Why so nervous about telling friends?

[englandfan13]

I've heard numerous people here say that they're afraid to tell friends that they wear/like to wear diapers. I have told my close friends that I like to wear, and they are all very chill about it. It isn't as "omg" as everyone thinks it is, so mt question is, why are so many of you nervous when it comes to telling your close friends about your problem/desire?

 

[Butterfly Mage]

Well... because even though most folks are reasonably broad-minded, there is still the very real possibility that a close friend will turn on you. I had a similar ugly incident years ago when I first came out of the closet as being gay. A friend I had for ten years disavowed our friendship as a result. It hurts when that happens.

 

[Left]

Maybe not all are friend are as "chill" as yours
besides witch there is no point in telling them really, in most cases it would just kill the relationship or make it awkward.

In my opinion you got lucky, no offense or anything
but its good that your friend are excepting... i suppose

 

[Fire2box]

I've heard numerous people here say that they're afraid to tell friends that they wear/like to wear diapers. I have told my close friends that I like to wear, and they are all very chill about it. It isn't as "omg" as everyone thinks it is, so mt question is, why are so many of you nervous when it comes to telling your close friends about your problem/desire?

The simple answer is "Not everyone is the same."

That's like me saying you should tell your parents and everything will still be fine since that was my case. However since my case turned out good should everyone do exactly what I did, hell no. Some parents wouldn't even want to understand and may do something drastic such as kick their kids out of the house which HAS happened before.

Also there's no real point in telling ones friends unless they are romantically involved and even then it's a bit hard to tell when and why you should tell.

 

[Mesmerale]

Maybe not all are friend are as "chill" as yours
besides witch there is no point in telling them really, in most cases it would just kill the relationship or make it awkward.

In my opinion you got lucky, no offense or anything
but its good that your friend are excepting... i suppose

which* and accepting*

And I completely agree with this.

Just because you seem to choose very awesome friends, doesn't mean all people are like that. Congratulations to you though, good job.

 

[Maxx]

Not nervous really. Think about it. Discussing bodily functions is close to the top of the TMI category. Unless you're expecting your friends to participate, or you're incontinent and want to give them a heads up, there's really no reason to say anything.

 

[Butterfly Mage]

Not nervous really. Think about it. Discussing bodily functions is close to the top of the TMI category. Unless you're expecting your friends to participate, or you're incontinent and want to give them a heads up, there's really no reason to say anything.

Right. If you're incontinent and you plan on spending a considerable amount of time with your friends (like going on vacation together), they're pretty much going to have to know. But most people are probably more understanding about incontinence than fetishes. If it happens to occur in the same person (ie someone incontinent who likes wearing diapers) I don't see the point in talking about the second part.

 

[Coops]

Since I started wearing I always wondered if I could ever tell friends, and I'm honestly glad I didnt....

First off, I am a private wearer, so I dont see the point of telling anyways. I dont want my guy friends wearing diapers with me, and any girl that I know knows I have a girlfriend.

She knows and I keep diapers in my drawer at her place.. she's not interested tho.

I have dreams sometimes about myself wearing them around with other people and they get interested and want to wear, and it's all fun... but in reality that would not happen.

It's something personal and private even best friends don't need to really know (I feel)

 

[starshine]

Hmm, not just them accepting, a lot of teenagers I'm sure go through the "we aren't friends anymore!" phases. I know I did several times when I was younger... what if your friends knew, and used that against you as a result?

idk, just be careful about who you tell.

 

[fuctifano]

Just make sure you know that the person is trustworthy if you want to tell them. People are scared to tell their friends because they're worried about how their friends will react.

 

[Darkfinn]

Being 24/7 for a year now... people have found out. I'm not going to cop to being AB/DL to anyone outside of the community... but the incontinence excuse shuts most people up.

 

[Valentine]

I've heard numerous people here say that they're afraid to tell friends that they wear/like to wear diapers. I have told my close friends that I like to wear, and they are all very chill about it. It isn't as "omg" as everyone thinks it is, so mt question is, why are so many of you nervous when it comes to telling your close friends about your problem/desire?

Because it is not any of their of business. I wouldn't tell them if I was wearing a thong, panties, boxers, nothing, briefs, or a diaper.

 

[PostTenebrasLux]

I have one, possibly two, unlikely three friends that know this about me.

Allow me to explain.

One night, while I still lived with 'the guys' (we all do this for a few years, right?) I was cruising an old, now disappeared Infantilism forum when a buddy came into my room. I left it up on the screen, since I figured there were no graphics to speak of, no avatars, or outlandish text. If he'd been paying attention, he could have read the word 'Infantilism', the only thing on the screen at the time which could have given me away. I sort of think he did read it, based on subtle remarks a while later. If he did figure me out, it doesn't matter to me. If I had to tell anyone, I'd have picked him anyway.

As for the second possibility (and this one is perhaps a stronger possibility): I never told my ex girlfriend, but I'd be pretty surprised if she hadn't connected the dots.

And the third...nah...I'll just keep it at two. Nobody, as far as I know, is aware of this part of me.

 

[EvaIlyxtra]

The key to telling friends is the confidence that one has with their friends to tell them. I feel that now I have too much of a status to tell my friends, even though they are very close to me. Discussions about fetishes are too awkward such as conversations about penis sizes or sexual orientation. Got to be a step ahead if you do tell them so that they don't use it against you in the future.

Can't ride on your enemies.

 

[mizzycub]

I can tell you why I haven't told my friends. There are a number of reasons:

1) Quite a few of them are people I would trust to help me in a dangerous situation, and to look out for me when times are bad. However, they are gossips and this is something that I couldn't trust them to keep quiet about. And it is not something I would want people who aren't my friends to find out about - I have been bullied over lesser things.

2) I got caught by my parents and I had a bad experience of explaining it to them. Parents are different to friends, but after one bad experience it is hard to choose to do something like that when you know it can go badly.

3) The risk. If they aren't open minded about it, you could lose a friend for life. I don't think it is worth losing a friend over something that, to be honest, isn't any of their business.


And that is it. It isn't their business. It is a sign of trust to tell them and if it goes well it could strengthen your friendship - but it isn't weakening it by not telling and it isn't their business to know unless you want them to. People don't want to risk losing friends over something that said friends never need to know.

 

[yTiuQiNi]

Everyone has dark little secrets, Mine just so happens to be this. No-one needs to shares every little detail of what they get up to in the privacy of their own house.

 

[ZombifiedKitty]

My friends are aware, I'm lucky enough to have open minded friends. While I would hope that people have good enough friends that would stick with them in spite of something like this I know not everyone has friends like that. I was nervous as crap when I decided to let the cat out of the bag until I started getting supportive remarks back, however I made sure people knew what *B/DL was about so they couldn't jump to conclusions. I say aware because they have heard about it, compared to knowing being more of a witness thing in my book. I really don't think it'd be appropriate for my friends to witness me in my 'little' headspace, but them being aware ensures no surprises.

 

[teddy564339]

And that is it. It isn't their business. It is a sign of trust to tell them and if it goes well it could strengthen your friendship - but it isn't weakening it by not telling and it isn't their business to know unless you want them to. People don't want to risk losing friends over something that said friends never need to know.

A lot of people have made a lot of good points in this thread, but I think this one just about sums up what I'm thinking.


The main advantage to telling a friend is to get it off of your own chest...it feels nice to have someone you have a bond with understand a very personal part of yourself. It also shows a lot of trust in a friendship because it's such a personal and vulnerable thing.


But there are a lot of risks involved, too, as a lot of people have mentioned. If we all knew for 100% sure that our friends would be totally cool with it, of course we would tell them. But *B/DLism is such a weird thing to most people that it's very hard to guess how anyone, even a close friend, would react.


I think the main reason why I haven't told any friends is that even if they did accept it, I don't know where I would go from there. It's not like I would start wearing diapers around them, and it's not like I could have in depth conversations with them about it.


The only exception for me is that I have shown a few friends my teddy, and it feels really good. My female friends always find it cute. My one male friend found it kind of weird and he made a couple of small jokes about it, but he didn't have any problem with it. So, now if we're chilling out and I want to have the teddy in the room with me, I can and it's not really awkward...he pretty much never says anything about it.


But, having a teddy bear is very different than going into full detail about infantilism. Lots of people, male and female, have plushies...there are far fewer open *B/DL's.