Why Is It Such A Stigma?

PrincessJessilynn

little sub
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Little
So here is a question. Why is there such a stigma around being a Little or ABDL?

I mean we have great influences Melanie Martinez for starters... I’m pretty sure she’s a Little. I mean her whole personification or the Crybaby... the subject matter in her music...
she’s popular amount even non Littles and non ABDL. But people think we’re freaks.

I find that I’m quite normal. Yes I like dressing like a little girl (no diapers for me thank you...) but how and why is it such a stigma... or taboo.
I know there is a nasty side of this lifestyle where people get off by going potty in diapers and doing the naughty stuff in them too.
It’s not sexual for the majority I would assume... don’t get me wrong I am a sexual person... I love to have sex with my fiancé, but that’s different.

So why are we frowned upon when most can distinguish a time and A place?
 

RedPandaDL

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Diaper Lover
Just face it, it’s not “normal”! I am not saying there is anything wrong with it, but it’s not normal, so people aren’t going to understand it. Also, as you eluded, AB/DL covers a large spectrum of behaviors. We have a hard time grasping all of it, so just imagine how it appears to outsiders 🤔. And they are not going to understand the nuances, so they lump everyone together and imagine the weirdest stuff they have seen or heard about and apply it to everyone.
 

neophyte

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I am not sure what level of AB/Little you are talking about for this post, do you want to go out in public with a pacifier, a teddy bear, and a cute outfit? That would look silly, people would stare, but you would get away with it unscathed.

I do believe with each passing day stuff like regressing and being unique is becoming more acceptable.

Air Canada just announced that they will stop saying "Ladies and gentlemen" In a bid for inclusivity, Air Canada has decided to greet passengers as “everybody” rather than “ladies and gentlemen” in their announcements.

I am seeing more and more gays and lesbians openly walking around the mall and out in public, I am also seeing more and more transgender/cross dressing adults at the mall and out in public. Also I kid you not, at my college we had a male teacher who would dress as a woman all semester, then next semester dress as a man. He was happily married and all the students LOVED HIM.

During my early 20s I was somewhat in the goth scene, some of my friends were very goth looking and while that style and fad has faded a bit I do still see goths walking the street in leather, white face, big boots etc... that's strange too and they don't care.


"Sexy school girl" costumes have been around for decades and are not uncommon and are widely accepted as kinky, but normal.


No one really cares if you dress or act childish.


Justin Bieber sucks a pacifier and Selena Gomez drinks from a baby bottle.

4C91BAB500000578-0-image-m-9_1527116049804.jpg
justin-bieber-pacifier-ftr.jpg




Now, wearing diapers (which you don't do) is wayyyy out there and farrrrrr from being something people publicly admit to doing.





 

buridan

Est. Contributor
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450
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Adult Baby, Diaper Lover
I know there is a nasty side of this lifestyle where people get off by going potty in diapers and doing the naughty stuff in them too.
It’s not sexual for the majority I would assume... don’t get me wrong I am a sexual person... I love to have sex with my fiancé, but that’s different.
There's nothing "nasty" about having a sexual fetish!

It is OK to be a non-sexual ABDL. It is also OK to be a sexual ABDL. Different people like different things.
 

PrincessBrattyButt

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58
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Adult Baby, Babyfur, Little, Other
I like to use pacis in public and at school. Some people make fun of me saying stuff like "is it time for you nappy?" in a mocking voice. It was annoying at first, but now I really don't care
 

PrincessJessilynn

little sub
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Little
I like to use pacis in public and at school. Some people make fun of me saying stuff like "is it time for you nappy?" in a mocking voice. It was annoying at first, but now I really don't care
good for you!!!!!!!
Stand up for who you are.
I dress like a little girl in public, and I get nothing but weird stares, never let people tear down what makes you happy
 

PrincessBrattyButt

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good for you!!!!!!!
Stand up for who you are.
I dress like a little girl in public, and I get nothing but weird stares, never let people tear down what makes you happy
People are just meanies who like to hurt other people for liking stuff they don't understand. I love being little in public because then it's like everyday is an adventure
 

Traemo

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The reasons underlying the negative feedback ABDLs get depends on where it's coming from.
For the wider non-ABDL-aware public, there's a strong apparent correlation between ABDL habits and paedophilia: we know that there's no actual link, and if pressed can in fact demonstrate that it's possible a bit lower in the ABDL community (I'd have to go looking for the studies, but as I recall there was a lower incidence but not by enough t o be significant). That's information the wider public doesn't really have, it can't shape their opinions. It doesn't make the accusations correct, it isn't going to stop them from happening anyway.
For the more aware portions of the non-ABDL public, a lot of the pushback is related to our more extreme and, to us, unacceptable members. Thing is, most of us don't parade around announcing when we're padded up and take pains to make as small an impact on other as we can. That leaves the ones that are intent on broadcasting and involving others MUCH more visible. Ironically, that means that the people least like the majority of the community are the ones most likely to be identified as members and used to judge the rest of us. Which just sucks.
As far as changing wider opinions, most people aren't going to assume a young woman carrying a stuffed animal or someone openly using a pacifier are ABDL. The more likely assumption is that the plushie is a prop, an accessory to project a deliberate image of cute. Pacifiers have long been associated with rave and related cultures as a work around to substance-induced bruxism (grinding of the teeth) - a common side effect of many stimulants. These assumptions of different motives for ABDL habits makes it harder for that potential positive interaction to become associated with the ABDL community.
 

Keter

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I think our society has a lot of ideas about urination, defecation, and age regression, and in general about control. I think the biggest stigma is vulnerability which leads people to stigmatize what we do.
 

StupidApple

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Pretty sure most fetishes are frowned on.

Enema fetish? Weird
Furry? Weird
Bondage? Weird

Vanilla? Not weird

Gay? Not a fetish but illegal in some places.

If you dont be a good little Christian and keep your hands off your bits or like to have fun with your bits, it's naughty.
This is all just the US though. Some of this stuff gets you killed in some countries.
 

PrincessJessilynn

little sub
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and there are things that you list that are not fetish... furry.... i keep my fursona far away from a distinction of being a "fetish", same with my being a little. it's completely non sexual.

i also live in a bdsm lifestyle where my CG is my Mistress, there are strict rules, and sex has NOTHING to do with it. actually anything sexual with us is rather vanilla
 

KimbaWolfNagihiko

Pokemon Trainer in, err, Training... Pants
Est. Contributor
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3,710
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So here is a question. Why is there such a stigma around being a Little or ABDL?

I mean we have great influences Melanie Martinez for starters... I’m pretty sure she’s a Little. I mean her whole personification or the Crybaby... the subject matter in her music...
she’s popular amount even non Littles and non ABDL. But people think we’re freaks.

I find that I’m quite normal. Yes I like dressing like a little girl (no diapers for me thank you...) but how and why is it such a stigma... or taboo.
I know there is a nasty side of this lifestyle where people get off by going potty in diapers and doing the naughty stuff in them too.
It’s not sexual for the majority I would assume... don’t get me wrong I am a sexual person... I love to have sex with my fiancé, but that’s different.

So why are we frowned upon when most can distinguish a time and A place?
I'd appreciate it if you didn't look down upon a great chunk of us here by calling our activities ''nasty,'' thanks.
 

BobbiSueEllen

A sweet n shy AB-t girl
Est. Contributor
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283
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If you dont be a good little Christian and keep your hands off your bits or like to have fun with your bits, it's naughty.
Oh...your hair would stand up if you knew some of the kinks I've seen 'vanilla Christians' into. Ho-ly...it explains a great deal why OCD is so prevalent in religion. But it isn't why I got out of religion, though...I got out due to two things: coming deathly close to being molested/raped by a male church elder (who's dead now, thankfully) and seeing a pastor "get all Hitler" in our congregation. After the latter...it was enough. Everyone has a 'demon', so to speak, for want of a better word. Some call it a 'demon', some call it a 'structural weakness', some call it 'a thing', there's loads of descriptives for it, some less savory or less apropos (obviously) than others.
 

PrincessJessilynn

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Oh...your hair would stand up if you knew some of the kinks I've seen 'vanilla Christians' into. Ho-ly...it explains a great deal why OCD is so prevalent in religion. But it isn't why I got out of religion, though...I got out due to two things: coming deathly close to being molested/raped by a male church elder (who's dead now, thankfully) and seeing a pastor "get all Hitler" in our congregation. After the latter...it was enough. Everyone has a 'demon', so to speak, for want of a better word. Some call it a 'demon', some call it a 'structural weakness', some call it 'a thing', there's loads of descriptives for it, some less savory or less apropos (obviously) than others.
well put... and I’m sorry that happened to you
 

PrincessJessilynn

little sub
Contributor
Messages
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Little
I am not sure what level of AB/Little you are talking about for this post, do you want to go out in public with a pacifier, a teddy bear, and a cute outfit? That would look silly, people would stare, but you would get away with it unscathed.

I do believe with each passing day stuff like regressing and being unique is becoming more acceptable.

Air Canada just announced that they will stop saying "Ladies and gentlemen" In a bid for inclusivity, Air Canada has decided to greet passengers as “everybody” rather than “ladies and gentlemen” in their announcements.

I am seeing more and more gays and lesbians openly walking around the mall and out in public, I am also seeing more and more transgender/cross dressing adults at the mall and out in public. Also I kid you not, at my college we had a male teacher who would dress as a woman all semester, then next semester dress as a man. He was happily married and all the students LOVED HIM.

During my early 20s I was somewhat in the goth scene, some of my friends were very goth looking and while that style and fad has faded a bit I do still see goths walking the street in leather, white face, big boots etc... that's strange too and they don't care.


"Sexy school girl" costumes have been around for decades and are not uncommon and are widely accepted as kinky, but normal.


No one really cares if you dress or act childish.


Justin Bieber sucks a pacifier and Selena Gomez drinks from a baby bottle.

View attachment 35811
View attachment 35812




Now, wearing diapers (which you don't do) is wayyyy out there and farrrrrr from being something people publicly admit to doing.
I personally dress like a child on a normal day... unless I’m at work obviously. I know some who are adult babies and they are the nicest of people. I’m actually a big sister to one of them not a caregiver or girlfriend or anything...
But she’s a real sweetie and gets so much judgement just based on who she is. She wears onesies yes but wears overalls all the time to hide those.
 

BobbiSueEllen

A sweet n shy AB-t girl
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well put... and I’m sorry that happened to you
Thanks, Princess Jessilynn, it helps. The church ignored his obvious sins. He also molested more than one of his granddaughters. What did the congregation do? Shift the shame...a common thing in many congregations. 😢 But in hindsight, their hypocrisy of stigma was appalling.
 

Daddiesauce

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Given the state that humanity have gotten the planet into, I'm not inclined to be bothered what they think. That said discretion is the better part of valour and all that. No point inviting trouble, just stay below the radar. There are so few people where I live that you could walk around outside dressed like goldilocks and no one would see you. Would have to watch out for Bears though, obviously.
 

Keter

Est. Contributor
Messages
25
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Adult Baby, Diaper Lover, Little
I think there are a few major reasons that ABDL is stigmatized in greater society. One is that there is a stigma against urination and defecation in general. Even though everyone urinates and defecates, it’s something that is kept behind closed doors and away from sight. This probably comes from ancient times in which sanitation was less accessible to people, and so thus it was more important to keep urine and feces far away from society in order to prevent the spread of diseases. In contrast, wearing and using a diaper not only brings urination and defecation outside of closed doors, but also within your personal space. Thus, people often react negatively to adults who urinate or defecate on themselves, especially if it is a choice rather than incontinence.

Secondly, people who don’t understand our community view AB/DL as sexualization of childhood. While AB/DL is not sexual for everyone, it remains sexual for many, and some don’t understand that sexualized AB/DL is a power dynamic between consenting adult partner, and doesn’t sexualize childhood, instead sexualizing power exchange.

Finally, especially in regards to individualistic and capitalistic societies, it is highly stigmatized for an adult to want to be vulnerable, childish, and dependent on others, especially if it is pleasure rather than need. Thus, ABDL threatens this system because as it resembles the fear that others will not contribute and live off of the work of others.
 

HelloKittyBoi

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Dear Jessi,

I would like to explain why there is a stigma around it, and what can be a way to deal with it. I know this isn't going to be very pleasant for many of us but I've had a long time to think about it. Sorry if this is long but I want you guys to understand my thought process to understand its legitimacy. In fact, from age 20 to 24, I didn't understand the stigma neither. I would go to school wearing princess dress, diapers, tights, have pacifiers and even baby bottles.

I explained my fetish to a therapist who was pretty blunt with me, eventho she was wrong, she told me "no woman isnever going to want to date a man who wears diapers. You should go outside wearing these and see if you would like to keep on doing that". So I did just that for 4 long years.

I was really scared at first, and some people had really serious talks with me. I was duly questionned about wether or not I was a pedo, about why did I feel the need to show that to the world, and thankfully, all these conversations ended up with "well you don't harm anyone and if it makes you happy fine". Given that we had several serious muslims, I was expecting some kind of hard clash but thankfully it was well understood that I respected everyone's decisions regarding their personnal choices (I wasnt trying to shame them for being religious, these people told me its what they "liked" about me: according to them a lot of lgbt activists were really trying to get believers in trouble).

Well so I had all kinds of reactions, some even called me very manly because "only a real man would openly do what he wants", which always made me laugh internally, I did'nt see how wearing pink princess dress, tights, diapers and sucking on a pacifier made me look "manly" but I just accepted the compliment nonetheless ha ha.



Well anyways so 4 years went by and I noticed a few things that were really not to my liking.

1)People wouldnt be mean towards me directly, but even with explanations it was obvious I was putting them ill at ease. Even with all their kindness, it was obvious most of them wanted me out when their parent or gf came. I had a few women coming close to me like they wanted to have sex, going as far as going in bed with me, but would back off last minute, excuse themselves, looking really troubled and leave. I always had to press to be invited to parties, and people would keep asking why I was "weird".

2)The "good" thing about being opened is that a lot of people who were not abdl but still had a little side, explained to me that they had a little side (having a pacifier, baby bottle, teddy bear they had since they were a toddler), and how they dealt with it and how they wanted me to deal with it, for my "own good": these people would hide these under their bed sheets, and appart from me, only the person they would date would know. Apparently many people still carry an object from childhood that looks "out of place". For instance my wife keeps a sample of each kind of diaper she used on our children because it makes her remember how she loved taking care of the babies when they were little but that's another subject. These people who were not abdl but still had an object from childhood's point was it should remain hidden from the outside, but it was safe to share with a partner.



Now a little bit before my 25th birthday, I had what is called an epiphany (a sudden realization of an obvious truth): I wasn't happy, the lifestyle I chose only brought people who were "allies" of lgbt to be openly friends with me, and it was obvious they were not really liking me but using me as a way to look moraly superior (not saying everyone is like that but it was the case in my school), and then there were "all the others" who understood I wasn't a threat but that I made feel ill at ease. So I decided to give it all up. I would dress up as a "normal" man, and a lot of people proved me right by almost instantly coming closer in friendship with me. I tried to stop wearing diapers altogether and went through the phase of throwing diapers in the trash/buying them over and over and understood that was wrong too: I could hide my kink in public, but when in my bedroom, I would quickly obsess about it and feel very unhappy.

I then resoluted to do what the people told me during these 4 years: to just keep things hidden and use them only when with my bf/gf or by myself.

And then something really nice happened: I had more boyfriends and girlfriends in 3 months that during the rest of my life. I would tell them about my fetish in the bedroom, and some wanted to participate, others didnt, but most importantly I never was rejected and it allowed people to open up about their own fetish. These relationships were short lived (I met these people in nightclubs or events, it wasnt meant to be serious but rather one night stands), but I had a lot of pleasure having them.



And then I met the woman who became my wife. She at first was turned off but for like a few seconds, and explained to me why she didn't like it but she would make an effort: it made her think she was having sex with a child. We tend to forget it because for us it is obvious that diapers aren't just for children, but for a lot of people who aren't part of the kink at all, in their minds, if you wear diapers, you're either very old or a toddler. And people don't see you as very old, so their brain associate you with a toddler. Some of them anyways. In that case they know its a kink and its sexual, and they can't help buy imagine someone pretending to be a toddler having sex. Their "superior" brain knows you're an adult, but deep down, their primal brain screams "child abuse". But that's only for people like my wife, I know not everyone is like her, but I'm pretty sure a lot of people think that way too.

Then there is the second stigma: diapers are meant to hold pee and poop. And you know what it looks like to show that you pee, poop, burp, fart, vomit in public? It looks vulgar. Very uneducated. The society has a lot of unspoken rules about how to behave in public, and lot of taboos that are yet perfectly fine in private. Public masturbation, urination, defecation, burping, ect ect ect are VERY taboo and they are present to make society pleasant for everyone.

Would like to smell the pee pee and poo poo diapers of your friends? Well since we're abdl maybe tbh ha ha but most people are seriously grossed out by it.

So these are a couple reasons I could identify as of why people can't help but be disgusted by it.

Now we live in a society and even if rules are less tight than before (I don't think I would have been allowed to walk in public in goodnites and princess dress 30 years ago without going to a mental hospital ha ha), it is better to be accepted by the members of the society to follow the unspoken rules of said society. Most people really can't help it: they try to be respectful but they "feel" its wrong.



So what to do? First, 90%+ of people you date will completely support that you have a kink, in fact a lot of people will find that interesting. So you may not be able to enjoy yourself in "public", however you will be able to enjoy yourself with the person who matters the most: your loved one. And that's where my therapist was wrong: not a single one of my partners just left when I told them I liked diapers as long as it was in private. Even if my wife is thrown off by having sex if I wear a diaper, she is totally fine having sex if I wear dress stockings princess dress ect and even hug me and take care of me if I wear diapers as long as its not sexual.



Of course you can chose to do what I did, wear diapers and be a sissy in public for several years, and see the outcome, make your own conclusions. But I like to think I'm providing you a "cheat code" to move on with your sexual/fetish life much quicker and avoid the difficulties I've been through ha ha.



tldr;

because of unspoken society taboos, wearing diapers and crossdressing as a little girl in public is seen as vulgar/gross and even may give off a pedo vibe to some people. However, your significant other will be much more understanding and should allow you enough room to "release the pressure" and be happy :)
 
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