invading your personal life, your mail, your texts... It's not pretty, I know personally. It can be a beautiful thing when you have somebody who knows and accepts you, but parents are not the most likely to be one of those. Friends are a very good outlet if you are in desperate need to tell somebody, for the most part, people of younger generations are a lot more accepting of weird stuff. The most I have seen out of it on the negative is that my friend just doesn't ever bring up the fact that I wear diapers. On the other spectrum, I have other friends who buy me 'little' stuff for christmas like toys, Land Before time, a Whinny the Pooh bottle holder, and such.

There are certainly reasons for telling people, and it can be a huge relief to be your true self in the eyes of others, but parents have the hardest of times with it because they immediately blame themselves and think they raised you wrong and try to fix it.

Good points Snivy.
 

Trevor

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My only real argument with your post is the 50/50 of the outcome. I think to describe the whole spectrum of possible reactions as simply "acceptance" or "rejection" is simplistic and overly broad. Even accepting that, it would still not be 50/50, since many factors play into acceptance or rejection. This is why the common wisdom here often falls back to a "you know your parents best" position when presented with someone who has some solid reasons for tell but is still undecided.

The real problem is that we're throwing the dice when we tell and we don't actually know the odds. 50/50 would be bad enough telling something awkward to someone who has known you all your life. That it might be 90/10 against but we talk ourselves into believing it's a sure thing is more dangerous. In addition, the immediate reaction is not always the long term one (positive reactions can go negative and vice versa).

It's a complex situation and there are no easy answers. For me, I think lies were the best course at the time. Unable to really accept myself, I couldn't explain it to someone else who was negatively disposed. I think I could do so convincingly now but I don't see the need. It would make a few things easier and some things more awkward but it's private for me and it makes the most sense to keep it with those who find the same joy in it that I do rather than trying to force it on a loved one who isn't involved who would worry and struggle to understand. I'll save that hurdle for a non ABDL partner, should that ever arise.
 

Calico

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Well my parents need to know because we live together and it's hard hiding it. I have to wash them, throw them away and I get them delivered to my house sometimes so it's better if they know than having the anxiety of trying to hide it. but they have known since I was in high school and they found out on their own and it took stress off me because I didn't have to worry about getting caught or if they get seen in the trash but I still put them in plastic bags before throwing them away so my brothers wouldn't see. They weren't nosy so they wouldn't even ask what I had in the bag like my parents would. Them knowing makes it so much easier for me but it doesn't remove the embarrassment or not being open about it. I still didn't want to be seen in one or be caught and didn't want them knowing I was peeing my diaper. I still felt private about it. Now I don't get embarrassed anymore if my parents walk in my room and I am getting changed or have a diaper on with no pants or walking to the basement with the diaper pail in my hand or taking out my used diapers. I don't cross the line to asking to be changed or walking around the house in only a diaper or pooping myself in front of them and being with them in a poopy diaper unless they came in my room or in the room I was in.
 
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The answer to why tell is because the alternative is worse. I don't think it ever makes sense to tell a parent or even a friend just because you like diapers and feel like talking about them. Telling presents a risk every time, and while that risk can vary in how great it is, it doesn't go away.

But sometimes other things are worse. Some people suffer extreme depression because they feel trapped and unable to be themselves. Some people suffer from fear and anxiety caused by having to hide something.

I told because I was receiving a lot of pressure about relationships and it was making me unhappy. Ultimately, I decided that the pressure from my family was making me more unhappy than the fallout would from discussing diapers. So I told my parents. It was a rough few days, and it went considerably less well than I had hoped, but I still think it was right for me to do it.

To sum up, telling people is something that shouldn't be done casually, but when keeping the secret is worse for you than what might happen if you reveal it, that's tge time to tell.
 

Sanch

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People generally tell, or want to tell others about their ABDL desires for one of three simple reasons.

1.) They want a particular person(s) to engage in ABDL activities with them.
2.) They find it difficult to bottle up something which is a key part of their personality.
3.) They feel that by not being open to their loved ones about ABDL, they're being deceitful.

I generally think that discretion is the best route, at least as far as family are involved. That said, I do understand why some people feel they need to tell others. The problem generally comes when ABDLs are so desperate to get this topic off their chest that they don't properly consider the risks of who they're telling, or the manner in which they disclose this side of their life.
 

Tyger

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Well my parents need to know because we live together and it's hard hiding it. I have to wash them, throw them away and I get them delivered to my house sometimes so it's better if they know than having the anxiety of trying to hide it. but they have known since I was in high school and they found out on their own and it took stress off me because I didn't have to worry about getting caught or if they get seen in the trash but I still put them in plastic bags before throwing them away so my brothers wouldn't see. They weren't nosy so they wouldn't even ask what I had in the bag like my parents would. Them knowing makes it so much easier for me but it doesn't remove the embarrassment or not being open about it. I still didn't want to be seen in one or be caught and didn't want them knowing I was peeing my diaper. I still felt private about it. Now I don't get embarrassed anymore if my parents walk in my room and I am getting changed or have a diaper on with no pants or walking to the basement with the diaper pail in my hand or taking out my used diapers. I don't cross the line to asking to be changed or walking around the house in only a diaper or pooping myself in front of them and being with them in a poopy diaper unless they came in my room or in the room I was in.

I told my parents for the same reason, I was living with them, and I couldn't handle the stress of trying to hide it. My dad also knew a little bit from a previous discussion when I used to be trying to quit it. The other reason I wanted them to know, is because my family is all about getting married and having kids, and I wanted them to know why it was hard for me to find the right girl and feel confident about dating. In the end it was all disastrous, but I'm still super happy about telling the other people in my life who I have told. Parents are just a whole different ball game.
 
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I told my parents for the same reason, I was living with them, and I couldn't handle the stress of trying to hide it. My dad also knew a little bit from a previous discussion when I used to be trying to quit it. The other reason I wanted them to know, is because my family is all about getting married and having kids, and I wanted them to know why it was hard for me to find the right girl and feel confident about dating. In the end it was all disastrous, but I'm still super happy about telling the other people in my life who I have told. Parents are just a whole different ball game.

Exactly. Very well put.
 

Snivy

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While it does make it easier and take guilt right off, some have just spit the entire ABDL thing out to their friends (They barely know) or family and they started getting into it rather thank not thinking. It's good to confess to some things but this is somewhat of a secret to keep unless you either want a partner or a caretaker, feel more comfortable without having to sneak around, or just retrieving trust because you absolutely need it. In this case, it's not always 100% your going to get what you want.
 

SleepyTyrant

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Used to be, I had every intention of taking this secret to the grave; but when THIS happened, I was forced to reevaluate my stance on coming out. After the panic settled, I found comfort in the idea of not having to constantly keep things a secret.

I eventually decided on the middle ground; which was to keep it a secret, but not to the point of fear. I merely keep my stuff out of sight and at times, I keep it under lock and key; but I make no additional effort to conceal that I have something to hide...the rest is a matter of privacy as far as I'm concerned.

If my family finds out by violating my privacy, then I can justify telling them. Right now, this is none of their business.
 

ILoveDora

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Yeah... I had to tell.

This is important to me, and I knew my friends wouldn't care. If a "friend" turns on you for saying something about yourself, then they're not really a friend.

And besides, some of my friends are into things which I think are, to be blunt, freaking weird. But they're still my friends.
 

dogboy

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I remember when we had members as young as 13 and having this discussion. I always said, have a good reason for telling a parent. I advised against it unless they were having emotional problems accepting it, especially if it was causing depression, and self harming. Sometimes we need support from someone important in our lives.

Because wearing diapers, assuming they aren't needed for incontinence, is typically fetish related and normally is something we keep to ourselves. There are exceptions to this, but they should be well thought out before revealed.
 

gigglemuffinz

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I do kinda have a thing were guilt was never apart of why I've wanted to tell. My Little side is one of those lifestyle infused kinda deals and is nonsexual. So for me, being compared to a fetish and guilt was never apart of my personal experience. I've said it before but there is no way you could visit my house without at least slightly knowing. We've had neighbors sure we must have a little girl living here before (in a sense we do) and yeah.

I admit that the way I've always done it is understanding the difference between hiding who I am and putting words on it. For instance my entire family knows all the dolls and princess picture books that I got for Chrstmas and they will just have to feel about that what they will. If they approach me about it. I'm honest. I like it. Not that I still feel like a kid or whatever. Just that I like it. That's generally the entire conversation too.

All I'm saying is more people around here need to understand the reason some people want to tell isn't fetish based and help them find a middle ground solution. You don't have to tell people about your underpants to be yourself. You don't have to be a kid to be sweet and warm and bubbly happy. You don't even have to be a little or an AB to like children's toys and TV. You can express yourself without the need for the label.

Although that being said I'm pretty open about the label too if a friend is obviously curious. They asked! My situation is unique though. So I try to remember not everyone can be as open about themselves for one reason or another.
 

BronyPony1418

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Never ever in a million years would I ever tell my parents, friends, or anyone else for that matter. (obvious exception to the rule when they are too, but still) I don't get why anyone would think it would ever be a good idea. I remember when I went through it, but that was because I was stupid.(still am kinda, but not as much as before XD) New Years resolution or not, it isn't worth the risk.
 

TeddyHugs

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Yeah... I would describe this sort of thing as 'intimate'. I had to tell my roommate out of practicality, and presented it as it is (stress relief and it makes me happy) and they were not only okay with it, but they thanked me for telling them something so personal. I told my closest friend, because I had wanted to for a while, and he was nothing but supportive. I'm actually staying with him, and I sleep with my paci and stuffed bunny every night in his room. He even asked if there was anything he could do to facilitate me having little time, because he knows it's important and therapeutic to me.

Just treat it like an intimate thing, and only tell those you really, totally trust.
 

ILoveDora

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Never ever in a million years would I ever tell my parents, friends, or anyone else for that matter. (obvious exception to the rule when they are too, but still) I don't get why anyone would think it would ever be a good idea. I remember when I went through it, but that was because I was stupid.(still am kinda, but not as much as before XD) New Years resolution or not, it isn't worth the risk.

Well in my own case, telling people has been extremely positive and liberating. I'm very open about it except the more AB side, in that case only my trusted friends know. Guess we're all different.
 

CrazySmoker

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I really can't understand to "come out." Everyone can see a lot of experinces related here in adisc and what ? Over 75% (or more - I haven't statistics about) is only "shit result."

I came out/has been discovered a few times. In this moment I wanna not to write about "How, What and When," I'd say only "social and familiar sucide."

Remember What think vainillas about: Diapers are kids' and ancians' (may be fools') stuff. And sometimes worse - relating ABDL with pedos... Do you thing it'd change ? Sure not so.

You wanna ruin your life ? So come and tell, is very easy. After that:

- if come out to parents, they'd take guilty rof "We've crazy (mentally ill) descendent" - nothig to be proud for parents.
- if come out to your SO, so there's high chance to destroy all confidence and relation gets holes. After it doesn't work and that's the end.

Worse if discovered - it destroy confidencial ambience between parents/kids or with your SO. And it hurts.

All this is based in my personal experience.

That's all folks...
 

Pulluplover

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To me its a sexual fetish, and I see no reason to tell anyone but your partner. For me its the same if you are gay or bi as well.
 

Tyger

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I really can't understand to "come out." Everyone can see a lot of experinces related here in adisc and what ? Over 75% (or more - I haven't statistics about) is only "shit result."

I really don't think that is accurate. In my personal life, I've had at least a literal 8/10 people give me a positive feedback.

I think the results depend on who you are telling and what your relationship is to them.

If they are parents, you have a high chance of misunderstanding and panic, or all out disgust because they raised you to be a clean potty trained adult.

If they are a companion, you have a high chance of panic or betrayal because either they don't know if they are mentally able to spend enough time supporting you in your fetish/hobby, or because you told them too late and now they are offended because they thought you would have told them something like this by now.

If it is a friend, it seems to have a lot higher chance of being positive because they know you are telling them because you just need some emotional support, they also understand that they don't have to really participate so there isn't any sense of confusion on what they need to do. There is also less stress because, unlike parents, friends chose to hang out with you and so you appreciate each other for the ways that you relate with each other. As for the difference between friends and partners, partners can be afraid a little more because they know they are going to be exposed a great amount to your little side just because they spend a lot more time with you than a friend would.


I feel like telling somebody is a pretty important thing to do just so you have somebody to go to when you need to assure yourself you are not insane, and doing that face to face is a lot stronger than talking to unknown faces on the internet.

Also, I think it is crucial to a relationship to not have secrets as big as being an Adult Baby, at least some time before an engagement or a sexual activity. That is just my theory though.
 

LittleAaron

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I will say I did tell me father, but many years ago.

I was only 14/15 at the time and he hit the roof. I had not worn diapers since I was a baby at that point, but I was extremely curious. I told him simply " I want to experience what it was like to wear a diaper, just one package, and only at home". Many threats, guilt trips, and cursing later, the issue was dropped.

I have a feeling he still remembers, but he will never say it, and I dare not bring up the subject until I can support myself.

While having an unrelated discussion about how I was spending my time:

"Work hard at school, get a good job, make tons of money, buy a house, then you can do whatever the fuck you want to do."

Consider that before you tell them and burn bridges.

If you decide to tell them anyway, take the "this is what I like/want to do, I know it isnt 'normal', I may need help" routes. You are being responsible and honest and are admitting you may need help and above all you are seeking their opinion/help.

A few possibilities:

1) They accept it, but tell you to keep it under control.
2) They want you to see a psychiatrist, do this for them. At the very least it will remove any fears that you are a danger to others or yourself and perhaps the psychiatrist will explain it to them.
3) They have no part in it and refuse to accept it. ( Lay low for awhile, do not force the issue. )
4) They blow up. . . .worst case scenario, find a friend/motel to stay with/at for a while.
 
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